You are correct in your belief that I've not enjoyed myself since I joined Chaos.
I had joined the site with an idea, the Knights of Kal'Shebbol, one that I was hoping would grow and prove to be a unique off setting balance to the already established and dominating Sith and Jedi. It was to be an order of Non-Force User Knights standing up against the Jedi and Sith.
However, there is a side to this as well.
I've not been happy because I saw the Knights of Kal'Shebbol fall to the way side. I tried to push them, and yet they never grew. I poured myself into them even when I was not as active on the site as I wanted to be. I then tried my hand at various other ideas, and each of those I failed myself upon. I became inactive, or I abandoned the idea and I moved onto another, all the way hoping that the Knights of Kal'Shebbol, that original idea could remain intact and gain traction.
Thus I returned to the idea that brought me to the site in the first place. I returned to the Knights of Kal'Shebbol and watched them flounder once more, and once again when I attempted to return them during the Netherworld event.
Yes, you are correct that I've not enjoyed myself, yet it is for an entirely different reason.
I had recently come to Chaos from other Star Wars RP sites, so...
I did not join the Republic because I had enough of the Republic.
I did not join the Sith because I had enough of the Sith.
I did no join the Mandalorians, the Black Sun, or many of the other factions because I had had enough of them.
I joined the Omega Protectorate because it was unique, it was something different and I watched during the entire time that I was here, I watched them grow and be active and push forward stories because they had the steam behind them to do so.
Then I looked to my ideas. This is where I became unhappy. I saw that people flocked the Republic and the Jedi. I saw people flock to the Sith and the Mandalorians. I saw people flock to the Fel Imperium, the Atrisian Empire, The Confederacy of Independent Systems and all manner of Factions.
I saw people flock to the cookie-cutter same as before, new coat of pain factions that were just a new spin on something old, while watching unique ideas that people poured themselves into fall again and again. I watched as Unique Factions died or stalled while Copy Paste Factions remained strong.
So yes, I had not enjoyed myself since I joined; part of it being myself, and part seeing that people would rather join a faction with a new coat of paint, rather than put in the effort on a new idea.
That is why I can not just close up shop on a permanent basis.
That is why I will not close up shop on a permanent basis and join another faction.
If it means choosing between something that has been done to death over and over again, and something that has potential, that just needs others to see that potential, then I chose unique.
I have had many of my ideas fail, or stall because of myself, and now with the Outer Rim Imperium, I am drawing a line in the sand. I will not give up on this faction. I will not sit idly by and watch it fail just because I could have done something and chose to abandon it just as I have so many other ideas.
I will thus pour myself into the Outer Rim Imperium. I will push myself over and over again. I will find no enjoyment until I see the Outer Rim Imperium as active or more so than the rinse, wash, repeat factions like the Republic and Sith.
If there are others that desire to leave the Outer Rim Imperium, then I feel no ill will, nor wish them anything less than good luck in their endeavors. If there are those whom desire to pour themselves into this faction as much as I am willing, then I welcome them with open arms.
I will find enjoyment on Chaos when I can look upon the Outer Rim Imperium, nod at my accomplishment and place it into the hands of another whom would keep it pushing forward.
[member="Tasgetius Blackwood"]
