CORPORATE AUTHORITIES OF DENON
GUIDE TO NOT SCREWING UP
GUIDE TO NOT SCREWING UP
CAPTAIN KADORA'TRA
Kicking down doors, hearts, and 4th walls |
OVERVIEW
"So like, Corporate has sent out a memo that I am now REQUIRED to deliver to all of you in person, because apparently they don't think you can read."
"Now, I'm supposed to read off of some flimsiplast pre-screened written speech about respect, authority, corporate welfare, yadda-yadda-ya."
"I'm not going to do that, because that's boring and reading is boring..."
"But if anyone asks, I read it to you and you slept through it so they can't ask any specific questions."
"Otherwise, I break your legs at the next 'sparring exercise'."
"Anyway, now I'm gunna tell you how all of you dunces have been karking up writing your characters!"
What is a Corpo?"So like, Corporate has sent out a memo that I am now REQUIRED to deliver to all of you in person, because apparently they don't think you can read."
"Now, I'm supposed to read off of some flimsiplast pre-screened written speech about respect, authority, corporate welfare, yadda-yadda-ya."
"I'm not going to do that, because that's boring and reading is boring..."
"But if anyone asks, I read it to you and you slept through it so they can't ask any specific questions."
"Otherwise, I break your legs at the next 'sparring exercise'."
"Anyway, now I'm gunna tell you how all of you dunces have been karking up writing your characters!"
"A 'Corpo' is this stupid slang term for any employee of the Authorities, corporations in general, or anyone degenerates suspect of tipping off and sucking up to corporations. In other words, it's you and me who work our tails off to clear the streets for infrastructure projects and other normal functions of society, and they're out there telling it off like it's a bad thing!"
"So I better not be hearing it in the office any more, it's not cute!"
Acceptable Corporate Behavior
"Work, sleep, and don't do anything stupid."
"However, there's an old line about making your presence seen and not heard, but that's no way to stay in the black. You can sell a dozen different products and services, but unless you're out there showcasing them with grandiose PR stunts or sponsoring the next race circuit, no one's going to notice."
"You think companies like Nakaioma or K Corp sit on their asses sucking up to the Direx Board? If you want to be successful, you have to make every opportunity work for you. Especially when everyone else is down. Like that groundquake that shook Denon a month ago!"
What ISN'T Acceptable Corporate Behavior?"Oh man, do I have a list for you! I don't even know how you guys are even employed still, but let me break it down basic by department..."
Corporate "CorpSec" Security
"You're being arrested for loitering."
"But this is my apartment!"
- Exchange between CorpSec Officer and dangerous criminal
"You're being arrested for loitering."
"But this is my apartment!"
- Exchange between CorpSec Officer and dangerous criminal
"In the academy, some of you may have misheard the official motto for Corporate Security: Valor, Heart, Strength, and my least favorite, Justice. Whose great idea was it to include something as messy and ambiguous as Justice? That's why when Corporate took over, they reformed the motto to reflect a proper value in place of justice: Judgement. Arresting people is so much easier when you aren't fussed about "oo, what's the right and wrong of all this?" Click the cuffs and move on. Let the pencil pushers sort it out."
"Anyway, I've also noticed a lot of you writing your CorpSec characters like... way wrong. I mean, obviously we're super corrupt, but that doesn't mean do blatantly criminal crap like forging wills, political assassinations, thievery, smuggling, day drinking with the underworld, or beating up on other CorpSec officers. It almost makes me feel like you're writing Shadowrunners from Darkwire, but obviously that's impossible because no one in their right mind would write anything other than CorpSec... right?"
Corporate Executives
"Life. Profits. Happiness."
- ExO Fey
"Life. Profits. Happiness."
- ExO Fey
"This would be the part of the flimsiplast where I would be extolling the 'virtues of our respectable managers operating the authorities' yadda-whatever. Listen, bigwigs will be bigwigs: they pay us money, we make sure they keep paying us money, and they make that money by turning backwaters like Parcellus Minor into respectable business ventures. Yeah, they get a lot of unnecessary luxuries, but what government doesn't? We're just lucky we can be part of that wealth and job security."
"I will say I'm kinda concerned by you folks writing like you're dirt poor and pulling stunts to survive. It's almost like you're not writing corpos at all. If you're a good corpo, you get a decent salary and taking people's money is in addition to that. Have some self-respect. Scam and extort like a cop, not some Darkwire gutterpunk."
"Maybe you all just need to take a look at a map to see all the good we've been working towards. Take a look at this."
"From former holdings on Frego to the edge of Surron, the Corporate Authori- wait, what is that smudge in the middle?"
"What the hell does that say?"
You can't be serious, why is DARKWIRE written in the middle of our territory?!"
"What the hell does that say?"
You can't be serious, why is DARKWIRE written in the middle of our territory?!"
"They're just a bunch of a criminals, everyone knows that criminal factions don't succeed!"
"What is this crap?!"
