Jump to content

  • Log In with Google Sign In
  • Create Account
Photo

Second Chance

* * * * * 2 votes

  • Please log in to reply
477 replies to this topic

#21
Judas Foster

Judas Foster

    The man literally too angry to die

  • Character
    • Character Bio
  • 2,068 posts

@Andreas Wintergreen

So I'll be looking over another one of your submissions. First off, let me apologize for the delays getting on this. I've been on LOA myself and just got back and so have some of the other Staffers. As with all second chances and judging, I'll do a breakdown.

  • Name: Sweet.
  • Region: Wrong region, your coordinates say it's near the Core Worlds.
  • System: Also fine.
  • Suns: Good. Fits in with the climate and environment.
  • Orbital Position: Eh, I'd but it maybe a slot or two back.
  • Moons: G-U-D, Gud. I'd elaborate on the Moon lab in the description, though.
  • Coordinates: If you're wanting this in the Unknown Regions, move it back. Here are your coordinates. Use this for plotting.
  • Rotational Period: Tis good.
  • Orbital Period: me think gud
  • Class: Giant what? Gas Giant? Terrestrial Giant? Elaborate, staffers love details.
  • Astmosphere: Good!
  • Climate: Fits in with everything, good.
  • Gravity: Looks fine, but elaborate as to why the gravity is doubled.
  • Terrain: Same as climate.
  • Native Species: Humans, good. As for the others, do you mean Firrirreans? As for both of these, I'd suggest writing up a history for them and how their origins started. Are they friendly towards each other? Have wars happened? et cetera
  • Immigrant Species: Fyne!
  • Primary Languages: Good
  • Government: Fascism isn't a government system, it's an ideology. Fascism is extreme authoritarian nationalism. If you're aiming for a government like this, I suggestion an Absolute Monarchy or a Totalitarian State. Maybe even a Military Dictatorship.
  • Population: Only 10 thousand people? I suggest bringing it higher.
  • Demonym: Both good.
  • Major Cities: I'm assuming New Nexus is the capital, though I suggest adding more cities/larger towns.
  • Major Imports: So these people live on a planet and they only want to bring in weapons rather than food, medical supplies, technology, natural resources, droid, etc?
  • Major Exports: I'm cool with this. I'd add natural resource mining or something since it's a desert and mountain type planet. I'd also like to see some more information regarding the lucrative weapons exports in the description. Add how they affect the population or economy.
  • Affiliation: There is no Je'daii Order here on SWRP. Your planet doesn't have to be affiliated to a faction, though it's highly suggested.
  • Culture: I love the two split sides between the natives. I'd still like to see some more details added. How do the people live? Where do they live? Is fighting all they do?
  • Technology: Fine, but elaborate on how it's above average.
  • History: I can see the basis of concepts, but not enough details. As I said before, staffers love details. Just keep in mind that you're creating a planet. A planet. You're making a whole world that roleplays can happen on, NPCs to live on, a sizeable piece of real estate that will affect the galaxy and major politics. Think about what you want to exactly do with this and create stories from it.
  • Notable PCs: Good.
  • Intent: Just something basic, revise it.

Since I see much enthusiasm from you regarding this, the possibility of many good concepts and the willingness to cooperate with the Judges, I approve this second chance and will un-lock and move it so you can make further edits. Remember, this is your last chance to make this thing great. Go big or go home. Though I'll keep an eye on this submission, I can assure you that I won't be judging it. Just be sure to work with the staffer reviewing it and make all needed changes.

 

Carry on, my bro.


[ Sword | Armor | Ship ]

judass10.png


#22
Cheshire

Cheshire

    【夢狐】

  • Writers
  • 5,264 posts

starwarsrp.net/topic/17718-ulúk-tgalieh/

 

Why?

Because post #15, I said I was going to edit it anyways. Yes, I made my point. Does that take away from the fact that I said I would edit it? Because when I finally did and was rejected by the forum, only to refresh the page and find out it was denied and archived, well... wasn't too happy to lose my work. This would be the complete sub.

 


---


#23
Kalyn Shif

Kalyn Shif

    "Mara"

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 11,469 posts

@Alachei Mnemenos

 

You argued throughout the entirety of the thread with a brand new Factory Judge and then wonder why she's asked to deny it?

 

Next time think about how you phrase things, this isn't a debate, it isn't a bartering system, if you were going to edit then edit - there's no need for excessive posting in a submission thread, you should only be replying when the edits have been made as asked.

 

With that said, I'm going to ask that you build upon the history a little more, and try to make the intent less exclusive - planets can be stumbled upon by people, even if to begin with it's unknown and hidden; do not restrict the roleplay of others.

 

I'll unarchive this and will expect you to make the changes asked for by Lilith and my own request for history additions. Remember you're adding to the lore of the site through submissions. If the history was condensed it wouldn't even make a substantial paragraph.


Kioxes.gif


#24
Kredis Valor

Kredis Valor

    Valor Industries CEO

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 6,010 posts

http://starwarsrp.ne...607-terra-lush/

 

It was denied due to 

"..just don't think it fits in the lore of this site or star wars. Please feel free to second chance it.  If you do I suggest you work on the species more, because you have 3 completely new species and I just don't see enough  mention on them..."

 

If you look into any history book you will find that those in power tend to get the bigger mention in them, thus Tera Vampir (a sub species of Energy Vampire I haven't yet posted as I was waiting for approval of Lush) is the most influential and long lived, and compared to the newer/younger species will have the greater portion.

 

I'm confused. Till the end it was going well, she asked for edits and I made them - even admitting I had not thought to add more depth in one spot. Then all of a sudden it's not good. She says it doesn't fit into the lore of the site etc, yet it is simply sub species of already canonized aliens. I'm genuinely not getting it.

 

Ps. This is the most I've put into a sub and for it to be denied over the way the planet works is kind of off. Shouldn't a planet be completely unique in every sense? Especially one that for the most part has avoided contact with other life?



#25
Noah Corek

Noah Corek

    Just an Old Soldier

  • Character
    • Character Bio
  • 4,030 posts

http://starwarsrp.ne...rspotter-rifle/

I believe that this was unfairly judged,I didn't know how to respond to it,so I went to a RPJ and asked for his advice,which I was given and I stated those exact points out to the Factory Judge and the submission was still denied.



#26
Asemir Lor'kora

Asemir Lor'kora

    Null Prime

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 1,995 posts
@Noah Corek

I'll take a look at the submission and post any comments there.

#27
Kredis Valor

Kredis Valor

    Valor Industries CEO

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 6,010 posts

http://starwarsrp.ne...607-terra-lush/

 

It was denied due to 

 

 

 

If you look into any history book you will find that those in power tend to get the bigger mention in them, thus Tera Vampir (a sub species of Energy Vampire I haven't yet posted as I was waiting for approval of Lush) is the most influential and long lived, and compared to the newer/younger species will have the greater portion.

 

I'm confused. Till the end it was going well, she asked for edits and I made them - even admitting I had not thought to add more depth in one spot. Then all of a sudden it's not good. She says it doesn't fit into the lore of the site etc, yet it is simply sub species of already canonized aliens. I'm genuinely not getting it.

 

Ps. This is the most I've put into a sub and for it to be denied over the way the planet works is kind of off. Shouldn't a planet be completely unique in every sense? Especially one that for the most part has avoided contact with other life?

Id really like this Re-evaluated, Tera Vampir was approved by Fabs, and 95% of everything in the template is Vampir based (copy + paste)



#28
Aurna Vern

Aurna Vern
  • Writers
  • 1,334 posts

Second chance please, It wasn't meant to be so powerful, I want to rephrase the wording and work on it to make it into something acceptable 

http://starwarsrp.ne...c-ossification/



#29
Kredis Valor

Kredis Valor

    Valor Industries CEO

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 6,010 posts

Also as a side note for @Alli Wren's sub to look into as well is the Czar Enhancements done by @Dr.Marie Krasnican which do the same thing in one of their augmentations.



#30
Captain Larraq

Captain Larraq

    Capitalist

  • Character
    • Character Bio
  • 3,303 posts

http://starwarsrp.ne...ll-proton-mine/

I was asked to edit the mines so that they were more easily detectable by ships that encountered them.When discussing the matter further over skype, a consensus was made.


[2/23/2014 7:09:42 PM] Waid: ok.hard to detect while inert.when the mines detect a ship closing in with them they -power up- which is then picked up on sensors.the ship then has a few seconds to react as the mines are magnetically pulled towards the ship.if the mine physically touches the ship (or is shot) it explodes.
[2/23/2014 7:09:47 PM] Waid: sound good?
[2/23/2014 7:10:11 PM] -NAME REDACTED-: dont say a few seconds, it depends how close/far the ship is. otherwise, yes.

These details were then added into the submission with the following paragraph, yet was denied anyway.

"Once they activate, however, the sudden burst of electromagnetics and bleed-off of Proton Energy are easily picked up by sensors.This gives any ship that has wondered into the minefield a brief opportunity to take action as the mines drift towards the ship in question. Due to the magnetic detection system, larger ships will activate the mines from further away than smaller ships will. Which gives larger ships more time to react. Smaller ships, like corvettes and gunships, are significantly threatened by these mines. Due to their much smaller profile, they do not typically activate the mines until the vessel is too close for point-defense weapons to be completely effective."


 1629wrn.jpg

pjjm3jX.pngSpaceCowboy_zps739e785f.pngK3Dpw4M.jpgStimcafAddict_zpscb1ldpki.gif?t=14133228

 


#31
Sargon Vynea

Sargon Vynea

    Spencer's guard unicorn

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 1,301 posts

@Captain Larraq second chance denied


DH60NMn.png


#32
Vanessa Vantai

Vanessa Vantai

    Pandeima Ascendant

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 10,148 posts

http://starwarsrp.ne...-polygon-drone/

 

I was told to edit it, I described a list of easy to exploit weaknesses and removed the antimatter reactor, as asked, then the sub was denied for reasons unmentioned without any feedback being given as to what was wrong/needed to be changed.



#33
Kalyn Shif

Kalyn Shif

    "Mara"

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 11,469 posts

From what I gathered, @Circe Savan it seems the issue is that it's an op'd upgrade of something presently in play within the roleplay, and that it lacks the star wars feel and integrity. Now, having given you the reasoning I've obtained, I'm going to likewise have to deny.


Kioxes.gif


#34
Vanessa Vantai

Vanessa Vantai

    Pandeima Ascendant

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 10,148 posts

http://starwarsrp.ne...fence-platform/

 

I wholeheartedly understand the logic behind the denial. It's too large for a ship, too well armed for a ship(though it has the same armament as a heavy command ship), too many fighters for a ship, too common for a ship, and too many manufacturers for a ship.

 

Only thing is, it's not a ship. It's a space station. A defense platform, of which the current rules do not have guidelines on. I haven't seen anything in the rules with regards to space stations that says it can't be larger than 2km, it can't have more than such and such armament for its size, it can't carry this many fighters for its size, it can't be this common if it's this size, and it can't have this many manufacturers. If the rules for starships still apply to space stations, which would admittedly surprise me considering their canonically much larger size(The Wheel, the Maw Installation, Shelter, Verpine asteroid colonies, Centerpoint Station, etc), then I apologize for questioning them. But if so, it might make sense to clarify that said starship rules apply to space stations as well, and no space station can be made larger than 2km.



#35
Sargon Vynea

Sargon Vynea

    Spencer's guard unicorn

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 1,301 posts

Denied @Circe Savan based on the fact that space stations needs to match the ship guidelines


DH60NMn.png


#36
Vanessa Vantai

Vanessa Vantai

    Pandeima Ascendant

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 10,148 posts
@Sargon Vynea

In that case, would someone from staff be kind enough to edit the "How to make a starship" page and make it clear that the exact same rules and regulations apply to space stations? I was sincerely unsure, and I'd rather not see the same thing happen to others.

#37
Kalyn Shif

Kalyn Shif

    "Mara"

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 11,469 posts

@Circe Savan

 

Either way, even if it were edited, we still have the following issues, Mark:

 

You may pick a loadout (Balanced, Heavy Gun or Carrier) and select which guns and which ships you have in your hangar

- Hangar like a Heavy Fighter, Armaments like a Heavy Guns

 

Anything that is 1,000 meters or larger will require a thread showing technology development

- No dev thread, despite the fact it's 3x that size

 

 In order to mass produce ships over 1,000 meters, development threads of at least 40 quality posts with three or more individual writers will be required, prior to submission.

- Again, no dev' thread.

 

Many of the companies listed don't have the resources/capability to pull something like this off, either.


Kioxes.gif


#38
Guest_Moff Iridius_*

Guest_Moff Iridius_*
  • Guests
http://starwarsrp.ne...18853-ummg-762/

I feel this was judged highly unfairly and was denied because it was too light. Even though I provided real world examples of medium machine guns that weighed less. And it's less accurate than real world weapons. I don't believe it should be denied over a judges personal belief of what is too light or too heavy when good examples are provided.

#39
Guest_Moff Iridius_*

Guest_Moff Iridius_*
  • Guests
http://starwarsrp.ne...8-project-pyro/

I belive this needs to be second chanced for the reason that this is a procedure to never be done again. It's simply done as a favor for a single character. I don't intend on doing it to anyone else and I've put a lot of reaserch and development into this procedure for them.

#40
Kalyn Shif

Kalyn Shif

    "Mara"

  • Writers
    • Character Bio
  • 11,469 posts

@Dr.Marie Krasnican

The former was denied because you were arguing - the Factory is not a bartering system. The latter because of the product itself. I'm keeping both denied because of this.


Kioxes.gif