I have never felt this empty before. It is as though my body is but a shell, and there is nothing inside of it. There is not even life. Is this what it would be like to be a droid? It is entirely possible. Although I have no metal or robotic components at all. The only electrical current within me is that small little spark that makes my heart beat and my brain to function.
Here I sit in a small, windowless quarter of living space within a freighter that carries my crated up belongings. Almost everything that I own is here. And the journey to where I will next live will not be too long. It will not be home. I do not expect that I will ever be at home again. Intead I will just find a place to sleep, work and eat. It will just be a space to exist. Nothing more.
I am fractured. I can see and feel the cracks. And when I finally break? If anyone is there to witness it, they will find nothing inside of the shell. They will not discover anything beautiful hidden within. They will only find the emptiness that I feel.
I look down at my datapad and check for any new messages. Out of the many messages that I had sent out before I had even begun to pack and leave my homeworld; before I had even known where in the Galaxy I would move to; only one of those messages was replied to.
One.
And so that had revealed my the level of my worth to others. Any kind words and gestures from everyone were all but for show, it seems. That was something that I should have seen coming. All of the empty promises made at events for the last while were an indication of what was to come. But I am no Force Wizard. I do not know the future and have no magic to grant my wishes. Instead I am left to diminish in the deep levels of space without anyone noticing.
"Liin? Liin who? I do not remember her."
So now what will I do? The same thing that other exiles do, I suppose. I shall work in solitude and isolation. First I will set up a new lab, and then I will gather my new residence's rare resource and work to combine it with a small quantity of the biomolecules that I have brought with me. Perhaps in that experiment I can create a new element alltogether. That is if the math turns out right. Or I could end up blowing myself up. Perhaps having nothing to live for will cause me to take a lot more experimental risks.
Shifting my focus from myself to my work is the only thing that gives me a small sense of purpose. But just a small one. I will only share my findings if they are worthy enough to be shared. Afterall, my life accomplishments have been minuscule at best. And in light of that, I am certain that no one would even attempt to look for me. Afterall, I do not have a single thing anymore to trade for empty promises.
Perhaps in this new residence, I will get to explore a sandy beach for the first time, and wade in the water. Now that at least is a little dream to hold onto.
Here I sit in a small, windowless quarter of living space within a freighter that carries my crated up belongings. Almost everything that I own is here. And the journey to where I will next live will not be too long. It will not be home. I do not expect that I will ever be at home again. Intead I will just find a place to sleep, work and eat. It will just be a space to exist. Nothing more.
I am fractured. I can see and feel the cracks. And when I finally break? If anyone is there to witness it, they will find nothing inside of the shell. They will not discover anything beautiful hidden within. They will only find the emptiness that I feel.
I look down at my datapad and check for any new messages. Out of the many messages that I had sent out before I had even begun to pack and leave my homeworld; before I had even known where in the Galaxy I would move to; only one of those messages was replied to.
One.
And so that had revealed my the level of my worth to others. Any kind words and gestures from everyone were all but for show, it seems. That was something that I should have seen coming. All of the empty promises made at events for the last while were an indication of what was to come. But I am no Force Wizard. I do not know the future and have no magic to grant my wishes. Instead I am left to diminish in the deep levels of space without anyone noticing.
"Liin? Liin who? I do not remember her."
So now what will I do? The same thing that other exiles do, I suppose. I shall work in solitude and isolation. First I will set up a new lab, and then I will gather my new residence's rare resource and work to combine it with a small quantity of the biomolecules that I have brought with me. Perhaps in that experiment I can create a new element alltogether. That is if the math turns out right. Or I could end up blowing myself up. Perhaps having nothing to live for will cause me to take a lot more experimental risks.
Shifting my focus from myself to my work is the only thing that gives me a small sense of purpose. But just a small one. I will only share my findings if they are worthy enough to be shared. Afterall, my life accomplishments have been minuscule at best. And in light of that, I am certain that no one would even attempt to look for me. Afterall, I do not have a single thing anymore to trade for empty promises.
Perhaps in this new residence, I will get to explore a sandy beach for the first time, and wade in the water. Now that at least is a little dream to hold onto.
