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Submission Modifications

* * * * * 2 votes kudos Tef submission modifications

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#21
Balaya Praelior

Balaya Praelior

    Balaya Zambrano, One of Many

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Submission Name: Elara Blake

Link to Submission: http://starwarsrp.ne...86-elara-blake/
Reason for Modification: Elara has been in several threads and learned from her master.
Modification:

 

Asajj_Ventress_Jedi_Trial_Japanese.jpg
Name: Elara Blake
Loyalties: One Sith
Role: Elara is a servant to Balaya and sith initiate learning from her master as she ages (and eventually possibly becomes an actual PC character)
Development Threads:
 
Thread Tracker:
Age: Eight
Species: Human
Force-Sensitive: Yes
Appearance: Often dressed in a black robe with hood, Elara's garments are simple befitting her age and rank. She is an initiate and traveling companion to Balaya learning from her and the One Sith.
Personality: As a child Elara doesn't have much going on for herself, she is curious and timid not wanting to disappoint the giant who had her kill her mother. She functions in a slight daze at times learning what she can but feeling the effects of her masters magics. Her abilities in the force being augmented and enhanced for periods of time. One of her mannerisms is to shift back and forth on her feet while nervous.
Weapon of Choice:
Wealth: 20 credits a week
Combat Function: She is more akin to a squire then fighter. There is a shoto saber for defense and a training saber but her primary combat experience is run back to her master or to Darth Vornskr to tell him what has happened.
Skills:
  • Trained with a tri stunner
  • Trained with sabers
  • Trained in push
  • Trained in pull
  • Trained in spark
  • Trained in fear
  • Trained in rage
Notable Possessions: None
Other Notes: Elara is an apprentice of Balaya and has a home in Kaine's castle as she does. This has afforded her a small amount of protection from the Blackblades. She has no command of them, she can't order themt o do stuff but they aren't going to let her die right away as long as she doesn't do something dumb. Her time with the sith master has let her learn from observation of her the basics of cruelty and force powers. Elara has slowly been growing colder and colder as she serves her master.


#22
Maria Natalja

Maria Natalja

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Darth Praelior

 

Your request was fulfilled. Enjoy!


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#23
Alva Calvarona

Alva Calvarona

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Submission Name: Crina

Link to Submission: HERE
Reason for Modification: Location needed to be changed due to extenuating circumstances.
Modification: In location rather than between Belkadan and Bosph it needs to be above Kalee and Valc VII



#24
Vulpesen

Vulpesen

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Link and name: Zorren

Reason: I'm forgetful and I really want Vulpesen to have a tail. (DON'T JUDGE M- oh wait...)

Modification: Ok, two categories, things I forgot and the thing I just kinda wanted changed for story and vanity's sake.

Forgot: Zorrens should have canine fangs(they are dog people after all) and the nails become hard enough to cut into most woods, as it helps them climb things in an arboreal environment. 

Vanity's sake: Change the appearance of the high zorren tail to after the transformation... just because I really want that tail and I don't think a devthread of me ripping off someone else's should really be needed for something who's most practical use is keeping you warm with its bushy softness.

 

All Zorrens: At some time in their lives, Zorrens are sent through a conditioning period known as the trial. A month long journey through any harsh environment will eventually start to change their body as it naturally adapts. The stress brought on by such conditions releases hormones and chemicals which speeds certain bodily functions and changes others. These changes include their nails growing into hard talons that while extended beyond the human hand are not clumsily so, ears growing a small point, hardening of their new talons to be able to cut through materials such as hard woods, canine fangs, joints on their ears to move them independently, slight changes in bone structure to allow for running on all limbs in a comfortable manner (though they remain mostly bipedal), changes in vocal cords that cause their words to come out as more of a growl, making their natural language of Veradun easier to speak, and enhanced senses. After the Trial, a Zorren’s life span also changes, causing them to age at a fraction of the rate of a normal human being while their metabolism speeds up to sustain this. A full-fledged Zorren might eat twice the normal human does on an active day. One of the largest marks of a Zorren can also be found in their bright golden eyes.

 

High Zorrens: Much like the normal Zorrens, their body structure is the same as a human up until their trial. However, the pureblood of a high Zorren causes a special difference in that they are born with Receive a tail once they complete their transformation a canine tail.  While this can be a status symbol to different groups, it is often ignored and simply seen for what it is… a tail.

 

Matsu Ike



#25
Matsu Ike

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Darth Tsolan could you please submit in your post the sections you want edited so we can copy and paste it if accepted.



#26
Sirius Nova

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Submission Name: Fort Suvian

Link to Submission: http://starwarsrp.ne...61-fort-suvian/

Reason for Modification: Suvian has the credits to upgrade it.

Modification:  This submission will be completely overhauled due to the extensive amount of upgrades being done to it. 


Century Technological Advancement Enterprises - Prototyping Droids, Weapons and Computer Systems.

#27
Faeroth Uraan

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OOOOPS



#28
Matsu Ike

Matsu Ike

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Ordo your submission is in the wrong section please submit to technology submission modifications.



#29
Balaya Praelior

Balaya Praelior

    Balaya Zambrano, One of Many

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Submission Name: Elara Blake

Link to Submission: http://starwarsrp.ne...86-elara-blake/
Reason for Modification: Elara has been in several threads and learned from her master.
Modification:

 

Asajj_Ventress_Jedi_Trial_Japanese.jpg
Name: Elara Blake
Loyalties: One Sith
Role:
Elara is a servant to Balaya and sith initiate learning from her master as she ages (and eventually possibly becomes an actual PC character)
 
Reform the Padawan Pack and work with jedi in disguise to corrupt and infiltrate.
 
Development Threads:

Age: 12
Species: Human
Force-Sensitive: Yes
Appearance: Often dressed in a black robe with hood, Elara's garments are simple befitting her age and rank. She is an initiate and traveling companion to Balaya learning from her and the One Sith.
Personality: Elara has been hardened by her time with the sith, she still maintains a personality of carefree happiness but she knows how to be serious and stand her ground. her master's influence upon her showing her the need to find a cause and dedicate to it fully. When angered or nervous Elara now works to strike back and stop the problem, when speaking she maintains an even tone revealing very little.
Weapon of Choice:
Wealth: 60 credits a week
Combat Function: Elara through the years has grown, the time under her master has taught her several spells and force powers. Skill with a lightsaber and tri-stunner. She has begun to take a stronger role in combat able to fight with her master and coordinate with other with and blackblades. Her command of Blackblade soldiers has also improved earnign her a little respect as a student of the Sith Warlord.
Skills:
  • Trained with a tri stunner
  • Trained with sabers
  • Trained in push
  • Trained in pull
  • Trained in spark
  • Trained in fear
  • Trained in rage
  • Trained in Ears of the Chiroptix:
  • Trained in Revitalization of the Whuffa:
  • Trained in Scream of the Ssurian:
  • Trained in Sense of the Veshet:
  • Trained in Speed of the Toocha:
  • Trained in Surge of the Brier:
  • Trained in Touch of the Kiin'Dray:
Notable Possessions: None
Other Notes: Elara is an apprentice of Balaya and has a home in Kaine's castle as she does. This has afforded her a small amount of protection from the Blackblades. She has no command of them, she can't order themt o do stuff but they aren't going to let her die right away as long as she doesn't do something dumb. Her time with the sith master has let her learn from observation of her the basics of cruelty and force powers. Elara has slowly been growing colder and colder as she serves her master. Slowly over time as she has grown in her masters service she has become a competent magic user of Dathomiri spells and working to become a sith magic user hopefully. The minor combat sklills she has held have been improving and thanks to her battle against Sophia Walsh with her master in the Second battle of Alderaan, her battle against the Havoc Squad in the first battle of Alderaan and fighting the Mandalorians on coruscant. She has become a dangerous child soldier within the One Sith.
 
Accolades:
  • Fought in First Battle of Alderaan
  • Fought in Second Battle of Alderaan
  • Fought in First Battle of Empress Teta
  • Fought in Second Battle of Coruscant
  • Member of the Padawan Pack
 
PadawanPack_zps361192e4.pngb0Sad3.jpg


#30
Matsu Ike

Matsu Ike

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Submission Name: Shri-Tal

Link to Submission: Shri-Tal
Reason for Modification: New, locations, new species, small updates, tags for future works. Several threads have been done exploring the world and searching its ruins, temples, caves, locations
Modification:

 

System Features:

 

Species:

Major Locations:



#31
Lok Jorunn

Lok Jorunn

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Submission Name: Gladius-model Battle Dress Uniform
Reason for Modification: Found an image that would seem really useful when referring to the Gladius' VIS/HUD feature of the armor and thus allows for an easier construction of roleplaying posts.
Modification: The addition of this picture below the actual submission photo with the caption of: The VIS/HUD system as seen from the user.


#32
Valiens Nantaris

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Lok Jorunn

This is done, but I'm going to need an image source for the new picture.

 

Matsu Ike

Done

 

Darth Praelior

Done

 

Warren Century

So what exactly do you want me to do?

 

Darth Tsolan

Apologies for the delay, this has been done.


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#33
Lok Jorunn

Lok Jorunn

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Valiens Nantaris

 

By "slamiticon" on deviantart.



#34
Valiens Nantaris

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Lok Jorunn

Good man. Updated.


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#35
Popo

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Submission Name: Uystrao System
Link to Submission: Tada
Reason for Modification: MOAR SPECIES TO ADD
Modification:
 
Original - Native Species: Uystraoan WheatUystraoan Blue Barley
 

tumblr_nev2r93F1S1rnpi4to1_1280.png





#36
Maria Natalja

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Popo

 

Done.


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#37
Cradossk

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Submission Name: Styx
Link to Submission: Here
Reason for Modification: Stole a space station
Modification:
Include this line:

 

Long after the fall of the Sith Empire, a raiding force led by Ashin Varanin, Spencer Jacobs and Jared Ovmar reclaimed and removed the station and heavily damaged the moons' defenses.  Thanatos Station is no longer located in the Styx system.
 
 
Submission Name: Echidna
Link to Submission: Here
Reason for Modification: Stole a space station
Modification:
Include (removed) after the moon/station Khar'lan, and this line in the description/history:

 

In the modern era, Echidna reaped the harvest of Danger Arceneau's bounty against assets of Subach-Innes Corporation.  In hopes of changing the Yuuzhan Vong world's climate and making the Subach factories untenable, a team of Mandalorians led by Ember Rekali, Jasper Ordo and Skye Mertaal removed the station with a quintet of synchronized bulk freighter hyperdrives.  Khar'lan Station is no longer located in the Echidna system.  It is not yet known what long-term effects the station's absence will have on Echidna, but seasons and weather patterns are out of kilter.



#38
Asha Hex

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Valiens Nantaris

 

Oops I messed up. Could you edit out "Aurum" from the "Orbiting" part and instead add in "Sargas" ? - This planet sub will be submitted later this week. I edited it everywhere else, d'oh :P

 

This be the submission


<p class="bbc_center">Kioxes.gif</p>
<p class="bbc_center">fsJFTWy.png<a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://starwarsrp.ne...jedaii-order/'>8e19084ef3b338e3841e53e75dbae6e1-dbrbrq4</a>cIPeKb0.png</p>
<p class="bbc_center"><span style="font-size:10px;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">{</span><span style="font-family:'times new roman';"> <a class="bbc_url" href="http://starwarsrp.ne...s-rank-titles/" title=""><span style="color:#f8f8ff;">Rank Titles</span></a> } { <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://starwarsrp.ne...-titles/'><span style="color:#f8f8ff;">Racial Rank Titles</span></a> } { <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://starwarsrp.ne...ig-shop/'><span style="color:#f8f8ff;">Signatures</span></a> } { <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://starwarsrp.ne...l-flora/'><span style="color:#f8f8ff;">Useful Flora</span></a> }</span></span>

#39
Valiens Nantaris

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Kära Vi'dreya

I had wondered about that. Will change.


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#40
Fabula Caromed

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Submission Name: Clamor
Link to Submission: Because y'all lazy.
Reason for Modification: Sentence fragment. I had a couple of typos when I submitted this that I hadn't proofread out when it was locked.
Modification: The Heart of Clamor description should be finished out something like this: "This roiling boil on the face of the world defies most expectations of geothermal  science, and the only explanation is that the warped nature of the planet sustains such an impossible peak."

 

I've learned my lesson. Next time I'll actually give it a once-over before submitting it.