Calm Before The Storm

[Tatsu]

He stared down at the table, mind blank as per usual - his right hand reached ahead of his gaze and grasped a shot glass filled to its brim with an unnamed brand of rum. Where it came from, who made it? Questions Tatsu didn't care to ask. He knocked the sickly sweet drink back and let it slide down into his gullet. A soft sigh escaped him, his eyes falling back to their same position as he then fetched a cigarra and a lighter from his tactical vest. He lit the health hazard and pulled deeply, the tip coming alive with a bright glow - white then dulling to an orange ember. A plume of smoke exiting his lungs and wafting towards the ceiling.

Tatsu was alone. He barely even had the social skills to grace another with any sort of desirable knowledge, and so he kept to himself. That not being the sole reason, but much rather because he didn't truly care about anyone else. His mind was locked, transfixed by the very things he had done prior to boarding this refugee ship. Murder? Check. Excessive violence towards all genders and even children? Check. Stealing? Check. Even so, these things weren't uncommon for the places he'd been to. There were people and even things far worse, but every man has his toll. His limit.

Tatsu was tired. Tired of fighting for something he never believed in, tired of lies.

He inhaled his cigarra deeply again, holding back the toxic chemicals within his throat and lungs to feel the buzz mingle with his alcohol. His gut was warm; his chest heavy, his throat dry.

Yet it was a comfort.

He finally lifted his gaze, blinking a couple of times before squinting in observation at the rest of the rather lonely cantina. His head cocked to his right side as a humorous thought entered his mind. Something cruel and dry, no doubt.

Leaning back, he inhaled again - exhaling another stinking cloud. For once... he was alone.

[member="Darius Sedaire"] | [member="H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E"]

 

[H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E]

Delta was a girl of many odd habits, among them was a ritual HARDLINE dubbed "people watching." When she had nothing better to do, often times she would simply stand in a public space, and watch people like some sort of creepy stalker for hours on end, not talking to anyone and not moving from her position. HARDLINE and Elisa have made various bets over the years for how long she could do it for, normally leaving both parties horribly dissapointed.

Today she stood in the corner watching one man in particular. For whatever strange reason he had caught her particular reason, so she simply stood in the corner staring without any shame, until, suddenly, to the surprise of Elisa behind the bar, she decided to move. It had been a good 3 hours now, with at least 90 minutes of watching the same man, she moved from her corner. She approached the man's table, sitting down without so much as asking. All the man received was a monotone "Hello"

Perhaps Delta saw in him a kindred soul, or maybe there was something greater she saw in him, either way, she had engaged the man, without much as a moment of deliberation.

[member="Tatsu"]

 

[Cedric Grayson]

It had been a long day, as most of Darius's days were as of late. His life had been transformed from one of peaceful learning into one of nearly constant violence, courtesy of the beings he'd been running from for the past few months. His time in the Black Library had been woefully short, and his failure to defend the hallowed center of learning had left him with a hole in his heart that he just could not seem to fill. He supposed he deserved that.

The game of dejarik ended shortly after it had begun. The masked exile barked a laugh at his opponent's expense: an ugnaught with far too much liqour in his small body to make any kind of coherent decisions. A few credit chips were slipped along the table, and Darius was left by his lonesome.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw an interaction that spurred his curiosity. The short guy had been hanging out at the bar for a good deal of time, and the young woman that approached him seemed far from his kind of people. Somewhat amused, Darius leaned forward just enough that he might better eavesdrop on the conversation. It was better than counting the ceiling tiles for the seventh time that night.


[member="H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E"], [member="Tatsu"]

 

[Tatsu]

A blank expression met the woman who decided to offer her greetings and company. Tatsu stared at her for a few seconds before averting his gaze, taking a long drag from his cigarra before expelling the smoke in her direction without a second thought or apology. He remained silent and uninterested in any conversation, and his temper only grew within him the longer she decided to remain seated. His focus found itself drifting back onto her with hawk-like precision, piercing through.

"The only way you'll get me to talk is if you feed me more alcohol. Even then, I'll probably just pass out and piss all over myself and this cantina."

A coy smirk peeled the corners of his mouth upwards for but a brief moment before fading back into utter monotony. Tatsu flicked whatever remained of his cigarra onto the floor, again blowing the smoke in the woman's direction. "You've been watching me for too long. Didn't think I would notice? What do you want." Spite laced his words, animosity tensed his brow as he began to clench his gloved fists.

"Get more another drink or piss off."

[member="Darius Sedaire"] | [member="H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E"]

 

[H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E]

Delta slowly tilted her head in a vague attempt to express her confusion in mans aggression. She clearly didn't see any of her actions as socially incorrect, nor did she seem to understand personal space in the slightest, hence why the aggressive response seemed excessive to her.

Her voice was just as montone and emotionless as before. "I don't want anything, I simply thought what you were interesting." She then stood up without much of a word. "However if you want a drink I will oblige you."

Delta then slipped behind the bar, without seeming to draw much of a fight from the bartender, showing she either worked there, or knew the owner somehow, the truth was somewhere between the two, not that Tatsu needed to know such things. She returned a few moments later with a bottle of whisky, placing it in front of him, before taking he seat again.

"Talk about whatever you like, please." She said.

[member="Tatsu"] [member="Darius Sedaire"]

 

[Cedric Grayson]

There was something about gurmpy drunks that always entertained Darius. They spoke to the cruel inner child in him that reveled at the stupidity of others, and drunks tended to have that stupidity in many shades. This one, however, was far more angry than stupid. The exile watched the exchange skeptically, a brow lofted as idle threat were thrown about like normal conversation. He supposed that was the norm in a place like this - cantinas on travel ships were not known for their clientele of high standing, nor were they known for strictly following any kind of rules. The exile decided that he preferred it that way.

There was something cruel in Darius that demanded he get involved, if only for the sake of relieving some of his own boredom. One could only spend so much time reading dark holobooks and brooding over the nature of the galaxy before they began to hate themselves.

"How often do you piss yourself?" Darius asked as he came to stand next to the grump man's table. "I'm just asking for a point of reference. I generally only piss myself once per month, sometimes twice if it's been a bad week. Is that considered normal?" He asked the question with a genuineness that would have fooled most.

His masked head was canted to the right, not unlike the expression of a canine looking to its master in confusion.

[member="H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E"], [member="Tatsu"]

 

[Tatsu]

Tatsu grimaced, inhaling sharply through his nostrils. His right hand slowly coming over his forehead as he rested it there momentarily, almost seeming to ignore whatever else the woman had to say. A solemn yet glazed look took over his face, but before he knew it, the woman returned with an entire bottle of whisky. His brow lofted inquisitively as he glanced at her and then back at the bottle. A brief sigh escaped him as he reached for it, ripping the cork from the bore and then subsequently taking a large gulp or two - exhaling the noxious breath of a smoker's corroded mouth with a pungent finish. "Curiosity kills, didn't anyone ever teach you that?"

Tatsu's attention then snapped to a rather odd, robed individual. An even more puzzled and concerned expression was cast at the stranger who chimed in with an abrupt question in regards to Tatsu's previous statement about pissing himself. The stranger then proceeded to egg on the attempt at humor, forcing Tatsu to break into a grin which revealed his stained teeth; worldly like his own face, but a bit more rotten and coated with stinking booze and nicotine laced saliva. "Ah... seems I've attracted some attention. I'd have to say I piss myself quite often. From not having a proper way of disposing of it as a child, to not having such a privilege in combat. It varies, really." Tatsu returned the favor of a joke; however, it was mostly truth. But nobody else needed to actually know that information.

"Guess sharing this bottle would kill me much slower than if I didn't. Join the table, I suppose. Someone else already invited themselves anyway." A condescending glance was cast towards the woman, though somewhere deep inside Tatsu was thankful and rather appreciative of the good service.

[member="Darius Sedaire"] | [member="H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E"]

 

[H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E]

Delta looked at Darius with a degree of confusion, she wasn't well versed in the art of humor, and she simply didn't get the joke at all.

"Frequent incontinence is normally considered unhealthy. You should probably consult your primary care physician." She said to Darius, with a completely straight face.

Despite not getting the joke, she listened to what Tatsu had to say with a great deal of interest, especially after he mentioned combat. Perhaps that is why she was drawn to him, another man of action. The template of her mind is that of a man who knew nothing but war, and while she doesn't share his exact memories, her mind still suffered the consequences. HARDLINE considered it an experiment of sorts, he wanted to see if somebody bred, born, and raised for only war could be redeemed, thus he gave an AI to the original, and made a copy for himself.

The answer was still up in the air.

"Were you a soldier?" She asked, paying no mind to the new arrival, with only a hint of inflection in her voice. This was the question she wished to ask the whole time, she needed to know somewhere deep inside her, that there were others like her.

[member="Tatsu"] [member="Darius Sedaire"]

 

[Cedric Grayson]

The momentary break from his private thoughts was most welcome. It had been some time since Darius had taken the time to just socialize plainly. The majority of his conversations these days were done for the sake of survival, or furthering his cause. The rare moment of levity had served to lift his spirits, and loosen his normally silent tongue.

"No, it's all perfectly normal. I identify as a man with no bladder," he pressed a hand to his own chest, the genuineness with which he jested quite believable were it that they were discussing just about any other topic one. "There's no point in getting drunk alone. Just let's bad habits set in," he muttered in agreement with the grime-caked man.

Darius did not seem to be bothered by his appearance, given the way he pulled out a chair and settle down with ease. A hint of amusement found its way into his thin smile, "Of course he's a soldier. You see the way he carries himself?" A brow was raised, and Darius gave the man a slight nod. "I'm Darius - something of a soldier myself."

 

[Tatsu]

Of course he's a soldier.

Of course he was. A pang ruptured the lighthearted moment for Tatsu as he swallowed a lump in his throat, taking another deep gulp from the whisky bottle. He made a face as if to signify that something had gone wrong internally, a kind of taxing dread that pulled at his insides and made his thoughts dark with old memories that simply wouldn't die.

Without trying to make the bit of normalcy he found awkward, Tatsu ignored his frustrations and gave the newcomer a forced smile and nodded lightly to further emphasize the good intentions of his tongue and company.

"Is that right? I would have never been able to tell, not with those robes. Where I come from, we weren't offered much in the way of luxury or even choice."

He was already saying too much. He felt stupid, his heart thumped against his chest and his palms were tickled by a sudden surge of electricity. His nerves screamed at him to stop remembering, to let it all go. But no, he needed to face himself right now. He needed to escape the cycle he would otherwise be ensnared by.

"I uh... I never really talk about what I am. This conversation shouldn't be happening, but it already is. I curse you both for finding me in a vulnerable state of mind, honestly. I've survived by teaching myself that feelings are for the weak, that nothing good ever comes of fear or the expression of faults or guilt. You harness it, make it a slave to your will and press on. When all else fails, you're all that you truly have."

A slave... that was what Tatsu still was in his own mind. A slave to vices and the only life he knew as reality - always looking into the worlds of higher status and never once bearing the fruit of comfort or acceptance. He didn't dare utter anything else to these unknown faces, lest he tell them the truth.

Secrets he'd rather take to his grave.

Tatsu continued to drink heavily, his vision becoming distorted as he began to hear... things. Gunfire, shouting, his former squad-mates. They were all dead, and had long since been so. He shook his head and attempted to focus his gaze on the table before him, clearing his throat.

[member="Darius Sedaire"] | [member="H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E"]

 

[H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E]

Delta closed her eyes for a moment to take in what the two men said, bowing her head slightly as she thought. She didn't often think on more existential matters , so she didn't have thoughts like this prepared offhand. She thought back on her experiences, and tried to piece together something resembling a worldview.

"I don't think feelings are weak." She said, opening her eye and raising her head once more. "I think they are what give people strength to push forward, to become something more than a machine following orders."

She held out her hand for a moment, staring intently at it as if to inspect herself, before dropping it down to her side once again. "I don't feel emotions very often, but my master does. I want to become strong like him, somebody who controls their own fate."

She spoke without a hint of inflection or emotion in her voice, the same calm, almost machine-like melancholy pervaded her every word, and while one could tell what emotion she was feeling by the context, she clearly had little ability to express them externally. For many it was off putting, for others it was calming, however for her it was a prison. That was the experiment after all, could one redeem a killing machine?

"Fear gives courage, guilt gives redemption. I feel neither, so I receive neither."

[member="Tatsu"] [member="Darius Sedaire"]

 

[Cedric Grayson]

Darius had been privy to many conversations such as this, and in his experience, they never went anywhere positive. He found that his attempt at good humor had only unearthed demons better left to rot, and part of him felt guilty. The other part of him understood that he could not control the emotions of others, and that as a Jedi he had something of a duty here. Members of the order, if one could even call it that anymore, had a duty beyond the call to war. It was time for him to exercise it.

"I'm a Jedi," Darius replied plainly. "Not a very good one, but a Jedi. I've spilled more blood for the cause of the greater good than I like to think about, but then I don't regret it either." He explained, hoping to share something of himself so that the other two felt a bit less vulnerable.

"You do what you have to do to survive. In all situations, one should strive to make the most moral choice, but sometimes the most moral choice is still an evil one. We have to learn to forgive ourselves and move past those hard decisions. It's the only way you can grow," Darius continued as he helped himself to a swig from the bottle. "It sounds like you grew up around Sith, friend. Emotion is what gives life meaning, ironic as it might be for someone like myself to say that," he found himself grinning, "You're here now, anyway. No path forward but the one you forge for yourself - you can make your own decisions on what matter to you. You shouldn't let the world decide that for you, though." He looked between the both of them, his words meant for each rather than one or the other.

[member="H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E"], [member="Tatsu"]

 

[Tatsu]

Tatsu gave a serious look to the self-proclaimed Jedi. A moniker bearing little actual meaning for Tatsu himself, same for the label of Sith. Names he had heard in passing, but never gaining any real knowledge on either or their functions. They were more so an enigma that held philosophies and even concepts completely and utterly incomprehensible to a man like Tatsu; however, he wasn't a simpleton. He knew somewhere inside, they all bled and died like the rest. For causes unknown, or for a more noble sentiment. The greater good, so to speak, meant even less.

What good was there? Slums, decaying streets, perpetual fighting that spanned across almost every planet Tatsu had ever set foot on. Concepts like good or evil were mere words holding little consequence or value. Words invented to justify one's actions, but everyone dealt in absolutes one way or another. Everyone simply needed a means to an end, and if someone were to disagree, then they would simply be lying to themselves.

"Well, Jedi, you and I are clear on one thing I'd say: there is only surviving in this life with little else to it. I see no glimmer on the horizon, no sort of sparkle in the eyes of anyone. We're all meant to carry a weight, and not everyone has the backbone or strength to see it through. We all collapse here or there, and those my friend, those people are the weak willed. They do nothing for anyone, nor themselves. Worthless."

Tatsu looked away, his eyes downcast and then glancing to the left.

"But no. My upbringing involved being a slave. Gathered scrap for a while, then I found myself being selected."

A sharp inhale through his nostrils as he fetched another cigarra from his vest, putting the butt of it to his lips.

"Now I'm a deserter. What others might refer to as an objector of sorts."

Tatsu lit his addiction, rolling the thin tobacco-filled tube in between his index finger and thumb.

[member="Darius Sedaire"] | [member="H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E"]

 

[H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E]

Delta's face, for the first time since she had met the two, and in fact, for the first time in quite a few moons, twisted into something resembling disappointment, it wasn't strong, and certainly was easy to miss, but it was there, a little shimmer of the emotions she wanted to have. She had no upbringing to speak of, only the words of her master and occasional flashes of memories from the person she supposed was her "father."

She was a droid, but three years old, made from the mind of a man just as lost as the other two at the table. The end result was a killing machine even more lost than all three combined, made for some sort of experiment, or perhaps, more of a wager, designed to test the true limits of the human spirit. It was HARDLINE hedging his bets, if Delta could be saved, anyone could, and that would greatly improve the odds of life surviving the coming storm.

She was lost in her thoughts for a moment, but snapped out of it, lightly shaking her head. "I'm nobody. I'm the daughter of a man I will probably never meet, taken in by a man who I will probably never match, let alone exceed."

[member="Tatsu"] [member="Darius Sedaire"]

 

[Cedric Grayson]

Darius listened patiently to what his companions had to say. He'd always enjoyed hearing the stories of others, even when those stories might have seemed mundane to some. The exile had the unique gift of truly appreciating life in all its forms, and he found the ways in which sentients made their way in the galaxy fascinating, from the greatest lords to the lowliest of servants. He helped himself to another swig of the rum, felt the warmth pour through his body, and spoke.

"It sounds as if you've had a life of suffering my friend. I can understand that," Darius replied to the soldier. "But I disagree with you. There is far more to life than simple survival - if life was just survival, then there would be no point in living. It's just the unfortunate reality of the galaxy that many people derive their meaning from stepping on others. It's even more unfortunate that few people have what it takes to stand against such tyrants," he paused, regarding the duo curiously.

"Have either of you ever held a baby?" He asked as he reached up to fully remove his mask, revealing a youthful face with a shock of blond hair. "That is purpose. That is meaning. Life itself is an extraordinary happenstance, and each of us is the result of a lottery with billions of participants. We've all won that lottery - the lottery of existence - and it would be a disservice to choose to waste that prize suffering for the entirety of your life."

He paused, turning to regard Delta. "That goes for you too. Life is what you make of it. If you think of yourself as nothing, then your are nothing. You have to become the person you want to be. Rolling in the muck of unhappiness will just get you covered in more filth."

[member="H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E"], [member="Tatsu"]

 

[Tatsu]

Tatsu regarded the Jedi's words with stubborn skepticism and borderline dismissal. Yet they somehow wormed their way into his mind, planting a seed of momentary self-reflection. Then Tatsu understood, and somewhere in that gloom, found a beautiful thing. It was hope.

But where there is hope, there is doubt. A kind of doubt that crushed anything in its path, controlling the brain with pessimism and analyzing everything as a foregone conclusion. There was a war being waged within the former slave, a burning of the psyche that wore down his very soul, while the rest of whatever longing rams against the inside of his chest and skin, begging for freedom. What if it was too late to forget the suffering? What if there was nothing at all beyond the veil of anguish? Tatsu didn't let go of the Jedi's sentiment, but rather, buried it among the clutter that could be likened to thoughts.

Silence laced Tatsu's lips, he had nothing to say. He simply regarded the Jedi with an almost defeated expression, his eyes weakened by something internal. He was now at his most vulnerable - a feeling he hated more than anything.

"I'm done here. You two can keep up with this conversation... I need to shut my eyes."

With that, the soldier excused himself and walked away with a partially inebriated demeanor. The Jedi's words echoing throughout his cranium.

[member="Darius Sedaire"] | [member="H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E"]

 

[H.A.R.D.L.I.N.E]

Delta watched the man quietly as he left. Following him until he could no longer be seen. For some reason he had caught her fancy and he would either regret it or be thankful, depending on how the next few days proceeded. Delta was good at one thing and one thing only, fighting. Social pursuits were not her deal, nor were HARDLINE's complex schemes. She killed things, and she was good at that.

The words of the Jedi did little to penetrate the deep fog that pervaded her mind. A countermeasure put up to prevent the young mind from being crushed under the weight of 40 years of inhereted trauma. They simply breezed right over, not even having a single report in her hellscape of a mind. She payed the Jedi no attention from this point forward, simply staring at the door until the bar closed later that night. She was lost in thought, clearly, but that never really bothered her too much.

She had a lot to think about, and thinking was not her forte. She had to spend a long time to think on things as complex as morality and self worth, and she really didn't like it. She had no moral code besides the one handed to her by her master, she would probably never be her own person, and she had very little idea of how to go about such things. Maybe one day she would mature more, but for now, she was simply a lost soul floating along.