Private A Mother's Advice

[Kara Jade]

Kara had given up.

She had lost count of how many times she had done it now, but this had been the last time she’d head offworld to try and find Aiden. Ever since she had first learned of her pregnancy, Kara had been trying to track down the Corellian. But it had all ended up a fruitless endeavour. It didn’t help that she hadn’t gotten more information from him that night, if only she knew his rank and unit.

But a choice had to be made now. Either she continued to try and track him down, at the risk of not just her own life. Or she gave up on ever finding him again, and instead focused on what her next steps should be.

Especially after the recent interaction with Iris, where it was becoming increasingly apparent she was starting to show now. And Kara had absolutely zero idea what she was supposed to do.

But she knew at least someone she could go to, probably the only one.

Valery Noble .

Kara had of course heard the news about Kahlil, it was impossible not to even when away from Coruscant. The Padawan had felt awful for not being there. Unable to give support to someone who had been an important mentor to her during her earliest training. But Kara knew the Jedi Master had a solid support network surrounding her.

Enough time had passed, that the Padawan figured Valery was back to being active again. It was only a matter of trying to find her, at the very least Kara knew she was at the Temple today.

Her quarters had been a no go, as there had been no answer when she knocked. Meaning that Valery was either at a training room, the Council Chambers or somewhere else entirely. Knowing her awful luck as of late, she likely just missed the Master who had departed from the Temple…

But fortunately, her luck wasn’t that awful. And after several minutes of walking, Kara turned a corner and almost walked straight into the woman she had been looking for.

 

[Valery Noble]

Outfit | Weapon | Appearance

Outfit | XoXo
Location | Coruscant | NJO Temple
Tag | Kara Jade

With her eyes glancing down at a datapad, Valery didn't notice Kara as she stepped around the corner, and nearly bumped into the young woman. She quickly looked up and lowered the datapad — she was just startled, but nothing happened. "Oh! Hey Kara, sorry about that. I wasn't watching my steps," she said with a soft smile.

But as her gaze lingered on the woman, she noticed something was off. She could feel the chaotic emotions, but there was also something else-

She blinked, briefly glanced down at Kara's stomach, then back up to the woman's eyes, "Heyyy, is everything okay?" she quickly looked around to make sure they were alone, which they luckily were. "Do you want to go somewhere quieter to talk?" With what she felt from Kara, she had a feeling this meeting wasn't entirely random.

Kara is pregnant.

​

 

[Kara Jade]

The Padawan’s eyes widened as she almost walked into Valery. Fortunately though, she dug her heels against the ground, halting her steps. She did not need another repeat of Iris, accidentally revealing her pregnancy before she intended. Even if it was the majority reason why she sought out the Master, Kara needed a bit of time to prepare herself for that conversation.

But right now she could feel that bundle of anxiety and nervousness begin to swell in her chest.

“No no, that’s alright. I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings.” She waved it off with a chuckle, though some of the nervousness slipped through. It didn’t get any better when she noticed the look in Valery’s eyes. Not exactly similar to Iris, but close enough that Kara began to worry she had already figured it out.

Completely forgetting in that moment, that she was standing before someone who could read the emotions of others.

And Kara was an open book right now.

“Y-yeah everything is okay…” The tone of voice did little to be convincing. Nor did the look of recognition in her eyes, catching Valery’s glance towards her stomach.

She knows.

Kara nodded, not trusting her voice. She did not want to have this conversation out in the open where others could potentially overhear. Especially not with the bundle of emotions that were bubbling under the surface.

The Padawan remained silent as she followed Valery to a quieter place. It wasn’t until the door closed, that Kara finally spoke up again.

“So…how have you and Vera been?” Kara turned to face the Jedi Master, but her eyes didn’t quite reach Valery’s.

Valery Noble​

 

[Valery Noble]

Outfit | Weapon | Appearance

Outfit | XoXo
Location | Coruscant | NJO Temple
Tag | Kara Jade

"Y-yeah everything is okay…"

It didn't sound convincing at all, but even if it had been the best lie in the Galaxy, Valery would have seen right through it. Nothing she did would be able to hide what Valery could feel inside her. That familiar presence forming, still so pure and innocent, faint but still so powerfully connected to the mother.

It was a beautiful feeling, but given the circumstances, the responsibility that came with it could also be terrifying. Judging by the emotional distress that lingered in the Force, Valery understood that something was wrong, so she quickly took Kara to her quarters, closed and locked the doors behind them, and guided the young woman over to the couch.

"Have a seat," Valery said before she sat in a chair opposite to the couch, "Vera and I are doing okay, but what about you, Kara?" she asked, no longer wanting to dance around the important subject.

"I can feel what is troubling you. What happened?" Now, she moved over to sit beside Kara, and offer her a shoulder for support, or even just a hug if she needed one. Few things could compare to how amazing it was to become a mother, but that was only if she was ready for it.

Valery had a feeling that wasn't quite the case.

​

 

[Kara Jade]

Once they were in Valery’s quarters, Kara practically slumped into the couch. She stared down at the floor, her gaze occasionally shifting over to the Jedi Master. But when Valery asked what had happened, the Padawan’s eyes became affixed to the flooring.

“I…” Kara couldn’t find the words, hell that single syllable came out as a hiccup. The bundled mess of emotions was finally rising to the surface. Built up ever since she first got the news, and then worn in even more each time she failed to locate Aiden.

The Padawan buried her head into her hands, wanting nothing more than to curl up into a ball and bottle it all back up again. But the dam had been broken, and there was no stopping it now. Kara heard Valery move, taking a spot on the couch beside her. She didn’t budge, but her posture seemed to shift a bit. There was something calming about the Master’s presence, calm and strength.

Kara took a deep breath.

“It happened not long after Ilum…” She began by describing how she had been transferred to Coruscant once everything was cleared on Ilum. “After I was officially discharged by the healers, I was ordered to rest up for a bit. So I figured hey, why not go to this new nightclub that was opening up. Have a taste of the ‘good ol’ days’.”

Those weren’t new words to Valery. Kara had confided a similar notion during their early sparring sessions. A lot of the Padawan’s initial frustrations had been over her world being flipped upside down. Living an ordinary life, only to out of the blue develop a connection to the Force.

“While there I met a soldier, he was…charming, handsome and had a pair of the most captivating green eyes I’d ever seen.” Amongst the tears, there was clear happiness in her voice when speaking about Aiden. But it struggled against the sadness, echoed from their parting.

“That night was the first peaceful night I had since Ilum, not a single hint of a nightmare.” For the first time since she started talking, Kara finally lifted her head up. She lulled to the side, her head resting against Valery’s shoulder.

“I’ve been trying to find him, any opportunity I had to go offworld I attempted to track him down. But there were a couple of times…too close calls where I wasn’t thinking straight, where I wasn’t thinking about both of our lives.” Tears were freely flowing now, further staining Kara’s cheeks.

“I…don’t know what to do.”

Valery Noble​

 

[Valery Noble]

Outfit | Weapon | Appearance

Outfit | XoXo
Location | Coruscant | NJO Temple
Tag | Kara Jade

After settling down on the couch, Valery remained quiet and gave Kara all the time and freedom she needed to explain what happened. The story that followed was one that brought a familiar sadness into her heart, but she also felt a brief, but very positive spike of emotions when she talked about the man who she had spent the night with.

It reminded her, to some extent, of her own pregnancy.

When Kara leaned in close, Valery allowed her head to rest against her shoulder and wrapped an arm around the woman to hold her close. Bringing a child into the Galaxy was a difficult thing, but without the strength of a loving partner, it was vastly more challenging. If it hadn't been for Yula, Dagon and many others supporting her during her own pregnancy, she wouldn't have gotten through it relatively okay in the absence of her partner.

"I'm so sorry, Kara," she whispered softly while her hand rubbed along the side of the woman's arm. "I somewhat understand what you're going through, but you're not alone in this," she continued. "Finding the father might be difficult now, and risky given you're pregnant, but you have others around you who will help."

She paused a moment and looked down at Kara's blue eyes, "You can stay at my place as long as you need, and I'll help you through the various stages regardless of where you are. Just... right now the baby is the priority. You can't bring any risk or potential harm to your kid."

"It's going to be alright," she tried to assure the young woman.

​

 

[Kara Jade]

Kara didn’t say anything as Valery spoke, only the sound of sniffles escaped. But the wave of emotions gradually ebbed, and eventually the blonde let out a sigh. A significant weight felt like it had been lifted off her shoulders. The anxiety and concern was still there, but more surface level now.

“Thank you Valery,” she said, taking a moment to dry her cheeks. “I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you here.”

She would’ve just winged it probably. Kara had no mother to call upon, nor any other mother figure to turn to. But Valery seemed to have gone through something similar. At least from what Kara took from it anyway, that her partner had been absent for a period of her pregnancy too.

But at least Kahlil had returned/been found, Kara had no idea or honestly any hope she’d ever find Aiden again.

“I have so many questions to ask…” She chuckled sheepishly. “But I guess first, what should I expect initially? I’ve already been dealing with the nausea.”

Valery Noble​

 

[Valery Noble]

Outfit | Weapon | Appearance

Outfit | XoXo
Location | Coruscant | NJO Temple
Tag | Kara Jade

"Of course. I'll do what I can to help," Valery said. She noticed that some of Kara's worries were beginning to fade, and while it would still be difficult in the absence of a father, a slightly positive feeling about the future would help a lot. Having kids was a beautiful thing, after all.

Just the circumstances were awful.

"But I guess first, what should I expect initially? I've already been dealing with the nausea."

Valery chuckled, "Well, it's common to regularly feel very tired during the first trimester especially. You'll experience mood swings as well and cramps are possible. But nothing to worry about and if you're ever not sure about something, you can give me a call or even go to a medical professional."

She blinked at that, "I actually believe Knight Serys knows a thing or two about it all, too. From her time helping people in the outer rim."

​

 

[Kara Jade]

Mood swings? I guess that would explain that one time when I verbally unloaded on that poor guy…

Said situation being a time when Kara was returning from another failed attempt in finding Aiden. She was tired, both physically and emotionally, and just wanted to be back on her ship. But a dock worker had approached her, immediately flying into about her ‘poor parking etiquette.’

Kara was having none of it, and snapped at him. At the time she couldn’t care less, but now she did feel somewhat bad.

“Well it’s good to know the tiredness is expected. It caught me by surprise, and I was worried it was something to be alarmed about.” Kara expected it in the later stages, not this early on.

Hearing a mention of Knight Serys saw a return of that sheepish expression on Kara’s face. The situation with the healers had been something of a little mess.

“I should probably go and speak to the Chief Healer, give her an update.” The blonde chuckled, rubbing the back of her head. “I ‘officially’ discovered the pregnancy when I went to see one of the healers for a post-Ilum checkup. They wanted to immediately bring it to the Masters, but I managed to convince them to only mention it to Knight Serys…who subsequently wanted to bring it to the Masters.” Kara knew what she had done then wasn’t exactly right, but she had been panicking at the time. “I promised I’d go speak to one, namely you, about it.”

Only she hadn’t exactly made it clear that it wouldn’t be shortly after.

Kara frowned as another question rose to the surface, one that had been oddly plaguing her.

“What should I do about this, publicly speaking?” She turned to look at Valery directly. “Like I know there’s no age scandal, but I am still a Padawan of the New Jedi Order.” It was something of an odd question that was stuck in her mind for a while now. Kara wasn’t one to be overly worried how others perceived her. But she supposed it was down to the fact she wasn’t alone anymore, she was part of a group, an Order.

Valery Noble​

 

[Valery Noble]

Outfit | Weapon | Appearance

Outfit | XoXo
Location | Coruscant | NJO Temple
Tag | Kara Jade

Bringing up Knight Serys, and thereby the healers, seemed to spark some nervousness in Kara again, and it quickly became clear why that was. Valery let out a soft sigh but ended up just offering an encouraging smile, "Alright, I can help you along the way, give you advice and talk you through things. But please stay in close contact with our Healers for check-ups and actual medical advice."

"Better safe than sorry, especially with this," Valery said with a knowing look. During her own pregnancy, she was in hiding and being targeted by assassination attempts — sometimes she went without contact with medical staff for far too long, and she vividly remembered just how nervous that made her.

"What should I do about this, publicly speaking?"

Valery blinked and shook her head slightly to snap herself out of her surprise, "Don't try to hide it and just be open about your pregnancy. Once it starts to really show, it'll be impossible to hide anyway. Especially from other Jedi." Kara had likely learned that the hard way already. "While the circumstances could have been much better, it's still an amazing thing to become a mother. You can be proud of it, and you don't have to be afraid to show it."

​

 

[Kara Jade]

“I promise I’ll keep in close contact with the Healers, I’ve just been too overwhelmed with like…everything.” Kara’s life had certainly been a whirlwind of chaos ever since she had discovered her connection to the Force. And in hindsight it made much more sense why the Jedi Orders opted to take new Padawans in as children.

The comment about other Jedi picking up on the pregnancy got an amused chuckle out of Kara.

“An understatement if I ever heard one, Iris sussed it out within minutes of speaking with her.” Not to mention the fact Valery had also been very quick in picking up on it.

Kara fell silent after the Master’s last words. She said nothing, just stared ahead in seemingly deep thought. But that suffocating weight, that haze of emotion began to try and settle over the blonde’s shoulders again. Thoughts and emotions grew cloudy as old memories surfaced.

“What if I’m not a good mother?” She spoke quietly, eyes glancing over to Valery. “I…didn’t exactly have many mother figures when growing up, not consistent ones anyway.”

The blonde’s childhood was a topic that had come up during their early sparring sessions. Of Kara growing up as an orphan, of only really having her teacher and the orphanage’s Matron as parental figures.

“Ever since learning of the pregnancy, I’ve had these old thoughts and doubts lingering to the surface. Stuff I pushed down when I was a teenager, wanting to forget.” Kara let out a shaky breath, pinching the bridge of her nose slightly. “About my parents, whether they died in an accident or maybe a war? Or…was there something so wrong with me, that they felt abandoning me was the only option?”

Valery Noble​

 

[Valery Noble]

Outfit | Weapon | Appearance

Outfit | XoXo
Location | Coruscant | NJO Temple
Tag | Kara Jade

"What if I'm not a good mother?"

Valery remained quiet for a moment and got lost in her own thoughts. The fear of not being a good mother, of not being able to take care of the kid, was one she had to deal with as well. Vera wasn't planned, and her own life had never made it easy to take care of kids. Yet in the end, she couldn't be happier with her little girl, and she knew how much Vera relied on her. And more importantly, she knew how much Vera loved her.

"I never had a mother figure myself to look up to, but you really don't need one," Valery assured her. "No amount of reading or listening to advice will really prepare you for experiencing it yourself. In the end, you're going to be the one who stays up late at night when you're exhausted just because your child is crying or needs you. You'll be the one to spend almost every minute of your life with them, likely for quite a while." Valery wrapped an arm around Kara's shoulders and smiled.

"There are plenty of people you can ask for help when you need it, but as long as you always try to do what's right for your child, it's going to be okay."

She then remained quiet for a moment, while she listened to Kara talking about her parents, and again, she squeezed the young woman's shoulders to offer some comfort. "I don't know what happened, and it might be hard to find out. But no matter what it is, it does not have to control your life and who you want to be. You're a very caring person, Kara, and I know you can be an amazing mother."

​

 

[Kara Jade]

“Thank you Valery, you’re the best.”

Kara had voiced it earlier, but she seriously didn’t know what she would’ve done if Valery wasn’t here, or hadn’t decided to help her that day. In her eyes, the Jedi Master was a saint. Taking time out of her own duties to help a lone young woman who had been thrusted into a whole new world. One she never expected to find herself in

Keiran had tried his best, but he wasn’t the Master that Kara needed. And she was fortunate enough that Valery took up that mantle, if only as a tutor. It had admittedly led to Kara being envious of Silas and Co for being directly apprenticed under her. But no, it was more than enough that she had helped her from time to time.

She could never ask her for more than that.

But the matter of her Master was a topic Kara knew she’d need to address at some point. Right now however, there was a much more important matter to focus on.

The blonde Padawan remained where she sat, in silence and thinking on Valery’s words. Coming from her, they eased Kara’s mind. She knew tough and turbulent times were ahead of her. But at least she wasn’t alone, she had her friends.

Kara’s posture started to lull, as if the young woman was dozing off. The weight of those doubts had lifted, if only temporarily for now. No doubt they’d return at some point, but right now Kara had a peace of mind.

And just as it seemed like the blonde would truly fall asleep, the spark of a buried memory lit up.

Something that Kara had subconsciously pushed aside in the wake of the pregnancy. The thing that had been dominating her thoughts before the nightmares of Ilum took over.

“No, wait…” Kara’s eyes snapped open, staring ahead. A moment later though, she suddenly leaped up onto her feet. “There was something else!” It didn’t take long for her to start pacing back and forth. “But what was it? Why can’t I reca-” Kara froze on the spot, turning to face Valery.

“Ilum. It was on Ilum. When I was buried under those rocks I…” Her voice drifted off as she tried to push down those haunting memories. “In that moment when I was about to lose consciousness, and when Iris reached out through the Force…I saw something. Two things, I thought they were visions but…”

Valery Noble​