Codex Denied Bryn'adûl | Organic Debaucher

[Tathra Khaeus]

Bryn'adûl | Organic Debaucher

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

• Intent: To create a species submission for future NPCs.
• Image Credit: X
• Canon: N/A
• Permissions: N/A
• Links: [Embedded]

GENERAL INFORMATION

• Name: Organic Debaucher
• Designation: Sentient
• Origins: Bryn'adûl Labs on Draemidus Prime
• Average Lifespan: Fifteen Years
• Estimated Population: Inter-Planetary
• Description: Debauchers are organic creatures capable of creating a "a technological dead-field" in a large radius emanating from the Debaucher, generated by an organ that acts as a secondary stomach that turns nutrients and gases into waves of vampirism used to harvest the energy in turn to feed itself, and acts as a catalyst/conductor for the creatures specialised ability.. These creatures are typically large and can usually operate independently or with the assistance of a Bryn'adûl Shaman. The Debaucher is designed to generate technological dead fields replicating a long range vampirism that primarily syphons and disrupts the technology in use. More focused on halting the effective use of foreign equipment than outright disabling or destroying it.

PHYSICAL INFORMATION

• Breathes: Type II
• Average Height of Adults: 40m
• Average Length of Adults: 60m
• Skin colour: Bone-like skin
• Hair colour: N/A
• Distinctions: These creatures are large, spider-like creatures with a strange bone-like skin around a dense skeletal structure. They have ten massive skeletal arms that dig into the ground when hunched over, but they also have six interior arms attached to the nucleus/stomach area that is located close to one and other on this creature that also act as range increasing conductors for its abilities. These creatures as shown above [Image] have a flesh-like centre on their underside, however when in the catatonic state referenced in their General Behaviour; they curl up and dig their many skeletal like legs into the ground.
• Races: N/A
• Force Sensitivity: All

Strengths:

• Powerful Vampirism: This powerful vampirism essentially works via the creature sensing the technology, as it sends out a seemingly endless wave of vampirism comparable to sonar; and thusly targeting that technology will immediately attempt to disrupt its functionality and over time entirely syphon its power to feed itself. [It can typically disable droids and small vehicles within minutes however this would take longer with larger vehicles.]
• Hidden/Protected: These creatures are typically in protected domes, hidden from sight.
• Large Radius: These creatures can generate a radius of their dead field of roughly 2.5 kilometres.
• Hostile Tech-Radar: It uses the force to sense technology, like mentioned above in the first Strength; it works similarly to sonar.

Weaknesses:

• Physically Defenceless: Per its catatonic state, the Debaucher can not physically fight any who attempt to take advantage of its physical weaknesses.
• Underside is vulnerable: As seen in the image above, the fleshy red bit at the centre of its underside is much more vulnerable to damage. However when the Debuacher is hunched over, getting close is the only way to attack its vulnerable underside.
• Force Disruption: Its abilities can be disrupted through the use of the force, creating areas of blindness or fighting directly against its attempts.
• Force Beacon: Every Debaucher is a FS, and uses the force all the time; and thusly could essentially act as beacons.
• Requirements: Due to the constant use of the force, the Debauchers are constantly fed.
• Six conductors: The creatures interior arms are conductors/reverberators for its abilities; destroy them and its range becomes increasingly limited.

CULTURE

• Diet: Soil Nutrients, Gases, Energy
• Communication: Telepathic
• Technology level: N/A
• Religion/Beliefs: N/A
• General behaviour: These creatures are constantly kept in a catatonic state to focus on their abilities, acting as essentially catalysts for the powers stored within them.

HISTORICAL INFORMATION:
These creatures were designed as defensive batteries capable of performing various wide range area tasks that typically security systems could not. These creatures are the successors to the space-faring Debauchers, being designed as stationary defences against invading forces. These Debauchers are deployed all throughout the Bryn'adûl territory.

 

[John Locke]

Under Review

 

[John Locke]

Good Morning Tathra Khaeus

There are a few things about this submission that I want to run through with you before we go on.

Origins

Origins: Extra-Galactic Bryn'adûl Labs

1) Link​

​

The link here is broken, if you could please fix it. ​

​

2) Location​

​

As you are aware Chaos does not allow Extra-Galactic locations in the codex, could you use a location within the galaxy for the location of these labs?​

Description

Description: Debauchers are organic creatures capable of creating a "a technological dead-field" in a large radius emanating from the Debaucher. These creatures are typically large and can usually operate independently or with the assistance of a Bryn'adûl Shaman.

Could you please expand on this? You say that the Debaucher is able to create "a technological dead-field in a large radius emanating from the Debaucher" however, later in the submission you say that it has a "long-range attack". Which is it? In addition, what is the technological dead-field which you are referring to and how does the species generate it?​

Distinctions

Distinctions: These creatures are large, bipedal spider-like creatures with a strange bone-like skin around a dense skeletal structure.

Do you have an image of them? Bipedal means 2 feet but a spider-like creature would make it seem like it has 8 or so feet. Could you expand on your image of the creature so that people who you are writing against have a better idea of what they look like?​

Strengths

I'm going to need you to expand on what these strengths mean, in particular the following. ​

Powerful Vampirism

What exactly are the limitations of this ability? While going through other submissions I understand that this is energy vampirism that needs to be spelt out in this submission. How capable is the ability? Does it instantly wipeout all the energy in technology, or is it a more gradual thing? ​

Hidden/Protected

What does this mean? How is the species hidden or protected? This seems more like a part of the deployment of the creatures rather than something to do with the actual species submission.​

Long-Range Attack

As per my above comments.​

Hostile Tech-Radar

How does this work? What allows the species to detect technology?​

Weaknesses

Physically Defenceless

The Debaucher species is based on the spacefaring Debauchers, however, one of the strengths of the factory submission is as follows.​

Hide: The upper crown layer of the ship is incredibly durable, capable of withstanding even capital grade weaponry for a period of time - essentially allowing the creature to get close enough to attach to and shortly cripple enemy ships.

As you can see this is more than a little confusing, the species they're based on is tough enough to shrug off capital ship weapons, so how are they now so weak that they are considered physically defenceless?​

Underside is Vulnerable

In the distinctions field, as I asked for clarification above, you describe the species as bipedal, so how can they have an underside?​

Force Disruption

What do you mean by force disruption? ​

Force Beacon [Easily located]

I assume you mean because these species are capable of using the force they can be located through the force? However, this isn't a weakness that can be applied across the species since you have only given them a high-level of force sensitivity so not every Debaucher is going to be force-sensitive, and conversely not every Debaucher will be a force beacon.​

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

John Locke I've made edits in regards to every point you've made.

Thank you for helping me make this submission much better. C:

 

[John Locke]

Tathra Khaeus

Thank you for working with me on this so far.

There is still something I don't quite understand I was hoping you could explain to me.

What exactly is the vampirism that you're speaking off? You've said that it's based of the power ionize, but ionize is about overloading droids systems with electrical energy. No-where in the rookie article does it mention sucking the energy back, this vampirism you're talking about.

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

John Locke The ability of the Debaucher is based off of Ionize but does not replicate its exact effect. I'd say its like a type of force drain, like life drain or tutanimis/force absorb that's kind of forced upon tech. However aside from that its mostly just its own thing.

 

[John Locke]

Tathra Khaeus

So, it doesn't really sound like it's very much to do with the ionize ability which is more of an ion blast designed to shut down droids and electronics.

What you're describing here is a brand new ability, Tutaminis from a distance in effect. However, the ability isn't exactly clear, what are it's strengths and weaknesses? Is there any way to defend against it?

I'd recommend you expand on the ability a little more to make it easier to understand for people when engaging with this submission.

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

John Locke

Well, I feel like that information is already there.

You can defend/disrupt its abilities using the force, a weakness of using its ability makes it a beacon in the force and thusly can be found/located by enemies very easily. I think I've answered these questions basically as I can't necessary put a static damage amount on the ability as its ultimately up to the opposition to decide how effective it is.

However I did add this for the Powerful Vampirism strength; "[It can typically disable droids and small vehicles within minutes however this would take longer with larger vehicles.]"

 

[John Locke]

Tathra Khaeus

Apologies for the delay, the site seemed to have eaten the notification of your reply.

While you are correct about the lack of static damage, the range of the ability or the impact of EMP/ion resistant materials and technology is all information that any opponent you face would need when RPing against them. Also, are these waves directed or omnidirectional? A major concern I have is that each will be able to negate all technology around them for a large area making it extremely difficult for anyone to counter or defeat them.

On a second read-through, you mentioned the underbelly of the creatures is a weakness. However, you also state that they curl up and press into the ground when they enter their catatonic state. Are the bellies till easily exposed like this?

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

John Locke

the idea is that they need to be located and destroyed. Its a RP mechanic, you need to find it and go after it. I don't think its any different than having to sabotage a shield generator or such. I also don't think its necessarily an issue that it requires dedication/commitment from the opposition to deal with it. Plus, there is no real way to counter a one way shield bar going inside it and finding its generator. This isn't any different.

Also omnidirectional.

 

[John Locke]

Tathra Khaeus

You are correct, it is an RP mechanic, an interesting one at that. However, it appears to me that you are trying to make up a new force power that doesn't exist in canon to do this.

The codex is not the place to create new force powers. Do you have a link to any canon uses of a similar power?

Additionally, you didn't answer the question about if the underside of the creatures are vulnerable when 'hunched over'.

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

John Locke I was referring to the creature needing to be found to be attacked as an RP mechanic.

When hunched over its underside is not vulnerable, as in you can't just shoot it from a mile away. You need to find it and attack its underside up close. That's the idea, which would already be the only way to attack it as its hidden within a facility. Though I suppose, a force user could convince it to stop hunching.

Additionally, I've removed any wordage that says its anti-tech ability is a force ability. Now it is just an ability the creature has generate by its organ just like the flying Debaucher.

 

[John Locke]

Tathra Khaeus

Could you add wording to the submission to the effect that hunched over their not vulnerable unless you get up close and personal?

So, if the organ doesn't work through the force, how exactly does it work? I understand that the flying debauchers have this ability, but it still needs to be explained a little more than they have it. Are there canon or real-world examples of this ability that you can draw from as an example?

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

John Locke

I added the detail to the vulnerable underside weakness. And to be honest asking me exactly how it works is like, asking me how a heart works if I just decided they existed. Y'know, I don't really know how I'm supposed to accurately design an organ. 90% of star wars just works. Like telepathy.

I've added to the description by extending this; "by an organ that acts as a secondary stomach that turns nutrients and gases into waves of vampirism used to harvest the energy in turn to feed itself." Essentially, it works as a way for it to eat. I hope that suffices.

But I have to say the fixation with how things scientifically work in Star Wars when so much has no explanation baffles me.

 

[John Locke]

Tathra Khaeus

Thank you for making those changes.

In this case, given that this is a brand new power we need to make sure that it makes sense and works within the aesthetic of Star Wars.

In this case, the idea of long-range energy vampirism really doesn't work for the aesthetic of star wars. It's more like something you might find in starcraft than Star Wars.

I would suggest doing something similar to the Debaucher factory submission and having the tentacles act as energy siphons instead.

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

John Locke

Well I'd beg to differ honestly. If its like the original debaucher that replace its current abilities it'd need to have tentacles up to 2.5 kilometres in length, which seems far more absurd.

Y'know, radio jammers exist that can block out radio signals and ysalamir exist and they can create areas of effect that nullify the force. I don't understand how this isn't fitting with Star Wars when its essentially a far weaker version of what the ysalamir only focused on technology rather than the force.

If you're pretty set on it not being in-keeping, maybe we can throw out the vampirism and it just disrupts use?

 

[John Locke]

Tathra Khaeus

Because unlike a radio jammer what you're doing isn't just jamming power but sucking it away which is different from what a Ysalamir ora radio jammer do. In fact according to the wookie article Yasalamir don't actually negate the force at all, just "projected a bubble inside which users were unable to exert any influence over the Force."

Do you mean like it generates some kind of EM waves? Because that seems much more doable yes. And much more in line with the aesthetic of Star Wars.

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

John Locke I stand by my opinion that something pre-existing has absolutely nothing to do with the 'aesthetic of star wars'.

Alas, archive this.

 

[John Locke]

Archiving per OP request