The stab wound was deep, Cedwyn grunt in a small amount of pain. Wasn't the worst stab wound he had suffered from, nor a super dangerous one. He had lucked out that the target missed their intended target, he was also pissed that he was not forewarned that his target was a skilled fighter. He wasn't sure if he lucked out that there was only one injury or if the Force assisted him in sensing the strike to adjust and ensure he could strike the killing blow. Cedwyn sighed since his connection with the Force was actively being blocked and kept at an arm's length by him.
It was not easy to keep the Force at such a distance, there were times it was close to him and days that he found himself using it. But he couldn't rely on it. Those dependent were weak, he was capable without and dangerous with. That was all he needed to know, whether or not it was still true. Refusing to use the Force also meant the Sith cult he came from could not hunt him down and locate him. Whether or not the cultists were still alive or destroyed, he didn't know but he couldn't risk them still being alive.
His pain was starting to sharply increase as he shifted and reached for the first aid kit he had stored away in cases like these. His medical skills weren't professional but he was not terrible at it either. Grabbing the needle and stitching, he grunted and growled in pain as he sowed himself shut. Then grabbing gauze, he covered the wound to prevent infection. He knew bacta would be better but he wasn't wasting time or money on that when he could sow himself shut and live with the scars.
"Cedwyn Blaidd! What do you think you are doing?" His Master called from the opposite side of the training grounds.
Cedwyn was idly playing with the Force as he laid down, moving objects around with a fine touch and there were the occasional electrical sparks from his fingertips connecting with the metal objects he was floating. It was a distraction, it was directing the hurt, the anger he was feeling being built inside him. Cedwyn looked up and saw the hurt and anger in his Master's expression. He rose swiftly to his feet.
"I… it was nothing. Just distracting myself while waiting for you, Master." Though she was more than double his age, the past two years of puberty meant they were very similar heights. Even though that was the case, he always felt shorter than her when she looked at him like this.
Shaking her head, "no. You were wallowing in anger, fear, pain. These things trigger the Dark Side, Cedwyn. This is shown by your fingers releasing electrical shocks. This is the beginnings of Force Lightning, a power of the Sith." Her tone was sharp and a level of concern over him that he had not heard before. Cedwyn nodded his head.
"Apologies Master, I was just lost in thought and was not thinking." Cedwyn showed his sympathies. "Is pain, fear and anger so bad though?"
Placing a hand on his shoulder, his Master squeezed it firmly. "These are natural emotions, to fight them is to fight breezing or fighting happiness or joy. However, you did not simply feel them, but embraced them. Twisted the Force into a corruption of nature and used your emotions to feed the Force." She paused and looked at Cedwyn, "we all face the Darkness, the allure of power Cedwyn. Some fall, some rise. But to use the Dark Side, it leaves a corruption on the soul that does not fade." His master warned him.
Cedwyn nodded his head as he listened. "Then I promise to avoid it in future, Master. I just…" his voice trailed off.
"What caused these emotions? Before breakfast you seemed so excited about training." His master observed as she looked at him.
He hesitated, he could never lie to her but he also didn't want to admit the truth to her. "I…I… One of the other Padawans said that I was never going to make it as a Jedi, that I was a failure of the Order and better off leaving now." Cedwyn sighed deeply as he admitted the truth. He didn't want her thinking him weak or that he couldn't handle a bully but it was the truth to his emotions.
"And you felt these emotions building in you due to his words. Do you believe them to be true?" Cedwyn shrugged noncommittal. "Cedwyn, do you believe what he said, yes or no?" Her tone was firmer and he sighed and nodded his head.
What she did next was pull him in for a hug and squeezed tightly. "Cedwyn Blaidd, if anyone thought you were a failure to this Order, I would be the first to know and you would see it in how I treated you. I am your Master, it is my job to train you ready, if you are not succeeding then it is my fault. Not yours. Do not fret and do not allow fools to trick you into believing less in yourself."
She then playfully swatted the back of his head which caused him to chuckle. "Now, we will show them that what we have in you is the greatest swordsman the Order has ever seen." He nodded his head excited as he shifted back to ignite his purple Lightsaber and settle into a fighting pose.
How wrong she had been though. Cedwyn was a failure of a Jedi and his soul was heavily tainted with darkness. He fell so far, the Force, it didn't seem right to use it. All he could hear when he was connected to the Force was the disappointment of his Master, the sorrow of his soul corrupted beyond repair and the fact that he was lost to the Jedi forever. Never to show anyone how he was the greatest swordsman, only able to show what a failure he had been.
It was not easy to keep the Force at such a distance, there were times it was close to him and days that he found himself using it. But he couldn't rely on it. Those dependent were weak, he was capable without and dangerous with. That was all he needed to know, whether or not it was still true. Refusing to use the Force also meant the Sith cult he came from could not hunt him down and locate him. Whether or not the cultists were still alive or destroyed, he didn't know but he couldn't risk them still being alive.
His pain was starting to sharply increase as he shifted and reached for the first aid kit he had stored away in cases like these. His medical skills weren't professional but he was not terrible at it either. Grabbing the needle and stitching, he grunted and growled in pain as he sowed himself shut. Then grabbing gauze, he covered the wound to prevent infection. He knew bacta would be better but he wasn't wasting time or money on that when he could sow himself shut and live with the scars.
20 Years Ago
"Cedwyn Blaidd! What do you think you are doing?" His Master called from the opposite side of the training grounds.
Cedwyn was idly playing with the Force as he laid down, moving objects around with a fine touch and there were the occasional electrical sparks from his fingertips connecting with the metal objects he was floating. It was a distraction, it was directing the hurt, the anger he was feeling being built inside him. Cedwyn looked up and saw the hurt and anger in his Master's expression. He rose swiftly to his feet.
"I… it was nothing. Just distracting myself while waiting for you, Master." Though she was more than double his age, the past two years of puberty meant they were very similar heights. Even though that was the case, he always felt shorter than her when she looked at him like this.
Shaking her head, "no. You were wallowing in anger, fear, pain. These things trigger the Dark Side, Cedwyn. This is shown by your fingers releasing electrical shocks. This is the beginnings of Force Lightning, a power of the Sith." Her tone was sharp and a level of concern over him that he had not heard before. Cedwyn nodded his head.
"Apologies Master, I was just lost in thought and was not thinking." Cedwyn showed his sympathies. "Is pain, fear and anger so bad though?"
Placing a hand on his shoulder, his Master squeezed it firmly. "These are natural emotions, to fight them is to fight breezing or fighting happiness or joy. However, you did not simply feel them, but embraced them. Twisted the Force into a corruption of nature and used your emotions to feed the Force." She paused and looked at Cedwyn, "we all face the Darkness, the allure of power Cedwyn. Some fall, some rise. But to use the Dark Side, it leaves a corruption on the soul that does not fade." His master warned him.
Cedwyn nodded his head as he listened. "Then I promise to avoid it in future, Master. I just…" his voice trailed off.
"What caused these emotions? Before breakfast you seemed so excited about training." His master observed as she looked at him.
He hesitated, he could never lie to her but he also didn't want to admit the truth to her. "I…I… One of the other Padawans said that I was never going to make it as a Jedi, that I was a failure of the Order and better off leaving now." Cedwyn sighed deeply as he admitted the truth. He didn't want her thinking him weak or that he couldn't handle a bully but it was the truth to his emotions.
"And you felt these emotions building in you due to his words. Do you believe them to be true?" Cedwyn shrugged noncommittal. "Cedwyn, do you believe what he said, yes or no?" Her tone was firmer and he sighed and nodded his head.
What she did next was pull him in for a hug and squeezed tightly. "Cedwyn Blaidd, if anyone thought you were a failure to this Order, I would be the first to know and you would see it in how I treated you. I am your Master, it is my job to train you ready, if you are not succeeding then it is my fault. Not yours. Do not fret and do not allow fools to trick you into believing less in yourself."
She then playfully swatted the back of his head which caused him to chuckle. "Now, we will show them that what we have in you is the greatest swordsman the Order has ever seen." He nodded his head excited as he shifted back to ignite his purple Lightsaber and settle into a fighting pose.
How wrong she had been though. Cedwyn was a failure of a Jedi and his soul was heavily tainted with darkness. He fell so far, the Force, it didn't seem right to use it. All he could hear when he was connected to the Force was the disappointment of his Master, the sorrow of his soul corrupted beyond repair and the fact that he was lost to the Jedi forever. Never to show anyone how he was the greatest swordsman, only able to show what a failure he had been.
