Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Approved Species Cosimokiin

Status
Not open for further replies.

Equinox

Agility is key.
vLrwgtN.png

[SIZE=9pt]OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]GENERAL INFORMATION[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Name[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Cosimokiin[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Designation[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Sentient[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Homeworld[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Ottabesk[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Language[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Galactic Basic[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Average Lifespan[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: 670 years[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Estimated Population[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Planetary[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Description[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: They are a species that have been made from the DNA of Gurlanin and Shistavanen. They can also be Force Sensitive, however this is a small chance, about 13% chance on average. They can transform between many different forms, whatever they want to transform to, with the main two being human and werewolf. With werewolf being the actual species form. In werewolf form (the Cosimokiin form) they become quadrupedal and this is where the length applies. The height for the Cosimokiin form is 2.2 metres. In human form, the height is 1.7m and the length does not apply. The claws and teeth are very long and sharp in Cosimokiin form. The story in Historical Information explains most of it.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]PHYSICAL INFORMATION[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Breathes[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Type I[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Average height of adults[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: 2.2 metres (in Cosimokiin form)[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Average length of adults[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: 2.3 metres (in Cosimokiin form)[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Skin color[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Grey, light brown.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Hair color[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Black, brown.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Distinctions[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=9pt]In Cosimokiin form, the wolf form, they have particularly long fangs, and fur that stands up upon the back, the eyes glow in the dark or light. Males have red eyes, females have green eyes. The legs and paws are particularly large with muscle and the claws are larger than other races. Males have thick skin and fur and extremely strong. The females aren’t as strong as the males however they are a lot more clever than the males.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]In human form they do not look like a completely normal human. The have larger teeth, they are also sharper. The nails stay as small claws, the size of human nails, but sharp. The hair is a lot more rough, but doesn’t grow any longer. The eyes stay red, but do not glow. The voice has a small growl to it. However none of this is too obvious, as they are still developed to hide in their human form. The human form is also more muscly than others may be.[/SIZE]

[*]
[SIZE=9pt]Races[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: None.[/SIZE]

[*]
[SIZE=9pt]Strengths[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: [/SIZE]

  • Force Sensitive: There is a 13% chance that they are born Force Sensitive (on average)

  • [SIZE=9pt]Deceiving: Can shapeshift at will when it has enough energy.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Intellect: Very clever.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Powerhouse: Very strong.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Agile: Can run for long periods of time, and can jump very high and is good at parkour even for a quadrupedal without getting tired.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Speedy Recovery: The species retained the faster healing of the Shistavanen allowing them to heal everything quicker than other species. Shistavanen blood DNA means that they can heal minor wounds quickly and larger wounds in a matter of days.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Thick Skin: The thick skin allows an especially good resistance to melee weapons, this is because it is hard for the melee weapon to dig into the skin in order to do damage.[/SIZE]

[*]
[SIZE=9pt]Weaknesses[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: [/SIZE]

  • Easy To Hurt: This species is just as easy to kill as any other species apart from with melee weapons (see the strength "Thick Skin" for details) because they have no natural armour.

  • Energy Use: When the Cosimokiin uses too much energy it is forced back into it's normal form, therefore losing it's cover and being unable to transform until the energy debt is refilled.

  • Lightsabers: No resistance to lightsabers whatsoever, and therefore will retain the same damage as any other species would.

  • Big Target: As this species is very large, they are not hard to hit with a blaster or a lightsaber, or any weapon at that. And this means they also follow the saying "big things fall harder".

  • Cannot Use Weapons: In their Cosimokiin form they are unable to use weapons, and only have the option of brute force.

  • Native Cosimokiin living at home are uneducated in forms of battle, while they are clever enough to learn them, many have not because they do not venture off of the planet.

  • Not Social: Wolves are generally hated around the universe, and therefore they find it extremely hard to make allies.

  • Emotional: As a species they have developed a very emotional state, where they're emotions can influence them too much.

  • Weak Points: The under side of the wolf is particularly vulnerable to damage, this is because the skin here is thinner in order to stretch for eating.

  • Food Reliant: They absolutely must eat regularly to survive, this is because they have a particularly fast digestive system, meaning they use nutrients and energy very quickly. If they do not eat within 4 days they will die.

  • Reactions: Whilst they are particularly good at parkour for their size, their reaction times are not on par to other species, this is due to their size. This means that they are a little slower to react to things. While another species such as humans react in 0.25 seconds on average, it is about 0.6 seconds for Cosimokiin.

  • Heat: Due to the wolves thick skin and fur, they are particularly susceptible to heat, dying easily when the temperature gets too hot.

  • Not Hidden: No matter what form they are in they retain some wolf like features, meaning they can be uncovered easier.

[SIZE=9pt]CULTURE[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Diet[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Meat. Gelatin is poisonous to them.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Communication[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Communication telepathically within its own race. Growling to other wolves. Galactic basic to people.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Technology[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]level[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: They are mostly primitive upon their main planet, however for the ones that venture out, due to their intellect they have caught up upon all the new [/SIZE]technology[SIZE=9pt].[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]Religion/Beliefs[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: They believe in a world that does not physically exist, but it is out there, somewhere. It is a place where Cosimokiin go after death, but only the heroes. Only the best of the best for whatever reason can go to this place after death. And they are granted eternal living in this place where they can look down on whoever they want. The Cosimokiin that are not worthy of living here do not go anywhere, they just pass away. However, in order for even a hero to travel to this mysterious place, their pack mates must complete a 1 day ceremony of feasting and light. Only then can they live there eternally. They do not give this world a name, because they believe that if they called it something, it would be naming it a physical entity, and that is not what it is. They just refer to it as any phrase that describes it as above them. Such as “up there”.[/SIZE]

  • [SIZE=9pt]General behavior[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: They can work as a team, however they can be mean and work just as well alone. 133 years after they are born they are all expected to leave their family and pack to find a new mate and a new pack. The males dominantly fight and hunt for the pack while the females, using their intellect, care for the pack and build shelter. Sometimes an individual Cosimokiin will find a pack with humans, rather than it’s own race. Therefore, it will stop trying to find a pack, and will work with the humans they have deemed fit to work with. When they reproduce they care for the offspring by keeping it in the pack until they are 133 years of age, and then they leave them to repeat the cycle that they went through themselves. They do not do much other than strive to live, by hunting and caring for each other. However, due to their human form, they can grow to be very intelligent and, if influenced in the right ways, can aim to do just about anything a human will.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]HISTORICAL INFORMATION[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Once the desolate planet of Ottabesk had been discovered to be [/SIZE]uninhabited[SIZE=9pt]., a scientist decided it would be the perfect planet to set up a small laboratory to create a living hunter for war. He had a small team of other scientists with him and they paid many different companies to capture beasts and species for him to house in his new lab upon Ottabesk. While he had many species along with him in his lab, he focused on combining his two most important subject species. The Gurlanin and the Shistavanen. He took DNA from both of these species over 17 years. After he had enough to make a single Male and a single Female, he stopped taking DNA and started to develop his newly made powerhouse for war.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]He wanted heightened senses, predatory instincts, bigger teeth, claws and body. Faster transformations and movement. More… wolf. The day came where he stood in his room, plagued in light. He had the two tubes of DNA and a single, empty tube. He poured both tubes of DNA into the empty tube at the same time and injected it into two cells. Then he got gender specific DNA and made one cell male, one female. Then, before their growth he decided to call them Cosimokiin. He wrote down his study of their growth. Noting how they learnt so quickly. Then one day (2 years later) they had just disappeared. He’d woken up and went into his lab, and they were nowhere to be seen.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]He looked for 5 hours trying to find them, asking all of his staff if they had seen the wolves, but they only spoke of two new staff. Then at 11:11 at night, the lights cut out. The whole building was plunged into darkness. The scientist heard screams, crying and howling. They got closer and closer until there was silence. A man and a woman walked into his room, the scientist was relieved to see more survivors but was confused to hear no more screaming. Until the two people started to shift into a different shape. Both became a wolf with long, spiking hair, larger than the man himself, they launched simultaneously at him, and he heard a final scream, that was his own…[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]These two Cosimokiin wreaked havoc through the building, releasing many different species of mammal. Over the next 2000 years they reproduced and gradually grew, with the amount of cubs being produced being high. The species grew fast and were very dominant over the rest of the fauna on the planet, eating them for meat to survive and grow. Now they cover the whole planet, being the dominant species on an abandoned world. They have never moved to a different planet because the population hasn’t become too big. Until now...[/SIZE]
 
[member="Equinox"]

As a reminder, codex is closed to new submissions this weekend. Judging will start on Monday. I looked this over and as a suggestion since 3 days it will be judged, I ask that you examine the time line odnthe board. Your history of the species makes no sense with our timeline since the Alliance only recently held the planet and recently fell. Having something populate and grow for 2000 years when the Alliance is/was a modern faction makes absolutely no sense - so take this closure as a time to rewrite your species history. Thank you.
 

Equinox

Agility is key.
Hi! Thanks for the response. I did remember that the codex was taking a break but I thought i'd post it so I don't forget and for people to give feedback if they wanted to.

I have adjusted the planet accordingly because we deemed Tython unfit anyway because of it's inhabitants. It has been changed to Ottabesk. Thanks for the help!

[member="Allyson Locke"]
 
Put the language as Galactic Basic

In the description, you call the species 1.9 metres tall then in the general information 2.2 metres please choose one between them.



Equinox said:
If the Cosimokiin is born Force Sensitive, it's anger can completely nullify the Force because the force requires control, and when angry it can be hard to control the force, and as seen below, the Cosimokiin have a problem for getting angry easily.
If this was a real weakness, there would be no Sith. This does not work, anger never blocks a being from using the Force. Remove this and add another weakness. In terms of your weaknesses, I am not seeing any that I would consider strong weaknesses, and there is no explanation as to why it is resistant to lightsabers. I would start over on your weaknesses, the inability to transform into a human mode due to dna is confusing at best as they either can never transform due to the dna or it doesn't stop them from transforming, dna is not selective. There are no mention of ways to kill this race, so please include that and your strength states they can shapeshift at will, this is not true so change that as your weaknesses mostly state that they are exhausted.

Also like an explanation why their technology is primitive. Surely when introduced to the wider Galaxy their technology caught up, similar to Wookiees.



Equinox said:
They are very friendly and can work as a team,
This contradicts the whole too angry and aggressive points you made before. I recommend just removing this statement as it doesn't fit.

@Equinox
 
This species is just as easy to kill as any other species apart from with blasters

Why do blasters not do the same damage as it does to other race? Could mention this as a strength in detail.

[member="Equinox"]
 

Equinox

Agility is key.
All edited, slightly edited the weakness to make more sense and added to the strength "Thick Skin" to detail their resistance to energy weapons.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
I'm going to ask you remove blaster/energy weapon resistance. Thick skin doesn't explain their resistant to that, if they had plate armour that be different. I can recommend that resistance to melee weapons is more acceptable.

[member="Equinox"]
 
[member="Equinox"]

Fine. Looks acceptable to me, passing this on for secondary.

[member="Allyson Locke"] | [member="Irajah Ven"] | [member="Zeradias Mant"]
 
[member="Equinox"]

Over all this looks okay. I have a few tweaks, mostly language and detail that I'm going to ask you for to make the clarity of certain parts of this submission crystal for someone taking a look at it or using it in the future. They are things that I *think* I understand what you are going for, but because they are ambiguous and I'm not entirely certain I'd like to make sure we're on the same page.

-In speedy recovery, can you add the information from the shistavanen entry about what that means, so people can see it here. In this case: "Heal minor wounds quickly, and larger wounds in a matter of days."

-Your uneducated weakness and the Technology field border on contradicting each other. Could you change the weakness to something like "Native Cosimokiin living at home are" - There is no issue with balance in this case, just clarity. I'd like you to be able to keep both parts, but since they are clever and smart, and clearly *can* learn, that should be reflected as an inclination rather than a hard line, so that it doesn't contradict with the other two.

-In Senses- I'm reading this as that they have less keen eyesight/smell/hearing etc- which wouldn't contradict the agile strength above. If that's correct can you make that clear in that weakness? If I am misreading that, can you clarify what you do mean there?

-In Food Reliant - most species need to eat every day to maintain energy/strength (we all get weak when we don't eat) but I suspect you mean something more severe here? What are the consequences if they don't eat? Does as little as a day without food kill them? Three days? I want to make sure I'm reading this one correctly, so if you could add that, it would be great.
 

Equinox

Agility is key.
Done and done.

Changed the "senses" weakness to "reactions" weakness to further clarify what I meant.

[member="Irajah Ven"]

P.S. Thanks!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom