Critique the Corellian

[Julius Sedaire]

So, I've never had an extremely good level of honest response on these. I tried one of them on me as a writer, and one on my Mandalorian Beskarsmith [member="Ijaat Akun"]. Granted, I hadn't delved much into the board as a whole, and had mostly wrote with folks from the Mandos, so that might explain the lack of overall feedback and critique from when I did those threads. Or maybe I just don't do very well at it at all and you guys are just being nice to save my feelings. Who knows?

I'd love feedback, really, on what you think of Julius. He's my very first Jedi concept ever, and on his old board he was nowhere near as active or developed as he is here. And he was a completely different character in truth. Not one of my favorites, at all. I wrote him as a favor to a friend from Louisiana, because she wanted a 'love interest' that wasn't too clingy, that could stave off the legions of people hitting on her/her character. So I kept him mostly in the background then. But he has changed a lot here, and I'd love to hear your critiques, suggestions, likes and dislikes. If they stray more into the 'me as a writer' zone in general, that is fine as well, I welcome that too.

Seriously... I know I have a bit of a rep for being negative or... Temperamental... I am working to fix that, specifically with how I act with this guy... Not always the best at it... But I am trying... I'm finding myself growing a lot more attached to this character than I ever thought I would (he's supplanted a character whose been almost 8-10 years my main, which is Ijaat). So as I make more and more 'future plans' for him, and plot here and there, I want to know how i'm doing with writing him. What I am doing well at, what I'm not doing well at. What his weaknesses and strengths are as a character concept are, all that fun stuff.

So, let me have it, honest. I want to hear it, even if it isn't nice.

 

[Grrwunhoooll Agaburry]

need more bacta. [member="Julius Sedaire"]

But on a serious note im glad your trying new things. Although dont make Julius what Ijaat could of been I did that to one of my characters kinda.

 

[Julius Sedaire]

[member="Graaf Zalec"] - Hopefully I haven't.. He doesn't make things.. He's a force user.. A Corellian... Not much of a sense of honor as it were... He's fast, over strength in fighting... Not a good shot (he has a gun, but only because it's useful, he's no expert). He's also pretty much handicapped when it comes to technology, and wears no real armor besides the Vanguard stuff. I purposely tried to make him different than Ijaat, other than the dueling/swordsman aspect... And that is because... Well... I really like writing those archetypes, so sue me

 

[Julius Sedaire]

Just bumping this, and to be honest, linking a few threads that epitomize Julius to me, in case you might want to leave feedback, but don't have any reference, as someone pointed out to me they didn't...

• There But For the Grace of The Force, Go I.... - [member="Keira Ticon"] and Julius run into each other. Harmless flirtation and philosophy quickly turn to a duel neither one of them particularly wants, but both feel is sort of 'their job' to do. Honestly my *favorite* thread for this character, ever. Probably my favorite SWRP thread.
• Making Friends Among the Ghosts - 'early' Julius participates in a diplomatic envoy to the Jenasaarai to try and recruit them to the Galactic Alliance. Here we see glimmers of his more headstrong ways, and the 'deeds not words' attitude. I would love to see this play out with [member="Veino Garn"] when time permits.
• The Black Sands of Socorro - Julius promotes his padawan and 'son' to a full Jedi Knight, and lectures him and himself a bit on the nature of being a 'Jedi' and the balance of the Force. This is where I picture Julius beginning to realize he's not quite a good Jedi, and that it's ok for that to be truth.
• Capitalist With a Gun - Julius participates as a third party med relief, protecting healers on humanitarian aid. His few posts in this show his developing attitude and particularly how he interacts with NFU compared to other Jedi or FU.
• A Jedi and a Pirate Walk Into a Cantina - Julius meets soon-to-be Supreme Chancellor [member="Jack Sparrow"]. And discovers a friend, and in part a kindred soul. Despite Jack never knowing it in truth, this for me, when we laid the shaky plans for this, was where Julius was to begin to realize how the rest of the Galaxy viewed Force Users, and in his mind decided to be different. Not much there content wise, but watch this space!

 

[Veino Garn]

[member="Julius Sedaire"]

I think that point in Making Friends really characterized Julius for me. It was such a distinctive and unexpected moment, especially for the many Jedi-like characters I've seen.

 

[Keira Priest]

• There But For the Grace of The Force, Go I....

Best thread. Really makes me think when it comes to both characters, and it's been a blast to write.

That being said, Julius is great. Just when I think I know how he's going to react he goes and does something completely different, only cementing the fact that the character is unpredictably awesome. I really like reading your posts, because they're very descriptive and poetic without seeming to ever intend to be, and Julius himself seems to fit that sophisticated yet nonchalant style of writing you epitomize so well. Long story short, keep being awesome, and I hope to have more great threads in the future.