Feedback 1k So It's Feedback Time

[Aris Noble]

I'm always big on these threads. My perspective is mine and mine alone, which means there's things I write in one way that will always be read in other ways I can't think of myself. These threads are great for shining a light on those things.

So hit me. What do you think of Aris, his story, how I'm writing him, etc. Don't just vie me compliments I want that constructive critism I promise I won't hate you till the end of your life for it. Promise.

Pinky promise.



Be nice or I'll cry.

 

[Valery Noble]

My baby

I don't think there's anybody I've written with as much as you across various characters, so I'd like to think I know you and those characters well. Aris started as a bit of a sudden thought — a first reply that gave you an idea to have a young character around Vera's age to interact with her and other Padawans. That obviously worked out really well or you wouldn't have reached 1000 posts. It has been super fun to me as well, so I'm happy we went with the story

Something I love about him is your choice of restricting his Force use. He can basically only do Control aspect abilities, and no Sense/Alter, and that limitation is fun to play with and you've done that well.

A piece of constructive criticism revolves around the combination of that limitation and his strengths. We've talked about this once before, but he's a Padawan character. Beyond the force limitation he has, he sometimes comes across as being almost unreasonably good at everything else, given his age and lack of experience. This can limit how much room there is for him to grow and that's a core thing of writing a Padawan to me. His limitation isn't something he can overcome, after all, so if he's too good at everything else at age 13 already, then what's left for him to accomplish?

Maybe you already have plans for this - I can't look into your mind. But I think it's going to be more fun if he has more room to grow with his skills and more obstacles that he can overcome. Otherwise, it can also cause friction in how he's written in comparison to other characters, which we talked about before.

Hope this gives ideas and I look forward to a lot more of Aris!

All the Noble fam stuff

 

[Zaiya Ceti]

Aris Noble

I like Aris as a character, and I think you've taken the previous recommendations from your last feedback and applied them to Aris to help him get a little bit more fleshed out as a character in the emotions department as he continues meeting new people and is faced with new interactions. He is less Spock Lite and now starting to really flesh out more as a reserved teenager but who is clearly still going through his own internal angst and trying to figure out not only his place in things, but how to interact with others.

I've really enjoyed writing with Aris as Zaiya. Their IC interaction allows Aris to learn and recognize his own emotions and what he may be feeling and it has also allowed me to really flesh out Zaiya and how the Force works with her through emotional empathy, forming bonds, and a methodology of allowing the species to grow being the biological /hormonal limitations typically for her kind, allowing some neat social bonds that allow her to mimic the familial ones she lost and craves.

You've improved the method of conveying more personality to him by describing his expressions and internal musings and painting out gestures that can give him a bit more life, so props on that.

Areas of opportunity run along the same vein as what Valery recommended: While Aris is great in the aspect of Control, considering what are some limitations to him that he can work upon as he grows in his skills would be a good way to show how he's improving. Even Mr. Incredible - granted as a dad and older - suffered from exhaustion, stress, and the like that affected his body and how he was able to do what he could. He did his best to do what he could and utilized his abilities to try and push his limits, but eventually, something has to give.

Maybe since Aris has been focused on maintaining control all this time, he hasn't been able to really push his limits and feel himself get exhausted, tired, worn out, or anything. Might be time to start. Only through knowing one's limitations can one grow and get better - Side note, this is literally my intent of Zaiya asking Aris to try and see what those limitations are in my next post lol.

Other than that, keep on trucking with teenage angst and such since it makes for great reading!

 

[Mahsa]

I haven’t written with Aris as much as Val and Illie, but I can definitely say with 100% certainty that I’ve enjoyed our interactions.

Val and Illie have already covered well the areas of improvement, so I won't harp on it much, but likewise I think seeing more of how taxing keeping control can be for someone young like Aris would be interesting. Not all character struggles have to be visible to the naked eye ofc, so seeing his internal struggles against certain things peppered into either facial features or internal thoughts is always nice.

I love reading the spar thread between him and Ayhan because we can see an Aris that is allowed to let loose and not worry for once, and likewise it’s been nice seeing him develop further as he’s been interacting with other peers of his age.

Can’t wait to read and write more with you (and the rest of the Nobles looking at you Vera) in the future. <3