Feedback Dagon Kaze: Year One

[Dagon Kaze]

"From smut to shitposting. A true masterpiece."
- The Slut Times

"Not a middle-aged straight white man with vices, but a young
straight white man - Zef Halo is clearly demonstrating extraordinary writing range."
- The Gilamanjaro Post

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"He said he can't write Jedi, so he didn't. He LARPed
DC all the way. Phenomenal."
- The Zark Street Journal

​

"The modern Dostoevsky of rip off. Smile."
- The Daily Zee

"As his employer, I have no regrets that he has written so many GA posts. Copium."
- IntelWars by Hamwagon


365 wasted days
891 posts
46 smut private threads
69 (ofc) railroaded open threads


Arkham Asylum presents...

(Hardcover issue: 1,000 UCs)
​

The time and effort I've dumped in a fictional character is pure sigma grindset. Only the wrong outlet. I could've been a billionaire by now, probably, but knowing me I'd be a Zimbabwe billionaire more likely.

In all seriousness, I've never written a character for so long and for so much. Who would've thought it would be a Jedi? Not me.

I want to thank Google Translate and every single writer I've written with so far for helping me develop both my character and my writing. Wouldn't be shitposting this feedback thread if it wasn't for you. Especially my subfaction toxic clique group (it's all IC bro, smile) that I've substantially written with in the last year and two. God bless you.

So after stroking my ego for a year, could you, like, provide me with some feedback. Good parts, bad parts. Where can I improve, where are my weak links, and what still has a lot of room for improvement - both as a character, but especially as a writer.

Thank you for wasting your time with me.

 

[Yula Perl]

Eh.

 

[Aeric Kaze]

let me know what you guys think of my character!

 

[Julius Haskler]

Must say I've never really followed what this char was doing except for every invasion where he would put the battle order in danger.

All in all, the emphasis put on being white straight and young is shown to carry characters far (or get horrendously murdered by their own faction), just keep the grindset strong Zef

 

[Valery Noble]

Aight, here goes!

First things first.
When I originally joined in March, you were one of the first people to show interest in writing with me. I was really overwhelmed and new at the time to the forum RP thing, so that was honestly something I really appreciated. For new players, having people be willing to RP is pretty necessary to get invested, and you helped me a lot more than you might know. Also when I came back after my long LoA, getting them threads again was nice!

As for the character!
I think Dagon is a very consistent, well-thought-out character. I could read a bunch of writing where his name was removed, and I'd know for a fact that it's him through personality alone. He's very fun and has a lot more depth than one would likely think at first glance. I've seen him struggle, I've seen him funny and happy, and I've seen him being a very caring and helpful person to others. He's a great character, and I really enjoy threads where he's involved.

Now I suppose I need something negative too, so where's my Aleena/Jon smut? Still waiting :|

 

[Atlas Drake]

 

[Damsy Callat]

Especially my subfaction toxic clique group (it's all IC bro, smile)

Damsy still loves him, and it's kinda wild.

But I'm, like, here for it.

We thread super soon.

 

[Tefka]

I have no idea what you intended to do when you started, but it's literally this character that makes me think NIO and GA are the same faction, so you're probably nailing it smile.

 

[Lief]

stimky

 

[Rurik Fel]

I have no idea what you intended to do when you started, but it's literally this character that makes me think NIO and GA are the same faction, so you're probably nailing it smile.

he write more Dagon Kaze posts than all his NIO chars combined so i wish that was the case

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Dagon Kaze

Ok, let's get the cheesy stuff out of the way first. I didn't really feel at home on Chaos until I wrote with you. I floated around on here for a year, then we did that one thread where you let me suck Dagon's blood and freed Kai, and suddenly I became a real writer who could be taken seriously. Or, uh, seriously by Chaos standards. Thanks for that confidence boost and for putting your trust in me, very cool.

Anyway, back to Dag. Best character on the board? Idk, I'm in a clique, I don't know these other people. Best Jedi character on the board? Very possible. As Val said, he's very distinct, you know it's him just from the way he talks and thinks, not because his dialogue is blue. He's got a big personality, almost larger than life, but not in a way where he's unapproachable or like a weirdo you can't relate to. Big heart, funny, very likeable, absolutely a main character. 10/10, would awkwardly kiss again.

(not with Kai sheesh)

As for your aversion to writing Jedi, I think that may have actually been the secret to your success. You approached him from a different angle than the usual "I wanna be Luke/Anakin/Starkiller/whoever" bullshit, and as a result he not only stands out, I like him more for it. He also has his own flaws - he's hard-headed, a bit dumb, reckless, wears himself ragged for other people's benefit, etc. But you write him where it all makes sense. None of it is just a personality trait picked from a list and pasted in his bio. You got him living with his demons 24/7, and there's an origin for every single one of those demons rooted in his identity.

My only criticism is that maybe sometimes you lean a little too hard on the humor and it can wind up cheapening the drama? I can't think of a specific instance of you doing that though, so you might already be past that. Whatever, just keep doing what you're doing. I'll let you know if you fuck it up.

Also cool art.

 

[Jem Fossk]

stole my lunch money once, didn't give it back

but for reals im really glad you're writing him, i love how you can see the flaws and strengths in your enviroment and you write them, both sides of them

tension comes from flaws. they come from issues and conflicting ideas and personalities that collide

i feel you got the first two down pat, it makes our stories gritty and satisfying

as dagon moves into this really hard time in his life, i'd love to see how the stress wears him down and brings out his personality flaws. I want to see the sides of him he has to work to keep in check, the ugly stuff, deeper than the surface "heart in the right place but wrong method" flaw.

For instance, I knee jerk react when i feel someone's coming after my friends. It's not mature and its usually unneeded.

Jem will lash out when she doesn't feel good enough. It's not a mature response either, and it's why she doesn't have friends.

What makes Dagon feel bad as a person? How does he respond when he's not his best self?

Does he snap at people for not taking the threat of the maw seriously? Ghost yula when he's feeling stretched thin/ not support enough? He's got a lot on his shoulders. I can't wait to see what comes next.

tldr: great content, can't wait for the expansion dlc

 

[Ryv]

Bargain bin Ryv.

I'll write an actual feedback post when my head doesn't feel like my brain is pounding the inside of my skull to escape.

Sneak Preview: He's a great character, I feel he's really helped you expand your skills as a writer, and Tefka is still an inbred with a glass eye.

 

[Yula Perl]

Real talk tho

Pros: I agree with a lot of what the folks here have said, so I won't delve into the specifics and stroke your ego with that.

-After writing on and off with you for…what, 4? 5 years? I'm impressed that you managed to enjoy writing an earnest, hopeful character like Dagon. He's that much different from the more grizzled types you tend to gravitate towards. You've found your footing really well with him.

-I really, really enjoy the cop vs. criminal tension in his relationship with Yula. He doesn't compromise his principles and its lead to some fantastic narrative strain on their relationship. We've done a ton of threads with these two, starting from "eh we'll see if they get along" to "oh no they bought a couch together". All of their interactions felt very organic, and it's been great to see how they impact one another's growth and at times magnify shortcomings.

-Your posts give your writing partner something to work with.

-One aspect I really like is that you always try to make room for other people in Dag's story. While he does have Main Character vibes (not a bad thing), you don't write him in a way where he overpowers every scene he's in. You try and take your time to acknowledge folks even in crowded threads, which is a great way to make people, especially newer writers, feel seen.


Cons: Because you asked for it and I have to give you something to keep your ego from suffocating us all.

-Sometimes the meme fog is so thick OOCly that I have no idea what the hell ur saying.

-Dagon has an aversion to emotional conflict and tends to try and smooth things over without addressing the actual issue. This reminds me of IC Zef Halo who dealt with a similar problem—he always ran from his troubles, and you embraced that as a writer. Going off of what Jem said, I'd like to see Dag explore some more raw reactions, maybe a breakdown or something like that.

 

[Darth Solipsis]

This dude is based tf.

Real talk: I enjoy writing with Dagon and watching his journey from the beginning to now. It's felt like a true tale worth reading and that really shows the depths you are willing to go in expressing his emotions. He's malleable, he seems like he's truly affected by the events around him and those he interacts with. Good stuff brotha.​

 

[Bernard]

I liked him better when he wasn't harassing innocent Jedi in the council chambers

 

[Zoraya Ives-Ayres]

he write more Dagon Kaze posts than all his NIO chars combined so i wish that was the case

Dagon Kaze is COMPNOR agent what u mean

 

[Violet Horne]

i am told he has a great butt

 

[Noel Strasza]

he aight

he ain't worthy of no jacuzzi smut tho