Officially, Fiolette was created October 7th 2016. So, ahead of her two year anniversary I'm curious as to what others have thought and where I can improve with the character.
Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos
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An Admiral's Review
- Thread starter Fiolette Fortan
- Start date
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- character
A Simpler Life
[member="Fiolette Yvarro"]
I may or may not stalk a thread or two from time to time. But I never said that.
In all seriousness though, I definitely like the character, especially the family theme(s). I can also really appreciate the fact she may be an admiral and more, but still feels very human through her fears, insecurities and regrets. I don't feel like I'm in much of a position to give any critique though, so I don't have much to say beyond that.
I may or may not stalk a thread or two from time to time. But I never said that.
In all seriousness though, I definitely like the character, especially the family theme(s). I can also really appreciate the fact she may be an admiral and more, but still feels very human through her fears, insecurities and regrets. I don't feel like I'm in much of a position to give any critique though, so I don't have much to say beyond that.
Eternal Father
Fio is pretty awesome, definitely one of my favorite NFUs on the board.
[member="Fiolette Yvarro"]
[member="Fiolette Yvarro"]
Gilamar Skirata
The most important step is always the next one
If there was an angry react... [member="Darth Carnifex"]
Administrator
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=el8VIPRF0y4
Prefsbelt Commander
[member="Fiolette Yvarro"] is one of my favourite fleeters to read. In terms of such engagements, you're an ideal partner, and team player who leads and engages in a comprehensive OOC manner, which leads to subsequent IC glory. Fiolette in terms of prose and presence is strong character. Your dedication to her, shows and your posts flow wonderfully, something I myself am quite enviable of. Something else I have enjoyed particularly are the thematic ideas which you have masterfully inserted within your posts and in regards to your arc. Family. Dedication. Loyalty. All of these values make Fiolette a great read. But, there are some drawbacks regarding the character. Not that they at all should dictate your further writing, but its just, the small inconsistencies which take away from your strengths.
As someone, who has arguably written with the character from inception, it has been somewhat troublesome to see the sort of see the direction the character has gone in. While it is not up to me to declare whom and where a character goes, and who a writer writes with, the departure from the First Order, and new allegiances to both the Galactic Alliance and now Sith Empire are inconsistent with the character I grew to love. To me, as a fellow Omega veteran, one who wrote and followed Fiolette to the void, it is inconceivable that the Fiolette Yvarro I know, who sacrificed it all for Supreme Leader and nation, is now a lackey to a lesser lord. One she now follows rigorously. It screams to me at least, of the 'too many hats' conundrum which avails itself to many writers on this site. That from having become a Grand Admiral once, she does so again on some different patch of land.
Feel free to disregard this, as projected ramblings. As a man who writes a dead Grand Admiral with bastard, half-caste twins, I too may wear too many hats, and may fall patently to such pitfalls. So perhaps hypocrisy, thy name is Rausgeber.
But in any case, this is but personal opinion and conjecture. I however again eagerly await with baited breath the further adventures of Miss Yvarro and hope again to meet you upon the fields of battle.
As someone, who has arguably written with the character from inception, it has been somewhat troublesome to see the sort of see the direction the character has gone in. While it is not up to me to declare whom and where a character goes, and who a writer writes with, the departure from the First Order, and new allegiances to both the Galactic Alliance and now Sith Empire are inconsistent with the character I grew to love. To me, as a fellow Omega veteran, one who wrote and followed Fiolette to the void, it is inconceivable that the Fiolette Yvarro I know, who sacrificed it all for Supreme Leader and nation, is now a lackey to a lesser lord. One she now follows rigorously. It screams to me at least, of the 'too many hats' conundrum which avails itself to many writers on this site. That from having become a Grand Admiral once, she does so again on some different patch of land.
Feel free to disregard this, as projected ramblings. As a man who writes a dead Grand Admiral with bastard, half-caste twins, I too may wear too many hats, and may fall patently to such pitfalls. So perhaps hypocrisy, thy name is Rausgeber.
But in any case, this is but personal opinion and conjecture. I however again eagerly await with baited breath the further adventures of Miss Yvarro and hope again to meet you upon the fields of battle.
M E A T B A G
[member="Fiolette Yvarro"] - I know this is a bit later than I’ve said I’d make a response to this topic, but as I’m about to place up a thread myself, I feel as if it wouldn’t be fair to intentionally go back on my word.
So, I’ve known you as a writer for a while and the both of us have been on quite the interesting journey together; while it may have not been on the same path, they’ve no doubt run parallel to one another in some respect. However, as you’ve asked for a more focused piece on your character - I’ll do my best to fine-tune everything as best as I can. The truth is, much of what you’ve told me has flavoured my personal experience as I’ve either forgotten certain story beats, or they’ve been buried under so much external knowledge that I’ll probably miss something here or there. As the Canadian within me demands, I’ll apologize in advance if something’s missed or if any of my following recommendations have been implemented already.
To begin, I believe that the Old Fiolette was a fascinating Character and seeing her “perish” at the hands of the One Sith Remnant was a heart-wrenching read. While I must admit, there was little that I knew of the character previously - since my focus was on trying to hold together my shambling life with duct tape, and run the Galactic Alliance at the time - it kinda made me wonder if that was it for her story. As far as I knew it, this Admiral had sacrificed herself to assist the rest of the First Order - and the “aligned” forces in battle. That to me is a fitting end to any character who's spent their life in the military, and often a far better end than most character’s receive; as Chaos has an abundance of “One-Shot” weaponry that can turn a lifetime of memories and experiences into dust within an instant.
When I found out that she was being brought back, or had survived the battle - I recall my first thoughts about the whole ordeal kinda cheapened her sacrifice. However, that mindset changed over time as, what I got from her story at least, was that her work wasn’t finished and death itself couldn’t stop her from seeing it done. That pretty much stayed the same way until there was some OOC drama that occurred behind the scenes, and caused her story to shift to better suit the nature of things - and keep interest behind the character. So, she began working alongside the Alliance, and several seedy elements to get her revenge, as it were. I don’t see it possible for the character to “work” under another banner, after having spent much of her life devoted to the cause of the First Order - but having done something similar myself - I saw her “betrayal” as the whole; “The Enemy of my Enemy” spiel.
Then, she found herself under a different banner - but for more reasons than just finding purpose in life. She found love and a place to make a home. Something that I believe is common amongst most “elderly” people - as they begin getting tired of their restless youth and desire to set down roots. To carve out a slice of land as their own, and make something of it for themselves - or their family thereafter. From everything you’ve told me, this is kind of the direction Fiolette is taking and something I’d like to see transpire in the future. The whole, return to her elderly, old soldier, phase. Sure, it might be considerably more boring than leading the charge into battle, or sitting on some command throne while ordering about her juniors - but I think she’s a character that deserves to rest her weary bones.
Now? As for ways you can improve her? I’d honestly like to see those books of hers that you’ve mentioned that’ll be pushed through the codex sometime in the future; fleshed out with various passages or excerpts. Aside from battle and the more technical aspects of her life as a character, I’d like to see deeper dives into what makes her tick - and the reasons behind her IC choices. Now, this is something you’ve probably considered or are doing already, but I figured it was something that needed to be said again, for good measure.
Anyways, thanks for reading my lovely little rant and hope you’ve gleaned something from it. Aside from that? Keep on, keeping on!
So, I’ve known you as a writer for a while and the both of us have been on quite the interesting journey together; while it may have not been on the same path, they’ve no doubt run parallel to one another in some respect. However, as you’ve asked for a more focused piece on your character - I’ll do my best to fine-tune everything as best as I can. The truth is, much of what you’ve told me has flavoured my personal experience as I’ve either forgotten certain story beats, or they’ve been buried under so much external knowledge that I’ll probably miss something here or there. As the Canadian within me demands, I’ll apologize in advance if something’s missed or if any of my following recommendations have been implemented already.
To begin, I believe that the Old Fiolette was a fascinating Character and seeing her “perish” at the hands of the One Sith Remnant was a heart-wrenching read. While I must admit, there was little that I knew of the character previously - since my focus was on trying to hold together my shambling life with duct tape, and run the Galactic Alliance at the time - it kinda made me wonder if that was it for her story. As far as I knew it, this Admiral had sacrificed herself to assist the rest of the First Order - and the “aligned” forces in battle. That to me is a fitting end to any character who's spent their life in the military, and often a far better end than most character’s receive; as Chaos has an abundance of “One-Shot” weaponry that can turn a lifetime of memories and experiences into dust within an instant.
When I found out that she was being brought back, or had survived the battle - I recall my first thoughts about the whole ordeal kinda cheapened her sacrifice. However, that mindset changed over time as, what I got from her story at least, was that her work wasn’t finished and death itself couldn’t stop her from seeing it done. That pretty much stayed the same way until there was some OOC drama that occurred behind the scenes, and caused her story to shift to better suit the nature of things - and keep interest behind the character. So, she began working alongside the Alliance, and several seedy elements to get her revenge, as it were. I don’t see it possible for the character to “work” under another banner, after having spent much of her life devoted to the cause of the First Order - but having done something similar myself - I saw her “betrayal” as the whole; “The Enemy of my Enemy” spiel.
Then, she found herself under a different banner - but for more reasons than just finding purpose in life. She found love and a place to make a home. Something that I believe is common amongst most “elderly” people - as they begin getting tired of their restless youth and desire to set down roots. To carve out a slice of land as their own, and make something of it for themselves - or their family thereafter. From everything you’ve told me, this is kind of the direction Fiolette is taking and something I’d like to see transpire in the future. The whole, return to her elderly, old soldier, phase. Sure, it might be considerably more boring than leading the charge into battle, or sitting on some command throne while ordering about her juniors - but I think she’s a character that deserves to rest her weary bones.
Now? As for ways you can improve her? I’d honestly like to see those books of hers that you’ve mentioned that’ll be pushed through the codex sometime in the future; fleshed out with various passages or excerpts. Aside from battle and the more technical aspects of her life as a character, I’d like to see deeper dives into what makes her tick - and the reasons behind her IC choices. Now, this is something you’ve probably considered or are doing already, but I figured it was something that needed to be said again, for good measure.
Anyways, thanks for reading my lovely little rant and hope you’ve gleaned something from it. Aside from that? Keep on, keeping on!