Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Approved NPC Arael the Undying

Status
Not open for further replies.
dc0loro-b10395b5-9259-4fdd-9a93-53c61ef73419.png


https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/537338097407361055/666836898886451211/2020-01-15_10-50-13.mp4

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
PHYSICAL INFORMATION
  • Age: 200 years old
  • Force Sensitivity: Force Dead
  • Species: Mutated Hetikles Baatir
  • Appearance: A large Green scaley creature with a large bone like face and sharp black talons along his feat and hands and spinal part of his body
SOCIAL INFORMATION
  • Name: Arael
  • Loyalties: No one
  • Notable Possessions: none
  • Personality: Attacks anything or anyone that goes near it, Will focus on whoever attacks it first out of vengeance and becomes more enraged in the process
  • Training: Good luck taming this one
COMBAT INFORMATION
  • Combat Function: Its thick Scale like hide makes lightsabers and blasters take a few hits before it can cause significant damage, It being force dead makes it undetectable by force users, Its quills on its body, claws and teeth are coated with a potent poison and it has a gland in its body where it can spew out acid at its foes.
Strengths:
  • Regeneration: Their natural regeneration has been increased significantly so he can heal wounds in about an hour's time even if 95% of its mass is destroyed but will put him in a coma like state during the whole healing process making him completely immobile,
  • Thick hide: His skin has been changed to be very thick and scaly making him able to take several shots from a blaster or 4 hits in the same area with a lightsaber before significant damage is received
  • Venomous: Its claws and teeth and spikes on its body are coated with a lethal venom that can take its toll 2 minutes after being infected if not treated.
  • Acidic Breathe: It has a gland in its body that produces acid that it can spew upon its prey.
  • Force Dead: Its force dead so it cannot be sensed by force users.
  • Quick and strong reflexes: It can move incredibly fast in straight formations and is able to unleash powerful strikes with its body and teeth
Weaknesses:

  • Hunger: Starve a Hetikles Baatir for more than 5 hours and their joints become brittle, until eventually they lack the mobility to function, and die of starvation, locked in their bodies (full immobilization takes 3 days). This brittling of their joints is only reversible within the first 2 hours, beyond which the patient will have to live with permanent mobility issues.
  • Short Sighted: Most Hetikles Baatir are nearly blind, but for artificial means of increasing eyesight (glasses, contacts, laser eye surgery, etc). While artificial means can increase eyesight, the visual spectrum on Hetikles Baatir is not to be completely trusted. This makes them ineffective as scouts, or in situations where smell alone would not be apropos in deciphering who/what/where. Due to this deficiency, any fighting in battle with Hetikles Baatir should equip their troops with certain colognes or scent-based tags.
  • Aggressive: Its aggressive nature makes it so that it attacks everything in sight which can be a double edged sword pending who or what it targets.
  • Sluggish in tight corridors: It’s massive size makes it so that in tight spaces or tight turns can slow it down or prevent it from going in at all.

HISTORICAL INFORMATION

Arael was captured by a group of scientists who wished through genetic splicing and manipulation to create the perfect beast that would serve only them they used Arael because his species had alot of traits already on him that would be useful to meddle and toy with, he went through weeks of endless experimentation, and treatments and splicing and adding and removing of various organs all while he was kept alive during the experience the process would take hours on end per session as his body was changed and his size grew and kept growing till he was almost giant in his size and his personality started to change.

The calm quiet creature that he was started to turn into an aggressive animalistic monster with a insatiable hunger for blood and flesh of anything he can get his claws on, They had to isolate him and work on other ways to experiment on him as it was now too dangerous to bring him to the lab anymore after he killed and feasted on the lab assistants who tried to bring him to the lab before they contained him he could feel new additions to his body but he felt nothing but rage and hatred for anything he laid eyes on he even started smashing into the walls of his cell which had to be reinforced several times, One day though he merely observed the entrance to his cell for several hours before his now larger and mutated body walked forward to the door and merely looked at it for a moment, He arched himself up and spewed out acid upon the door which melted the door and he smashed the rest of it as he escaped his cell he went on a rampage, Crushing and tearing everything and everyone apart that came across him he destroyed the entire lab where he was created and continued his rampage until he dug himself a large cave and burrowed within it and stayed there attacking anything that got near it to this very day.
 
Last edited:
Skorvek Skorvek

Since we have quite a bit of ground to cover, I'll be splitting my points up.

1.

  • Appearance: [ Describe the appearance of the creature. How big or small are they? Fur or scale colour. Any distinguishing marks such as scars, tattoos, or other markings. ]
This needs to be filled out.

  • Links:
If you've got nothing to link, just put 'N/A' here.

2.

  • Force Sensitivity: Force Dead
  • Combat Function: Thick Terentatek hide makes it immune to force based attacks and its thick hide makes lightsabers and blasters almost useless for easy damage, It being force dead makes it undetectable by force users, Its quills on its body, claws and teeth are coated with a potent poison and it has a gland in its body where it can spew out acid at its foes.
Being Force Dead makes you immune to most direct Force powers. A Force Dead being, like a Vong, cannot be sensed in the Force, meaning a Force-User cannot use precog to predict their actions, and they are immune to most direct Force powers (a Force push does next to nothing, but Force Lightning works and they can be indirectly affected, such as by using TK to chuck a boulder). So if you just want a being that's immune to most Force attacks, simply being Force Dead suffices.

Force Dead beings cannot use the Force. Telepathy is a Force power. For further information on what Force Dead means, you can check the Yuuzhan Vong page on Wookieepedia: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Yuuzhan_Vong

Moreover, Force resistance is not an inherent quality to Terentatek leather. Simply killing a Terentatek and putting the leather does not grant you these qualities. It needs to be alchemised, which would not work with a creature that's Force Dead. You cannot have things both ways.

It is also unclear how or why the Arael suddenly has a Terentatek hide.

3.

Strengths:


  • Regeneration: Can heal wounds in about an hour's time even if 95% of its mass is destroyed.
  • Thick hide: Due to its body being mutated with Terentatek leather makes it incredibly durable against bladed weapons even lightsabers and blaster fire as well as granting him incredible force immunity that such hides provide.
  • Venomous: Its claws and teeth and spikes on its body are coated with a lethal venom that can take its toll 2 minutes after being infected if not treated.
  • Acidic Breathe: It has a gland in its body that produces acid that it can spew upon its prey.
  • Force Dead: Its force dead so it cannot be sensed by force users.
  • Quick and strong reflexes: It can move incredibly fast in straight formations and is able to unleash powerful strikes with its body and teeth
  • Telepathic: Can speak only telepathically it has no verbal forms of communication

As mentioned above, Terentatek leather's qualities, Telepathy and being Force Dead do not work. The strengths are contradictory.

Generally Codex does not judge on balance, but all these strengths make your submission rather overpowered. Not only is it immune or near-immune to most attacks, the super regeneration makes most attacks it is not immune to ineffectual. Keep in mind that in its present state, this submission may be at risk of being reported.


4.

Weaknesses:

  • Vulnerable to electricity: can cause disorientation and can stun it for an amount of time and possibly also cause it death.
  • Scared of Adara: It thinks itself the most evil thing in creation however that changed when it ran into Adara Raxis and since then has a fear of the child that mentioning her can make this giant aggressive creature into a scared pup.
  • Aggressive: Its aggressive nature makes it so that it attacks everything in sight which can be a double edged sword pending who or what it targets.
  • Sluggish in tight corridors: It’s massive size makes it so that in tight spaces or tight turns can slow it down or prevent it from going in at all.

Weaknesses 1, 3 and 4 are fine, but when weighed against all the strengths, this submission is too strong. Moreover, the 2nd weakness is a non-weakness and seems like a joke one.


5. The backstory does not explain how Arael got any of these special traits. He walked into a dark side enchanted lake and came back changed. I assume this due to the nexus. But a nexus would not turn him Force Dead or give him Terentatek hide.


6. While the submitter of the species, Australis, has given you permission to use his species, overall Arael has very little in common with the Noasian Crocodilian. Indeed, the pic you're using does not look like a crocodile and presently appearance is not filled out to counteract that. Since there are so many differences, you may consider subbing a new species and linking Australis' sub as an inspiration. Alternately you can edit the NPC submission to make the similarities clearer. Either way the strengths, weaknesses and traits of the submission will have to be clarified.

I can move this to Pre-Codex so you can work on it.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom