Journal Entry #1874
What an embarrassment! What lies! My lack of a lovelife has become tabloid fodder and gossip! So much so that even a hired bodyguard seen with me at times is assumed to be in courtship with me?! Even my own boss has read the rumors!! What is next? Is a server at a gala event that brings me wine a lover of mine too? Ridiculous!! They are all making fun of me, I am sure of it!
I just want to hide in my laboratory and never come out! I just want to absorb myself so much in my work that no one would even entertain the idea that I spend my waking hours doing anything else. (That is actually not far from the truth; given that I have done little else for quite some time.) But still! These false accusations are such an embarrassment that I can hardly feel confident enough to show my face in public!
I cannot avoid that forever, however. Not in my line of work.
Perhaps for a little while I will pretend to be ill and not be reachable, and then when I do appear in public again; I will be certain to be alone. Any bodyguards will need to keep their distance. Or perhaps I could hire a droid instead of someone living and breathing. Then maybe the rumors of any of them courting me will cease.
Maybe.
It is not as though I am against the idea of a courtship. Quite the opposite actually. There has just not been anyone interested in such a pursuit with me. Not anyone. And the last thing that I want is to be somone's flavor of the week! There are so many selfish playboys out there that only know of loyalty to themselves. It is not worth the risk to be only wanted for some fling or a one night stand where I would be forgotten about a short time later and replaced even more quickly. I deserve better than that. Most of us do.
I keep my public life private and do not allow anyone to get close. Why open myself to heartbreak? Why give away more fodder for the tabloids? No one knows the real me. I am certain that if they did they would laugh and deem me unworthy and unfit. I am not a Force Wizard, afterall, so I am hardly worth the effort. I am not special like them.
There is no point wishing upon a star like a little school girl for that perfect match to sweep me off my feet. That will not be very productive. I have accepted the fact that after my parents are gone, I will be the only family that I have left. Only my work will keep me company, and only my work will be my legacy. That is not entirely a bad thing.
For now I must avoid being in public as much as possible until those rumors disappear. The public have short attention spans, right? I should be forgotten about in a week? Maybe less? I am certain that there will be nothing pressing for me in that time. And if I am lucky, their focus will be far removed from making false accusations about my private life.
And now to confront my parents about this and to let them know that these rumors that could lead to them having a grandchild are just that; rumors. They are not true. I am not looking forward to that discussion at the dinner table. Not in the slightest....
~ Linn
What an embarrassment! What lies! My lack of a lovelife has become tabloid fodder and gossip! So much so that even a hired bodyguard seen with me at times is assumed to be in courtship with me?! Even my own boss has read the rumors!! What is next? Is a server at a gala event that brings me wine a lover of mine too? Ridiculous!! They are all making fun of me, I am sure of it!
I just want to hide in my laboratory and never come out! I just want to absorb myself so much in my work that no one would even entertain the idea that I spend my waking hours doing anything else. (That is actually not far from the truth; given that I have done little else for quite some time.) But still! These false accusations are such an embarrassment that I can hardly feel confident enough to show my face in public!
I cannot avoid that forever, however. Not in my line of work.
Perhaps for a little while I will pretend to be ill and not be reachable, and then when I do appear in public again; I will be certain to be alone. Any bodyguards will need to keep their distance. Or perhaps I could hire a droid instead of someone living and breathing. Then maybe the rumors of any of them courting me will cease.
Maybe.
It is not as though I am against the idea of a courtship. Quite the opposite actually. There has just not been anyone interested in such a pursuit with me. Not anyone. And the last thing that I want is to be somone's flavor of the week! There are so many selfish playboys out there that only know of loyalty to themselves. It is not worth the risk to be only wanted for some fling or a one night stand where I would be forgotten about a short time later and replaced even more quickly. I deserve better than that. Most of us do.
I keep my public life private and do not allow anyone to get close. Why open myself to heartbreak? Why give away more fodder for the tabloids? No one knows the real me. I am certain that if they did they would laugh and deem me unworthy and unfit. I am not a Force Wizard, afterall, so I am hardly worth the effort. I am not special like them.
There is no point wishing upon a star like a little school girl for that perfect match to sweep me off my feet. That will not be very productive. I have accepted the fact that after my parents are gone, I will be the only family that I have left. Only my work will keep me company, and only my work will be my legacy. That is not entirely a bad thing.
For now I must avoid being in public as much as possible until those rumors disappear. The public have short attention spans, right? I should be forgotten about in a week? Maybe less? I am certain that there will be nothing pressing for me in that time. And if I am lucky, their focus will be far removed from making false accusations about my private life.
And now to confront my parents about this and to let them know that these rumors that could lead to them having a grandchild are just that; rumors. They are not true. I am not looking forward to that discussion at the dinner table. Not in the slightest....
~ Linn
