Private Between the promise and shadows....(PM)

[000]

OCC:: PM if interest join in this slow burn of a reentry thread


IC:

As the first light of the past dawn light sliver past in the distance that the lone figure stood tall over the slain or better yet what bit was left of him still strewn on the ground. Panting hard as he painfully gasps for each lungful of air while in the foreground his mind the events play. Along with it the harsh reality of the dying words that no less play playfully as much it enticed a deep sense of dread from him. As both in mocking stark truth of certainty, he comes to realize however much he denied it as no more than more lies that sliver of truth was there. Wherein however much he tried there was no escaping the fact he and his now-dead foe shared more in common that not.

That however much he desperately resisted the temptation of the shadows that it not only drew him closer as much it calls to him to some deeper level than he cares to admit. For in the harsh glare of the light he felt himself fail time and time again. Where instead of staying his hand to exact justice he instead seems to turn to vengeance on more than once. As such fear what it could entail given the trauma of his first Master fate still feeling so raw as much it felt. That it seems just had been yesterday instead of more than a lifetime season past that he came to in haste. Departed to soon find himself lost within the confines of the unknown region where he'd hope solace if not space to safely work thru his muddled mind.

Which for what he initially thought would just be a season of two drag on to more than double or thrice that. By the time he'd return the landscape had a change that much he felt both lost as much a stranger to the world at large. That instead of seeking out those close and dear to him....few as much deep his connection to them were. He instead found himself wandering and lost....adrift in the world at large.

I made the devil run
I gave him poison just for fun
I had one friend, now there's none
I made the devil run
I broke so many bones
But none of them were ever my own
They were an army, I was alone
I broke so many bones
I'm bad, as bad can be
So bad that it's hard to believe
Oh, what they say about me

​

Jairdain

 

[000]

For if truth be told his mind at best was awash with more question rather than answer as slowly but surely a faint sliver of doubt as much regret. Knowing as much he hates to admit delving into the mysteries or conundrum that as much he wanted to be of the light. That darkness always seems to be there all but ready to appear willing to be taken aback a step. Of which the seed of doubt seems to linger even that much stronger in the back of his mind.... was there is a different path he should or was meant to be?

And if so what could it been in which case drawn back to the past that he himself knew nothing of nor understand. Outside than the fear it brought as much the painful memories he dare not felt strong enough to face. That he allowed as much force himself to bury it deep within his subconscious that the scar it brought out. Once everything was said and done yet after all of it he felt no near closer in finding closure for it.

That seems like before it seems he but yet found himself spiraling down a path he found himself once before.... that he fears what it could all mean. And so in the end he felt it best to flee to wander off into the vastness of space feeling perhaps with bit time or distance. His fear could be at best be just that...Fear. Which could be overcome or very least keep in check.....which is when he came to come across them.

Of whom he had heard off in whispers yet been for the most part forbidden or told of to avoid by the other...both dark and light. Which this time lost in his own thought he dares for once not heed. Lead him here at this place and time.....

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

Through the Force, Jairdain emanated a lost feeling. Only those close to her would be able to feel it though. Her brothers, one adopted and one biological, perhaps her children but she didn't expect any of them to answer or even react. Those three had their own lives and with the loss of their father, they would also be going through their own grieving. Exactly the same thing she was going through.

Her way was to go into seclusion on a far distant world. Once there, she sat down and closed her eyes. Even though the woman was blind, this was just what she did. It helped her close off the world around her. Her animal companion curled up in a ball in her lap and closed his eyes as well. Their connection was stronger and far different than any other she had. The two of them communicated and Jairdain started her path of healing.

The lost feeling still filled her though. Her husband was recently dead and his rites had barely passed. Mere weeks but the Jedi Master would do her best to fill her life after this journey. Soon enough her duties would call her back to the Silvers and her life would return to normal.

There were a few things missing though and now she searched for her adopted brother.

Come to me, my brother...

Within the Force, if he heard her call, he would also know where and how to find her.

0 000

 

[000]

It then seemed in the midst of the dark forbode lands beyond the fringe of what was the farthest point from any know civilization. That he'd found himself surrounded on all side by all manner of danger to which gave him no quarter nor illusion of sanctuary. Which only serves to heighten his drive to survive as much fight in the hopes of finding a middle ground or balance between. Tempering the darkness and keeping alive the faint light that flickers within for deep inside he knew all too well the consequence that it brought. For as he slowly came of age that more and more his connection to his father's legacy grew manifest itself. As such feeling lost and with what little he could at best understand of it lead him to think otherwise. That given all the loss and what little he had left of a home or kin....in Jardain. Drove him to leave if but a moment and try to do what he could...right of things before anything went wrong. At which stage in midst of his put down and besting another beast that he heard her call...

Come to me, my brother...

And with it sense her pain as much the draw to seek her out in which time once no sooner had he'd done putt down the beast that he rushes off back to his ship. Fire the engine up work his hands over the controls. Set up the coordinate from which he'd sense her to be then set off to seek her out as he then still somewhat troubled by the pain he'd sense in her only made him double his efforts get to her.

.....am on my way sister....

 

[000]

​

It was then despite the dark turmoils of his own life wherein the ebbing tide of light and dark within tore as much leave a seed of doubt in his own mind. Of his own fears and failing as such in no small part lead him to partake of this lone sojourn on his own. And yet it seems despite the distance as much his own adherence partakes of self-imposed retreat exile from most his connection. He held thus far that all save one remain and with but word broke thru to set him to return.

As such with hands slowly work the controls of the ship guide not by anything else than the deep bond the two shared since partake of the blood oath that many seasons ago. That he set out to heed her call as he senses her pain along with the feeling of loss. That seem to weigh heavily on his mind that causes him to make haste to see to her well-being.

 

[Jairdain]

In her life of ups and downs, Jairdain felt her adopted brother might understand what she was feeling the best. So she called to him. His response through the Force was heard and felt so now the woman waited. Keeping to herself, the shadows around her were more than just her mental state.

It appeared, she started gathering other lost souls and spirits around her. Those that still maybe felt the same sense of loss as she did. None of them threatened her and as she sat communicating, she informed them they would be having company soon.

Attempting to clear an area for him, in the darkness she lived. Ron might have a hard time seeing where to land and the clear area but he would know where she was and that is what mattered. Making the camp presentable, she waited.

It wasn't until she sensed that he was close that she started to prepare food for them. Not knowing if he would be hungry, she just assumed he would be.

Hearing his ship land, the empty world around them would come to life as he stepped off. Waiting patiently for him as soon as he had his feet on the ground, he found himself wrapped in a hug that made it seem like Jairdain was clinging for a reason to remain sane.

"I am so glad you came, Ronin. You have no idea what has happened. Join me by the fire."

The setting was similar to one they had shared many years ago in a run-down building.

0 000

 

[000]

The reunion...​

It was then with each passing moment the worry as much the urgency to reach Jair ate at him as such that it took all his will to keep himself focused. As he sent his ship flying thru space and using all his skill at every turn that it made his own droid lambast him with. Quite a string of colorful words thru throughout the trip as he cut a few turns so awfully close for comfort.

And that no sooner had they close enough to skim the ground below that he found himself exit the ship. Leaving droid copilot scrambling to land the ship rest of the way as his feet no sooner felt the ground beneath them that. He in turn felt her arms wrap around him at which time feel her close that only then that the beast within calm. That only then that it hit him as it took him but a moment to let things sink in and raise his own arms to encompass hers. That his lone sojourn alone had seemed to take its toll on him as well for long had he forgone any if all close contact with anyone. As his mind swirled between the darkness as much faint light within....just as his arms held her that hear her speak.

"I am so glad you came, Ronin. You have no idea what has happened. Join me by the fire."

All but seem let shown a faint sliver of emotion bleed-thru his stern face as replied back with a gentleness that few if any outside those close knew of him.

"...as I am glad to..see you though ..as I know it has been far too long since...."

He paused as memories of old came to mind as if nothing else despite the distance in time he could not help admit. A deep fondness as much connection to her though given the turn of events back then and the weight of his past. He dare not act nor entertain such thoughts and instead did all he could do what he felt was best. As he then let out a deep sigh of concern adds a sense of the underly current of sadness in her.

"...you know am here for you always."

 

[Jairdain]

This was a troubling time for the Master and Jairdain did not try to hide that from her brother. They might not be blood relatives but that did not make any less siblings. Siblings both with disturbing pasts and neither one of them had entirely told the other about them. Jairdain had a good idea of what had been going on with her brother but would give him the chance to tell her.

"My husband has died."

Four simple words and then she cried. Leaning against Ronin, he would feel the despair and sorrow of his sister. The raw torment her soul was feeling and she held it out for him to take. To help her through her dark time. She turned to her dark brother and hopefully he would agree to help.

"I have come here t hide and realize there is no hiding from what is inside."

0 000

 

[000]

It was at best somewhat of a surreal moment for the once elusive Ronin. Since they last met, who for much of the time seemingly blindly chase to pick up where he'd left off. Relearning and understanding much of from heritage, something which he hopes one day could share with her one day along with much his own personal past. As if nothing else time and time again trouble as well tragedy had plagued him so that it made his willingness to trust or share somewhat of a tricky proposition. As such given the ever-evolving or changing connection that formed between the two of them these past few seasons hen he felt waiting before doing so. As for what it's worth his command of both his newfound ability and of himself all along with its somewhat possibly unsavvy reputation amongst the Jedi did little to inspire confidence in him. As such he found himself drifting away from all .....including her for some time till he came to pick up on her call. That, in turn, brought him her at this time.....and that of the troubling news spoke in such short brief words.

That no sooner before he could utter a word that he felt her lean close to him with warm tears stream from her eyes. Which he felt along with raw tormenting emotion that came flooding into him. from her. As for once, his stone-cold exterior relented at the sight of her in such a state that the desire to comfort her came to him. As if nothing else his arm then came to wrap around her as he held her close as he was not able to find the words chose instead. Do for her what he had not for so long.....that is let her see him as he were and drop all pretense or walls he once held. Being for once truly honest with someone and not hold back as he made sure to let her know. He was here for her and that she need not fear nor feel alone.......

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

It would be up to Ron to tell her what had happened to him. All Jaidain would do was accept. Neither of them could change the other but they could both help. That's what family did and he was as close to any that she had. The two of them had certainly had their ups and downs. Right now it seemed both of them were rather down. Maybe it was a good thing she had called out to him.

Since he had landed, she had hardly given him any chance to really speak and had instead taken all of the attention. When she admitted she had come to hide, she did had not picked up on any negative feelings from him. He too accepted Jaidain for what she was.

After what felt like an hour but was probably just a few minutes, she dried her tears.

"Thank you, brother."

0 000

 

[000]

Spoiler

After what would be but a moment but for him felt but a lifetime as shed dried tears on her eyes. That with deep sigh hear her word of thanks all but gave him faint solace from the depth of darkness his heart soul. As for what felt but more than one lifetime ago, a faint glint of past self shows through his eye. That soon faded as quickly had it appeared as memories of old came flood in his mind and with it the heavy burden as with deep sigh.

"Perhaps so....but if you've only known...."

His eye gazed far off to the distant horizon as he felt the darkness clash yet again for control and he yet again seems aided by her calm presence over him. Drove it back deep.

" As I can not help but feel it be nothing less than a losing battle...that perhaps...cannot be helped...but be fated face same fate. For however much, I've tried to make things right things only got worse. That for whatever reason I've only but brought ruin and death to all those I've ever cared for. Which was why I thought leaving would make things any better but then again it never did.

Not that it seems to matter to anyone that during the not-so-recent conflict that swept over the galaxy found myself deep in the trenches. Fighting for a cause that I thought be ....but was wrong for in the end seem none of it matter. "

He then paused feeling unsure what she would say or think of him now....as thru their bond she no less could be privy to. If she so chose to see for herself all that he'd done. With it, the growing darkness within as slowly the solitude of his self-imposed exile had taken its toll.


Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

Two souls drawn together many years ago were destined to be drawn together again and again. Who was Jairdain to ignore this? Perhaps her brother also sensed this and as her soul had called out to him, his had done the same...only without him knowing it. Connections this deep sometimes did not need words or actions to know something was wrong with whoever they were connected with.

"Whatever you have done, Ron everything will be fine. You haven't turned entirely dark...yet. And look at me, I came back from my dark days and you can do the same. Forget genetics and just be yourself. Make your life your own and never mind what the Ancients say you should do. Do what you want. What do you want?"

No matter what Ronin had done, she would continue to accept him and love him all the same. They were family and it was those ties that mattered the most.

0 000

 

[000]

You could never ever be...​

It was at that time that thru the turmoil, doubts, and lone long night drifting aimlessly as it felt been. That for once in her company he couldn't help but seem to feel a sense of being grounded. Wherein for the first time ever since the thought came to him seem so effortlessly as he slowly began to realize. That despite the distance of vastness of space she no less was never far from his thought and no matter fear along with the what subconscious demon plague his every waking moment. Resist as he had something seem to draw him to her...deep as it were strong seem to be that no words appear need be utter nor pass between them. Yet he could help but know well enough it drew him respond seek her out whenever it appear either had to need of the other. That as he stood there listening to her speak that the words or thought began to form in his mind so that when the question posed by her came. That he couldn't help but fall still as he'd gaze back at her...

" What... would want is find peace...find someone whom I guess could have such faith in me ...to know home ..."

He step closer and wrap his arm around her as if to comfort her thru the pain he could sense her be in.

"...do anything ...give anything if only see you not be burden with that which feel now."


Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

It almost seemed like her question shocked her brother. When he answered, it was the same for Jairdain. What he was wanting was exactly what she had just lost. It brought about another wave of pain and sorrow, but she understood what he meant.

"If that is something you can find, cherish it. It can be taken away so quickly. As I have only recently learned, brother. Do you have anybody in mind to settle down with?"

On the chance he did, she wanted to meet the man or woman Ronin had made his mind up on. Then again, the manner in which he answered did not lead her to believe that was the case.

"Why don't you come live with me? It is a home and while it might not be yours, you can stay there."

She could also use the company. A person that could help keep her mind from her loss and help her through the grief she felt for Yuroic.

0 000

 

[000]

Wander

solace​

It was then that as he spoke that he could not help sense faint wave of sadness as much sorrow seem wash over her. That made him somewhat feel some guilt in a way but then again what was said he felt deep in his heart be true . Had to be and needed be said....and then her words back to him seem hit him hard as much had deep. As faint memories of old no less brushed his mind despite all the years he'd did well to hide as much keep such thought. As one would say burred deep and forgotten in the past …. alongside the emotional baggage and scars that came with it. That muster all that he could a faint smile on his face if only hope not add her worries.

"...that too believe once before and understand but then again thought i had . It was nothing more that....a wish amounting to nothing more than vain attempt fill a void that wasn't. But then again who knows maybe someday i would …but till then i wander knowing there is no home for one such as there is nothing of mine to go back to even if i wanted to ."

It was then she responded and seem with faint hope he gazed into her eyes wherein if but for a moment . Thought part of him wish so part of him fear at the thought of the uncertainty if he did so. Knowing all too well he had yet to learn find strike fine balance between the two half of himself. Of which seem despite the distance time it took him get where she was. And having only know loss himself stir with such intensity of emotion at the mere hint of sense her pain. But then again once hold her close it seem to somewhat calm to certain degree. That left him at a loss at first as what respond but in the end with faint sigh then a nod his mind all but made up in the choice stay and for once be there for her .

"...if wish me so then that i would if only hope make up for lost time and be here for you for once?"

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

There were no second thoughts or guesses when Jairdain made the offer to her brother. It had been a great many years since the two of them had met and over the course of that time, they had only grown closer. Close enough they had adopted each other as brother and sister. She felt that offering him a place to stay was the right thing and when Ronin gave his answer, she smiled.

A smile that felt like it had been something missing from her life for so long. At least, since her husband had died and she ran from the situation. One she couldn't actually hide away from and that was when she had called out to Ron.

"You can have a place to call your own sometime, Ronin. Trust me."

Keeping the smile on her face, she rested her head on him and sighed a little. Even if he felt like he didn't belong, she accepted him. The whole package and everything that came with it.

"I think it's about time for me to return to my family. Do you want to join us?"

Choosing not to move, she kept her head resting on her brother and waited to hear his answer.

0 000

 

[000]

It was that moment thought part him still fear staying linger known all too well the kinda state each was in. And yet at the same time, he couldn't part from her of which he'd somewhat at first assume chaulked up to the bond two shared. Having started as nothing less than a meeting that soon leads to draw them close enough that he'd let her in. Invoke ancient tradition to bond them as such that neither one would be alone and be there for the other...as kinfolk that neither one had or know have. And yet in time somehow he could not help but feel some faint guilt of not being there for her as of late. For whatever reason yet still despite that with a smile hear her reply put his mind somewhat at ease... then feeling her head come to rest upon him.

As she began to speak and sense her acceptance of him despite everything that he'd fear or come believe others could not. And come as far offer him not only her trust but acceptance as she seems awaited his response.

"...That I would."

And with that, he to smiled while holding her close for a moment to show his gratitude as much reassurance that he was here for her now. That she did not have to go thru her grief or loss alone nor have run away any more than he himself felt had these past seasons.


Jairdain