Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Avialan

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Name: Avialan, or Aves (Those That Fly)

Designation: Sentient
Homeworld: Wayland
Language: Anachronistic Galactic Basic
Average height of adults: 6'0"
Skin color: Tan, Pale, Light
Hair color: Brown, Black, Blonde
Breathes: Oxygen


Strengths:
- Wings on their back that grant them the ability to fly.
- Bones are hollow, making the species lighter, faster and more agile than they appear.
- Enhanced Lung Capacity, which allows them to breathe thinner air due to their ability to fly.


Weaknesses:
- When under constant great strain, bones are more susceptible to breaking, this makes them more fragile than most other species.
- Flight speed and acceleration is limited.
- Sensitive to sudden flashes or bright light.
- Sensitive to very loud sounds, especially those higher in pitch.
- Can't fly above the borders of a planet, they cannont fly in the vaccum of space, and cannot withstand the heat intensity and chemical radiation of the atmospheres. (Can't go above the stratosphere).


Distinctions: Wings on their back that allow them to fly, and Avian physiology
Average Lifespan: 90-100 years old
Races: Just one race
Diet: All common foods, diets are similar to humans
Communication: Besides a rather Archaic form of Galactic basic standard, Avialan also communicated through visual signals, they use their wings to assess and assert social dominance, to contribute to the formation of pair-bonds, or to make threatening displays. They also express themselves through physical activity, battle was seen as a form of communication.


Culture: They are a communal, and hardy species, in their communities there was a certain process followed in order to create leaders for different activities. Usually leaders were chosen at a feast. Feasts included heavy drinking and were a bonding activity, as well as a place where concerns could be discussed. They believed that physically killing your own kin was also abhorred even if fate had it in store. As natural hunters and fighters, they would show off the pelts and teeth of their game as a sign of pride and maturation. Avialan had a sense of unity where they would often times create large flocks where the principal benefits are safety in numbers and defense against predators. Have a hunter/gatherer system, woman and children are usually the gatherers, but its not uncommon for females to be hunters and warriors. The species are socially monogamous. These species pair for at least the length of the breeding season, for several years or until the death of ones mate.


Technology level: Due to their reclusive nature, their weaponry remains primitive in appearance, involving spears, bows, daggers, ect. They lacked space technology but it wasn't uncommon for off-worlders to come in order to take suitable individuals for arena fighters etc.


General behavior: In the beginning, they were a primitive, and highly superstitious species and much of their life was steeped in ritualistic behavior. They constantly made offerings to their Worshipped Entity. As they matured, however, the Avialan stopped worshiping The Great Old One — and the more modern Avialan bowed down to no higher power. The costs of flocking include bullying of socially subordinate Aves by more dominant, and older Aves. They can be hot headed. They're personalities can range from anything, but they are usually a hardy folk, finding niches in areas like mercenary work or fighters in gladiatorial rings. They are all for a good challenge, thus stemming from their seemingly warrior based society and years of fighting with the other sentient species. Also, they engaged in duels, which were seen as rituals.


History: The Avialan once worshiped a entity known as The Great Old One. At that time, Wayland was a primitive and savage world. They believed they were given agriculture, mathematics, and philosophy in return for offerings made to The Old One; the foundations of their entire culture. They evolved alongside two other sentient species, the Myneyrsh, and Psadans. The three species had a big history of inter-species hatred for each other; They engaged in many wars and bitter campaigns against each other. When colonist crash landed the Avialan were the first to greet them, and form peaceful relations,where they were taught Galactic basic which would later become their primary form of language. They were also exposed to the humans more High - Tech technology which allowed them to make further advances in their own. Eventually, after a few generations, the four species formed an uneasy peace after years of warfare.

Over time, slavers had taken an interest within the race. Some were taken, and forced to participate in gladiatorial arenas, others becoming game for the seasoned bounty hunter. The races numbers has become dwindled. They split off into separate tribes across the mountain regions of Wayland. Some have left in search of adventure amongst the stars, going into service as mercenaries, bounty hunters, and gladiatorial fighters, while a good few have become fully integrated members of society, mingling with the other species of different worlds and working in mundane occupations.


Notable Player-Characters: None Yet
Intent: To create a new species to add to the site and to have the chance to make a new character, and allow for others to make one as well.
 
@[member="Sochi Ru"]

OK, let’s get this show on the road.

You’ve done a reasonable job here, but there will have to be changes and expansions.

  • Average height. What is human average? I’d rather this be explicitly numbered.
  • Flying species are…tricky. We’ve turned down a number of ‘angel’ races, and this one will need some changes. The key problem with flying races is that they can so often become a crutch for RPers to exploit. We’ll get on to this more later.
  • Bones are hollow. Now, this works for birds, and I accept it’s possible, but I want to see it expanded strongly in the weakness section. A creature with hollow bones is very susceptible to injury, having brittle bone syndrome essentially. They would also be weaker than a similar sized human because they are unable to rely on their bones as a fulcrum.
  • Atmospheric adaption. How would this come about if they lived on Dathomir? How can lungs filter away non-gaseous substances – does this mean liquids or solids? None of this makes sense or is biologically feasible. Scrap this entirely, and simply put that they can breathe thinner air because they can fly.
  • Weaknesses. None of these are actually weaknesses except for the injury thing, but I’ve already related what needs to be changed here. Add or clarify weaknesses more fully.
  • Communication. A social race that communicates only through fighting? Add in languages they speak, their written language and anything else here.
  • Culture. Some good ideas here. Expand these out. For instance, if they are so obsessed with war, how do they keep order in peace? What role to females have in fighting? How do children grow up? What role is given to education and learning? And so on.
  • Technology. Since Dathomir seems to remain a backward world this seems a bit…out of place.
  • General behaviour. This seems like a handwave. You’ve already explained in their culture that they like fighting a good deal more than humans do and that they have a warrior elite. Whilst you can’t generalise across a whole species, you can provide an overview here. Simply saying they’re ‘like humans’ is a cop out.
  • History. Speaking of cop outs…. Everything has a history, and I won’t take a handwave as an answer. It would be like glossing over human history on Earth with a two line paragraph. Explain how they came about, where they live, why they’ve been hidden, how their culture came about. Make someone reading this understand them, and impress me that you’ve put work into this.

@mention me when you’re ready.
 
@[member="Sochi Ru"]

Looking much better now. :)

My biggest problem was raised to me by a Dathomiri character's writer. Namely, the technology level on Dathomir is still far behind the rest of the galaxy, so I'm not sure how the reclusive mountain people would have better technology than the witches. That also goes for Galactic Basic being their primary language. I would imagine that this means they would need their own language with a few of them knowing Basic?

Let me know your thoughts.
 
Yeah, I had a difficult time trying to find a primitive type of planet that wasnt used much. I just sorta threw Dathomir in there, i apologize. As for their knowledge of galactic basic, I should've stated this in the submission, but I thought the humans who crash landed on Wayland would have taught them the language over time due to good relation, and it eventually would become their official language.

@[member="Tamara"]
 
@[member="Sochi Ru"]
Possibly, add it in, but bear in mind that their version of the language might be a bit archaic compared with the rest of the galaxy.

Also change the technology thing over and we should be close to ready.
 
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