And what do the Titans do now?

[Arage Bao]

Sometimes after the Carida Debacle​

On board the Redemption​

Unknown Regions​

[member="Anaya Fen"]​

For all intents and purposes Carida had been a test of mettle for me. She had called upon me for assistance, asked of me something.. impossible, think I never even considered she would do it. In the end the only thing I had done was make the fight even for her, allow her to fight Varanin without her trusty sidekick backing ‘er up with all kinds of nifty mentalism voodoo. ‘Course in the end the fight ended up going badly, for the both of ‘em perhaps. But she had taken the blunt of the damage, can’t have it any other way when you are fighting a Tank. I had to take her out of there, don’t think Spencer nor Ashin appreciated that much. But sometimes.. You gotta do what you gotta do, no matter what the people around you may think of it.

I took her back to the Redemption, gave her the best medical attention a woman could ask for. Costs to fix her back up were skyrocketing through the roof, but it was all the same to me. Strange that, my emotions are gone. Can’t feel a goddamn thing most of the time, but it feels like I am working on an auto-pilot. No free will at all, I just do stuff and then I ask myself… why the feth did I do it? Was it a thing Jared Ovmar would have done? Or am I not that full of apathy like I think I am? Didn’t even come to mind that this situation was very close to how Anaya had taken Shorn away.

Until now, at least. As I walk through the halls of my space station, walking to her I wonder how she will receive me. Scorn? Disappointment? Or would she be glad that I saved her? Maybe she wouldn’t express anything, but a desire to leave my stronghold. She liked to be in control, can’t imagine her liking to be in this situation right now. With me as her caretaker even. Why did I save her? Question kept coming to me and I wasn’t entirely sure anymore. Wanted to say it was just the lust, can’t say she ain’t a pretty sight for the eyes. Neither is there anything to complain about in bed. But there was more than that, I ain’t the same man I once was. Lust, women.. It as still an interesting idea, but not that all persuasive as it once was.

Did I.. can’t be. Couldn’t be. It would present a hell of a lot of different problems all together, and I ain’t a fan of complications. As I finally strode into the medical bay I was hit by the scent of.. Kolto? I ain’t sure what the smell was, but it wasn’t pretty. Lights were too flashy, sounds wer— Relax, Ovmar. You ain’t a kid anymore. Lord of the Fringe, remember?

Why was I so damn anxious then?

Carefully I picked my way to her bed, and sat down next in a comfy seat. Eventually decided to talk too.

“Anaya.”

I know.

Wise words.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Anaya hurt. Physical damage was healing, no thanks to him. But the mental damage? She stared up at the ceiling words echoing in her head, tears leaking silently from the corners of her eyes. What had she expected? Was she so much of a fool to believe that Ashin had cared? Always teasing, taking never giving. Oh she had dreamed away the days wondering what things would have been like if Spencer had not existed, or if she had been the favoured one. Would She have been what she was now? Bitter. Broken. Vengeful. She wanted to lash out at the healers, to snap their weedy little necks for those pitiful looks they gave her, to let out the tension that was building inside of her, but what was the point? What did any of it achieve save a breif moment of relief.

She heard him, no she felt him before she heard him. She kept her eyes on the ceiling on those florescent lights that were burning her retina's. She'd been a fool. He should have left her there, let her die on the broken street.

“Anaya.”

She drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes, the florescent lights left imprints glowing through her dark eyelids. She didn't want to hear whatever he had to say, she didn't want to hear him say how much of a fool she'd been because she already knew it. Hearing someone else say it would only make matters worse, would only confirm that the rest of the galaxy knew what a fool she was. Her anger flared and her eyes snapped open, she made to prop herself up on her elbows and the healer rushed over to push her back down.

"Miss Fen, please you need to--"

The was a loud crack, followed by a scream of pain. She hadn't meant to snap the woman's wrist, her temper just got the better of her but seeing as she'd started down this path she might as well continue. "I am sick of lying here." A sharp shove send the woman stumbling backwards and Anaya continued her struggle to sit up, her eyes warning all possible offers of help away. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed so she was facing him, face glistening with effort. She closed her eyes again feeling dizzy.

"You should have left me." she said quietly, her breathing laboured.

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

Then she decided it would be a good idea to snap the wrist of one of her caretakers, my tongue clicked as I assessed the damage. Didn’t seem to be that bad, clean break. One thing you could say about Anaya, it’s that she knows how to cause damage. I didn’t try and stop ‘er from rising, that was another thing about her.. if she wanted to do something she would do it. Trying to stop her, no matter how stupid her action was, would only serve for her to try it anyway. Such a child in some ways.

“Alma, please accept my apologies for our guest’s bad manners. Seeing as she thinks she is done healing, doctors please go and tend to Alma. Expenses will be paid, of course.”

I watched as the personnel bustled out of the room, Alma didn’t seem that angry. Just shocked and in a lot of pain, was to be expected of course. Would probably have to raise her wages and give her a solid bonus on top of it. Gotta keep your people satisfied, otherwise their loyalties could change.

When they left us alone, I looked back at her and finally answered.

“Mhm, perhaps.”

My hand reached into my inner-pocket and retrieved a ciggara, igniting it with a snap of my fingers.

“How’s the head?”

This question could mean a variety of things, especially with a mentalist like me. Was I inquiring on her mental condition, the broken aspect of her hope and desire after Varanin finally stopped playing around and revealed that she in fact did not care one inch about her? Or was I simply asking her if her dizziness was still persisting?

Infuriating, one way to describe me.

[member="Anaya Fen"]

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

She wanted to reach across the gap between them and smack that stupid ciggara from his hand, but she was afraid if she let go of the bed she would topple from it. Should have stayed where she was, shouldn't have let her pride and her anger get the better of her. The lethan closed her eyes fighting against nausea that came with a wave of pain. She didn't answer him, for a long moment she just fought against the sickness and pain and tried to steady her breathing.

Why was he even asking? Why did he even care? She opened her eyes to look at him, searching for something. Oh what a fool she was, she wouldn't know it if she saw it. She thought Ashin had cared. She thought that somewhere behind all that snark Mikhail had cared. They had all used her. She was not entirely innocent, she had stabbed them in the back and used them in her own way, but she had cared. So what now? Seal up the casket, lower the iron shutters and never let them in.

Too late. She'd already opened up to Jared, foolishly. A tongue ran across her lips, a small flicker of fear passed across her eyes.

"What do you want from me, Jared?"

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

“What do I want from you.”

Truth to be told it was a valid question, what did I want from her? Do I even know the answer myself? Or am I just running around just doing stuff, without realizing why and.. well why? Ain’t sure anymore, things are getting more and more muddy. Don’t appreciate that, chaos needs an essence of control and control is slipping here.

“You keep asking me that question, Anaya.”

It was a testament to what she was. She couldn’t believe I saved her just because I wanted to. I needed a goal, some kind of angle to be working on. She had to be useful in some regards, couldn’t be just that I cared for her. World didn’t work that way in her eyes, girl was broken and I wondered if she even knew it herself. I ain’t the same man I once was, but I could feel the echo somewhere inside of me. Wanting to care for her, show her that not-- I ain’t that man.

“It ain’t money, we both know I’ve got more money than most other people.”

Hell, I’ve got so much money, half of the time I ain’t even sure what to do with it all. Curious thing, when I was younger.. only thing I wanted was to be rich. Have money, be someone. These days, with all the money of the world, I sometimes feel nostalgic of the past. But only a tad.

“Ain’t about power.”

My irises took a deep color of amber, as I said that. I wasn’t Jacobs, I ain’t some kind of living Force Battery who can conjure up storms of the Force by just feeling a tad emo. I ain’t Shorn, can’t just crash skyscrapers into one another and most of all, I ain’t Varanin. So what am I?

“I cannot fling buildings against each other, throw myself out of a skyscraper or create storms with just a spike in my emotions. But I can do one thing, and after all this time.. I am pretty good at it. So if it ain’t power that I want from you.”

What is it then?

“It ain’t lust, haven’t ever had any troubles attracting the attention of a beautiful woman. My money and my power have always been some sort of magnet, I am afraid. So if it ain’t your body, what do I want then?”

I was about to take a tug from my cigar, but decided against it. With some distaste I put it out again, and put it on the counter. Again I studied her for a while, answer was.. simple in some regards. But she wouldn’t like it. Hell, I didn’t like it, how did I get myself in this mess?

Then I shrugged and finally spoke again.

“We both know what the problem here is. Question is, are you able to look beyond your past experiences and convictions? You able to accept what’s dangling before your eyes?”

[member="Anaya Fen"]

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Anaya kept asking because she didn't understand what was being presented to her. She didn't understand why he was still there. She said nothing as he ran through his thoughts aloud. Her frustration rose, why didn't he just come out with it, instead of dancing round whatever it was he wanted. Then he came out with it, like she was supposed to know what he was talking about.

"No, Jared. We don't know what the problem is here. You might be able to see it, but I pretty damn sure I can't. You wanna know what I see in front of me? I see a man with everything and nothing. All the money and power he could need yet nothing to show for it. I don't know what his goals are, what he wants from anything. He looks at the galaxy with a half bored expression, yet he seems to want something from me."

She paused, that searching look on her face again as she tried to read him, tried to understand, but she got nowhere.

"I don't understand..."

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

Did she really not see? How co-- I think I forgot who I was dealing here with, it was foolish from me to not consider this fact. She can’t understand, she can’t see it because she never had. Never had the experience, she had been looking and looking and looking.. for what? Did she know herself? After studying her puzzled look I doubted it.

Alright then, no games. No wordplays, just the damn truth. Something I wasn’t fairly comfortable with, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and clearly I ain’t getting nowhere this way.

So I simply said the words.

“I care about you.”

Then I shrugged and leaned backwards in my seat, waiting for the variety of words that would probably arrive in just under a microsecond.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Anaya blinked.

"Well you're a fething idiot aren't you." The words fell out of her mouth before she could stop them. No one in their right mind cared about Anaya. It was then that she understood what he meant by past convictions and experiences. She closed her eyes, drawing on the force for strength and slid off the bed. The floor was cool beneath her bare toes, pain shot up her left side, reminding of the shattered bone in her foot.

A sharp intake of breath was all she gave as a sign of pain before opening her eyes, still holding the bed for support. The man that sat before her could be her salvation, but he could also be her ruin. "Did you not take anything on board from the last time we spoke?"

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

That went better than I expected it would, which made me just a tad happy. Was expecting a damn lightning bolt to the face, or something in that category. So a couple of name calling? Eh… I will take it, besides she didn’t really mean it. Hell, I could see the hope blossoming up in her eyes already, almost made me teary-eyed I swear to the Living Force. This woman was… impossible, so impossible.

Anyway, I had to give her a reply, didn’t quite know what the hell she wanted to hear from me though. This stuff was a problem, a complication. Hadn’t expected it to happen, and still can’t believe it’s happening.

“Well… I did take a couple of things during that time.”

I kept looking very serious, with a neutral glance. While inwardly I was all wicked grins, I am terrible. So… terrible. I love myself.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Now she was standing he was within her reach, and it was safe to say his joke, deadpan expression or not, did not amuse her. Her hand snaked out, cracking him hard across the face. The impact sent a satisfying smack echoing around them. Lowering her hand she moved her fingers trying to ignore the tingling sensation in her palm.

"Stop being an idiot." she snapped. Did she care about him? Her own question caught her off guard, because the answer came far too quickly to be anything but irrational. Of course she cared. So what now? Where did they go from here. They both cared about each other, they both had issues, though it was clear Ovmar's were far less impacting. Her primal instinct was to run, to get on her ship, leave and never look back.

But there was that part of her, that part that tried desperately to surface time and again only to be beaten down by her determination to be the best sith. She wanted to be cared for, she wanted to love and have that love reciprocated. So, did she run? Or did she give that little part of her one more chance to live before squashing its existence entirely?

"You are problematic." she said simply "And I don't like it."

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

Eyes flared, amber circling in the iris. I ain’t a guy who gets angry, that doesn’t happen to me. Not anymore, not after everything that has happened. But neither am I some little queen who gets slapped around, because little miss Pixie can’t accept somebody actually cares for her ass. Which was entirely a different issue in itself, because I still couldn’t believe what the echo in my mind was telling me. Man, sometimes I forget what an idiot I am, only sometimes though. At any rate, I spoke, softly without any inflection in my voice.

“Ain’t advisable hitting me, woman.”

Not that it hurt, pfft. Not at all, the girl was still too weak and frail after the can of asswhooping she received at the hands of the former Empress. Though she had put a good fight, gotta hand it to her. Part of me was even proud, the crazy moronic part, of course. Any rate, didn’t really know what to say next, ain’t got any solutions to this type of deal. So I shrugged and then answered her with the truth I saw.

“Can’t say you aren’t either, we are what we are, Anaya. Gotta accept and give it a chance, or keep running for the rest of your life. Choice is yours.”

Didn’t add the last part though, I’d only add that if she doesn’t give me any other choice.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

"Don't antagonise me, and I won't hit you."

She replied coolly, utterly un-fazed by the shift in his demeanour. She'd played cat and mouse with bigger fish than him, and she was still standing to tell the tale...just about anyway. She let out a heavy sigh through her nose and closed her eyes, the world shifted slightly beneath her feet. Getting back on the bed would be a wise idea, but she didn't have the strength nor the energy to haul herself back up.

"You know, the last time someone cared about me, and I cared back they proved to be a weakness I couldn't afford, so I tried to kill them. Safe to say he does not like me anymore." She paused opening her eyes. "But that was a different time. That was when the Empire had changed from Moridin to Ashin's rule. Weakness cost you your life."

Love was weakness. Attachment was a weakness. The Jedi of the Old Republic had it right to restrict their Jedi in their relationships. You lost focus of the bigger picture. Yet, here and now, Anaya painted her own picture, she chose what was big and what was not. So why not take the risk? She couldn't answer that.

"Can you help me back onto the bed please?"

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

Was about to retort in some way, but then she hit me with a damn wrecking ball. Anaya Fen doesn’t ask for help, hell Anaya Fen doesn’t say please in any reality that I knew of and yet she just had done that. How much had it cost her? Looking at that frown seemed quite a lot, kept my mouth shut of course. It was the right thing to do, just stood up and offered my help by carefully helping her back into bed.

Wasn’t sure what to do next, but I wanted to be with her now. Yeah, sentimental, whatever. So I sat myself on the bed next to her, and kept my silence.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Her eyes closed as she sank back against the pillows, the muscles in her body relaxing slightly. His weight next to her was surprisingly comforting. Subconsciously her hand found his, her eyes opening in surprise at the movement. She blinked, their eyes met and she held his gaze, heart hammering loudly in her chest as emotions surged. Anaya knew that in going down this path, she was opening her mind to him. Hell she already had. It was something she had never done.

"I'm afraid." she said softly. She was afraid that this was all a ruse, that he would only break her more. She was afraid that it was real and that when he truly knew her, he would be repulsed by her. She was afraid she would hurt him. So many things terrified her, and suddenly she wished she hadn't admitted it, she wished she had just brought up her wall and let him hammer on it relentlessly.

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

Wow, this was going somewhere deep real real fast. Kinda liked it though, for some strange reason. Her hand in my hand, I couldn’t help but squeeze it a little bit as a response to her words. Everyone was afraid of something sometimes, well… almost everyone. Some men made sacrifices and would always have to carry the cuts.

“Mm. You know what I can do?”

Was a tough subject, what I was about to propose. Probably wouldn’t like it, heh, definitely wouldn’t. But it was the best option here, to break through the layers of distrust.

[member="Anaya Fen"]

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Anaya wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know the answer to that question, so for a moment she didn't respond, she merely looked at him, wishing that he would just come out with it instead of asking her a question he knew full well she couldn't answer.

Or could she?

"I have a feeling your about to suggest something stupid."

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

A nod came as a response at first, then a few words. “I am known for stupid ideas, which miraculously turn around and do some good in the end.” I leaned against the pillows next to her, eyes closed as I thought hard about what I was going to suggest now.

I ain’t too scared about seeing her, ain’t the problem. I was just wondering if she was ready to see me, as I was. Probably wasn’t, probably would run away screaming, but better to have it over with now than stretch it on.

“Mental sharing, instead of awkwardly dancing around our feelings and who we really are. We skip that part, and just get out with it. Needs trust though.” I shrugged. “Just an idea.”

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Anaya closed her eyes in dismay. She should have seen it coming. It was one thing to let him into her head bit by bit, it was another thing entirely to have him see and feel everything all at once. "See, I knew it was something stupid." she opened her eyes, turning her head to look at him. Why did he want this? What could he possibly get out of any of this save a permanent headache.

"I'm not inclined to sharing everything with anyone. Nor should you be." A hand reached up to stroke his cheek, soft fingers running along the coarse stubble that shadowed his jaw. "I've never really trusted anyone, and its taken me a long time to realise why. The answer is simple. I judge everyone the way I judge myself." She grabbed his jaw gently and turned his face towards her.

"The greatest mistake you will ever make, is trusting me."

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

She spoke words and yet I didn’t hear them, I could only feel… her. Her presence by my side, the melody of her voice dancing on the tides of the air and it was then that my mental imprint of myself shook its damn head at me. Well, I scoff at myself, I bite my thumb at mini Me. This was my choice and I would take it like a man, feth the consequences.

When her voice stilled down and her fingers caressed my skin, I brushed her side with my hand. Pulling her softly in, she turned my head around and I looked upon her, what I saw was… difficult to properly explain in words. It stilled my heart in some ways though, she was trying that much was for sure. Maybe this wasn’t th good time, too early yet. Sometimes I forgot that the people around me weren’t… well… me, I didn’t need a lot of time.

Didn’t need to think things through a lot, my gut told me everything I usually needed to know. Keen instinct honed during my days in the Underworld, and I knew now that a chance had to be taken. Trust her not, she said, and she had a point. Kaine had felt the consequences for his trust, and yet it did not make me more wary. Only felt me with a silent sadness for the girl next to me, fixed in her ways as the Chaotic Sith Lady who could not trust, for nobody could trust her.

There was a difference though, a subtle one, between the parts one could and could not share. What I was suggesting wasn’t the blatant copy-paste of ones mind, or an unification which would decloak all the secrets we both held dear to our hearts. It was the removal of a barrier to our very soul, in ways it was even worse, but in others… I shrugged.

“Trust is a word with many meanings, Anaya. Meanings folded into more subtle meanings, until the very essence of the word is clouded in obscurity and misdirection. Without sharing your mind, I already know what I am dealing here with and in contrast to Kaine… well… let’s just say I have my ways. Let’s make this less of a trade and more of a gift, I expect nothing from you and yet I want to give something.” a smirk appeared as I continued. “I will show you mine… and maybe you will deem me worthy to show… yours in due time.”

Again I shrugged, as I leaned in and my lips brushed her neck and words were whispered in her ear.

“Unless… you feel too uncomfortable.”

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

His lips on her neck clouded her thoughts, whispered words sent shivers down her spine. Her breath caught in her throat and for a moment and all time and space seemed to freeze around her. She blinked peering through the clouds at a memory that even now she recalled as if it was only a moment ago. Omni had struck hard, infected Kaine. The incident had caught her off guard, exposed a weakness she didn't even know she'd had.

"... Anaya, to be a Sith is to be exactly what you want to be, do exactly what you want to do, and overcome every obstacle in your path. To be a Sith is to find your own objectives and do anything, anything at all, to accomplish them...To be a Sith Master is not to run away from everything that might be used against you, it's to face it and put it in its proper perspective. It's to pursue whatever you want, knowing that you can put it aside if necessary...to value things and people and states of being, exactly as much as you want to value them -- and to be able to put them aside, even sacrifice them, when it is necessary"

She blinked again, turning her on her side so she was nose to nose with him. How could she put this into perspective when her was so close? And why was she heeding the advice of a woman who had put her in this damn bed?

She spoke softly, her eyes drinking in every detail of his face. "Any smart man would have left me to die. But you didn't, despite the fact that I know you are smart. That makes you an idiot. Everything about this is stupid, irrational, dangerous and very much against the life I have led since the Empire fell, and yet...I can't find a reason to deny this, save my own fear." She inched closer, lips brushing his as she spoke. "I have spent a life time running from fear."

She could no longer hear the soft rumble of engines nor the gentle beeps and whines of the medical equipment around them, she could only hear her own her heartbeat as it drummed loudly in her ears.

"Time's past, that I face my fear."

[member="Jared Ovmar"]