The Estate on Naboo had been too silent to remain for long.
Whether someone was present or not, Lossa had not been able to sense them. Not entirely sure that she could sense them if she had actually wanted to. The little world of exhausting peace that had formed around her in this place that was once believed to be safe had shattered without warning. The trust she had in those to guard her most precious treasure to grace her life was gone with the sudden loneliness that had surrounded her on Naboo.
It was always this way.
No matter how good things felt. Or how well things were going. How smooth the wind was blowing for her. There was always a storm cloud just behind it. A waiting snare. A shrouded misfortune to destroy that little blip of happiness.
Always.
Faces of those close to her had come and gone. Blurred behind tears she had failed to hold back for long. Being reminded that everyone had failed with their sorrows and pity. Reminded that the one innocent being she had born into the galaxy was now missing without any real clue as to where she might have been taken. Reminded that the people entrusted to guard her precious gift had not only failed in their duty, but destroyed the only being that had tried to stop the kidnapping of her daughter.
Reminded that she had failed to be present to stop the incident from happening.
It always circled back to her.
The root of the ever circling problems in most every predicament that she had strayed into or caused. Her presence always seemed to pull ill fates towards not only herself, but those around her. And this time, it had cost her something more precious than anything she had ever imagined. The weight of her failure clung to her shoulders. Her feet dragged across the floor with each step as if the planet had multiplied its gravity to focus solely upon her. The effort of moving from room to room in a fruitless search for someone that was no longer present only added to her downward spiral.
Each empty room only further drove her mind to try to understand why. To figure out some kind of reason for anything anymore.
She was supposed to be someone others looked to for guidance. As an example for how to carry on. She was supposed to bring a padawan under her wing to allow the girl to thrive and learn from exposure and experience. But how could she subject someone to the troubles that always seemed to be biting at her heels? That wasn't something she could even manage right now. Another waiting disappointment to add to the collection of her continued failures.
If she couldn't protect her own daughter, how was she supposed to protect another child?
The thought burrowed into her mind as she sat in the garden. The only place where the bitterness and anger seemed to relent long enough for her to think. The time was always spent being reminded that she had basic needs to fulfill. Every part of her ached. Her face burned from the effort of holding back tears alongside the effort of spending them once alone. Knowing she had to think about when her last shower was, was enough to tell her she needed to take one. Her stomach made itself known with an equally painful jab through her core at being ignored for so long.
Was Zeriana being cared for?
A worry that made her eyes sting. Tilting her head against the backrest to help fight the welling tears. Fought with her lungs to keep from sobbing once more.
Was even a short time of peace too much to ask for from the galaxy?
She had put in the effort to make things better. Had pushed through her own troubles. Helped others where she could. Had tried to be a good example. Was this her punishment for stumbling as often as she did? Everyone stumbled though. Was it for not being good enough? There were plenty of people much better than her after all. Was this what would be the same result of some shred of happiness that found its way to her? To get the taste of normalcy only to have it sour in her mouth by what passed as her reality?
Then what was the point of being nice if this was the result?
The people put in charge of searching had found nothing more than what she already knew. Had followed leads only to find dead ends wherever they looked. Family as well as friends had come and gone to visit her. To check in on her. Offered kind words that were swallowed up by the pity in their emotions. Pity she had felt plenty of in her lifetime to be sated for an eternity. She had been a small child blessed by the Force to endure hardship. Kindness had only bought her misery. Brought near constant struggle and misfortune in one way or another. Her breathing slowly evened out as the thoughts of woe began to change. To shift with intent to not simply let this be the way of things anymore.
She had endured. Had forged ahead. Had shared her efforts and been burned for it once again.
The idea of running from her problems was off the table. This was not something she could wait out and hope for the best. Not when her own flesh and blood was the cost of failure. Staring into the night sky as the final tear fell, she decided to act rather than trust others to act for her. Time was a precious commodity she could not afford to waste. Where there had been weight to slow her, there was now a fire to keep her moving. Where sorrow had wilted her hopes, anger stoked the fire to make them a reality. Moving was a great effort as she pulled herself upright. But she had to keep moving. Had to push forward. Had to find her daughter.
Would find her daughter.
The anger she felt at those that had failed to do their duty now found an outlet as she strode to her ship. The want to visit her feelings upon them and those they cared about had scared her. The ease at which she had nearly slipped away from sensibility and reason frightened her. But finding her daughter and bringing her home demanded all of what she could use. And those feelings had yet to burn themselves out as the Skiptown burned hard and fast away from Naboo in the dead of night. Carried her away from another place that had failed her. That had failed to be a safe place for not only her this time.
"Let's see what Magena has for me.”
