Confessions

[Gherron Dragovalor]

Coruscant; thinking....

Gherron wandered the Jedi temple on Coruscant, completely numb. Usually, he'd be sparring with another Jedi or maybe even practicing alone, but right now he was just bummed out. No, more than that. He was scared. Surprising, how it had taken him this long to come to terms with it. The way he had lost control like that. It was so unlike him, yet... it happened anyway. And to make it worse, he hated the Sith for bringing out that side of him. 'What if someone finds out, and I get expelled from the order?' He shook his head at the thought. No, it was more likely he would be allowed to talk it out first. Maybe it was just that once. Maybe it would never happen again. Maybe it would lead him to the dark side. For the first time since being a Knight, Gherron had serious doubts about himself. How could he go on, knowing what he had succumbed to?

[member="Vulpesen"]

 

[Vulpesen]

Vulpesen strode through the temple halls, conversing silently with Ace as he walked. The conversation was rather light, speaking about missions and the like, though no one would be able to tell as every word was spoken through their link. He was relaxed in this place, a temple of light, a temple where he felt balanced with his darker side. It was due to this relaxation that he was completely off guard when he sensed it. A cloud of darkness was hanging over someone in this room. It wasn't pure like that of a sith, but it was familiar to Vulpesen. It was a shame and a sense of regret he had felt at least twice. Such a thing seemed to rarely be felt by his companions as they delved so far in to the light. Casting his gaze among the few area around him, he easily found the source of the disturbance.

He and [member="Gherron Vael"] had met before. They had fought together and to be honest, he was somewhat shocked that he was the conflicted one. Still, he knew that the apprentice would be better off speaking to someone who had experience with such a thing. And for once, Vulpesen was fairly happy that he had gone through what would likely be a similar ordeal back on Hapes. Stepping over, Vulpesen easily caught up to the knight and walked by his side. "You seem troubled."

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

Gherron was so lost in his thoughts, that he almost jumped when he heard a voice behind him. Turning to face the man, he nodded at him slightly. "Hey... Vulpesen right? I believe we fought together on Kiorriban?" His mind went back to the battle, which made him feel even worse. He'd been assaulted by Sith spirits and stayed true to the light side. How could one teen Sith anger him so? It didn't make any sense. Sighing, he finally answered the man's question. "Yes, something's troubling me. What did you think, that I'd be prancing around the temple?" Yes, he was bitter. At himself. At the Sith. Everyone else too.

[member="Vulpesen"]

 

[Vulpesen]

Vulpesen nodded, remembering that fight. He wasn't sure what the sith had been feeding those guys, but it had proven to be one of his... strangest fights. "A prancing jedi. That is something I'd like to see before I die." Despite his smile, he could still feel the mentioned bitterness and thus he returned to seriousness almost immediately. "What happened?" He might have been familiar of the problem, and that would give him a large guess as to what the problem was, but sometimes it was better to check, just in case. [member="Gherron Vael"]

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

Finding a bench, Gherron sat down and looked at the ground. "I completely lost it. Couple months back, I fought this one Sith. You may have heard of it if you were around, we nearly destroyed a few blocks worth of city. I don't know what happened. We fought, and I gave into my anger. All of my pain and anger that I've been bottling up over the years... I just cracked." He shook his head and looked back up at [member="Vulpesen"], pointing at a scar that ran from his cheek on one side of his face to his chin on the other. "He gave me this, but he barely escaped with his life."

 

[Vulpesen]

Vulpesen listened as [member="Gherron Vael"] spoke. A few blocks was not something to shrug off. It was serious danger, and he could only imagine the rage that he must have felt when it happened. Still, as Gherron spoke of that unleashing moment, he had one major question. "How did it feel? What was the darkside like when you touched it? Did you feel the invigorating power? The sickening corruption? I want to know what happened during and after you crossed that line." It was a dangerous question, but one that needed to be answered. His anger was far more focused and thus he was unlikely to do what Gherron had, but he still remembered that feeling as darkness consumed him. Knowing this could make the difference between diving into the light, or starting a walk to the abyss.

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

Gherron shook his head. "I don't know, I-" He took a moment. "I didn't even feel it like that. It felt like I was doing something right, even though I knew I wasn't... if that makes any sense at all. I know I could have killed him if I kept going. I know that I wanted to kill him, too. He just... I just snapped. I don't know if I can explain it past that."

[member="Vulpesen"]

 

[Vulpesen]

Vulpesen leaned carefully, leaning up against a nearby wall. "You say you felt right, but knew it to be wrong. You say you could have killed him, but do not mention doing so. What stopped you? What was that anchor that led you back? Why did you run from the evil encroaching upon you?" Despite his relaxed position, his voice was serious. He was not scolding [member="Gherron Vael"], but he knew that this was not a time to joke.

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

"I remembered why I became a Jedi", Gherron said matter-of-factly. "I joined the order so that I would be a better person, use my skills for the good of others and not myself. I'd like to say i've been doing a good job so far. I guess... I didn't want that Sith to ruin it all for me." He crossed his fingers with each other and pondered his words.

[member="Vulpesen"]

 

[Vulpesen]

Vulpesen smiled as [member="Gherron Vael"] spoke of his reasons. "I'm not sure if you knew this, but I came into a similar crisis back when I was a padawan. Pain, frustration, and anger can cause even the most devout jedi to trip as you did. The trick is to avoid falling. You wish to help others. If you keep this in mind at all times and it may shield you from darkness." Vulpesen's voice was calm despite the touchy subject. "Do not be afraid to feel darkness. Everyone has touched it. I'm sure that even master Dista has at some point. Just remember to never reach for it."

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

Gherron nodded, understanding what the other Jedi was telling him. Face the darkness, but never give into it. However, the other statement surprised him. "The same thing's happened to you? You've lost control?" He knew the whole thing about making mistakes. Even the most wise could do that. However, his first impression of the man was one of strong will and determination, more than Gherron had ever seen in a man. The only one he knew personally who could possibly rival him was his own old master, Joshua Dragonsflame.

[member="Vulpesen"]

 

[Vulpesen]

Vulpesen nodded and moved his robes to reveal his saber. "My first weapon was taken when when I was beaten by a sith known as Marcus Faust back on Hapes. The blade was a gift from my father so when I was beaten, Faust had broken my weapon and my spirit before burying me in a crater." He gave a slight twitch at the memory of being covered by all the dirt and stone. "I delved into the darkside in that moment and I would have died like that had Faust not intended to take me prisoner. After attacking and killing a few of his guards, I charged at Faust himself with no intention of letting him live. Had I not been on the verge of collapse, I've no doubt that I've have torn down that entire planet to kill him."

[member="Gherron Vael"]

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

Gherron listened to the Jedi master intently. He wad some serious experience in what Gherron had felt. He knew first hand what it was like. Looking at the man, his eyes shone in admiration. "I thought it was unusual for Jedi to feel that way sometimes. But now I know it can happen to anyone. Even masters of the order."He reached up to feel the mark on his face, now just a few scabs that would soon be a full scar. He would take the story into account, and he would try not to let his anger get the best of him again.

[member="Vulpesen"]

 

[Vulpesen]

Vulpesen shook his head. "Don't get me wrong, it is fairly unusual. Its just possible for all. But this is where you can take a certain amount of pride. Many jedi who face what you just did, fall and find themselves unable to resist. You have done well Gherron." A smile moved across Vulpesen's face. That closeness was not something he enjoyed, the power shown by conquering it was. These moments were pivotal for those who felt them. They would either break them, for make them. Now, he could see that [member="Gherron Vael"] was strong in the light, able to defeat the darkness within himself.