A Shadow of the Past [Tracyn]

[Lief]

Death was incomprehensible, even to the dead.

The Jedi Temple lurked ahead, yet she dared not approach. Even in this intangible form she could not risk being seen or heard... Or worse felt through the Force. She had been dead for quite some time now, everyone had made their peace with the fact. Or at least, nearly everyone.

She had witnessed dreadful things within her minds eye, specifically pertaining to her children. The one who had silently made himself his mother's avenger, and the one who knew not of her heritage. They were both spiraling out of control, and there was nothing she could do to save them.

So instead she had taken to watching and waiting for [member='Tracyn']. He would believe what he saw if she were to show herself to him, know that it was not an illusion but the Force's gift that led them back together for this short time. And now Asha could see him, she watched him from her perch.

Tentatively she exerted her control over the Force and brushed against his being, mentally. She had to coax him out, she could not be seen by the others. With any luck he would take the bait.

 

[Alan]

Tracyn hadn't felt at peace for a long time- and at times, he wondered if he ever was truly at peace. If he had ever had a real, lasting peace within himself that truly came from within. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that the one thing that he cherished- the one thing that he loved the most, was Asha. Asha was his life, his muse, and she was taken from him. She was taken like so many other things in his life. And he was more or less without a place to go. He was a skilled man, he was a learned man. He was a hard-worker. But he had no drive to be a mercenary, or a soldier. And there were days when simply being a Jedi was difficult. Tracyn had kept to himself in the temple, locked in his room, which was now mostly bare. The bed was neatly made- on one side. Where Asha slept. His side of the bed was frilled, but made. Her side of the room was still immaculately clean and organized, like she had been in her life. His side of the room was nearly void of anything- a dresser and a few storage containers that kept his personal effects. On his nightstand, there was a picture of him and Asha together, happy. But he turned his back towards it most nights- and found himself staring at the emptiness of the space beside him instead of the memory of the person that occupied it.

There was a hole not only in his life, or his time- but his soul.

So there he was, the way he usually was before Asha and him were together- alone, sitting in the dark, smoking. He allowed himself this one pleasure, a simple cigarette here and there. But lately, it was the only thing he had left to do. And he glanced over at the pack on his dresser- the dull blue pack had none left. So if he wanted another during the night, which he would- he'd have to make a run. And cigarettes were not liked by the Jedi, and he was actually sure he was breaking some part of the tenets. But at this point, he didn't particularly care.

So he set out, intent on heading into the city. And as he finished putting on his coat, he felt a presence. And he turned to the bed, and shrugged it off. Memories and a lack of his vice were not a fun thing. He rolled up his pant legs, disguising himself as one of the regular cities late-night shoppers.

And as he strolled out of the temple and into the vehicle bay to grab his speeder bike, he felt it hit him again. And he looked around, and he had the same feeling that he was being baited. So he called out to the presence that he felt, whispering it so that the late night guards would not think him mad.

"Asha?"


[member="Snowflake"]

 

[Lief]

She watched as her husband exited the Temple, likely on some estranged errand, and hung back, tentatively waiting to see what he did. The sight of him in the moonlight was breathtaking, she had not laid eyes upon him properly in what must have been years. Even before her death they were both busy for the most part. They hadn't spent even a full evening together since before the twin's birth... But that was her own fault. She had focused so much energy into hunting down Kaine, that she had neglected her family. And look where that had gotten them.

As he called out to her, however, Asha knew that he could sense her. He would believe. Stepping forward, she made herself known through the Force. Her form was translucent, shimmering with a touch of Ashlan energy, yet her features could be made out still.

"Hello, Kobe" she breathed, preferring his true name to that which he wore these days. Her eyes would have welled up, no doubt, had she been a more tangible individual. But she was not.

[member="Tracyn"]

 

[Alan]

She was there. In front of him. Or at least, what remained of her. How he longed to talk to her, how many nights he spent- years now. Years that he had been hoping for a chance to talk to her again, hold her, be near her- and now, here she was. And words fail to come to him. Thoughts came in like the floodgates, of all the things he had done and had failed to do in their time together. How his wife brought him such happiness, and now she had taken it all away from him. How Kaine had taken it all away from him. How Kaine sent him spiraling into darkness, sent him to the depths of his own soul that he dared not tread- and how he barely managed to make it back out to the light.

He wanted to reach out and touch her, but he knew that it was in vain. There would be no contact physically between them. But he knew that he wasn't going insane- he couldn't be. She was here. He could feel it, he could feel her- her presence. Her light.

"Why...how...?"He stammered, before composing himself."I miss you so much."He said, the sincerity in his voice carrying much more weight than it seemed.

[member="Snowflake"]

 

[Lief]

She stared at him quietly for a moment, her expression neutral... Before it twisted into a brief bout of sadness. Of course it did not last long, it was difficult to remain in any state for long when you were literally a manifestation of the Force, so much was happening through you, around you, that even a mere moment felt like centuries had passed. It was amazing that she could even comprehend enough to keep up to date with their present interaction.

"Because the Force wills it." It was as truthful a response as he was likely ever going to receive from anyone. "I have missed you too, cyar'ika." Stepping closer to him she made to reach out, despite knowing how fruitful it was. Despite the fact that her hand could not tangibly touch his cheek she exerted her will through the Force all the same and at least made it seem that way for a moment. She warmed his cheek, applied a subtle amount of pressure, and then she smiled.

"We do not have long" she told him, "if there is anything you wish to know you need to ask it while you can." She would save the last of her energy telling him of her children's endeavors. No doubt he would be more interested in that of the child they had created together, but her other needed to learn of her heritage somehow. She needed to open herself to the Force the way the rest of them had, without fear or hindrance.

[member="Tracyn"]

 

[Alan]

His name. The name they called each other in their most intimate and romantic of moments. Here she was, saying those words again. And he found himself, still, unable to come up with any questions or ask her anything for a long while. He took his hand off his speeder, and all the thoughts of the errand he was about to run washed from his mind. Did she miss him as much as he missed her? He was afraid to ask. But the force- the force called her here? Was he so important, were his woes so important to the force that it sent her here once more.


Then, she touched him. As much as she could- he could only feel a fraction of her touch, a feathery skimming of his cheek. But yet, he wanted to feel that once more. But he knew that he wouldn't- ever again. Because whatever awaited him at death, he knew it wasn't peace. Not like her- he could never leave in peace. He had been spared from hell, but had instead found himself living among the demons he created.

"Do you know, about what's happened to me? Have you been watching me?"He referred to the lack of sleep, the vices, the fruitless endeavors and the failures at stopping darkness from enveloping the galaxy. How he had become a shell of the man he was, and had little strength left, and little reasons to continue on living. The things that had turned him into a hermit, sitting alone in his room and smoking.The more he thought of it, the more pathetic and useless he felt. But he needed to know. He wondered if he would become angry, if she had been watching him, and she had never reached out to him before. Or perhaps she had been watching him, and hadn't been able to muster the strength to speak to him.

 

[Lief]

Asha bowed her head to the question, expression guilt-ridden. "I have watched you all, my family... But I could not step in, it was not my place to interfere." And who was she to question the Force? Perhaps she ought to have been doing something more productive with her metaphysical state, but she could not help herself. She had seen her husband's plight, and that of her children, and while she herself could do nothing to aid perhaps they could do so.

Yet here she was, about to tell Kobe of her own plight, about to shift the pieces of the board from beyond death. Things had gotten far more dire than she had anticipated. She had to help now, if she even could.

"You need to stop and find yourself again, Kobe. You have to be strong and reconnect with the Force." The woman looked to him and frowned. "While you self-destruct our son is out there. He left the Temple and there was no one to stop him. He has headed to Panatha, on the self-same route I took..." She let that sink in for a moment, she did not want to have to spell out exactly what Kobe Jr was doing, who he was with. No, Tracyn had to figure that out, if he could fit the pieces together.

"But there is more than that - there is another. I knew not of her existence before, my mind was murky..." With a soft frown she left it there for a moment, the thought of little Rhiari in her current state left her feeling raw and exposed. What had happened to her family? How was it that her only remaining children were both in perilous situations, with one of them not even knowing who she was? What she was... All had strayed from their path, Tracyn included. "You need to find her, also. She is of my blood, I cannot watch her self-destruct too."

[member="Tracyn"]

 

[Alan]

It was not her place to interfere. He felt...oddly offended by that. He didn't know if she was unable to, or unwilling. Tracyn sat down on the seat of his speeder, his legs facing outwards. That meant she knew all the terrible things he had to do and face, all the woe and misery he went through, and not once- did she even reach out to him. He pursed his lips and clucked his tongue, fishing around in his jacket for his cigarettes.She His child, his son, still alive, and she was begging him to go save him. Another failure of his, another mistake he had made. But now, he had a chance to redeem himself. His eyes shifted over to Asha's metaphysical form, but he didn't stir from his seat.

He was strong- somewhere, deep down inside of him. He knew eventually something would stir him back into being a responsible Jedi, a paragon of light like he once was- but he never, in a million years- thought it would be her. And she was creating more questions than answers, more worries than alleviating them. She however, dropped a bombshell. Panatha. Where their family had been torn apart by his death and hers- and yet, the secret he kept to himself saved him.


However, more secrets poured from his wife. She was a quiet, reserved individual and secrets came out typically, but none such as shocking as this one. Another child? She had another? Had she loved someone else? Had she cared for someone as deeply as they did for each other? And by the sound of it, that child, that girl was already in peril. He blinked. It wasn't his child, but he felt oddly compelled to go help her. So while all these thoughts raced in his head, Tracyn remained deathly silent in their conversation for a while. It was a hallmark to his silence from years before, when he was a rising Supercommando.


"I'll find them, Asha. But tell me..."He finally found his cigarettes and his lighter. He lit one, taking a long drag. He placed the white and brown cylindrical stick of relief between his index and finger, and pulled it from his lips.


"Do you still love me?"

 

[Lief]

She could see the conflict in his gaze. He felt betrayed, no doubt, angry that she had not stepped forward sooner; was her loyalty to the Force greater than that of her husband and children? Of course he could not see the greater picture at this point, his life had become limited by his own depression, self-loathing, whatever else was holding him down. It wasn't that she didn't care, it was that she cared too much; about the Galaxy and all within it. She knew that her own plight was but a speck of dust in comparison. It took a lot to appear here even for a short time, being that the Force was consistently called upon by the living. Nevermind the dead.

Carefully watching his response when she mentioned another child, she wondered why it was that no questions came up concerning it. She could see it writ upon his expression that he wanted to know. Perhaps she ought to tell him? It was long before she had met Tracyn, after all, and honestly Asha held no memory of it until now. Until she was already dead and able to recall even what her flashburned mind in life could not. Instead he asked another question all together.

"Of course I do, Kobe, I never ceased to. My inability to talk was not a matter of love, or any emotion at all." Truly, Force aside, it was very difficult to do this, to manifest herself through the Force. She may have been a strong adherent of the Living Force, but she wasn't the greatest; while some may have found appearing in the material realm a walk in the park, Asha had been but a simple Jedi, a woman of few specialised abilities. This wasn't something you could train for, it was a whole other ballpark. It pained her to appear even now, the Force was constantly trying to drag her back. "I do not belong in this realm anymore, cyar'ika. It is not my home any longer."

[member="Tracyn"]

 

[Alan]

So she spoke, and so that analytical gaze fell upon him again, one that he had not seen for a great long while. He remained silent, as she spoke. He did not understand the difficulty of his wife's appearance, nor truthfully her purpose. She, like the force, provided more questions than answers.

He ran a hand through his hair, once long blonde locks, now a closely cropped buzzcut. Another representation to his wife of the changes he had been through- but as he recalled then, she already knew. His tattooed fingers drifted over his lips, before he turned his head towards her again.

"I'll always love you, Asha." He said, running both of his hands over his hair."I will help you." He was a man of broken faith, of a great mountain of failures that had yet to produce an avalanche- yet being the key term. But he was beginning to feel the shaking on his mountain.

"Will I ever see you again?"

 

[Lief]

Asha knew that she was asking a lot of him, not only was she tempting him toward the belly of the beast through Kaine's hold over Kobe, but by introducing a child from her past she was complicating matters. With a soft frown the woman spoke fluent mando'a, something she only ever really did in the presence of her husband. It was a personal language to her, one she had learned decades earlier in another life.

"Aliit ori'shya tal'din, cyar'ika... Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, Kobe; K'oyacyi."

Inclining her head the woman finally teared her gaze from his with a saddened expression. She longed to embrace him, to return to his side and right all that was wrong with all she loved. But she could not. And time was fading for them now. "I will always be here" she finally whispered, after a long drawn out silence from her part. "And if the Force permits it I may see you again... But that is not a promise I can make."

Providing there was nothing too pressing stopping her, Asha would show signs of beginning to fade back into oneness with the Force; her gaze had once again settled upon the steel of Tracyn's iris', pure adoration lacing her expression. Truly she hoped that things would begin to right themselves.

[member="Tracyn"]