I cannot go on.
She felt the unbearable weight of the truth as she thought it.
It was a heavy heavy thought but it was a relief as well to finally admit what she'd been fighting with in the dark.
She felt a twinge of annoyance there in the dark as her relief was infringed upon by the imagined words of those who loved her and whom she loved in return.
I cannot go on
She repeated.
"My fierce girl, of course you can." Her mother encouraged , "We all feel this way. It will pass and you will carry on."
I cannot
"You can so." The voice of her sister Briana told her "you're stronger than you think."
No, truly I cannot go on
"You can!" Brandyn's voice insisted "I'll help you."
I cannot go on!
The voice in her head grew evermore desperate.
"That's fine," Jaa Ardan was so unflappable it was maddening, "I will go on for you."
I'm sorry that I can't.
"You can," Bastilla said.
I cannot go on.
"You can and you must." Baros Sal-Soren's voice commanded "think of what's at stake. It's bigger than just you."
Goosebumps lined her arms and she shifted uncomfortably from the cold. It wasn't a sudden chill or even oppressive. it was a cold that lingered. That held on just a little too tight for a little too long, going unnoticed. A comforting embrace until it wasn't.
She didn't want to be cold nor any longer in the dark but she did not dare to attempt an escape.
No, I may wake them.
She was not alone in the dark.
What does darkness sound like? They must all sound different. This one held a gentle hum, the whirring of something mechanical, a consistent breeze, and the rhythmic breathing of the two of them.
Two. Where there should be three.
How long until two was one? until one became just me?
She could not stand it any longer. The waiting, the watching, the whispering. She feared to wake them but not as much as she hated that there was two.
Blaire stood quietly, making not a creak or sliver of sound. Barefoot she padded from where she stood to where she knew an exit to be.
The cold and the dark had worked together to dull her wits and in the dark desperate to be free she slammed her foot into something on the way out and all the sounds of her previous darkness were consumed by the crashing of thunder and slamming of stone.
Her head whipped around to look behind her, panic and pain fighting for control of her. Her chest heaved and her foot strummed with pain. After a heartbeat or two she decided that she was still safe and she hadn't woken them. She took a step to continue her escape and slipped on something slick in the dark, she caught herself before falling and exited much more gingerly.
Far enough away from where she had been, Blaire took the chance to sit. Hot angry pain swirled around her foot. She took a better look now that her surroundings were not so dark as they had been.
"Frak," she cursed softly at the sight of her foot covered in blood. Covered. There must've been a trail following behind her. She scanned the less dark than it had been darkness fruitlessly for something to clean herself up with.
"What the hell am I doing?" She asked the not so dark darkness heat rising behind her eyes. "I can't. I can't. What's the, frak, I can't do it."
Admitting it was worse than just knowing it.
She felt it before anything. Her head snapped back to where she had come and she knew.
A cry filled the quiet of the dark. First one. Then two. But not three.
They were cries of discomfort, of fear, of hunger. They cried for her and for her alone. They wished to take from her everything that had been her. They were unceasing in their need to consume her.
The longer they cried the more she heard.
They cried from sadness, from the cold, from loneliness, and always from hunger.
They cried for her and her alone.
She entered the dark from which she had escaped. She placed herself among them again, among the emptiness left by the third, among the hunger and fear and need and hunger of the two who cried out for her and her alone.
The crying stopped. She had given herself to them, allowed them to have her, giving all of her to them and leaving nothing of herself for herself.
Blaire held a child in each arm.
They were hers and hers alone.
"We will go on."
She felt the unbearable weight of the truth as she thought it.
It was a heavy heavy thought but it was a relief as well to finally admit what she'd been fighting with in the dark.
She felt a twinge of annoyance there in the dark as her relief was infringed upon by the imagined words of those who loved her and whom she loved in return.
I cannot go on
She repeated.
"My fierce girl, of course you can." Her mother encouraged , "We all feel this way. It will pass and you will carry on."
I cannot
"You can so." The voice of her sister Briana told her "you're stronger than you think."
No, truly I cannot go on
"You can!" Brandyn's voice insisted "I'll help you."
I cannot go on!
The voice in her head grew evermore desperate.
"That's fine," Jaa Ardan was so unflappable it was maddening, "I will go on for you."
I'm sorry that I can't.
"You can," Bastilla said.
I cannot go on.
"You can and you must." Baros Sal-Soren's voice commanded "think of what's at stake. It's bigger than just you."
Goosebumps lined her arms and she shifted uncomfortably from the cold. It wasn't a sudden chill or even oppressive. it was a cold that lingered. That held on just a little too tight for a little too long, going unnoticed. A comforting embrace until it wasn't.
She didn't want to be cold nor any longer in the dark but she did not dare to attempt an escape.
No, I may wake them.
She was not alone in the dark.
What does darkness sound like? They must all sound different. This one held a gentle hum, the whirring of something mechanical, a consistent breeze, and the rhythmic breathing of the two of them.
Two. Where there should be three.
How long until two was one? until one became just me?
She could not stand it any longer. The waiting, the watching, the whispering. She feared to wake them but not as much as she hated that there was two.
Blaire stood quietly, making not a creak or sliver of sound. Barefoot she padded from where she stood to where she knew an exit to be.
The cold and the dark had worked together to dull her wits and in the dark desperate to be free she slammed her foot into something on the way out and all the sounds of her previous darkness were consumed by the crashing of thunder and slamming of stone.
Her head whipped around to look behind her, panic and pain fighting for control of her. Her chest heaved and her foot strummed with pain. After a heartbeat or two she decided that she was still safe and she hadn't woken them. She took a step to continue her escape and slipped on something slick in the dark, she caught herself before falling and exited much more gingerly.
Far enough away from where she had been, Blaire took the chance to sit. Hot angry pain swirled around her foot. She took a better look now that her surroundings were not so dark as they had been.
"Frak," she cursed softly at the sight of her foot covered in blood. Covered. There must've been a trail following behind her. She scanned the less dark than it had been darkness fruitlessly for something to clean herself up with.
"What the hell am I doing?" She asked the not so dark darkness heat rising behind her eyes. "I can't. I can't. What's the, frak, I can't do it."
Admitting it was worse than just knowing it.
She felt it before anything. Her head snapped back to where she had come and she knew.
A cry filled the quiet of the dark. First one. Then two. But not three.
They were cries of discomfort, of fear, of hunger. They cried for her and for her alone. They wished to take from her everything that had been her. They were unceasing in their need to consume her.
The longer they cried the more she heard.
They cried from sadness, from the cold, from loneliness, and always from hunger.
They cried for her and her alone.
She entered the dark from which she had escaped. She placed herself among them again, among the emptiness left by the third, among the hunger and fear and need and hunger of the two who cried out for her and her alone.
The crying stopped. She had given herself to them, allowed them to have her, giving all of her to them and leaving nothing of herself for herself.
Blaire held a child in each arm.
They were hers and hers alone.
"We will go on."
