Feedback 2000+ Post Roast

[Corazona von Ascania]

Hi hello folks, I am once again asking for your opinions!

When I last did one of these around 1000 posts, Cora had been freed from the dungeons of Ukatis after pushing [REDACTED] to his untimely [REDACTED]. While her character arcs since then haven't been as dynamic, I've been enjoying the slowburn of her building strength and tenacity as a Jedi knight.

Cora wouldn't be nearly as fun for me to write without some truly fantastic writing partners to bounce off of. In that vein, I wanna shout out Kasir Dorran , Darth Strosius , Madrona A’Mia and Darth Nefaron for playing some very intense and nuanced opposition.

Can't forget my Jedi peeps as well - writing with Roman Vossari as her student, Lysander von Ascania as her driven younger brother, and Padawans Zaiya Ceti , Mahsa and Caelan Valoren , have helped to introduce a more protective, nurturing side of Cora and further develop her role as a teacher. I'm also enjoying the challenging moments explored with Valery Noble and Ben Khal , which bring attention to some of the issues Cora has (probably willfully) ignored.

I’ve also had lots of fun developing her relationships - Makko Vyres and Jenn Kryze come to mind as two folks she started out hating, but ended up forging lasting bonds with. Darth Malum of House Marr too, through their recently discovered (and complex) familial bond.

I swear my intense need to write with everyone will be my undoing.

Some recent threads I've really enjoyed -

Many Facets Illuminate the Soul
Bright Tide Rising
Zinder Event
On Togetherness
Hope and Betrayal
Good Chives Only

Are posts easy to read? Are they flat? Are they hard to respond to?

As always, DMs/discord (fat.raccoon) are open if you don't feel comfortable torching me in public!

 

[Darth Nefaron]

While I have not written with Cora nearly as long as others, but I can add my two cents to the mix!

I have little in the way of critiques as Cora is very well-rounded. Writing against her in the Zinder thread, I did go back and read through some of the earlier story developments and I feel that she has experienced a lot of growth over the course of several different stories. You've done an excellent job of showing that growth without actually spelling it out for the reader, the way Cora engages with situations is very much based on her past experiences and that shows in your writing!

Unfortunately, I don't have much to add for you to improve on because I am struggling to think of anything that needs improvement. If you keep being consistent with the way you handle Cora, I really don't think you will ever have any issues!

 

[Connel Vanagor]

No shout out for me?? How dare you!!!

Only kidding.

I think that her story is only beginning. She has so much to her personality and outlook that brings so much to the table. She SHOULD be prideful and arrogant in many ways, she SHOULD be bitter. All of this would make sense...

She isn't.

She sees the good in everything, or tries to, and keeps to that. To quote Raien Keth who once described another character of mine... "She is a beacon of light."

A fun read that Connel needs (and has tried to! ) interact with more

 

[Lysander von Ascania]

I’ve always enjoyed the interactions with Cora from both Kas and Lys! From the unexpected melon hurled at my Sith’s head on New Cov to Lysander going chop chop on the guard who tried to attack the big sis at the Hapan wedding, it’s been a fun lil journey!

I do like how consistently you maintain her moral compass with the desire to do good and displaying selflessness. Buuut from the little bro’s perspective, he does find himself wishing that she’d ease up a bit though! The overly cautious and rigid nature can be.. drab!

Your imagery and descriptions are always well-written, painting a super clear picture =) And the dialogue is engaging. The sibling dynamic feels natural/authentic. Writing with her is always a breeze and you’re easy to work with.

Looking forward to seeing how she develops further. And heyyy while marrying a character before with only 15 posts still looks kinda sus, I'm hyped for the next wedding and whatever happens after!

One last thing: she better be nice to Roman Vossari , or else! These rumors about her hitting her padawan better not be true!

Keep up the good work fam ♡

 

[WelshPsych]

My qualm here is mostly that we need to do threads! We keep saying that we should and then never get around to it, so issue on both our sides but would love to see Cora and Lily interact finally! Also Cora needs to meet Dreidi's baby son!

 

[Ben Khal]

I pretty much agree with your self-assessment. Cora’s story took Chaos by storm, then after she killed Horace it seemed like she was left with little to drive her forward. That isn’t to say she’s been doing nothing since then—she’s gotten more powerful, was knighted and now has an apprentice. But there’s a lot left unfinished or which has been pushed into the background, especially regarding her homeworld. At times it came across as Cora ignoring some pretty horrible things going on that she could've been doing something about, which made me dislike her as a character. I don't think that was intentional on your part; I believe you said at one point that you had lost interest in Ukatis and the darker aspects of its culture, which I can't really blame you for. It can be hard to write about this stuff for long periods of time, and it's difficult to find writers on here that are willing to engage with tough topics, let alone not be cringe about it.

With our current thread, I wanted to create a story where she would have a chance to face what she's been avoiding. I tried to be confrontational without being judgmental, giving her an opportunity to step up and be a leader to her people. I'm pretty happy with how it's turned out so far, and glad that I have the opportunity to address the things that I saw as problematic/reveal a new side of Cora.

You're one of the best writers on here in terms of readability, consistent characterization, and just being plain interesting in general. You're never boring, which a great strength. Also, THANK YOU for writing your own posts. It's becoming distressingly common for writers on here to use AI to write their posts for them. It's far more noticeable than they seem to realize and is a major turnoff for me. If I wanted to RP with a computer, I'd roleplay with ChatGPT rather than here on Chaos.

One last thing which is more of a personal preference than an actual suggestion: I would love it if Cora's mother would be featured more. You started to hint that there was more to her than meets the eye with the reveal that she was a Marr, but haven't done much with her since. You've written Cora's father Marcel but her mother has, to my knowledge, never appeared in any of her threads. The reason why her lack of characterization stands out to me is because you've presented Cora as a "feminist heroine" yet her mother is usually described as a "shell of a woman". It feels weird and kind of demeaning. Mothers are always more than their children think they are. I'd offer to write her myself, but I have a lot on my plate at the moment lol. Maybe some day.

All in all, good job, keep it up, and I look forward to writing with and reading more of your work in the future.

 

[Rayia Si]

My qualm here is mostly that we need to do threads! We keep saying that we should and then never get around to it, so issue on both our sides but would love to see Cora and Lily interact finally! Also Cora needs to meet Dreidi's baby son!

I also share this need to thread! Cora has been a remarkably interesting character that I've been keeping my eye on for a while in hopes of threading with you.

 

[Roman Vossari]

I can only speak for the most recent bit of her time, but I have really enjoyed writing in our threads. I am excited to see how her and Roman's relationship will grow with time. It's also been enjoyable to read how she deals with some of Roman's antics with her.

I don't really have any notes of improvement as I think highly of how you write.

I specifically enjoy how succinct your posts are. It feels like you paint a vivid picture and get across a lot of information with less? (If that makes sense) I have been striving to emulate that a bit, as it's very easy to write with.

It's never flat, never boring, always easy to respond to. You always seem to give 100% even when I have days where my creativity is low and I feel like what I put out could be boring. It is much appreciated.

Also very excited to see the relationship with Lysander von Ascania expand and would love to get into more with Ukatis.

Overall, I think Cora is fantastic and so are you!

 

[Jenn Kryze]

I first came across Corazona in the glorious days of the Mandalorian Enclave's raid of Ukatis, among other worlds. I wasn't even writing on that specific theater of war at the time, and followed the operations on the other worlds with vague interest, skimming over posts. And that is when I read about her standing up to Marcel.

I was instantly hooked.

By the time that thread wrapped up, I was (clumsily, if earnestly) navigating your history of threads to find out more about the character, having missed what most people here might consider the main meat of the action; the betrothal, the very justified murder, the aftermath, the Jedi sticking their necks out for her. Little surprise that I wanted us to thread after that.

I can't... particularly find anything to criticize, admittedly. Corazona is a character that keeps on moving forward. Out of all the people I've written with on this site thus far, she is the one to have given me the clearest notion of seeing a person change as an individual as they go along. Hardly a condemnation of people who change their characters too fast or too slow, as I am, myself, guilty of the former at times. Corazona's struggles feel genuinely challenging for her on a personal level, and you translate that into character development beautifully.

And in terms of your posting habits, there is nothing I've ever felt disappointed or displeased about. I mostly just angst over the fact that I want more of it.

At the end of the day, I missed some of her more formative years and experiences, but I've still been here long enough to see her change and grow from a Padawan into a stalwart Knight, and you've done that in a very believable and satisfying way.

Honored that you'd mention me in there, too, I won't lie. I never expected Jenn and Cora to ever go beyond the notion of "we are within spitting range of respecting one another", but looking at where they are now, staunch allies and entertaining a near-familial bond besides? It's been a journey, and I am excited to continue being a part of it.

 

[Shan Pavond]

I'm not great with writing feedback, so I'm just going to write what pops into my head. With that being said, always enjoyed reading up on what antics Cora has been getting up to. I've always been grateful for the threads we've done with Shan and Cora since you were one of the first people I started writing with on chaos.

I've loved seeing the different sides of Cora as she's grown whilst I've also loved how some things about her have stayed the same. I will say though, I would love to see her interact with Lady Velvet some day. They seem like they'd really get along with each other!

Also we need to write more together but there's no huge rush for that if I'm being honest.

 

[Alan]

Usually for most Jedi characters, or storylines, I find them rather boring and played out, or easily interchangeable. I fail to find an interest in most Jedi writings and stories because they are usually, in my opinion, interchangeable with one another. Additionally I have a hard time finding the interest to read or follow Jedi writing because it's so played out, written, or otherwise done in other mediums or has been the focus of Star Wars. And I get it, Jedi and Sith are the mainstays of Star Wars, but there's so much to Star Wars that I find it hard to care about the Jedi "almost falling to the dark side" arc or the "redemption from the dark side".

What I like with Cora, however, is the consistency of the character. I don't think I'll ever have the courage to do "feedback on Alan" thread. But we've been writing together for years and years, and the depths of your characters and the conflicts within them always intrigued me- that and you give some characters an "end" so to speak. For me, that's killing them off or stop writing them, but I've seen you give them a conclusion to their arcs and to their stories (in a way that makes sense, and open-ended enough to bring them back for a one-off, etc). I admire that about you, that you know when to end a character.

A critique, however, is that I've noticed that you can do quite a bit more than what you're doing. I think you're railroading yourself into certain storylines by focusing on Cora and other FU characters of yours. I think branching out and doing some other form of writing would benefit you quite a bit, or at least, I get to benefit from seeing your writing more in a different way.

oh yeah I'm alan grrrr grrrr something something facetious and troll-y I am never serious grrr