Private Blinded by Choice

[Braze]

TAGS: Ko Vuto

The sprawling edifice of the Grand Jedi Temple stood majestically atop the Coruscant plateau, an iconic symbol of the Jedi Order's legacy. Its vast hallways and chambers were abuzz with Jedi of all ranks, from younglings playfully training with their tiny lightsabers to wise old masters deep in meditation.

In one of the temple's quieter chambers, a room reserved for reflection and personal growth, Braze stood contemplating a folded piece of dark black satin cloth. The room's serene atmosphere, punctuated only by the distant hum of Coruscant's cityscape, seemed the perfect place for the young padawan's newest self-imposed challenge.

Braze's recent encounters, particularly the turbulent confrontation with his mother, had sown in him a rekindled desire to understand and harness his senses in ways he hadn't before. He believed that by willingly embracing blindness, he could refine his connection to the Force and enhance his Force sight—a skill that would allow him to perceive his surroundings without relying on traditional vision.

With determination, Braze slowly raised the cloth to his eyes, tying it securely around his head. As the world plunged into darkness, he took a moment to adjust, taking in the newfound silence and heightening of his other senses. The room, which once felt so familiar, was now a maze of sensations waiting to be deciphered.

In the following days, Braze's self-imposed blindness became the talk of the temple. Some admired his dedication, while others deemed it reckless. Yet, with each passing hour, Braze's reliance on the Force grew, guiding him through daily activities, from sparring sessions to navigating the vast corridors of the temple. Even what was once a simple addressing of basic needs became a challenge to him.

But as Braze would soon discover, learning to see without eyes would not only challenge his physical capabilities but also unearth deep-seated fears and revelations about his own identity and the Force itself. And so, in the heart of the Grand Jedi Temple, Braze's journey into the realm of the unseen began anew—a test of faith, resilience, and the true essence of sight.

 

[Ko Vuto]

Location: NJO Temple
Tags: Braze

Soon enough words of Braze’s self imposed blindness reached Ko as well. Which brought memories of a previous moment shared with the younger boy. Where he were training and conditioning themselves to rely on The Force more for their senses in combat. So Ko wasn’t all that surprised now to hear Braze was taking it a step further.

The Kel-Dor couldn’t help but find it a little redundant. Like he had the first time he witnessed Braze training in such a way against sparring droids. But he did worry for his friend still. Hoping that Braze’s interest in their training wasn’t out of a misguided concern over recent events.

Eventually Ko found himself sensing the younger padawan’s presence in The Force. Noticing them inside one of the tranquil chambers. He didn’t wish to disturb them, but figured that he might have already done so by accident. Since if he could sense Braze, then Braze most certainly sensed Ko. Lightly clenching his clawed hand, Ko knocked it a little against the wall as he entered the room.

“Good afternoon Braze, I see you’ve gone back to practicing with your blindfold again. I hope your self induced blindness has been eye opening so far.” Ko said, ending his words with a soft chuckle over his own pun. “I wish I’m not bothering you though, but I’ve been meaning to check in on you recently.” The older padawan said, wanting to look out for their lowerclassmen.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Ko Vuto

​

Braze slowly turned his head in the direction of Ko's voice, the black satin sash obscuring his vision but not his perception. He allowed a moment of silence before speaking, his tone introspective.
"Hey Ko," he began, acknowledging his friend with a wry grin. "You always had a way with words, didn't you? I suppose it's been eye-opening in more ways than one."

He adjusted his stance, the blindfold accentuating the slight crease of concentration on his forehead. "You're not a disturbance. Truth is, I've been trying to push my boundaries a bit. Find clarity amidst the chaos, you know? Sometimes, I wonder if the physical sight just distracts from truly 'seeing'. Recent events made me reconsider how connected I really am to the Force."

Drawing a deep breath, Braze's expression softened. "I appreciate you checking in. Means a lot." He paused, seemingly contemplating his next words. "Life's thrown quite a few curveballs recently. It's reassuring to know there are constants, like friends who have your back."

 

[Ko Vuto]

Location: NJO Temple
Tags: Braze

Ko wondered for a moment, perhaps he did have a way with words. He often enjoyed employing metaphors and sayings. The Kel Dor stepped into the room, and listened to Braze explain some of what they were up to. “Finding clarity amidst the chaos…” Ko repeated. “The fourth line of the Jedi makes note of that. “There is no chaos, there is harmony.” An aspect of The Code I personally find a lot of value. It offered a lot of subtle wisdom to myself when I was your age and working in the Agricultural Corps.” Ko elaborated, sharing a bit of his own thoughts on the matter.

Ko brought a clawed finger up and tapped his goggles. “Without these I wouldn’t be able to see away from my homeworld. Because of that I try to never take my own sense of sight for granted. I can respect you challenging yourself though in such a way. Even if you wouldn’t catch me intentionally conditioning myself in such a way.”

Then Braze expressed his appreciation. “I can only imagine how you must be feeling Braze. I know how it can be to feel alone sometimes. I'd never wish upon you the same kind of fate.” He hoped Braze has spoken to his master about these things as well. Couldn’t help but wonder how Council Member Kai’el would’ve handled things if they were with Braze instead. Probably better, as the Kel Dor worried some that he might have been too diplomatic in hindsight. Ko stepped further into the room. Looking around the calming setting.

Looking back at the younger padawan he spoke once more. “I gotta ask, how do I look through your blindfold? A little less leathery I hope.” Ko’s words were followed by a bit of laughter from himself.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Ko Vuto

Braze took a moment to breathe in deeply, the serene environment of the chamber amplifying his sense of calm. He listened intently to Ko's words, appreciating the wisdom and perspective the older padawan provided.

"You know," he began, his voice carrying a depth of introspection, "for a long time, I felt so alone in this vast universe. Like a tiny speck of dust lost in the expansive abyss. Blind or not, I couldn't see any real connections, any kinship. The universe seemed to blur into a whirl of shadows and memories constantly changing.."

He sighed, pausing for a brief moment to gather his thoughts. "The nightmares I've always had,were relentless, almost a constant companion. They were my constant. But recently... there have been changes. New bonds, and new connections, some even formed through the Force. It's helped me see things differently. Even now, it's as if by altering my physical sight, I've been granted a clearer vision of my purpose, of my existence. I've come to realize that being blind isn't just about the absence of sight. It's about seeing things from a different perspective. It's more about 'feeling' than 'seeing' too. "

Braze chuckled softly at Ko's last question, a playful glint in his eyes that hinted at deeper emotions. "Well, through this blindfold," he said, tapping the satin sash lightly, "You seem... brighter. Not just a Jedi, but a beacon of light, guidance, and yes, a tad less leathery." The last bit was said with a warm, teasing tone, his underlying affection for Ko evident.

"And more importantly you feel... warm, and exude friendliness, and trustworthiness. Your presence is comforting; it's steadfast, and gives off a quiet confidence. You just feel so... captivating. I've realized that even when one door closes, others open. Changing my perspective on things has taught me that I'm not as alone as I once felt. And that's thanks in part to people like you, Ko."

 

[Ko Vuto]

Location: NJO Temple
Tags: Braze

Hearing Braze’s words led Ko to believe he was in a particularly contemplative mood lately. He wondered if Jasper might have suggested that Braze thinks things over for a bit and reorient himself after what had recently happened. They spoke about how he has felt lonely, and how that was seemingly beginning to change now.

“That’s good to hear, although I’m a little surprised too. When we were younger you always seemed like a popular youngling.” It seemed though that wasn’t always indicative of feeling connected with others. Also often as a Force Adept progresses their training they can feel more connected with The Force and thus more connected with everything. “But you’re right, blindness can manifest in more forms than one. Developing mere tunnel vision can be just as detrimental.”

Then Braze began to answer Ko’s question about how he ‘looked’ in The Force. Describing him as bright, like a lighthouse from the sounds of it from offering guidance. Ko chuckled some at the comment of looking less leathery. Perhaps it would be nice to see things that way and to not feel like appearances were as important as they often seemed to be.

As the younger padawan continued their words felt more like compliments than descriptors. But the one that felt most surprising was being told he sensed a quiet confidence. Ko had never considered himself a very confident individual. Often overthinking things and worrying about his own performance. But perhaps the pale boy ‘saw’ something that Ko has yet to see in himself. His words were surprisingly nice.

“Well…” Ko thought for a moment longer before continuing. “That’s not quite what I expected. Perhaps your unique training is turning out to be more fruitful than I’d expected. But I’m glad you’re feeling less alone Braze. You got a lot of good friends. Loomi, Aliris, Cora, and Jasper too.” He seemed to list of others that he figured were likely close to Braze. People that weren’t him, sort of trying to downplay his own part in Braze’s development. ​

 

[Braze]

LOCATION:
TAGS: Ko Vuto

Braze tilted his head thoughtfully, processing Ko's words. "You know, appearances can indeed be deceptive. Sure, I might've seemed 'popular' among the younglings, but that didn't always translate to true friendships. It's like being in the center of a bustling room, but feeling entirely isolated. And yes, I've learned to perceive the Force differently, but that's the essence of our journey, right? We're always changing, always growing in ways we might not expect."

He sighed softly, a hint of frustration creeping into his tone. "There was this one girl, for instance. She was 'pretty' on the outside but vile, and putrid on the inside. No matter how kind I was, and how much I reached out, she was just... self-absorbed, caustic, and always looking for the next thing or person to tear down. It was exhausting."

Braze took a deep breath, his eyes momentarily clouding over with past frustrations as he remembered the girl. " I tried to get close to her. I genuinely believed that if I showed her kindness, understanding, and patience, she'd eventually soften. But she was the epitome of entitlement. She'd take every bit of kindness, twist it around, and expect even more. It was as if she believed the universe owed her everything, and anyone who dared to think otherwise was beneath her. You know, Ko, she was the epitome of what I've come to understand as a toxic person. It felt like every interaction was a game to her, one where she was always trying to come out on top. No matter how understanding or empathetic I tried to be, it was never enough. I think she thrived on taking from others, especially those she saw as vulnerable or kind-hearted."

He shook his head slowly, memories of past confrontations playing out in his mind. "It didn't matter how much I did for her, it was never enough. Every attempt to reach out was met with scorn. And the worst part? She seemed to thrive on pulling people down, as if belittling others gave her some perverse sense of power and satisfaction."

Pausing to look Ko directly in the eyes, he emphasized, "What I learned, Ko, is that trust is indeed a luxury. We often extend it freely, believing in the good in everyone. But there are those who see that trust, that vulnerability, as an opportunity. A chance to exploit and manipulate for their own gain. And those kind of people, the ones who use others as mere stepping stones to elevate themselves? They're not worth our time or energy."

With a sigh, Braze added, "It's a bitter pill to swallow, but sometimes, the best thing you can do is recognize such individuals for who they truly are and distance yourself. Because there's no sense in letting someone constantly dim your light just so they can shine brighter. Cutting them out doesn't mean you wish them ill; it just means you respect yourself enough to know you deserve better. But it taught me an important lesson about the nature of connections. Not all are worth pursuing. Not everyone is deserving of my kindness, either. "

Braze's gaze softened as he turned back to Ko. "But you, Ko... you've been different. A steady presence. A beacon. But those very qualities make you genuine, and relatable. It's why I, and probably others, feel drawn to you. You're more integral to my journey than you might think."

Taking a moment to gather his thoughts, he added with a slight smile, "Your light, Ko, is warm, gentle, and... undeniably captivating. You're genuine, kind, and real. And that's the best I could ever ask for in a friend. "

 

[Ko Vuto]

Location: NJO Temple
Tags: Braze

The Kel Dor listened to Braze mention a girl. Someone he didn’t seem to think very highly of at all. Ko didn’t really know who he was even talking about. Must be someone not a part of the order. Maybe some acquaintance of his on Lothal perhaps? He knew the younger padawan had spent a good deal of time there. But whoever this person was seemed to earn Braze’s ire.

“I understand what you mean. It’s up to people to decide for themselves if they wanna be better. You can try as hard as you can to help them, but at the end of the day the choice is ultimately there's.” Ko has often thought about this in regards to his opponents. The Kel Dor wasn’t foolish enough to believe that redemption didn’t exist. But he knew there was a time and place for it, and an open battlefield was not the time for feeling wishy washy over someone’s fate. That is what Ko has had to come to terms with himself after Chaldea.

It felt a little strange hearing this kind of sentiment from a fellow padawan though. Ko recalled his conversation prior with Shan where the two seemed to be more or less on opposite sides of their discussion. “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with such people Braze. It’s never pleasant, but sometimes you just gotta recognize when someone isn’t worth your time.” He said, seconding Braze’s opinion.

Ko raised a brow to how the younger padawan spoke of him though. “The idea that people would feel drawn to me isn’t really ever something I’ve ever considered. But it’s nice to hear you’d think that of me, as being genuine. I’ve felt like I’ve spent a lot of energy wanting to be something I could never be. Someone with nicer skin and hair. Someone who could easily enjoy food and drinks. Someone who could just take a breath of fresh air.” Ko paused for a moment, not wanting to ramble on now about his own inward concerns. The things that really make him feel alien, like he doesn’t belong. “But I read something once that I’ve tried to take to heart. To recognize who and what you are, to wear it like armor. That way it can never be used to hurt you. I try to remember that whenever I’m feeling… dejected with who I am. So it means a lot hearing you say that I feel genuine, and real. Even if I always need to hide my face.” Ko’s tone was filled with sincerity. Leaving no doubt that he was touched by Braze’s words. Even though he tries not to talk about the things that bother him to his peers. They have their own issues and concerns to work through after all. ​

 

[Braze]

LOCATION:
TAGS: Ko Vuto

Braze took a deep breath, letting the weight of Ko's words settle. The honesty, the raw vulnerability he heard in the Kel Dor's voice, struck a chord deep within him. Behind his blindfold, his eyes fluttered shut for a moment, letting the gravity of their shared feelings of outsiderness sink in.

"Ko," Braze began, his voice shaky with vulnerability. "Even though I'm temporarily without my sight for this training, the darkness and isolation I've been introduced to is a mere glimpse of what I've felt since my parents left me. It's been a long journey of grappling with feelings of abandonment and struggling to find my place — especially among the Jedi."

He paused, collecting his thoughts. "I've often felt like I'm walking on the edge, questioning if I truly belong in the Jedi Order, if I'm truly cut out for this path. But when we talk, like now, I feel less alone. Less adrift. Your authenticity, your genuine nature, it resonates with me."

He paused, gathering his thoughts before continuing, "I can't pretend to know exactly how you feel, being bound to those goggles and mask every day. The very air we breathe, something so many take for granted, is a challenge for you. It must feel like you're constantly suffocating, constantly reminded of how different you are. But that's just it, isn't it? We all have our masks. Yours is just more visible, and tangible."

With a slight smile, he added, "But here's what I do know — when we talk, I feel a connection. It's as if our vulnerabilities and shared struggles create a bond. You're genuine, Ko. That's something I can see even without my eyes. And it's comforting, really. Knowing I'm not alone in these feelings."

He leaned forward slightly, "Even though I often question my place in the Jedi Order, wondering if I'm truly suited for this path, it really is moments like this, sharing our truths, they help anchor me. And if you ever want to talk about these struggles, know that I'm here. Together, we can find a way through the fog."

Ko Vuto

 

[Ko Vuto]

Location: NJO Temple
Tags: Braze

“I can’t really say I know what it feels like to be abandoned like that. I was separated from my family at a young age. Never really able to grow very attached.” Ko confessed. “But I can understand feeling uncertain of your place in the Order as a Jedi. There were times when I was in the Agricultural Corps where I felt like I didn’t have much of a future in the NJO. Working in farms while my peers furthered their journeys as Jedi.” To the Kel Dor that was what seemed like the closest he felt to feeling ‘abandoned’. But with hindsight it seemed like it all worked out for him. Ko hoped would feel similarly about his situation in time.

Ko nodded some more to Braze’s words about feeling like a trapped outsider. “It can be tough sometimes. I don’t really imagine I’ll ever really be comfortable. Sometimes I imagine if I was to return to Dorrin I’d feel strange without needing my mask. Like I’m naked or similarly exposed.”

It was nice to hear that he has come across as genuine, and that people could have a positive opinion of him while being himself. Ko would then reply to the last thing he said. “I’m glad to hear that, but I have to wonder. Would your master not be a better fit to help you know, anchor you. I’m just another padawan after all. I’m still learning like you are.”

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Ko Vuto

Braze listened to Ko's confessions, finding himself pondering his own situation as well. "You know, not remembering might be its own kind of freedom. No strings attached, right?" he offered, attempting to find a silver lining.

On the topic of the mask, Braze's voice took on a softer, more contemplative tone. "It must be like a whole other world behind that mask. A solitary place where touch and closeness feel different. I can only imagine... it's got to be like having your own secret sanctuary." He chuckled a little but then added, "It must make moments of true intimacy, like, really special, huh?"

His words hinted at more than just physical barriers, touching on the deeper emotional and intimate connections that could be complicated by such a constant divide. He even went so far as to set a hand gently on Ko's as if elaborating on his example of touch.

When Ko touched on the subject of 'anchoring,' Braze rolled his eyes, hidden though they were behind his blindfold. "No, no, you're missing the point," he huffed, standing up and stretching to put a little space between them. "Anchoring isn't just about finding some wise old Jedi to guide you. Sometimes it's about finding someone who's just as lost as you are, so you both can help find the way. Kinda like... two navigators trying to read the same star map."

He paused, turning back toward where he sensed Ko's presence. "Our masters may have some of the answers, but they don't have all of them. And sometimes, the questions we have? They're the sort only we can answer for ourselves."

 

[Ko Vuto]

Location: NJO Temple
Tags: Braze

They weren’t wrong about there being no strings attached. Ko only knew a little bit of what happened to his family. But never really paid it much mind. In fact he often felt more close to the Barren Do that looked after him after leaving his family. But he felt like he was an outlier when it came to other Jedi. Ko was fully aware that being detached from one’s family was a rather unpopular fate for many within the order these days.

Braze continued to speak more about his mask, wondering what it might be like. Sometimes it was like a nice sanctuary like the boy described, others it felt like a shackle. It could make connecting with people more difficult. When all they saw was the same blank, emotionless expression. Ko could emote as well as a protocol droid, which is to say not much at all.

But the Kel Dor raised a brow to what the pale boy said about intimacy. “True intimacy?” He repeated as a question. Feeling Braze gently touch him to hammer home the point. “Um yeah, but some people can get skeeved out even by my skin. Even if I didn't need my mask, I don’t think people would really like to see what was underneath.” Ko said, elaborating some of his doubts. Masks and goggles were just the tip of the iceberg he believed. Ko couldn’t even say if he knew the kind of intimacy Braze may have been hinting to.

Then Braze seemed a little annoyed, and believed that Ko was missing the point of what they were saying. Or maybe something was going over his head. He thought for a moment about how to reply. “That kinda just sounds like a shared experience. Which, yeah, I guess that can also anchor you as well.” Ko could recognize what Braze was saying, that sometimes it’s not the answers that help you as much as asking the right questions.

 

[Braze]

LOCATION:
TAGS: @

Ko Vuto

Braze listened intently to Ko's words, his brow furrowing in thought. The issue of appearance, of skin, of outward manifestations of identity was something that seemed to weigh on both of them, albeit in different ways.

"Do you wish you were a human?" Braze ventured cautiously, letting the question hang in the air for a moment. "Is that part of it? This feeling that maybe if you were, things would be different?"

His eyes met Ko's as he continued, "I'm not human myself, but sometimes I feel like I identify more with them, maybe because I've spent more time around humans than my own species. It's complicated, isn't it? Our own sense of self is always getting tangled up with how others see us."

Hearing Ko's elaboration on the mask and what it symbolized, Braze felt a pang of empathy. "I understand the dichotomy of a mask, or any barrier really. Sometimes it's a sanctuary; other times, a prison. But it's not always about what's on the outside that people connect with, it's what's inside. And I believe that even without your mask, those who matter will want to see what's underneath."

He paused, taking a moment to collect his thoughts before addressing Ko's comments about intimacy and shared experiences. "You're not wrong; shared experiences can serve as anchors. But I think what I'm getting at is that sometimes the journey to find those answers, the process of asking those questions together— with someone who understands you, that's where true connection lies. It's not just about shared experiences, but shared vulnerabilities, shared quests for understanding."

Braze was speaking rather candidly and genuinely something he often didn't really do.

 

[Ko Vuto]

Location: NJO Temple
Tags: Braze

That was some what a loaded question for Ko. He already knew the answer to that, but he paused for a moment. Listening to Braze talk about how they can identify with humans as well. Internally Ko thought that Braze, and people like him are human where it matters. “... Yeah, sometimes I do. Maybe just to have smooth skin, just not feel like I’ve made someone uncomfortable with a mere handshake. It’s a small thing, but all those little things add up. But I learn to live with it.”

“That’s a good way of putting it though. My mask can be as much a liberator as it is an oppressor. Sure I need to wear it just about all the time wherever I go. But at the same time if not for it, I’d be stuck on Dorrin and never be able to leave. It’s a trade off I suppose.” Ko explained more about his mask and how it could feel. At the end of the day it’s what he and every other Kel Dor that ventured off world needed to deal with. Either be chained to a mask? Or chained to their homeworld? It was one or the other.

“Yeah, that’s kinda like the whole, ‘it’s not the destination but the journey there’ type deal right? But like, for interpersonal relationships. I think I get what you mean. Although I’m a little worried that it might be going over my head.” Ko admitted, believing that he understood what Braze was telling him. But he also wasn’t too certain either. ​