Critique two things here.

[Edward Vyperion]

Do me a favor. Look at my bio and then the NPC before posting critique of me this time around?

I asked for critique as other characters like this before, but they got lost in the months that went by.

As for what I'm fully asking, I want your criticism on me as a RPer and this character in it's entirety.

 

[Flannigan Mcnash]

[member="Vladimir Tedesky"], ask and you might get an answer. ​

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Vladimir Tedesky
The Review

Lets start this off with what makes up a character, what defines him, his story.

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Vladimir Tedesky was born on Alderaan to a rich family, however, their riches went cold as the Gulag Plague ravaged the galaxy. As the years went by, more and more of Vladimir's friends and family died, and Vladimir became bitter at the galaxy for being so weak compared to his luck. His luck involving the Gulag Plague ran out when his vision began to deteriorate over the years and he had to use the ever working eyes of a droid to replace them. Now he roams about the galaxy, attempting to find something good in this life. Vladimir as of late has two droid allies named Cygnus and Ashley Zambrano

The high lighted text tell you everything you need to know, the jaded warrior with dead parents, I do admire that your parents were killed by a force of nature rather than someone using force and not doing the vengeance storyline. But Vladimir isn't all that interesting as a character, not that the concept is bad or anything it's just there isn't too much depth to him or there isn't right now, he's the jaded world weary warrior thrust into situation by his gaggle of companions, sleepy and dopey, if I'm not interested in one character why should I be interested in three.

And it's not even that he's a bad character, it's just he's a scaffold of a character that needs to be worked on. I'd advise looking into some some biographies and try to expand yours, and maybe some character synopsis on popular fantasy book characters, explore how he came to be world weary how he became the sceptic he's today what led up to it, expand your bio.

The Writer

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Your posts lack a punch to them, there's nothing to draw me in, and lugging around NPCs also detracts from the character as the focus is never centralised.

"Huh? Oh. Give me about 500 of that and I'll talk with you if it's about business, if not, keep your money." This man may not look it, but he was a CEO once in his life, and now has fallen on hard times.

There's nothing worse than a flat post, even a terrible post is preferably compared to one at least you have something to look at, nothing draws me in "Huh," that's what you start with, look for something short and precise, start with a memorable line "You Gotta Be Realistic" or something strange or onomatopoeia, sound can draw attention, or use colours to make your post to stand out.

This man may not look it, but he was a CEO once in his life, and now has fallen on hard times.

Before delving into your background you should worry about the now, the description, the minor mannerisms are what makes characters people instead of a sheet of weaknesses and skills. When you make a post you should ask yourself is this the most interest way I can describe this, if not why aren't you. Always questions your posts compare and learn.


e.g 'pop' 'pop' it was the sound of puckered lip's closing and shutting in short concession, he blew out a breath of pale silvery smoke from his pipe it danced above his head like halo, it stayed there for a second, and than another before finally vanishing "Gotta be realistic".

Conclusion
Work on the basics of writing and character building, everything starts somewhere

 

[Edward Vyperion]

[member="Flannigan Mcnash"]

Yeah, I honestly agree on the last statement. I feel like I'm getting rusty at forum RP, but still attempting to RP here at least, though I admit I never was quite the large poster here anyway.

 

[Flannigan Mcnash]

[member="Vladimir Tedesky"], you don't have to be you can post a paragraph and be fine, it's about formatting and memorable quotes. You'll just find it harder to be expressive or memorable as a character unless you use a catch phrase and do some wicked description/metaphors. Look into using different fonts and colour your text make a phrases in bold "Gotta Be Realistic", see how that draws the eye. Be aware of colour and setup.

 

[Edward Vyperion]

[member="Flannigan Mcnash"]

Yeah, I also haven't been posting in forums for a few months, which kind of put a damper on how I RP here, and I haven't RPed as Vladimir since the Clockwork event if I remember right. So yeah, I'm feeling rusty as I said.