I write these notes for myself. Keeping them seperate from my research at the lab. Right now I feel so stagnant, or perhaps more or less in a bit of a stalemate. I have accomplished much thus far. I have secured New Cov's neutrality and safety, thereby protecting the Covie and our biomolecules. I have helped forge a new government, changing it from a Corporate one to a Democratic one; leaving it all in the hands of the everyday Covie. I have helped to build NCBC and to see it's successful merge with N&Z Umbrella Corporation, leading it as Director of the N&Z Laboratories.
So why do I feel so empty? Why does it feel as though despite all of that, my life has just been one epic failure?
It could be a simple answer really. I am easily replaceable and quite easily overlooked. With not being a Force Wizard like the rest of the Galaxy is, there is nothing that connects me to them. Nothing at all. I cannot even see things in the way that they do. I do not see colors. I can see only light and dark and those bits in between. So in a way I suppose that I have always been different and disconnected from everyone else.
Drinking a variety of wines used to help surpress all of these feelings and allow me to forget them. But there are not a lot of occasions for me to partake in them anymore. And I cannot remember the last time that a promise to me for a dance was ever kept.
Weeks ago an ancient underground city was found with various entry points in and around the Ilic City dome. I had ventured within with Director Von Strauss and some of his machines, only to drop the quest altogether when the puzzles and danger level got to be too much.
But I long to go back. There is a voice down there; a whisper that calls my name. Perhaps it is death, I do not know. But it is the only place where I do not feel so empty. Here, I feel as though I am a ghost, but in the underground city it is different. It is as though it is my home.
Perhaps I will venture in there again, but this time on my own. If death awaits than I do not want anyone else to have the same fate. No one will be notified when I go, but I will leave a note to be found on my desk. Someone will find it eventually, I am sure, if they feel inclined to look. But until then I shall prepare for it, gathering myself some supplies and continue to pretend that everything is normal. Such a farce may be my only success at present, which I suppose is better than nothing.
I now close these notes with one more thought; rumor has it that the Heart of New Cov is deep within the underground city. Maybe within those ancient ruins I will find mine there too.
So why do I feel so empty? Why does it feel as though despite all of that, my life has just been one epic failure?
It could be a simple answer really. I am easily replaceable and quite easily overlooked. With not being a Force Wizard like the rest of the Galaxy is, there is nothing that connects me to them. Nothing at all. I cannot even see things in the way that they do. I do not see colors. I can see only light and dark and those bits in between. So in a way I suppose that I have always been different and disconnected from everyone else.
Drinking a variety of wines used to help surpress all of these feelings and allow me to forget them. But there are not a lot of occasions for me to partake in them anymore. And I cannot remember the last time that a promise to me for a dance was ever kept.
Weeks ago an ancient underground city was found with various entry points in and around the Ilic City dome. I had ventured within with Director Von Strauss and some of his machines, only to drop the quest altogether when the puzzles and danger level got to be too much.
But I long to go back. There is a voice down there; a whisper that calls my name. Perhaps it is death, I do not know. But it is the only place where I do not feel so empty. Here, I feel as though I am a ghost, but in the underground city it is different. It is as though it is my home.
Perhaps I will venture in there again, but this time on my own. If death awaits than I do not want anyone else to have the same fate. No one will be notified when I go, but I will leave a note to be found on my desk. Someone will find it eventually, I am sure, if they feel inclined to look. But until then I shall prepare for it, gathering myself some supplies and continue to pretend that everything is normal. Such a farce may be my only success at present, which I suppose is better than nothing.
I now close these notes with one more thought; rumor has it that the Heart of New Cov is deep within the underground city. Maybe within those ancient ruins I will find mine there too.
