Private A Pinprick of Light

[Ichika Masudo]

THE PINK AMAXINE OF ATRISIA
FITSAY - SEDRI
Jand Talo

It had been several months.

Months since her world had, metaphorically, been turned inside out. Since she had done the uncharacteristic thing and fled, in a manner of speaking, from what overwhelmed her entirely. The disappearance of her Master had been unexpected, but not so impactful as to cause her to seclude herself in the peace and light of the deep-sea locale of Fitsay… No, it was the secrets blown wide open.

The lies.

That first day in the waters of Sedri had come into full focus, soon after she read the journal, saw the words that led her to question her identity, and made her feel so… untethered as she had never been. Her life had been constructed of untruths, and the origin was a man now dead, these many months. And for much of those months, she couldn’t bring herself to acknowledge the familial relationship by naming him as she always had, for all the days of her life - her father - feeling it would burn her up inside and out.

She had been so. angry.

So grief-stricken.

So confused.

So… lost.

It hadn’t even been the truth that caused her to lose her calm entirely, though that had played into the time she spent wrestling with her identity, a thing that still cursed her thoughts to some now-manageable extent. No, it was the perceived lack of trust, that he had even felt the need at all to shield her from the full extent of where she had come from, as if the knowledge would cause her to become what had fathered her existence. That in death, he had shattered her trust in her memory of him, and in those that stood as family, complicit in the lie.

Putting in her leave from the Order had been a thing she couldn’t bring herself to do, face to face with anyone, back then. Stewing at first, until the memory of that telling vision of words pulled her back to one of the last places she had been before everything unraveled, and sought to unravel her as well. She remembered the words, but she also remembered the warmth and peace of the light.

The light, it… dulled the edge of what she had been made to feel, but the work was still there to sort through it, and come to terms with what she now knew. And choose how it would affect her, if at all. No matter how she might feel about Minato Masudo now, no matter what she had learned, he had been right - it was up to her to decide who she was. It had taken a long while for her to see his purpose in the deception for what it was outside of the fact that he did so to some extent out of spite, and accept the protection it offered for what good it had been, even if it was no longer needed.

But she couldn’t forgive him yet.

The Sedrians had been kind to her, allowing her the space and care to sort out her heart and soul these many months, and the Order had respected the distance. Even if they had come to look in on her, they had respected her need to sort through this alone, speaking only with the Sedrians, aware as they had become of the varying states of thought and emotion she had moved through over the months. That she had sought to come here rather than any other action did much to allay concern, at least. Leaving her as she needed to be.

Until one morning, in which she was advised that she had a visitor. When asking after who it was, and being given a name, her gaze was driven back to the crystal in her hands. Acquired here, it had become a sort-of focus, but her thoughts ticked back to the day it had come into her possession when given the name of another who had received a sort of forewarning then, as well.

A presence which forced her to recognise that some kind of ambivalence had settled into her at the thought of going back. Her eyes closed as she tried to release the tension in her brow at that anxious thought, but she couldn’t stay like this forever.

“I am… willing to see him,” she said to the Sedrian after a few minutes, then tearing her gaze away from the crystal to look at the messenger, pocketing the glassy rock and moving to rise from where she sat with her heels tucked under her rear, “Thank you.”

 

[Jand Talo]

There had been concern for her.

Since returning from the Galactic Alliance and Maw borders, Jand had spent time refamiliarizing himself with Coruscant and the Jedi Temple, especially. There had been some surprise at how much had changed, such as the faces in the halls, as even after several months more learners found their way to the Jedi Order. But, by that same token, there were those who had relocated or been absent or even killed.

Jand didn't have many close friends, it was the nature of Nagai to be suspicious and slow to trust. Yet he did have some. One in particular, Ichika Masudo - Daisy - was a sentient that Jand had connected with, especially with their mutual skill with combat and swordsmanship. From there, the connection had increased, something of a friendship formed, at least for Jand. He didn't quite know how he felt about Daisy, but he trusted her, insofar as on the battlefield with his life... and for a Nagai that was no small thing.

When queries about Daisy had been limited, concern had followed, with Jand insistent on her whereabouts.

Sedri.

Specifically Fitsay, the capital. The same place where Jand had experienced his Force vision, where Daisy had sought to support him, especially with the fateful message behind the warning. And now it seemed the roles were reversed. Perhaps there was some poetic chance in all that, or perhaps it was simply the circumstances, but either way there was a need for Jand to seek Daisy out and do what he could to help.

It was a battlefield of a different kind, he supposed.

The Sedrians were a respectful people, they informed Jand that permission was needed to seek out his Jedi companion, and took the time to ensure it was sought. For his part, Jand waited patiently and tried to ignore the memories of the last time he had been on the planet. The great reef had provided one of the first times the Padawan could recall being shaken, it had caused Jand to face emotions he had been ill-equipped to handle due to his upbringing, but he had persevered - and in no small part because of his friends, Daisy especially.

"Permission has been given," one of the aquatic species spoke, which brought Jand back to the present. "You may see her. Do you require a guide?"

"Very well," Jand replied, as he slipped the helmet down over his face and waded into the water again. "And no, I do not, thank you."

The swim was relatively quick, the route took Jand through some nearby environment bubbles, though before long he could feel Daisy's presence in the Force amid it all. While he didn't have the strongest Force connection, it was obvious that his friend was troubled, to say the least. There were many mingling emotions. Jand wasn't able to sort them, but he didn't feel he had to, either... he just wanted to provide Daisy with the support to do that herself.

But before that, they needed to reacquaint.

Jand reached her environ dome. He wasn't sure what to expect. The water beaded and dripped from him, as Jand rose out of the water and stepped onto the drier land within. And ahead, through the glass, he saw her standing there...

"Daisy," Jand said as he reached up and pulled the helmet free. His gray eyes took her in. "Hello."

She looked different. In a nice way, one that made Jand glance down and swallow. He had changed, too, now taller and broader with several faint scars on his face. But he quickly focused.

"I returned to the temple and discovered you weren't there, you haven't been for some time," The gray-skinned youth continued. "I grew... worried, I did not pry as to why you were here, but felt the need to come."

Jand walked forward and furrowed his eyebrows, as he wiped his fringe from his eyes - ones filled with concern.

"Are you--" Jand hesitated, perhaps he had made a bad decision. "--are you okay?"

Obviously Daisy wasn't.

Ichika Masudo​

 

[Ichika Masudo]

THE PINK AMAXINE OF ATRISIA
FITSAY - SEDRI
Jand Talo

The shattered trust in the dearest individuals in her life, those that had been in some way… pieces of her since her earliest days, had poisoned the well when it came to everyone, entirely infecting her thoughts for many of the early days and weeks of her seclusion. Suffocating that driving part of her which sought connection. The same part that had pleaded for her to relent, in the now. In agreeing to allow Jand within this space, she had prevailed in allowing that part of her space.

But when she felt Jand on the approach, recognising his presence as uniquely his, an anxiety tangential to the one before - and a concern of her diminished trust - surged, pushing against her rational mind, and she reacted: taking deep breaths, and snaking a hand into her pocket to wrap around the crystal, Daisy’s eyes shifted around the environ dome to find a familiar sight to anchor on - that of her two songsteel blades, propped against the wall next to her cot. Stretching to focus and hear the sounds of the water beyond the walls of her dome. Working to ground herself. Releasing the feeling that tried to tell her she was in a cage - never mind that it was one of her own making. An act that was easier than it had been in months past.

One of the many things she had learned from Minato when she had been a wee girl, struggling with the weight of the emotional world around her. Tactics she hadn’t needed to rely on in the years since she had grasped control of the empathic connection she had with life. One of so many small aspects of her life and upbringing that had both broken her, and appealed to her rationality over this heavy handful of months, in realising how she couldn’t wholly be separate from him.

At first, those realisations had stood to make her angry all over again. Now she tried hard to not think too much about it, but at other times she grieved what she felt she had lost, beyond the fact of the only parent she had ever known no longer walking this plane of existence, for whom her feelings were now complicated. Hardly anything seemed as straightforward as it had once been… except, perhaps, that Jand had never been anything short of honest and forthright in what he chose to speak on. It was this which ultimately convinced her to not turn him away.

Daisy’s gaze snapped away from her blades at the mention of her name, coming from a voice different from the Sedrian ones that wove into most of her days. A voice different in another way, yet the same as she remembered. Beyond her ability to control in her current state, her eyes also widened and she sucked in a sharp breath in surprise as she quickly turned, despite knowing that he was coming. She had been too focused on reining that anxiety in before it turned to panic.

She released the held breath, “Jand,” came her response, her eyes fixed on him, not quite realising what she was seeing until she remembered herself, remembered the reflex of her manners and dipped her head in a quick bow, “Hello.”

It was only when she lifted her gaze again and he continued on to explain why he was here, that she started to take him in and see what else had become of him besides what she was hearing. Faint lines in his face that weren’t there before, that tugged on her curiosity just as faintly. The fact that she had to tilt her chin up just a bit more to follow him as he spoke, as straightforward as ever. He looked different, sounded different, but in a way that was easy to look at and listen to. Pleasant, even.

As one could hope to expect from a friend. But then, she hadn't known what to expect.

When he moved closer, Daisy remained fixed in place, having slowly found her willpower, while her blue eyes continued to watch him, doubly reading the book of his expression as she heard it through his words. Keeping a firm grip on her empathic self, parsing what he broadcast in feeling, the concern, a thing nobody could reasonably control. A familiar, once-daily exercise. Her own brow knit together at the question. How long had it been since they had last spoke? Her days had seemed indistinguishable from one day to the next for longer than she could put a finger on.

“I…” her words stuck, and Daisy averted her eyes, unsure what to say, uncertain of how much she felt she could divulge, or whether she could do so in a calm manner, “...I’m,” she looked up at Jand again, “better than I was.”

Not a yes, not a no.

“How...” she swallowed; seeking to divert the focus from herself, she asked after him, indulging that faint invocation of her curiosity, “...how have you been?”

 

[Jand Talo]

Nagai were taught to observe others, dueling opponents specifically, from a young age.

When Jand looked at Daisy, he could see the physical change in her, how she seemed burdened by events. While he didn't know what had happened to her, to cause such a seeming change, it was obvious that it was important. To her, to him. The Nagai were loyal to those they trusted, which meant protectiveness and care, and that was why Jand had come. That had applied to his clan, to his family, and now it held true for a small handful of his Jedi companions. And even though Jand wasn't emotionally expressive or even responsive, he wanted to try, to do what he could.

Daisy watched him closely, she was very guarded and closed off; and when she spoke, there was burden, uncertainty, and her eyes looked away.

"Time to reflect and seek answers can be helpful," Jand said softly, as he paused and kept several feet away. "I am relieved you have had that opportunity, the chance to take time for yourself..."

She asked how he had been.

Deflection?

"I have been fighting on the Maw border, I am fine," the Padawan said simply, as he offered a shrug. "It is something I am familiar with and after so long has become almost autonomous."

Jand offered a smile.

"You do not need to worry about that, though."

For several moments Jand remained quiet, observing the living space, before he noted the songsteel blades across the way near the cot. At least Daisy had brought them, which meant she might have been keeping up with her training, since it would have been a shame for someone so talented in combat to let the skill decline. Jand motioned to the weapons, as he spoke:

"One of the first lessons I learned growing up on Saijo, under the tutelage of my instructors, was that practice by oneself could be effective," Jand lowered his voice, he didn't want to sound judgmental or accusatory. "That was, up until a point. The biggest setback with training without others was that poor habits could work into your form, giving your combat techniques a weakness you could not perceive, and resulting in a less effective result..."

The Padawan inclined his head, before he continued.

"That is the benefit of a training partner. Someone who can see what we do not, someone who can make observations and provide correction or improvement or simply a perspective to be aware of. It almost always results in a better outcome, as technique weakness is lessened, and the combatant becomes stronger for it."

Jand raised his eyebrows, his gray eyes searched her face and sought her blue eyes, as he leaned closer.

"Perhaps that lesson could be relevant here? Perhaps you need another to listen, to hear, and to help you work through any conclusions that might be skewed or unsure?"

He reached out - slowly, perhaps a bit uncertainly - to touch Daisy's shoulder.

"I can do that... if you want me to."

Ichika Masudo​