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Lily Kuhn

Lily Kuhn

Member Since 12 Jan 2015
Offline Last Active Today, 07:07 PM

#1789644 Orikih'garm - Ijaat's Nanotech Armor

Posted by Lily Kuhn on Yesterday, 08:53 PM


#1788024 Valkyrie Plasma Shotgun

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 18 May 2018 - 12:09 AM




  • Intent: To create a Plasma Shotgun for Vee Toa's Weaponry
  • Image Source: Here
  • Canon Link: N/A
  • Restricted Missions: N/A
  • Primary Source: N/A


  • Manufacturer: Vee Toa
  • Model: Valkyrie Plasma Shotgun
  • Affiliation: Closed-Market
  • Modularity: No
  • Production: Semi-Unique
  • Material: Regular Weapon Components


  • Classification: Plasma Shotgun
  • Size: Average
  • Weight: Heavy
  • Ammunition Type: Flechette cartridges
  • Ammunition Capacity: 10 cartridges per magazine
  • Reload Speed: Slow
  • Effective Range: Point-Range
  • Rate of Fire: Slow
  • Stopping Power: Extreme
  • Recoil: Very-High


  • Each cartridge contains a dozen shards 


  • Great Penetration
  • Burning


  • Bad Range
  • Not a long range weapon
  • Heavy



The Valkyrie Plasma Shotgun was manufactured and produced by Vee Toa, he liked the Idea of the Shotgun having great penetration and the burning of the weapon. Though the weapon has bad range when used from far distance, Toa doesn't seem to notice much, considering he shoots up close. One of the Weapons weaknesses is that it is not a Long Range Weapon. Another weaknesses is that the weapon is heavy, which can get irritating for Toa. 

This submission is nearly identical to a previously approved submission that just passed through the factory a few days ago. Several key descriptions remain the same (i.e; dozen shards, burning strength), all of the ratings are identical, color coding, and so on.


It's okay to use other submissions as inspiration and even make your own variation of them, but in order to do so you need to cite the source of your submission and at the very least not copy-and-paste it. Now, I'm not going to ask that you change the ratings around so they aren't the same - stuff like that is bound to happen - but I am going to ask that you change up your special features and strengths so they're not a direct take from the submission I've linked prior. I'm also going to ask that you add the link to that other submission in your Primary Source field.


The consequences for plagiarism in the factory is a 30 day ban from the factory, and it can potentially result in disciplinary action from board staff (outside of the factory) as it violates board rules beyond the factory and codex rules. This is your warning to cite your work in the future, and to try to avoid a more-or-less direct copy-paste of other submissions. Do that and you'll be fine, people appreciate having their work cited as inspiration for future submissions - they do not appreciate having their work plagiarized, nor is it tolerated on the board or in the factory.


Once you've made the changes requested let me know and we can move onto judging the submission.

#1787645 The Southern Systems Business Bazaar Expo

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 17 May 2018 - 01:34 PM



It was a little strange to be walking through any kind of crowded area without someone else with her, having more or less always had some kind of security or something of that nature for almost the last two and a half decades, but she was much less concerned with security in such a public place than she was with the reaction she was expecting to get from the news she had decided to bring herself. Of course there was no doubt in her mind that Danger had no idea she was here, or at least hadn't known she was coming, as she hadn't sent any messages out of the estate she'd taken to living in at all since she'd moved in, but it was the nature of the beast when in the situation she had put herself in. She flashed a smile with the shake of her head at a vendor that had tried to get her attention as she passed by a booth that seemed to be selling some kind of pharmaceutical product line, glancing around to get a better sense of direction for herself.


Out of the corner of her eye she could have sworn she saw someone that looked rather familiar, but she pushed the thought out of her mind and instead headed towards the casino area of the expo - one of several places she suspected her step-mother to be. 'No time like the present, I guess,' Lily thought to herself, nodding at several people dressed in tuxedos and elaborate evening gowns. She'd honestly hoped both of her parents might have attended the auction today, but she was a tiny bit more comfortable discussing what she had to say with Danger over her father. It still wasn't something she was entirely comfortable popping up out of nowhere to talk about, of course, but she felt it was something that needed to be spoken about in person.


It didn't take quite too long to catch sight of Danger Arceneau in the distance, putting one concern at ease for now.


Now she'd just have to hope she could spare a few minutes to talk.

#1787434 Saotome Planetary Defensive Network

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 17 May 2018 - 01:52 AM

Lily Kuhn


Yes to all three by that.

Okay. Then first we have several things to go over.



Production: Limited
Affiliation: Closed-Market (Any character can use this if they have explicit permission through, for example, a marketplace purchase)
Intent: To create a defensive upgrade for worlds and sectors

Limited production, along with all of our production values, are given definitions in the template. What you've put here is minor production with the label of Limited Production. Now, I'm not going to approve any form of multi-system/sector interdiction or multi-sector/system shield network, regardless of canon basis, at minor production - we deny superweapons that are canon, we deny banned technology that are canon, we deny overpowered submissions that are canon.

For reference purposes, this is what we say each production value is:



Production: The scale is Unique (Only One Character), Semi-Unique (Maximum of 10 characters), Limited (Only one small group of characters. IE: Small task force, not entire factions.), Minor (Large groups of characters. (IE: Multiple factions, companies, or groups.), Mass-Produced. (Anyone.) Characters refer to NPCs & PCs.

What you're making is something that would likely be used, per your intent, for entire factions and, per your affiliation, by multiple groups of companies, factions, and so on. That is not limited production.


The original design was something that had even for its size problems, the sheer logistical work of monitoring and controlling hyperspace routes into a section of space meant there were going to be gaps and ways through it. From patrol craft movements to scouts making new routes to bypass your beacons. The saotome net is a little less open instead of holding a region it is meant to be used in a section. SMaller in scale then holding entire regions of the galaxy. THis lets it use a third of the resources as patrol craft and monitoring stations do not need to be tied directly into the networks configuration itself.

Your entire submission, and the answers you gave me to my questions, directly contradict pretty much this entire paragraph and any other portion of the submission which try to downplay its size and use as compared to the Galactic Empire's canon detection system.


These cutbacks still can create gaps allowing others to get through it, the beacons are monitored and prepared lightly armed

This is the only part of your submission that mentions weapons. There's no elaboration of what weapons are used, how an unmanned beacon is capable of using sophisticated weaponry as a defense against capital ships, or to what ends it is armed (as in, whether it is armed to fire on any ships that get pulled into an interdiction field, or whether it's meant as an automated defense against something attacking the beacon itself). Your description is not a place to bury information like this in, it's meant to flesh out the information you've provided in the fields of the template above it and provide background to your submission. Additional information that doesn't change it's use from how it's explained above? Sure. Information that is necessary for deciding whether a submission is balanced or not? No.


The main weaknesses of it being designed so close is the range is now more limited, it doesn't cover routes to the system it covers the interior of the system

This is a contradiction - the routes to the systems are smaller than the interior of the systems themselves. A hyperroute, as compared to an actual system (like our solar system, which is a system), is like a road that leads into the system itself - tiny in comparison in terms of the size of the entry point. In essence, you're framing this submission as if it was smaller because it's only used within the systems and sectors (sectors are every system that makes up a section of the galaxy, by the way) rather than the hyperspace routes that lead into them - this is false, you're making something far larger and far more capable than the canon source that monitored known hyperspace routes in the deep core, which required the use of these routes because the alternative was potentially flying into black holes and other hazards that were lethal and non-conducive for military and rebel movements in the center of the Empire.


Another big thing is the reduced parts, instead of having mobile stations as part of the network or fleets able to move around. It is just a passive monitoring station.

Here is an excerpt from the canon article for the Imperial Hyperspace Security Net (which you link to in your submission as a primary source and reference several times and are comparing this submission to in the quote above):


There was no mobile stations in the canon iteration of the hyperspace security net. You can frame history as you want to in role-play, but this is the factory and altering canon isn't going to fly. You can reword the statement to imply something besides the notion that the canon net was mobile, but any other portions of your submission, along with this one, that frames canon in a way that isn't actually how canon portrays it needs to be changed.


THe engineers working on upgrades and different stations or sensors to be added onto the network so that it is not all in one area someone can target and sabotage the entire network.

This sentence doesn't make any sense. Please rewrite it so that it does.


Objects approaching at sub-light speeds are less likely to be seen at first but regular system sensors will detect them eventually after they have been in the system.

Again, as with the weapons, your submission never mentions anything except the use of hyperspace transceivers to detect ships arriving through hyperspace. There's no mention of regular sensors on this network, and if there isn't and this is just inserted to refer to something not in the submission then it needs to be removed.


Hyperspace: Designed with hyperspace monitoring in mind, the network functions to watch ships approaching at lightspeed. Sub-light speeds and slower movements of ships.

This isn't a weakness, nor does the second sentence make any sense (it doesn't appear complete, either).


Spread: Designed by Saotome to be smaller in deployment and scale, instead of routes and regions the system covers a system. THis makes it easier to map out where the beacons are in relation to routes going into the system and better exposes the gaps or makes the beacons vulnerable.

Again, this is disingenuous. A system is millions of times larger than the point where a hyperspace route enters the system. This isn't a weakness, this is a strength. You're covering entire solar systems rather than single points on hyperspace routes - it is many times harder to counteract that than to counteract a single location along a hyperspace route.



The more I am reading this, the more I am seeing an attempt to not only utilize the canon hyperspace net, which was extremely large as it was, but an attempt to make an even bigger variation of it that will be used by multiple companies, factions, groups, individuals, and over much larger swathes of the galaxy than it was in canon. That isn't even taking into consideration that this includes planetary shields - which is far beyond the capabilities of the canon security net - or that this submission is made under the assumption that increasing the total area covered somehow makes it smaller than the original.


Unless this is changed so that it isn't at the level of the nearly impenetrable canon security net, and certainly so that it isn't far and away more powerful than it, as it is currently, I cannot see myself approving this submission - nor can I see this submission going without being heavily reported when it is used were I to approve it in its current state.

#1787423 A.K.R.I.

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 17 May 2018 - 01:17 AM

This submission has been moved from the pre-factory to the technology section for judging.

#1787319 Saotome Planetary Defensive Network

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 16 May 2018 - 10:49 PM

Lily Kuhn


not completely more once detection systems go off it can start up the process of the shield activating. Since one should take awhile to properly poweral the time you can get from early warning systems matters.

My questions are as follows:

  1. Does this contain a planetary shield?
  2. Does this provide interdiction fields?
  3. Does this span multiple planets and systems/sectors?

I am not asking how this functions, I am asking if it performs as questioned above. If this network supplies planetary shields, or is somehow modular in that it can incorporate them, then the answer to 1 is yes. If this network supplies gravity well generators or is somehow modular to incorporate them, then the answer to 2 is yes. If this is used by more than a handful of planets, or used to protect large sections of open space, then the answer to 3 is yes.

#1787070 House of Progress

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 16 May 2018 - 02:11 PM


#1787056 The Dragonflower

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 16 May 2018 - 02:07 PM


#1787044 Saotome Planetary Defensive Network

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 16 May 2018 - 01:52 PM


So, to clarify, you're combining a planetary shield "net" and gravity well generators into one massive network that would span across, essentially, multiple systems and planets?

#1786641 This is my stop (New FO Nominations)

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 15 May 2018 - 09:35 PM

Kaine for president

#1784750 Merrill-Valkner Andor Gravity Reciprocator

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 13 May 2018 - 03:36 AM

It makes sense and it has perfectly valid limitations.

#1784740 Asiminesti (Stormbringer)

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 13 May 2018 - 03:28 AM


#1784736 Hellmaw Subterranean Transport

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 13 May 2018 - 03:23 AM


#1783137 Lift the Ban on Nanotechnology & Lightsaber Rifles

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 10 May 2018 - 12:58 AM

On a board where people rant about creating force storms, fighting PC lava giants, space cthulhus, and all manner of what-have-you, it amuses me that the equivalent of a handheld LAAT/I beam turret is where the line is drawn

I am happy to amuse you.

#1783114 Lift the Ban on Nanotechnology & Lightsaber Rifles

Posted by Lily Kuhn on 10 May 2018 - 12:02 AM

Lightsaber Rifles shoot lightsabers.


No, it fires gigantic beams that have the same cutting power of a lightsaber but with actual force behind it that completely throws people off of their feet and tears through multiple reinforced walls.

Especially when a disruptor is better by comparison.

Sure, except a disruptor has less than 100 meters of range and maybe 5-10 shots on average, and only atomizes the particles directly surrounding the area of impact. It "disintegrates" those it hit, often, in canon because it was routinely used on unarmored targets that were assassinated. Lightsaber rifles are designed for actual combat.

Sustained contact with a lightsaber is also capable of eventually cutting through phrik, beskar, and cortosis.

Simply put, the weapon is too powerful.