Private Atlas

[Loske Treicolt]

Tython // Ashla's Embrace // Marketplace
Ryv
I'll probably say a couple things I ain't meanin'​

Did those who had humble beginnings seek a humble end? Such mortal considerations were on the clone's mind as she meandered through the streets of the rock-cut architecture. If she looked up at the right angle, beneath the canopies of the shop keeps, she could see the sparkling dots of the fountains that belonged to the monolithic Empyrean. There was little time to pause though, apparently today was shopping day within the city. Assemblage of humans mixed freely with alien counterparts, all focused on filling their carts with the necessities for the weekends. Conversation was a steady babble of human and alien tongues, all of it indistinguishable if you weren't paying attention.

She kicked absently at a loose pebble that skittered across the light rose-coloured concrete and into the grass that lined the walkway. The rock itself was pretty uninteresting, but the grass it settled in was nearby a stall that was retailing fruits Loske hadn't seen before.

Piqued by curiosity and hunger, she meandered to the stall. Frank by her side, as always. He was like a funny little juxtaposition within the Embrace that found itself at an interesting juncture between gothic and modern. The retailer was more than happy to boast the benefits of his merchandise -- the best Mepple on the market. Easily impressionable, Loske obliged with an exchange of credits for two of the morsels. One for her, one for her friend.

"If you're interested, the stall four down has a true delicacy from Tython. Horranth eggs. Picked only just this morning."

"Horranth eggs?" Loske questioned, wrinkling her nose while accepting the exchange of credits for fruit.

"Yeah, y'know - the big reptiles that stalk around?"

"Oh, aauh.." her unimpressed expression didn't waiver, and she took a step back. "Thanks for the suggestion." He looked too proud to outright refuse, and she stepped away with haste turning to Frank with a mortified face.

"Gross, could you imagine? I don't even think Ryv eats meat. I don't know where reptile eggs fall on that scale, but a hard no from me."

You should try more new things.

"I try plenty of things. Most things are new."

You also should have given more specific coordinates. How's Ryv supposed to find you? This place is packed.

"Jedi are supposed to let the Force guide them or something. Also, there's this" She offered in rebuttal to the droid, tapping the patch of the Saber Squadron sewn on the arm of her jacket that helped with locating any of the squadron members when activated. Pleased with the implications of her discoverability, she weighed the fruits in her hand with satisfaction to her choices - although she wasn't sure how to determine how ripe or unripe they were.

 

[Ryv]

After the events held on Tython weeks earlier to celebrate the High Republic and Core Alliance's growing relationship, Ryv realized he hadn't taken enough time to explore his home away from homes. With how much time he spent on the storied planet, you'd think the Ashlan Knight could properly host friends or allies. The festival proved otherwise, given he couldn't do more than bring Auteme to his usual hangout nestled away between a dozen more successful businesses. In some cases, knowing of a location revealed some sense of knowledge or understanding for a city's inhabitants. In Ryv's case? It was the only place he knew to go to get grub for himself and his partner. While he loved the little mom and pop shop, he accepted he had to do better.

To do so, the Jedi Knight decided a day in town over his typical hangouts had to be the play. He enjoyed walking the streets beside the masses, adorned in his standard jacket, rather than the order's more traditional garb. It took everything within him not to offer up more credits to purchase strange items, books, or anything else that caught his eye during the afternoon stroll about town. Fortunately, Loske's random invite to hang out and catch up reached him before he could permanently damage his finances. It also meant the kiffar could escape from the everpresent crowds and hide away until the time came to meet the Jedi Ace.

Ryv chose a perch overlooking a busy avenue and settled down, nestling himself into the structure's roof to pass the time. He never went out of his way to people watch, but whenever the opportunity presented itself, he wouldn't pass it up either. This was one such time where the Jedi observed those who passed below him in contemplative silence. Many accepted the simple lifestyle of Tython. Higher fashion, over the top technology, and the troubles of war seemed incapable of finding their way to the majority of the planet's inhabitants. Some of the younger folks, most of them being around Ryv's age, opted to accept modern trends. He couldn't blame any of them. The young Jedi loved listening to music or playing games as much as anyone on Coruscant or Nar Shaddaa.

Eventually, the time came to meet Loske. He dropped from the roof, spooking a few passing strangers, before setting off down the street.

"Where am I even supposed to meet this chick?" Ryv asked himself before digging his holodevice out of his pocket. He checked the message and furrowed his brow. "You didn't give me any info, huh? Whatever. Tython, the force, I'll just find you that way," he took a deep breath and just wandered for several city blocks, up until the familiar blonde popped up across one of the numerous city squares. The Jedi Knight hurried over to her, raising a hand to wave.

"Hey, Loskelicious, what's up?"

Loske Treicolt ​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

For all the conversation that was happening around the marketplace, the merriness was interrupted by the sharp combination of consonants that resonated with her. She heeled around quickly, catching sight of the oncoming Ryv with a mutual wave in salutations. When he was near enough, she produced her peace offering of the Mepple.

"Ryv! It's good to see you.

Have you tried Mepple before?" She started, rotating the one that by process of elimination remained in her claim. "I haven't." She answered before he could ask "--so, bottoms up I guess." With a mock cheers gesture, she took a bite.

After the whole process of chewing and swallowing was over, she evidenced an easy smile.

"Nothing major..for once. I mean, well. I guess there's always something up, but it's been...a really busy couple of months. And I miss you - thought between battles we could take some time to just be kinda..normal or something."

Light eyes surveyed their surroundings, realizing the irony. "Even though this place and planet are super far from the common denominator of normal.

So I guess -- how are you?"

 

[Ryv]

"Oh, dude, I love mepple!" Ryv nearly cheered out in excitement as he took hold of the fruit on a stick. He briefly gazed upon it, lovingly studying the lumpy meal before munching down on the exotic fruit. He chewed happily on it, wiping away the bit of gathering juices from the corners of his lips. The vegetarian couldn't help but grin as he swallowed. "Mepple is one of my favorite parts of Tython. I don't think there is a better fruit in the galaxy, but I guess that's just me," he chuckled and scratched at the back of his head. "I didn't even think to grab something for us to snack on. I might be the worst friend there is," the Kiffar joked as he set in motion, picking a street to wander down beside his fellow Jedi. As she spoke, he remained silent, choosing to enjoy instead the snack provided and listen to Loske.

"Yeah, I haven't caught much time off since Maynard brought me back. Between the Bryn'adul, all this High Republic x Core alliance stuff, and my mandated therapy crap, I just," Ryv stopped momentarily, frozen along the path, with his hand noticeably tightened its grip on the stick holding the juicy fruit. "Not much time to do anything. But-" his gaze snapped back to Loske, all signs of tension or stress melting away. "I love the idea of just getting to meet up and catch up between all the crazy stuff. There is so much to catch up on! My time away from home, whatever you were up to while I was MIA, and probably some more serious stuff."

Ryv reached up and brushed loose strands of hair from his face. This conversation felt weird to get into. He didn't even notice his chest tighten up until breathing became more difficult. He had some feelings for the pilot beside him once upon a time. Hell, there was a rather large possibility those feelings were still there. Loske had an almost angelic beauty to her, a sense of serene calm, and a will to fight when others couldn't bring themselves to do it. She might be everything Ryv could ever ask for in a partner, yet, their time facing the Warlord Tathra enlightened him to some unfortunate facts. He never would've expected her and Maynard to become a thing. A small part of Ryv felt bitter, but the rest of him felt happy for his two closest friends. While nothing seemed set in stone, Maynard's honesty in regards to her on Concord Dawn opened Ryv's mind to the reality of such a thing. Their shared feelings during Jedi Master Romi Jade's meld only further hammering these things home.

"How are you feeling? So much has happened in such a short time. We got him back, then he immediately left," Ryv didn't feel the need to say Cedric's name. Both of them knew who the Jedi Knight referred to. "With all the heroics we're forced into, I'd hate to think you might just be internalizing all this stuff to focus up on the more pressing stuff."

Loske Treicolt ​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

When Ryv made a brief reference to being brought back from the brink by Maynard's discovery, she made sure to spend her time chewing rather than reacting. Being brought back had apparently been a benefit of BB and Maynard -- not of Ryv's own wants or volition. Taking a break was necessary, and still something Loske had to come to terms with..but there was still a level of hurt that he'd not wanted to reacquaint with his buds stat.

He seemed to agree with the value she placed on connection -- and the importance of pacing everything. To Loske, relationships were the utmost in the struggle they were all pitted against. If they were fighting for invisible faces, it meant less. If they were fighting and persevering for the benefit of their friends to have a better life, or the lives they had come from and could return to? Then onward.

"Where would we be without the serious stuff..." she murmured with as much levity to her tone as she could muster, though it ended in a low grumble. The Mepple was down to its core now, and she was on the hunt for somewhere to dispose it.

Oh feth, they were doing this. Buckle up.

"I'm..I was mad." The would-be kiffar admitted, her shoulders sinking with the weight of the Cedric topic. It was impossible to avoid it seemed. And that was part of the frustration, he couldn't seem to see beyond his own self-pitted requirements to all the people he affected and influenced.

"And hurt, honestly. I didn't really realize it until after the battle on Honoghr." Her free hand ran through her hair while Frank reached over with a small robotic arm to relieve the fruit from her grip, and transport it to a receptacle he'd detected. "For someone who has so much potential, it's just....he thinks it's all on his shoulders. I don't know. There's something more to this, I can't put my finger on it. His running away from this...no, running away is a really bad term." The Jedi Master deserved more than that. Wherever he was, whatever he was doing, he was probably wholly aware of the implications of his decision. She quickly corrected it to a euphamism: "His..selective absence doesn't line up to character. I'm worried something else is going on. And I don't know how big it is."

Cedric would certainly always have a piece of her heart, but his recent departure had exposed one of her greatest and deepest fears. The sense of abandonment was too much for her to come to terms with, and she'd parts of her affection toward him into resentment instead.

"But hey, you got a nice sword out of it, hey? We're going a million miles a minute, and you've got more chances to use that thing than I bet anyone suspected."

Part of her was relieved their conversation was centred around their mutual master. That was something she'd come to terms with and was able to talk about without her voice wavering too much.

Frank returned to her side, the cobblestone of the streets weren't conducive to his treads and his journey was bumpier than he would have liked.

"It's kind of funny. A friend of mine warned me about what it meant to be a Jedi when I first started this whole thing, and I..I really took her advice for granted.

In the end, she's right. This life is absolutely nuts. Can you imagine that this, and this conversation we're having, is quote un-quote normal, compared to what everyone else is doing in this market right now?"

 

[Ryv]

Listening had never been one of Ryv's strong suits. Something about sitting still and not speaking or doing made him uncomfortable. That feeling only grew with his disappearance months back, likely tied to the hours he spent tied down while an unsightly Sith Lord peeled back his flesh strip by strip. His hand subconsciously rose to the scar tissue decorating his face at the uncomfortable memory, gently gliding across the ruined flesh. Even his discomfort with inaction shrunk away as she spoke up. For different reasons, the younger Jedi needed to hear what Loske had to say. With Cedric gone, Wyatt absent, and so many other Jedi hiding from their responsibilities to the galaxy, someone had to shoulder those burdens. And he'd be damned if he couldn't take on some of the struggles his friends faced.

"I don't know what to say about Cedric," Ryv said after a brief moment of silence. "On one hand, I want to respect his decision to do whatever it is he needs to do. This galaxy's a queen of a place to call home. Managing to steal away time to handle your business is respectable, I just-" he stepped around an incoming speeder, using the break in the conversation to find his words. "Another part of me is tired of making excuses for others. I think Cedric is a coward for leaving all of us. The Jedi need him. His experience and wisdom could guide so many in preparation for the ongoing struggles, but he's gone. Off to pursue whatever shit he thinks is more important than the code he swore to uphold."

Ryv noticeably became more animated as he spoke; his words alluding to the anger he felt with his former master. Even with said frustrations burning within the younger Kiffar, he visibly softened and took a deep breath.

"I get it, though. It's hard having to keep picking people up off the ground. Especially when folks aren't doing the same for you," Ryv looked beyond his companion to a shopkeeper pedaling his wares. The remainder of his emotions faded away as quickly as they came. Something about the moment helped center Ryv.

"I guess it's pretty cool, yeah. Already helped me through a lot. I'm just not sure losing out on a Jedi Master for a sword is worth it, gotta be honest with you, Loske," Ryv let out a soft laugh, subconsciously running his finger along the Blade of Ruusan as he spoke of it. The serene calm it brought him nearly addictive in such moments.

"Normal is nice. Though, with how little we get to experience it, I guess its abnormal, huh?" Ryv offered a wide grin at his poorly made joke. "I'm sorry about all this. If I could drag him back, I would. But, to be honest with you, you'll do better than a tunnel-visioned dude looking to get back at the people who hurt him. Though, I guess you've already managed in that department, with Maynard and all."

Ryv tossed the stick into the same receptor Frank brought Loske's before he clasped his hands together behind his head, lazily resting against them as they walked.

Loske Treicolt ​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

"You filled that gap for him you know. Your two-feet in with The Order and reinvigorating hope for people there, showing that names and titles can be just that and people don't have be beholden to borders and alignment. Just do the right thing when it needs to be done." In the beginning, Cedric'd had that expectation of her to be some sort of student protégé, but she'd been pretty firm that resurrecting hope in an Order of hierarchy, temples and titles wasn't something she could see herself doing. For someone who sought stability with earnest, the vision of the resurrected order with all its categories and assignments didn't jive. She had only really come to terms with the Jedi alignment side of things when she'd begun working closer with the Kiffar next to her.

"I dunno..I did a fair bit of picking up." The blonde interrupted in a low tone, somewhat defensively to the statement about giving and giving and giving without any inclination of receipt. That was certainly one of the imbalances in their relationship. She'd been in too many roles with one person, a student who saved the life of her master came to begrudge him when he wasn't around to return the favour. Adding a romantic layer on top of that made things all the more complex.

"Of course you get it. That's you. Being a bottomless pit of giving. Part of being able to receive help is letting the right people know you need it." Light eyes peeled from the pathway in front of them, and looked over to her scruffy-haired companion, and she used a knuckle to nudge his upper shoulder.

"He'll come back when the timing's right. Whatever's off about him, he's probably working on. Cedric's nothing if not regimented, so I'm sure this all has some sort of a purpose. Hopefully it's for the better." Right before they were about to ascend a stairway that would eventually break up to another sprawl of grass and pavement, a layer above the market en route to the higher cathedral, her footsteps came to a halt at the base of the stairs. A bit of serendipitous timing when it came to the offhand remark about the transitioning of people and their perspectives.

Incertitude and surprise were plainly evidenced in the twist of her features when she looked over to him before starting up the steps. The awkward thing about stairways were they demanded a certain level of bounce to get up them -- which was stark physical contrast to the heaviness the conversation suggested. So with that ponytail a-bobbin, Loske conjured up a reply while the butterflies in her stomach furiously beat their wings.

Frank, meanwhile, was forced to ignite the little blue altitude jets on either side of his mechanical leg stabilizers because stairs were a queen with treads.

"Maynard's one of the purest persons, definitely not myopic. You’re right. I didn't realize until recently how badly I've been taking his company for granted.” Especially when it had apparently been so painful for him.

"I've managed in that department?" She emphasized back at the leading statement from Ryv . "That sounds suggestive.'

 

[Ryv]

You've filled the gap...

Those four words echoed through Ryv's mind, stealing his attention from Loske as she spoke on the topic of Cedric. A part of Ryv always thought hearing those words would mean something more to him. He hoped when uttered; those words would have made up for all his past failings and help him grow into something even he could love. Much like everything else in his life, things didn't turn out the way he'd wanted. Each day became increasingly more difficult. No longer could the Jedi Knight gaze upon his reflection, for he feared what he'd find staring back at him. Many saw the hardships he'd overcome and congratulated him for coming out the other side still kicking. More likely than not, none of them even considered what it had done to him. But could Ryv honestly blame them? Jedi are pillars of strength, not mortal men struggling with the weight of the galaxy.

When Loske faltered in her step, Ryv's attention snapped back to their surroundings. He cast a glance back at her before moving up the stairs. It wasn't his place to pity her. She had more strength than he'd ever know.

"Maynard is," Ryv searched for the right thing to say. Honest? Hardworking? Brave? Loyal? There likely weren't enough words across each language combined to honor the Concordian Jedi properly. Lost within his own emotions, Maynard still managed to be there for others. The thought of it all brought the faintest of smiles to the Jedi Knight's face. Maynard proved to be everything Ryv wished he could be and more. When others looked upon who Maynard truly is, they'd all realize the illusion Ryv managed to create around himself. He was no hero. He was an imposter, barely getting by in the grand farce to be more than he deserved.

"Maynard is the greatest man I've ever met," Ryv spoke with confidence as he ascended the steps, accepting the truth for what it was. "He's a man my father would respect. He's a man who wouldn't run away from the galaxy when it needed him most, for some self-absorbed quest. He's a man who'd never think to abandon the people he cares about. There isn't a better man out there than Maynard, contrary to what many a Jedi would probably believe."

Ryv considered her final comment. Was it suggestive? Did he mean to imply anything with his statement?

"If that's how it sounded, my bad," he eventually answered. "I'm just glad he's getting the recognition he deserves and you're getting the support you need. You two are my closest friends. I couldn't imagine a better timeline," he muttered out, lying through his teeth.

Loske Treicolt ​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Abundant compliments for Maynard! If only he were here to benefit from them.

She nodded along in silent agreement to Ryv 's sentiments. It was unfortunate that the conversation had to pit one person against the other, but it could only be expected given the general hurt Cedric's actions had on the pair of pupils. And the obvious starkness in the two persons of interest. The way Ryv openly boasted on the Concordian pilot's behalf was genuinely sweet -- especially the part where he referenced his father's judgement. As kind and unconditional as the referrals were, there was a layer to it that Loske couldn't put her finger on it. There was no hostility, maybe a sadness of sorts? If they were on the train of comparisons, there could be something in there that needed to be unlocked. "You know he'd say all that about you, and so much more if he were here and you were both swapping compliments."

Company usually chose to be honest with her. It was a nice privilege to have. It was one of those mutual respect things, she suspected. Her ears and heart were oft' open to those she was close to, so when something sounded like it wasn't the truth - she noticed.

Of course it was suggestive. The revelation was still fresh on the timeline, and she hadn't told Ryv yet. Maybe Maynard had, she didn't really know; maybe they'd discussed it. She couldn't remember right now - she was more focused on trying to read the dark-haired kiffar adjacent to her. Unlike him, she was not an empath by trade or by any stretch of the imagination other than the ability to pick up on nuances based on familiarity.

Perhaps she was hypersensitive lately, or maybe she'd spent enough time with her friends to realize their emotions. The trio were made up of real people, and being around them made her feel more human than anything else. Protecting that companionship built on mutual boundless respect and compassion was paramount at all costs.

The blonde snapped a hand out just above his elbow and stopped walking, the touch asking him to pause in his step as well. This liability needed to be addressed. "Still a little suggestive. Are you okay?"

 

[Ryv]

Congratulations​

"Yeah, I know he would," Ryv agreed as he continued the climb. He wasn't even sure where they were going anymore, his attention drawn to the swell of emotions working through his system. It took everything he had not to scream, laugh, or cry with each step he made ahead of Loske. He settled on a shrug as he crested the final step to a view like no other. While they weren't at the highest point within the city, it appeared the duo accidentally found themselves at a spot overlooking the metropolis in full. Twisting streets lined with stalls and shops spanned for miles. And within those arching avenues, people skittered up and down them, more akin to ants than men. And for the briefest of moments, Ryv Karis did not feel like a man. His conscious flashed elsewhere; a dank room marred with his blood, sweat, and tears. The worn and grizzled face of a Sith-Imperial Lord General locked on Ryv's own, speaking of the force and its users. The general likened them to divinities among the common rabble. The metaphor didn't quite stick for the Jedi Knight, at least, up until that point, it hadn't.

Gazing over thousands of strangers who couldn't begin to fathom what Ryv could see upon his perch stirred something within the boy. He had the power to bring about the change he sought. He held the vision necessary not to fight a losing battle, but instead, take up arms against everything wrong in the galaxy. The ravenous Sith Empire or genocidal Bryn'adul needn't be the end. No, they were only the beginning. Next would be those who wronged him, leaving him to rot in the muck as he struggled to take the weight of the galaxy squarely on his shoulders: alone. On high, Ryv Karis transcended the mortal husk entrapping him to a world that would never know or love him as he did it. There was something far more for the Jedi than he'd ever dreamed. His hand tightened into a fist, a sense of strain coursing through his scarred and unbroken form. He need only to reach out and lay claim to his desires. By force if necessary.

And just as quickly as it came, whatever it was, went. Loske's hand enclosed around his elbow, pulling him back from the moment of lucid clarity Ryv witnessed beneath the shadow of the nexus. His amber gaze fell on her strikingly blue eyes. And like pools of the infinite azure, he found himself lost in the depths of their beauty. Nothing mattered as Ryv claimed one final gaze into the eyes of a woman he hadn't realized he'd loved. Having foregone his desires in some twisted form of respect, he locked them away behind a wall of solid stone, entrapping his heart for what he considered the betterment of her and his nomadic master. With but a single look, that stone began to crumble. It rained down upon his conscious thought, releasing his neglected heart, only for it to shatter into a million pieces alongside its former prison.

It took everything Ryv had and more to gently pull his arm away. Her touch, even with agony blazing through every fiber of his being, felt right. It never occurred to him how much he yearned for her slender fingers to brush against his flesh. It sent a shiver down the kiffar's spine as goosebumps raced across his honey-colored flesh. Against all known desires in that instant, Ryv tore his attention from the brilliant blue of an endless sky locked within her eyes and looked anywhere else.

"Yeah, I..." the words caught in his throat, Ryv dry swallowed as if it would do him any good. He wanted to bury them in place of what he once ignored. But it was too late. Much like everything else in his short life, he couldn't change a damn thing.

"Maynard uh- he mentioned it to me, I guess. On Concord Dawn, when he came to get me. It all just clicked when our minds were joined by Romi. His rage at seeing what happened to you. Your concern for him when he threw himself at Tathra over and over again," Ryv's chin dropped, eyes locked on the stone beneath them. "I'm just glad things have worked out for you guys," and just like that, Ryv raised his chin up and flashed his wide happy grin.

Loske Treicolt ​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

For all the depths of Ryv 's internalizing, all Loske could appreciate was that something was notably off about her friend. Realistically without outright telling her about his introspective soliloquy she'd have no insight until she asked. Even if she'd broken their trust and tried to read him through the temporary touch, before he shrugged it off, all she could do was semi-realistic photo clips of his most recent adventures; that probably could give some insight to the burden he bore but not the same as just asking. And correlation was not necessary causation, of course. Too much room for speculation without just being straightforward and checking in on him.

His words were kind, they often were, and there was genuine foundation to them that came with most of the Jedi Knight's sentiment. With everything they encountered, constantly living in the eye of the storm, it made sense that a part of the trio's closeness would grow into something more. It was only the flicker of his darting eyes that suggested therein lay the problem. Fleeting seconds ago, there was something there that made her uncomfortable.

The explanation he gave to his previous assumption seemed to make sense, and she nodded slowly and decided to address his leading observation for fact.

"I'm glad for it too. He makes me..” Dreamy sigh - "Happy." A warm grin replaced any of her previously searching façade, and she gave in to the giddiness of recollection and talking about the fresh infatuation the pair of pilots had uncovered, like riding on the wings of a fantasy. There was a tinge of guilt in the knowingness that 2/3rds of them had known how Maynard felt since Ryv had been rescued, nay collected, after the Lanik disappearing affair. That was..almost a year ago now. If not longer. Everytime she thought about how much time had been wasted sitting on emotions, it twisted her gut with pained ignorance. She felt the need to continue talking about it, mostly because it was such a change of pace and it did make her over the moon.

“It’s..the worst part about it is how long it took for me to realize how I actually felt. I mean, I take or..took.. for granted both of you, and everything you mean to me...” she lifted a hand to rub the back of her neck absently, following his wayward glance to the cityscape below. Above them was supposed holiness, beneath them, the mundane. She preferred the mundane, the bustle of beings that were focused on their daily duties of providing for themselves and their families.

"Ah, sorry. We're talking about May a lot.." she couldn't really help it, being smitten and all. And it was fresh; that combination made the easily excitable girl want to tongue wag about it endlessly.

"I actually thought we should hang out to talk about you, or, at least check in. I can't keep taking people for granted, I used to be better at this. There's been so much happening over the past year and a bit that's put us in very different spots from when we first met. And I know we're together a lot but..not in situations where I can ask how you're feeling with everything. How you are.

You've stepped into the Sword of the Jedi role well but it seems kind of..isolating. You're doing a lot yourself."

Maybe the question was leading, but it was ample opportunity to be honest. While the trio were a force to be reckoned with, it was undeniable that Ryv was the vanguard of most of the concentrated efforts of being a Jedi representative. “You’re right. Support in the wake of everything that’s been going on is important. Are you getting it? How’s Auteme?”

 

[Ryv]

Almost statuesque in posture, Ryv listened in silence. He absorbed everything about Loske's voice as she spoke, choosing not to ignore the emotion as it bled into her words. He didn't need the force to feel how she felt. It danced between them at each mention of their friend, further driving home the acceptance of Ryv's place within it all. His guilt only grew stronger as for the briefest of moments, his jaw tightened reflexively, a sense of anger flashing through his heart. Its sudden appearance surprised him to a point where he took a deep breath to recenter himself within the moment. He did not hate Maynard, nor did he hate Loske. They were his family. The sentiment echoed within his mind, the mantra meant to calm the emotional storm raging within him.

"You don't have to apologize, Loske," Ryv eventually spoke up, his words followed by a light chuckle. "Playing catch up isn't just gonna include me, right? Maynard is an important part of both our lives. It makes sense he'd pop up in conversation sooner than later. This sorta thing is important," he slipped his hands into his pockets before moving towards a small railing separating the raised platform from a hundred or so foot drop. Without much thought, Ryv leaped up and onto the fence before plopping himself down in a seated position. He allowed his feet to hang, kicking freely through the air as he watched the mundane world below them. Much like Loske, the everyday hubbub of the ordinary folks felt far more comfortable to the Ashlan Knight.

"Talk about me?" Ryv's hands clasped together before him, resting in his lap. "There really isn't much to talk about, Loske'o'love. It's a hard job, yeah. But all the important ones are, I figure," the kiffar seemed neutral on the topic, though it shouldn't be surprising. His dutiful nature rarely permitted anything else. "I dunno if I'd say a lot. I'd bet this sorta workload is the same across the board for people all over the galaxy."

Ryv winced at the mention of Auteme. He hadn't seen her much at all recently, though that went as far back as ascension to Sword of the Jedi. Planning assaults on opposing forces, negotiating the Jedi's place beside the New Imperial Order, and the affairs surrounding the merge between the Core Alliance and the High Republic were demanding. He spent weeks at a time away from Peace, and away from her. It should've hurt far more than it did, he knew that for a fact, but he didn't bother questioning it anymore. Auteme was a sweet and honest girl, someone who deserved far better than the drowning Jedi Knight.

"She's doing fine. Helping out has limited my time on Peace. She's probably still studying up on history, the force, and everything else she's interested in. Those sorts of things are beyond me, so I haven't gotten too into em. I'm the guy who hits stuff with a lightsaber."

Loske Treicolt ​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

To avoid talking to his back, Loske folded her arms over the same railing and flexed her fingers in temporary acknowledgement that she might need a manicure soon. Her ears perked at the newfound nickname Ryv had for her -- a play on the typical Loskelicious. Or Loske in the saurce or something. Was he making these up on the fly, or did he have a notepad somewhere? It was references like this that made her soemwhat relieved she'd been assigned a callsign long before Ryv got behind the sticks.

"Maybe yes. But everyone handles workloads differently. And you've kind of been running at this alone, it can be hard to keep balance when you're so...in it." Ryv was undoubtedly a warrior, long before he'd met Cedric, but inarguably benefitted from the firm resolve of the last son of Ession. Warriors tended to mask themselves behind warpaint, concealing the humanity of facial tugs or other evidential quirks that could mislead the interpretation of burdensome emotions. Or they had dangerous outlets. Either of those options was toilsome and not something she'd wish on her friend.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay." She folded her fingers together and pointed her thumbs and indexes, lining up for an invisible target, before gesturing more vaguely for the rest of her commentary. "Timing is everything. But I guess we're all on a bit of borrowed time lately."

There was a thread there, and if she teased at it, it'd loosen a knot or unfurl the whole tapestry -- if it was the latter, she'd better find a loom quick. This stoic version of the Kiffar was far evolved from the youth who'd spent his credits and free time getting his hair combed to have company. It was almost like he didn't want any; which felt...weird.

"And.." she ventured "Change can be good, just don't lose yourself."

Speaking of balance! The uninformed response to Auteme's present state was awkward. One elbow draped over the railing, and she twisted so she was resting sideways on it, cocking her head with a shake in his direction. It was a void of forlorn sentiment. It was the same kind of tone that feigned as much disinterest as it did a bit of regret -- something she'd parroted in recent months if anyone made reference to the previous Imperator and her knowing of his whereabouts. There was a distance to his commentary. Despite being so near, it was almost like if she reached out and touched him again she wouldn't feel anything.

What did she say now? It wasn't really her place to give insight in on abandoned relationships. That'd be calling the pot black.

"You're more than the guy with the lightsaber, you know what. Either way, yeah, probably best to leave everyone to what they're good at. Learning for some, lightsabers for others."

 

[Ryv]

Ryv tore his gaze from the cityscape and looked down at Loske as she leaned against the railing. He watched her fingers moving about with a faint smile. Somehow she always managed to shine through whatever topic they discussed, revealing that bit of her so many knew and loved. Maybe people looked up to Ryv for his sense of duty, but the young Jedi Knight considered that part of him no different than any other Jedi. He found respect in the traits of others that made them unique. Even though his best friend's life had been troublesome the moment he first lifted a lightsaber, nothing stopped Maynard from coming back and giving it another shot. That tenacity bled from deep within, marking the Concordian as different than their peers. Loske had something neither Maynard or Ryv could emulate, unbreakable optimism. Ryv wouldn't think to undermine the woman's struggles and her lower points in life, but through it all, she always seemed to climb. Not in the same way the Jedi Knight managed, given titles were ultimately superficial. It showed instead in her smile, laugh, and all-around jovial nature.

"Going it alone, huh?" Ryv feigned consideration of the point, already knowing that to be the case. The Jedi Order was devoid of reliable masters and knights, leaving a plethora of responsibilities to fall squarely on his shoulders. Yeah, the kiffar had experience with battle and surviving it. He may have had more than most other Jedi in the Order, but it didn't make sending people to die any easier. The thought alone brought a tinge of pain through his system, one that saw his eyes slowly close. A list of names immediately began to play through his mind. Something about learning the names of the fallen and committing them to memory helped soothe the young man's anxiety in such moments. Ryv couldn't remember them all, even if he tried, so the Jedi strived to remember what he could. He hoped those lost to the galaxy appreciated it, wherever they are.

"I think you're right though, bout the borrowed time. With so much shit going on out there, I wouldn't bother pretending there is something out there in the long run," Ryv watched the crowds once more, following some longer than others. Many of the peoples seemed to stick together in small groups or duos, preferring company over isolation. He couldn't blame them. As much as the kiffar could feel himself pushing those very feelings away, pretending loneliness would be suitable for one in his shoes, Ryv knew it all to be a lie. Loske's mention of change tore him from his silent contemplation once more. "Yeah, I uh- yeah, no change, I know. I like how I was when I rolled back up to the Order. I know I'm a lot more unorthodox than other Jedi, which some folks find annoying, I'm sure, but I don't think it's a bad thing. I want to blaze a path for people to be different and do what's good for the galaxy their way."

"Sometimes it just feels like I'm a dude with a lightsaber. I failed to lead you guys when we fought the Bryn. Maynard fell to his emotions, Allyson almost killed herself, and I couldn't handle any of it. On top of it all, I haven't even taken an apprentice. Like, I could do better," Ryv released a sigh and rubbed at his face.

Loske Treicolt​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Loske'd meant to append the idea that learning and using a lightsaber weren't mutually exclusive, but it was one of those things she didn't think of in time to say it out loud so the original sentence stayed as flat as it was for Ryv to digest.

"In the long run?" Loske intoned, her mouth turned downward in a frown when he talked about the uselessness of personal future. That was an upsetting outlook. Realistic, perhaps, but upsetting. If he didn't believe in a personal future, was he purely operating for the benefit of others? Was that satisfying enough? Or was it just falling into a systematic rhythm without taking two steps back to reevaluate the balance and purpose of it all? She tore her aghast gaze away from him, and forced herself to look upward or anywhere else while she sorted through the suggestion of the sentiment. Perhaps she was reading too much into an offhand comment. Was it easy to know why someone did what they did? Or was it just the warriors that felt the need to justify their actions? All this rumination came out as a growling, garbled hmmmm.

"Yeah!" She readily agreed to the more optimistic and affable part of their dialogue, where Ryv reflected on his persona and motivation. "A realistic example." That ponytail bobbed again with her nod. Then things got damper again very quickly.

It was troublesome how much onus Ryv burdened himself with. Who'da thunk that boy who'd fallen from the cliff on Anaxes would evolve into The Sword of the Jedi, and epitomize a paragon of light for so many?

"Everyone can do better. You, May, Allyson, me." The pilot agreed, giving an ah huh huh laugh before the pronoun for her and rotated her back to press against the ledge and folded her arms across her chest with a shrug. It was unfortunate that the dark-haired Kiffar felt the necessity to burden himself with leadership when there were so many that boasted it. The action and the words were a chasm that only he was trying to cross, and it was frustrating. If things in reality were as they were on paper, it was likely the young Knight would be having this conversation with someone much wiser and Masterful than herself.

Alas, here they were - the radical candor shared among friends.

"That's what keeps us going. I guess I'm projecting, but we're both fortunate and unfortunate enough to have next times. I..you can ignore this if you want, I don't mean for it to sound like advice or anything, just my two creds. You can completely let it go in one ear or out the other but uh..I think.." light eyes trailed skyward, finding the sentence she wanted to share somewhere in the clouds. "Mistakes are for learning from, not dwelling on.

You can't hold yourself accountable for people's choices, that could tear you apart." The horrible realization that she'd just given advice without any understanding dawned on her: "Wait, what do you mean you couldn't handle it? During or afterwords?"

With a pause, she afforded herself the chance to think about a Padawan paired to Ryv's hip. What would they be like? How did someone traditionally find a Padawan, anyway? For Ryv it'd probably be some assignment thing, through the ranks of The Order. The thought of that responsibility made her skin crawl, and she itched at something invisible on her bicep.

"An apprentice...that's a..that's a thought. Where would you even begin with that?"

 

[Ryv]

"It's crazy how optimistic you are, Loske. Not bad crazy, or anything, just crazy," Ryv mused as he pushed himself to his feet. With a broad base to accommodate his booted feet, the Jedi Knight found it relatively easy to balance there, even without the use of the force. He could almost feel his stomach twisting and turning within him as he stared out at the cityscape. A single step in one direction would send Ryv tumbling hundreds of feet down, likely to his death. Though, if he turned around, it was another story entirely. One step would see him lower, about four feet lower, to be exact. The juxtaposition of his position hung heavily over him. Always riding the line between a momentous victory or tragic failure, Ryv found putting such weight down impossible.

"Someone has to be accountable, Blue. I'm not saying people need to get in trouble or anything like that, I just-" Ryv struggled to find the right words to say. How could he convince someone not trapped in the same self-fulfilling prophecy to understand the way he saw things? He took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut as he concluded. "You said it yourself; we can all do better. That won't happen if folks don't take responsibility for things. I couldn't ask any of you to claim responsibility for all this shit we deal with; it probably drive you all crazy. So, I can do it instead," he turned from the long trip down and hopped back down to the solid ground, pacing as he continued to speak. "I can become a better Jedi by seeing what I didn't do right. Hell, I can even be a better leader by understanding my mistakes and other people's mistakes, too. If I don't figure all this out, there will be more Kintan's and Breental IV's, Loske. And," he unhooked the Blade of Ruusan, studying the weapon's flawless surface. "I can't let that happen anymore."

Did any of it make sense to her, Ryv wondered silently. In his mind, there was no question his way had to be the right way. Growth would lead to success. Self-sacrifice and duty were both paramount to what it meant to be a Jedi Knight, so the kiffar strove to shoulder all of it. People like Loske and Maynard deserved far better than to weep or hurt again.

"When couldn't I handle it? During and after, I guess," Ryv shook his head, centering himself within the moment yet again. He couldn't help but notice how much his mind wandered while discussing these things with her. "I couldn't get anything right during the battle. Maynard struck out at me while influenced by the dark side. I'd only ever seen him like that once before," his head dropped, eyes locked on the cracked stone beneath their feet. "When I saw it all, I promised myself he wouldn't have to deal with it again, but," slowly, Ryv dragged his gaze towards Loske, allowing it to settle on her own. "He did because I couldn't keep you guys safe."

Ryv's shoulders trembled, and with each breath, he found it more challenging to keep his tone even. His words stopped feeling like words.

"So many people have died on my watch, Loske. I've walked people to their deaths, pretending to be ignorant of the truth of it all. I just can't be a part of the problem anymore. I need to be the solution."

Loske Treicolt ​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

She was optimistic, and wished her meliorism be infectious. Especially in this instance.

Do be careful, Master Ryv. Frank piped up, after being quiet for some time. He hated it when organics got all physically dramatic.

"He's going to be fine." Loske chided, brushing the metallic dome of the astromech and kneeling down to suggest he go explore some more of the garden areas, and perhaps there was some new flora he could catalogue. He seemed to take the hint, and whirred away on the gravel pathway.

She wanted to follow up to her own reassurance to the droid, once he hopped down, and confirm You are going to be okay, right? -- but he was still expressing himself, and deserved the space to do so without her projecting her concern.

Much of what Ryv was saying was akin to Maynard's woes after Brentaal IV, and in all honesty, the way Cedric bore responsibility as well. Maybe she was missing the memo given all her associates were so self isolated with their failures and focused on the umbrella protection of everything. Or maybe she was just a little more self aware that she was made to fulfill a role, be a cog in the machine of the proverbial greater good.

It hurt to hear the interpretation of Maynard slipping. Her opinions on it were far more reserved and less accusatory -- the Force was a tool. It was something that would be wielded to the intentions of the user. Someone as pure of heart as the Concordian couldn't fall into a state so dastardly that it could truly be damaging. Or, so she thought at a surface level.

At some point, Loske was unable to do anymore consolation verbally. Actions would always speak louder, and while his lips quivered between the balance of exhales and articulation, her heart shattered on his behalf. "Ryv.." she started, but felt any continuum of the sentiment would be inadequate to fill the silence that followed his sentiment. his whole heart and soul was out here, and she didn't know what to do with it. She wanted to make it better, as much as Ryv wanted to make the galaxy better she just...wanted to tell him he was doing a good job and not kill himself over it. It was as simple and complicated as that.

"You're doing everything you can do be part of the solution. You really are. You're doing so much that you're inspiring others to step up. May, me -- so many others. You're doing everything you can. You're imperfect. We're all imperfect. and we're all making choices based on that imperfect rationale and psyche. You're not responsible for what we do -- sure, you can be responsible for your reaction, but not the actions. If you give orders, or something, and they're ignored, that's not on you I don't think.

..what...what do you think the truth of it all is, in the end?

You sound like you're..this-" she pinched her index and thumb together "-close to answering yourself, but stuck in a loop of isolationism and penance."

 

[Ryv]

Maybe their imperfections were the root of all the problems. Maybe if Ryv managed to perfect himself somehow, physically and mentally, transcending beyond the boundaries that locked all mortal men and women in place, he'd be able to do everything he dreamed of accomplishing. That thought brought a smile to his face. As odd as it seemed, somehow managing to become perfect in all ways seemed like the easiest way to tackle everything. On paper? The perfect plan. In practice? What did perfection even mean? How would one go about achieving such a status? No matter what the kiffar did, it is impossible to reach such a state of living. Ryv was born a mortal man, which meant no matter how long he lived, his life would forever boast mistakes and failures left to remind him of his shortcomings.

"Yeah, I know," Ryv chimed in, finding the idea of all these supposed successes close to empty. It meant the world to Ryv to see those closest to him inspired by the actions he'd taken since once more taking up the lightsaber. Still, was that enough to make up for the sea of bodies who'd never see another sunrise? No. It never would be enough. What did it matter if he inspired change if that change never came? He swallowed hard, struggling to find the right thing to say to her. Everything Loske said made sense, yet, the Jedi Knight couldn't figure out the answer to her question. What did it all amount to? Why was he doing anything in the first place? Unsure of how to face the issues, Ryv could feel himself breaking at the seams. Everything he'd grown to believe clashed with his companion's words and philosophies. From behind an amber gaze, the Sword of the Jedi viewed the world, trying to find answers to the dozens of questions racing through his mind.

"I don't know, Loske," Ryv eventually spoke up, throwing something out there. "Maybe I'm the slowest or dumbest of us, but I don't see any truths. I don't know what happens at the end of it all for most people. If you want my truth and end, I'm sure you can figure it out without me having to say it but," he looked past her as he strolled back up to the railing. Setting his forearms against the divisive point between a free fall and safety, Ryv once more rode the line, leaning against the familiar position. "The truth of it all? I'm a soldier meant to die, just like the rest of us born to fight this war. Some people, even the ones pulled into this struggle, get to grow old, fat, and die happy. The rest of us? We get to see a fragment of that time. And of what we do see? It's filled with battle, duty, and responsibility. I know what'll happen to me, Loske. I know the truth of it. I'm gonna die young, bloody, and alone. But that doesn't have to be the rest of you."

"I love you too much to let that happen," Ryv's words came out faster than he meant. His mind seemed to finally catch up with his tongue, resulting in a visible wince. "I love all of you too much to let that happen. You, Maynard, Cedric, Aaaran, Bernard, Auteme..." his attempt at trying to cover up his colossal blunder sent his mind into yet another downward spiral. Too many of those names meant almost nothing to him now. A hand rose, lazily rubbing at his face, wiping away the tears before they could wholly take shape.

Loske Treicolt ​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Certainty wasn't expected, especially not in the moment. Everyone was searching for that end game, some sort of lofty objective or reason for the way of the world and she honestly didn't anticipate either of them would reach it in their lifetime. The pair, and by extension most of the people they associated with, were just meat for the machine. It didn't stop her from idealizing some sort of preferred outcome though - no matter how unrealistic it was. Especially for someone who was created to be nothing more than a cog in the eternal machine. In this galactic game of chess, the warriors were eternally faced with zugzwang.

So here they were. Talking about what many before them, and many after them, would talk about. There was a part of Loske, the part donated from her father, that was cynical about it all. The façade of everything light versus dark, and what each of them demanded of persons in order to squander the other. In a game of good versus evil, was there anything fair in the end? Who administers the arbitration? Were they truly mutually exclusive? Just do what you’ve gotta do for the people you’ve gotta do it for.

Anything that was holding her heart together on his behalf positively shattered when he admitted the consciousness of his own mortality and purpose. There had to be so much more than that. Her ability to reassure him with encouraging sentiment and talking through it was at its end. Optimism was being turned around and exposed for the temporary bandaid that it was. Loske was one to never want to lift the cover it provided, and see the exposed wound beneath. That was her mental barrier and her own morosis.

Filled with battle, duty and responsibility? Loske could easily agree with this sentiment. She’d literally been created for such things. If there’d been the time, she might have interjected about the importance of balance, and breaks, something Maynard had reminded her of — but he quickly continued on the dismaying train of thought.

Alone was such a hollow word. Perhaps the most painful in their dialect. Her countenance betrayed her calm exterior and she shuddered. It was the one word she truly feared, and wished she could scrunch up in a ball and cast aside in a cosmogyral incinerator. Getting of the word wouldn't be enough, it had to be the feeling that was done away with. If that could be done for everyone in the galaxy, perhaps she'd be satisfied. And she could at least start with the individual in her immediate influence. In an irenic attempt, she reached out to his turned back as he rested on the banister overlooking the market below.

It was the inflection of his tone that exposed the freudian slip, and while she blinked through what he said, her hand remained hovering and he listed off other names she knew well. Her touch paused with his admittance, and eyes widened. In the briefest of pauses she panicked and in that fractal of a moment realized two things. Neither of them intentionally conceited:
One - she should never ever visit zeltros, because apparently her pheromone check was out of control. Kaili'd been right.
Two - Ryv had been operating with more burden than just dutiful responsibility, and that hiss-through-the-teeth sentiment about not imagining a better timeline was a lie.

Was it better or worse to address it outright? Shut it down?

On one hand, the idea of leaning next to the Knight and bumping her elbow and hip against him with a jest of 'So you love me? That’s kinda stupid' would be a good call out. It would address the situation, but it wouldn’t give him the respect he deserved. Maybe she could do that in like.. ten months when this was hopefully something they could look back on and chuckle at or something.

Or pretend she hadn’t noticed?

To buy her a second of reaction time, she tightened her ponytail with a bolstering exhale. Clear is kind. Clear is kind.

"Ryv.." Loske bit her lip in apprehension to prevent herself from speaking out too quickly. Her first reaction was to say something about not like that, no I can't - but denial and rejection would only heap more coals on the flame of pain that burned within him. He knew where her heart was. They'd started this conversation off with acknowledging how much joy Maynard brought to both of their lives, hers was just appreciated on a different level. "Our relationship is..you're.." her throat tightened with emotion. One part of her was grateful they weren't facing one another, the other part wished she could search through his expression and try to extract the truth. She wanted the space between them to be comforting and honest please, oh please, let this strain to be temporary.

If he hadn't blundered, she would have pulled him into an embrace but she didn't want to fan or exploit a hope that couldn't be there. Instead, she stepped close to him and slid a hand over the back of his after he pawed at his cheeks. As genuine as the gesture to comfort him was, the manifested expression felt inadequate.

She was confident she could speak on at least Maynard's behalf, probably Auteme's and for what it was worth, Cedric's. "I..we love you too. Your insecurities, your power, your humour, your loyalty. All of you. That's why we're never going to let you do anything alone, live..die. Neither one.

It's just not possible.

We're always going to try to be by your side. You have to let us stay close, and others in too so they can love you more."

Was it too macho for her to hug him from behind? She was a little apprehensive to execute her typical approach given the last outcomes of hugging a sad person, but this hand holding business didn’t convey how much she wanted to be there for him. It was painfully obvious he needed someone, more than Auteme or Loske could give. Maybe he felt that way about her because she was just… always around. Omnipresence could be blindingly attractive. Reliability. That’s what she wanted to be known for — was it turning against her, and having a more harmful than helpful effect?

And then, as much as she hated the sound of it in her head, she felt the need to confirm what he already knew. Her love for him was true, a unique harmony formed over time and trial, but it was constrained to a platonic appreciation that she'd have for a brother.

If only for that brethren intent, she macho’d up and drawled an arm over Ryv 's shoulders with a stretch. If he’d been the size when they’d first met, this would have been easier on her wingspan. She offered an attempted squeeze. "If I die knowing that you're my family, and everything that you are, have done and will do -- I'd be happy. Old and fat will just..have to get someone else I guess."