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Let's shed some of this baggage.



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#121
Vanessa Vantai

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Shedding baggage thread? Seems legit.

 

What did you do to cause ‘damage’, be toxic?

I created Circe Savan and through creating said character pretty much socially isolated myself on the site during my initial time here, resulting in a snapback that saw me exiled from multiple factions and form particularly hostile relationships with various members - not to mention positive relationships with certain undesirable members - Isis Fontana and Vazela among them. Upon returning from a two year break after no longer being able to enjoy the site as a pariah, I ended up effectively isolating myself within the faction I came back to and more actively engaged with another allied faction in order to get any excuse to create enjoyable RP - which is now pointless given the faction I'm in is attacking the faction I was actively RPing with and enjoying threading with, thus severing any sort of reasonable RPing opportunities.

 

Why? Was it funny, did it make you feel better?

I wouldn't wish getting punted from faction to faction and having your company destroyed(when that meant something) three times, then passed over to someone else through violation of an agreement, upon anyone, let alone feeling socially isolated within the only faction that fits the only character you have any muse for. I at least felt better upon taking a couple year break, but it's certainly been dragging me back down. Not like there's a Cradossk to make a Fringe 2.0 this time around.

 

Isn’t that just exhausting?

I know, right? I'm just glad most of the people that made this site so unenjoyable have decided to move on elsewhere and are no longer a threat to my ability to enjoy what goes on. After all, having fun should be the point of being on this server for everyone. Fun will last when factions, RPing partners, and more disappear.
 

Why are you either 1) still putting up with it or 2) still doing it?

You see another Sith faction out there that actually has some sort of map presence? And before the "why don't you make one" inevitably comes out, I realize I don't have enough friends to ever get a faction like that together. I know my capabilities and starting/running a faction certainly isn't one of them. Just ask @Thorne.

 

tl;dr made a sh*tty character, became a pariah, came back, and now sorta feel that way where I am. Can't thread with people I threaded with to not feel like a Pariah due to IC shenanigans. Doubts in staff magnified. Drama will continue forever.



#122
Thorne

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One thing I've noticed in this community: holding grudges. Excessively so.

 

There has been an underlying penchant for finding anything useful to hold over someone else, in order to poodoo talk or otherwise undermine when the time suits.

 

That's also another issue I've seen: Timed/organized smear campaigns.

 

People might deny it, but it happens; suddenly Faction X is a focus, and there's a bunch of 'did you know this', or 'remember when Y did that', or other such things from a group at one time.

 

One example I have personally seen would be the continued smear from CIC toward the FO, especially in public discord regarding recruitment attempts.

 

Beyond that, perhaps a very real issue is an inability to let things go? Water under the bridge is not a term used often around this community. A range of grudge-induced media - from screenshots, to copied quotes, to memes, and other things - are kept close at hand, ready to spring on others, whether randomly or thoughtfully (such as disparaging a reputation prior to invasion, for example). Some people have fun with it, some don't, and others still attack such instances with wild intensity that is clearly toxic... and perhaps that's something that needs working on?

 

Another thing I've noticed: IC and OOC are bleeding through.

 

When the Ascendancy was a major for that very brief stint - poodoo happens, we tried - we had literal individuals combing our discord to provide others with screenshots, solely to have select quotes or conversations on hand for future purposes. In such an instance, I expressed a general OOC opinion of how the CIS tended to try and occupy too many lanes (sub groups for days), and was approached by a CIS staff who asked if the purpose of an IC was even worth it. I just said it like it was "IC is IC, OOC is OOC", and also said I had no issue with anyone in particular, beyond what I had said about the faction's stance for creating a lot of sub groups.

 

In that instance I like to think grudges were avoided, simply by talking, but there was certainly a danger there of grand misconception and possibility of immediate degradation of IC and OOC relations purely from a snippet of conversation from one individual.

 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that conversation can help, but people actively pruning discords for 'incriminating' evidence isn't helping anyone, beyond self interest or adding to the grudge repertoire. I saw first-hand how outrageous one single out of context snippet could change the trajectory of an entire faction's relationship with another, over 3 sentences in an OOC general chat... and it was fairly disturbing, because of two reasons:

 

1. I just said something I felt a lot of people thought/said, so didn't think anything of it.

2. If said CIS staffer hadn't of approached me, after being shown the snippet, I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong.

 

So, to sum up- Communication is key. What is important to one, might not be important to another. If you disagree, speak to that person. Letting things fester will only make it worse. And finally, spying achieves little beyond what it is intended for: sabotage.


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#123
Mira Rekali

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I guess I need to dump off some baggage after reading through this and throw out the dirty laundry. Kind of did with Tefka and got an answer I needed which helped me regain focus on what is important. I created alot of drama centered around myself as a writer within the past five-six years that I have been able to write on this website. I've ruffled feathers, made and destroyed and ultimately rebuilt friendships and hope that continues. One thing Thorne mentioned is holding onto grudges - it does happen, I'm just as guilty of it as the next person. Guess I'll take the time now to formally apologize for my actions in my tenure here and don't want to appear as a lurker or in and out fairweather person. I can make the excuses of divorce, court and losing my mother in the past couple of years but it is just that - an excuse, nothing more. I used to be one of those people who thought there were Illuminati cliques which controlled things, and the like - when in reality the problem was within myself. Communication is key and critical when doing any type of collaborative work and it was something I was very weak on. Anyways, this is somewhat relevant to the subject at hand but not and also probably the best time to just throw it out there. 

 

Also, I believe Chaos will be just fine. Growth is painful, people live and learn and sometimes move on. I don't see, unless he decides to close the website, that Chaos will end anytime soon. 

 

I'm just one of many examples of people sticking around because it's probably one of the best websites to write on and it sticks with you.


Edited by Mira Rekali, 19 August 2019 - 10:58 AM.


#124
Ryan

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14 days since this thread had been started. My personal progress:

  • I have rekindled a friendship that i thought was lost in previous drama.
  • Staying out of discord/ Major factions has certainly decreased the stress and toxicity levels with in myself.
  • Been able to focus on character development of a new character of mine and stay casually active.

Sad that I am shelving Strider Garon, but for creative and personal differences it was best I just stay away for my own good. The TSE/UCM invasion looks fun and i will not lie, been tempted to jump in but fear of relapsing into old behavior patterns of headbutting with certain individuals, i have refrained from doing so. This just an example of taking personal responsibility of your own poodoo.

 

These are just small steps, but i think they are in the right direction for myself.

 

What have you all done since this thread was created?


Edited by Ryan, 29 August 2019 - 03:30 PM.

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#125
Fabula Caromed

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What have you all done since this thread was created?

 

Stayed the hell out of this thread.



#126
Vanessa Vantai

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What have you all done since this thread was created?

Nothing, since there haven't really been any threads to respond to and my muse is down the tubes. >_>



#127
Veiere Arenais

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Way to breath life into a dying horse, but good question given the reason for the thread's creation.

 

What have I done since this thread?:

  • Continued to focus on the aspects of Chaos that I enjoy (Pretty much all of it tbh :P ).
  • Be myself?

Honestly, I never really had any issues with Chaos. I contributed to this thread, for those who were struggling at the time. 

 

Hope people have moved on, and are enjoying themselves once more!


Edited by Veiere Arenais, 30 August 2019 - 09:13 AM.

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#128
Tefka

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As for anyone who needs to get something off their proverbial chest, my inbox is still open.