Private Between Goodbye and Forever

[Tycho Arak]

Outfit: Sentinel Standard
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tags: Tova Rachi

The days had gotten busy. Between the building of the new Sentinel office in Theed, and dealing with paperwork on the various cases he was dealing with back on Coruscant, he'd had little time to do much of anything that he wanted to do. But he knew the time was drawing to a close between him and Tova. She was going to be taken from him soon, sent off to be the wife of some Sith who would defile her and use her for whatever terrible things he could. Oh, he longed to take her and run away from it all, but he knew she wouldn't go. She loved him, but she wouldn't let her people down that way. Their people, now.

He'd purchased a home in Theed, the first time he'd ever done so. Ever since he'd left Quarzite the only place that he had to be called a home was a room with a pull out sofa bed in it in the headquarters on Coruscant. Not much of a home. His nomadic lifestyle prior to that had kept him from settling anywhere for long. There was too much out there that needed to be explored and discovered. Only working on the case that he started with Katarine had gotten him to settle on anything at all because of the long nature of the investigation. Now he owned a home.

Because of her.

It was worth it. Every minute of it. To have somewhere he was wanted was new for him. Not wanted because he was a soldier, or someone that could investigate crimes, but wanted because of who he was as a person. She wanted him and he wanted to be there for her. These were his people now. He would do anything to protect them for her. But he couldn't stay away from her forever, not on the verge of her leaving him, possibly for good. He needed to see her at least one more time, to be near her, to touch her, to kiss her as though it were the last time that he ever would because it might well be.

So he went back to the temple the evening before he was to lose her. There, he hid himself within the Force, masking his presence and his appearance, and made his way through to the room he knew was hers. She wasn't within, not yet, but he knew she would return eventually. It seemed the safest way to him for them to see each other. At least there they didn't run the risk of being found out without someone knocking to give them warning. He could easily hide his presence if that was the case. For the moment, though, he waited, fully shrouded to make sure when she entered she was alone, but he undid her bed, folding it down for when she would use it, so that she knew something was amiss, and might lead to guess.

 

[Tova Rachi]

Days. Sweet days. They had passed to quickly. Stolen moments had been theirs. Stolen moments of embrace, intimate whispers and promises. Shared truths from their hearts and stories of their lives. Over the preceding days, Tova had grown more and more in love with the handsome Kage that had stolen her heart without permission.

She granted permission far too willingly now.

The charade was just about over though. The farce about to end. Love was a bitter mistress, and it had stung her with a wound that would never heal.

Tomorrow was the day she left her order. Tomorrow was the day she said goodbye to Tycho. She feared it would be forever.

And where was he? She was gone soon. Upon entering her room, she feared that she would not see him again. Time was slipping away and she would soon depart on a chartered vessel for a barren world near Sith space. She would leave Naboo and perhaps never return. Her missionary work would begin.

And then she saw it. Evidence that someone had been in her room.

Her heart stopped.

"Tycho!?" She said in a whisper so loud it was almost a yell.

Her eyes moved about the space but she did not see him immediately. She was already aware how little this meant as a signifier of his presence. "Show yourself scoundrel...hiding in a ladies bedchambers..."

She searched the room with her hands. Finally, coming upon her hidden lover. She could not see him, but she felt his presence in the grasp of her hand. Her hands rose up his chest, taking what she was confident was his face, and then removed all doubt as she pulled his lips to hers.

This was not the first time he had hidden to visit her. And it was not the first time she had found him. It was like he wanted her to find him.

Her arms hung from his shoulders as her hands played with the hair hanging from the back of his head. Her lips danced over his, painting her devotion across his lips with the fervour of the fear she felt. Her soft, feminine form pressed hard against him, wanting to feel his presence, create the memories that she would cling to in the darkest of times.

"I love you so, Tycho...I wish this to continue...long to ignore the needs of this people...give into this craving I feel," she said between breathy, searching kisses, "please tell me I can stay..."

Her words were foolishness. The words of a young woman in love that knew the love could not last.

Tycho Arak

 

[Tycho Arak]

Outfit: Sentinel Standard
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tags: Tova Rachi

When she entered he couldn't help but smile. As always she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, even when she looked flustered. Maybe especially when she looked flustered. He left something amiss when he entered so she knew something was afoot. The first time she'd taken forever to figure out it out, but this time she was much quicker, and he didn't drop his guard, letting her search around the room with her hands until she found him. Only then did he let the guise drop.

She pulled him into a kiss and he embraced her, a smile upon his face at being called a scoundrel. She loved it, and he loved it, too. They kissed and he held her close, relishing in the warmth of her body against his. He did enjoy their moments together, even if they were a bit bittersweet in the knowledge that soon they would be parted, possibly forever.

"But you cannot, I know," he said as she played with the hair at the back of his head, her arms draped over his shoulders.

His own hands cradled one against the small of her back, the other lifting to rest against her neck in a way that allowed him to brush his thumb against her cheek. They shared several kisses, and he longed for much more than that, but could not allow it. She had to go away from him knowing no man. It was inevitable. She had a duty, a calling, and he could not take her from it even though she bid him to do so. He knew that if he did, she would ultimately resent him in the end.

"I would take you from here, and flee into the darkest reaches of space to live a comfortable life for us in solitude were it not for the people of this world that you and I have sworn ourselves to."

Kissing her forehead, he then leaned his own against hers.

"But I will always love you, always be here for you. I could tie us together through the Force right now and be at your side in a moments notice if you so wished. No one would be able to detect it. I would know if you were in trouble, and you the same for me. And you'd always know where I am."

 

[Tova Rachi]

She felt the pull of his words, the heat of his body, and the love of his heart. Every part of her was his. This forbidden emotional embrace of devotion.

While every fibre of herself quaked for want and need of Tycho's affection, she knew it was just a shadow of truth. It was a facade built up by the whims of a woman destined to not have such treasures as love, or hope. Her heart sank.

"My heart stays with you Tycho. But you cannot tie yourself to me."

Her forehead pressed against his. Her hands lay against his chest, specifically to feel his heart beat. Tova sighed gently, feeling the weight of this moment.

"The very nature of that word defies my mandate. The only tie I must have is to my home."

She pulled away from his embrace. Her steps, quick at first, slowed to a contemplative pacing. Scenarios were running through her head. All of them were foolish in the extreme. There was only one solution for this matter. But it rent her heart in two.

"This is the last time you should see me. And know that I would have it be different but for all the training and gifts I have been given, those that have made me the person you love...they also require me go a path that leads away from you..."

Tears flowed freely. She did not look at Tycho but instead pulled back the covers of her bed, and slipped under the sheets. When she spoke again, it was soft nearly inaudible words. Her eyes remained closed, despite the tears. "No more words tonight, my love. Lay beside me. Hold me. As we dream of what could have been."

Tycho Arak

 

[Tycho Arak]

Outfit: Sentinel Standard
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tags: Tova Rachi

It was hard to hear her say that. Hard to hear her say that they couldn't be tied together, not ever. To hear her say that even a connection in the Force would defy her mandate. He knew it was true. He'd known before he even said it, but there was a small sliver of hope that something would be different since she was leaving, that there would be a change.

Yeah, my chest feels like a blade's in it
Who put it there? I think they did it...

It was a pain of his own making. She'd warned him, he'd known she was right. They'd both ignored the warnings and embraced something that could not be because the heart wants what the heart wants. Their hearts wanted them to be together, but they would never truly be so. Not that he would ever give up hope. Someday she might realize that dying at the hands of the Sith wouldn't help her people. The Sith would do things to her. Maybe not at first, but eventually. He knew it. They always did it.

How can I survive? Change your state of mind?
I should say goodbye, No no no...

She cried, he hung his head. It was a strange sort of rejection. The rejection of ideology, not of love. She wanted to be with him. He wanted to be with her. So why did it fucking hurt so much!

No words passed his lips as he watched her climb into the bed. Part of him wanted to run away. She couldn't see him anymore. He could move through the walls, disappear, leave her to what was to come. It would be easier than what she wanted of him. It would make it easier for her if she thought he no longer cared about her because she wouldn't reject what she was to be with him. It would hurt her at first, but she wouldn't feel regret at what she couldn't have.

Will the pain vanish or will more come?
Will I stay numb or regain love?

But he didn't. Instead, he moved over to her bed and climbed into it beside her, curled his body against her back, wrapped his arms around her, and held her close to him. He buried his face into her hair and breathed deeply, memorizing the scent of her. It very well might be the last thing he had to remember of her. A scent. A vision. The touch of her body against his. A desire that went unanswered, an invisible wall between them. And the next day she would go to marry a Sith, to love them and not him.

I'll teach them a lesson, I pick up the weapon
Aim in your direction, shoot at my reflection

He was such a fool. A damned fool.

(Lyrics from NF's Let Me Go)

 

[Tova Rachi]

She did not sleep. She barely breathed. The closeness of him. The scent...of him. Her skin burned with a desire unfulfilled. Sleep alluded her.

When morning arrived, with the jay's dawn song, Tova carefully moved Tycho's arm aside. She moved silently out of the bed, and looked down upon her Tycho. He was so strong, and made her so weak willed. It was only her intense training that kept her from waking him, and consummating their love.

Instead, she turned, and gathered her meagre possessions. The door hissed open and she cast a longing glance over her shoulder. Then. She was gone.

---

"Daughters," said Head Mother Lyriana Varessa, "this must not be a time of sorrow. This is our purpose. For the love of our Naboo. We are trained for this purpose."

Tova stood before the Head Mother of her Faith. The middle aged woman had shoulder length brown hair, a circular eye patch on her left eye and a face literally scarred by the claws of a hell beast that had attacked her in the Cataclysm. She was one of the eldest, and definitely the most respected, of their Faith to survive that horrid time. Her ascension to the position of Head Mother had seen her become the youngest ever. She had directed the Daughters into a grander vision and purpose. One that Tova willingly embraced.

All around her, in a crescent shape, stood her fellow sisters of the Scar. All in their white, flowing attire, and the crimson red cloak pulled over their heads. Prominent on all of them was the Scar of Remembrance, though each expressed it in their own way. It was one of the few marks of individuality allowed them.

The room was still. Tova knew it was time. She lowered the great barriers of her mind, those that her Faith had spent so long building up. It was the most vulnerable she could be. Into her mind flowed the emotions, fears, hopes and dreams of her fellow Daughters. All about them they began to murmur, reciting ancient creeds as they allowed their minds to share knowledge one last time.

Tova was not entirely forthcoming, unlike her sisters. A small barrier was maintained, that which harboured her thoughts and feelings for Tycho. They could not know, and this was the only time that they had a chance to know. She trembled slightly as she felt the many minds pawing at her memories. But nothing broke through the discreet mental block.

The murmuring stopped.

"You have been given all we can give. You may leave us, and your home, but know that we go with you. Our hearts beat as one for our purpose. For Naboo. Always remember. Never again."

"Always remember. Never again," Tova repeated in a relieved whisper.

With the confirmation of her departure, the others in the crescent formation approached to hug, farewell and commiserate with their fellow Daughter.

Tycho Arak

 

[Tycho Arak]

Outfit: Sentinel Standard
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tags: Tova Rachi

He did sleep. It was fitful, at best. Dreams of what could have been, dreams of what might be. The worst were the dreams where she was tortured by the Sith because of him. The second worst were the ones in which she fell in love with the Sith and became like them and completely forgot about him altogether. Regardless, it was not good sleep despite the short amount of time where he was awake to enjoy the feeling of her lying against him, and the smell he'd never forget.

When he woke the next morning, she was gone.

Sitting up on the bed, he let his feet fall over the side and rest on the floor. His eyes stared around the room, wondering why she hadn't said good bye. He wondered what he was supposed to do now. He wondered if he was supposed to do anything. For a long time he just sat there, staring at the wall, doing nothing but remembering her kiss, her touch.

Eventually he stood and wrapped himself in the Force to hide his presence and appearance. Then he wandered through their temple, making his way towards her. He found her in the middle of the ceremony where she was to leave, and watched and listened. It did not make him feel good, even though he knew what she was doing was for the good of Naboo. It did make him at least somewhat happy to see her once again, even though she was going to be leaving.

This time he did think it best that he just disappear and not linger. It was better for her and for him that he let her go. Part of him hoped he would see her again, part of him didn't know what he would do if he did. But he left the temple and started making his way back towards the city, pausing on a nearby ridge to look back and reach out to touch her mind.

I will always love you, Tova. Be safe.

Then he sat down, deciding to wait and watch her ship leave. What else did he have?

 

[Tova Rachi]

A cold chill ran up her spine as she walked to the ship. Tova paused, glancing about. Her eyes went over the crowd of Daughters that had gathered to see her off. They misinterpreted the sadness in her expression. For it was not for them that she nearly wept. Instead, it was for a man that had stolen her heart in nearly and instant. A man she could never know more than the little she had.

She whispered.

"Beneath the moon's cold silver thread,
I leave the breath of verdant skies—
The sacred soil that kissed my tread,
Now fading where the river lies.

His hands, once warmth beneath the flame,
Now ghosts that linger in my bones—
I take his name, though it is shame,
And cast it where the wind has flown.

The stars will bear my aching song,
A prayer unwritten, lost to dust;
Though I belong where I do not,
I leave because I must.

In silence, all my vows dissolve,
As twilight calls the final light;
I am the dawn, and I am gone—
A shadow breaking into night."

And with those words on the cool morning breeze, Tova stepped into the ship. Despite her best efforts to force her mind into the future and her duty, her eyes lingered on the surface of the planet until buildings were just specks in the distance. Because maybe, just maybe, she might see Tycho...again...

Tycho Arak