Approved NPC Darth Serivioz

[Kaitara]

Name:
Darth Serivioz

Loyalties:
He is a dark lord of the sith

Role:
He is Rhaxid's former master. He is a sith lord who teaches Rhaxid how to master the dark side of the force.

Development Threads:
None

Age:
35

Species:
Human

Appearance:
Physically, Serivioz is a very thin pale man with a bald head and big blue eyes. He is 56.2kg heavy and only 1.5 meters tall. He had no distinguishing marks apart from a small scar on his left cheek. His armor covers his full body and it looks very cybernetic. it is light grey and light blue colored. His mask covers his whole face. On top of his cybernetic armor is a tattered dark blue robe without sleeves. On top of that is a tattered long blue cape and hood.

Personality:
Serivioz is very serene and calm most of the time. He even seems emotionless at times because of this. He may seem completely calm but on the inside, he is full of insanity. He wants to learn more about the world and the past of the ancient sith at any cost. It is one of the only things he thinks about. He also does anything to reach his goals. It doesn't matter if it hurts anyone. He always gets something on his minds and he gets transfixed.

Force Sensitivity:
Knight

Weapon of Choice:
A single bladed lightsaber

Skills:

• Lightsaber combat
• Juyo Lightsaber Form
• Proficient in Shii-Cho Lightsaber Form
• Proficient in Force Lightning
• Force Push
• Force Pull
• Force Choke
• Force Heal
• Perceptive
• Good at finding relics and artifacts
• Intelligent
• Deceptive

Wealth:
Serivioz is not very wealthy. What money he had left was spent on buying his cybernetic armor.

Combat Function:
Serivoz is relatively good at combat. While he is very strong, he tries to be very balanced between force combat and lightsaber combat, making force combat and lightsaber combat only half as strong as they would be if she would try to be less balanced. The plus side of being balanced is that he is able to fight enemies with different weaknesses.

Notable Possessions:
N/A

History:

Serivioz was the son of a sith lord and an imperial lieutenant. Not soon after he was born, the lieutenant was killed by their own spouse in front of Serivioz. The sith lord only wanted them for a child and thought them useless after. They did it in front of their own child to teach them how to deal with extreme trauma on the battlefield. Soon after, Serivioz was personally taught the ways of the force by his living parent. His parent was very strict and protective and always kept Serivioz on a tight leash, never keeping him too far from sight. On Korriban, he was always sent to fetch little relics for his master. He soon started to gain an attraction to this relics and accepted every offer his parent would give him to fetch relics just so he could feel them with his own skin. He loved these relics because they revealed a great amount of information on the history of the past. He was eventually given the rank of Sith Knight after proving himself to be strong in the force after many tasked given by him father. After a long time of training, Serivioz thought he could do better without his father keeping him on a leash so he left him to become stronger in the force by himself.
Serivioz moved to Dromund Kaas after a while on Korriban and stayed there for a long time. On Dromund Kaas, he took an interest in the Dark Temple and it's mysterious effect on people who go into it. It seemed to drive people insane by just being there, which peaked the sith's interest. He would go on several expeditions studying artifacts scattered throughout the temple in order to find out more about the temple. Serivioz would stay there for a long time and his findings would eventually bring the attraction of a member of the Dark Council, who had a similar interest in the temple and would eventually give him the title of Sith Lord. He did not do much with this title and continued as he did before, but as he grew older, he realized that he needed someone. He felt so alone always going off on expeditions alone. He soon chose to return to Korriban to seek an apprentice, which he did. That apprentice was known as "Rhaxid".

Intent:
Serivioz is made to be a character to only appear in Rhaxid's backstory. He is made to be a primary character in the backstory. Another intent of this character is for him to be Serivioz's mentor so he can be trained to be a master in the force.

​Image Credit:
https://www.artstation.com/artwork/sith-337568fd-c6c2-4bd6-9483-a2be244cc50b
"Sith" by Andres Parada of artstation.com

 

[Kaili Talith]

Hello [member="Rhaxid"], I am going to review your submission and will get back to you once I have given it a good reading.

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Rhaxid"]

Okay, so after having read through and thought about what I have seen I have come to the following assessment:

Appearance: Physically, Serivioz is a very thin pale man with a bald head and big blue eyes. He is 104lb heavy and only 5ft 1in tall.

Minor detail, but the site uses the metric system. His weight and height would have to be adjusted accordingly.

Skills: He has skill in the force and lightsaber combat. He also does a great job in finding things like artifacts or perhaps the car keys you misplaced. I'm just joking with that second one.

Because this an NPC of a Master Rank, I wish to see this section expanded to elaborate further on what exactly it is that he knows. This could be done for example in a list, but a flowing text describing it in greater depth is also good.

History: Serivioz was the son of a sith and an imperial lieutenant. Not soon after he was born, the lieutenant was killed by their own spouse in front of Serivioz. The sith only wanted them for a child and thought them useless after. They did it in front of their own child to teach them how to deal with extreme trauma on the battlefield. Soon after, Serivioz was personally taught the ways of the force by his living parent. On Korriban, he was always sent to fetch little relics for his master. He soon started to gain an attraction to this relics and accepted every offer his parent would give him to fetch relics just so he could feel them with his own skin. After a long time of training, Serivioz left his parent in order to become his own independent sith and eventually, after some time, he earn the name "master".

I wish to ask the same of you here. Because it is a Master Force User, I wish to see his history expanded by at least another paragraph as well. Things to think about if you need ideas to expand this would be to explain, for example, how he experienced his attraction to artifacts or how he came to acquire his Master title. Is it self-proclaimed or was it bestowed upon him by someone else?

 

[Kaitara]

Appearance:
Physically, Serivioz is a very thin pale man with a bald head and big blue eyes. He is 47.2kg heavy and only 3.5 meters tall.

Skills:

• Lightsaber combat
• Juyo Lightsaber Form
• Makashi Lightsaber Form
• Proficient in Shii-Cho Lightsaber Form
• Force abilities
• Proficient in Force Lightning
• Force Push
• Force Pull
• Force Choke
• Force Heal
• Drain Life (Legends Force Ability: Will remove if not allowed)
• Perceptive
• Good at finding things
• Intelligent
• Agile
• Deceptive
• Persuasive

History:

Serivioz was the son of a sith and an imperial lieutenant. Not soon after he was born, the lieutenant was killed by their own spouse in front of Serivioz. The sith only wanted them for a child and thought them useless after. They did it in front of their own child to teach them how to deal with extreme trauma on the battlefield. Soon after, Serivioz was personally taught the ways of the force by his living parent. On Korriban, he was always sent to fetch little relics for his master. He soon started to gain an attraction to this relics and accepted every offer his parent would give him to fetch relics just so he could feel them with his own skin. After a long time of training, Serivioz left his parent in order to become his own independent sith and eventually, after some time, he earn the name "master".

[member="Kaili Talith"]

I believe I fixed it.

 

[Kaitara]

[member="Kaili Talith"]
I take that back, I forgot to finish the backstory.

 

[Kaitara]

History:

Serivioz was the son of a sith and an imperial lieutenant. Not soon after he was born, the lieutenant was killed by their own spouse in front of Serivioz. The sith only wanted them for a child and thought them useless after. They did it in front of their own child to teach them how to deal with extreme trauma on the battlefield. Soon after, Serivioz was personally taught the ways of the force by his living parent. On Korriban, he was always sent to fetch little relics for his master. He soon started to gain an attraction to this relics and accepted every offer his parent would give him to fetch relics just so he could feel them with his own skin. He loved these relics because they revealed a great amount of information on the history of the past. After a long time of training, Serivioz left his parent in order to become his own independent sith.
Serivioz moved to Dromund Kaas after a while on Korriban and stayed there for a long time. On Dromund Kaas, he would spend a lot of time, studying the dark temple and its mysterious effect on people. It seemed to drive people insane by just being there. Rhaxid would stay there for a long time and his findings would eventually bring the attraction of a member of the Dark Council, who would eventually give him the title of Darth. As he grew older, he realized that he needed someone. He felt so alone always going off on expeditions alone. He soon chose to return to Korriban to seek an apprentice, which he did. That apprentice was known as "Rhaxid".

[member="Kaili Talith"]

I believe I fixed it.

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Rhaxid"]
Small detail,

47.2kg heavy and only 3.5 meters tall

This makes him weigh ~100 pounds and has a height of 11 feet. Not sure if that's what you are going for or not in height, but somewhere between 1.5 to 1.9 meters would be a slightly more "realistic" measure by real-life standards.

Skills: Lightsaber combat Juyo Lightsaber Form Makashi Lightsaber Form Proficient in Shii-Cho Lightsaber Form Force abilities Proficient in Force Lightning Force Push Force Pull Force Choke Force Heal Drain Life (Legends Force Ability: Will remove if not allowed) Perceptive Good at finding things Intelligent Agile Deceptive Persuasive

This is quite a lot of skills, and the ambiguity of "Force Abilities" is not something I am willing to stamp at all. Try trimming this list, as he is right now he is a master of just about everything.

Once you have that down, I will still have to ask that you write a development thread for this NPC with a length of at least 25 posts.

 

[Kaitara]

[member="Kaili Talith"]

I think I fixed the skills, height, and weight. I'll see what I could do for a development thread.

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Rhaxid"]

To be specific, what I meant was this part of the skill list.

Force abilities

You are already listing force abilities, this was the point I was not agreeing with in your NPCs current skill list. It's too ambiguous (unclear) in what it means for me to be comfortable with approving it.

I'll see what I could do for a development thread.

A good example would be to write something that relates to Serivioz and how he is as a person, maybe a thread where your character encounter him for the first time or a training session with him? It could also help get a better understanding of the character for you as a writer.

 

[Kaitara]

[member="Kaili Talith"]

Do I still need my development thread? I'm just curious since in the new codex update, [member="Mahet"] said there is no more dev threads needed.

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Rhaxid"]

No, but I would still like to see that you got rid of the point in your skill list that simply says "Force Abilities" because it is still too ambiguous.

With dev threads gone I would also like you to increase the size and proportion of the history.

If you do not want to do that, you can also drop him to a knight-ranked character instead and I could stamp it right away.

 

[Kaitara]

History:

Serivioz was the son of a sith lord and an imperial lieutenant. Not soon after he was born, the lieutenant was killed by their own spouse in front of Serivioz. The sith lord only wanted them for a child and thought them useless after. They did it in front of their own child to teach them how to deal with extreme trauma on the battlefield. Soon after, Serivioz was personally taught the ways of the force by his living parent. His parent was very strict and protective and always kept Serivioz on a tight leash, never keeping him too far from sight. On Korriban, he was always sent to fetch little relics for his master. He soon started to gain an attraction to this relics and accepted every offer his parent would give him to fetch relics just so he could feel them with his own skin. He loved these relics because they revealed a great amount of information on the history of the past. He was eventually given the rank of Sith Knight after proving himself to be strong in the force after many tasked given by him father. After a long time of training, Serivioz thought he could do better without his father keeping him on a leash so he left him to become stronger in the force by himself.
Serivioz moved to Dromund Kaas after a while on Korriban and stayed there for a long time. On Dromund Kaas, he took an interest in the Dark Temple and it's mysterious effect on people who go into it. It seemed to drive people insane by just being there, which peaked the sith's interest. He would go on several expeditions studying artifacts scattered throughout the temple in order to find out more about the temple. Serivioz would stay there for a long time and his findings would eventually bring the attraction of a member of the Dark Council, who had a similar interest in the temple and would eventually give him the title of Sith Lord. He did not do much with this title and continued as he did before, but as he grew older, he realized that he needed someone. He felt so alone always going off on expeditions alone. He soon chose to return to Korriban to seek an apprentice, which he did. That apprentice was known as "Rhaxid".

I believe I fixed it.

If I did not succeed in fixing the history, may you please tell me the specifics you'd like expanded on or the amount of paragraphs you'd like to see?

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Rhaxid"]

I apologize. Since you did not tag me I was not aware of the edits made.

My issue is that your submission has a few holes in it that really needs to be plugged, and with dev threads no longer being a thing I will do my best to help you plug that.

Age: As I am making the backstory, there will be many time jumps so his age will vary at many times. At the beginning of Rhaxid's backstory, he is 35. At the end, he is pretty darn old but I don't really know how old would be too old when it comes to Star Wars so I can't say.

The simplest thing to do here is to fill in the age he will have at the end of your backstory.

Once again, it is hard to pinpoint a specific field I want to have expanded as the history and the overall description of your NPC is in need of some more TLC if you want to stamp this as a Master Ranked force user. This would mean a substantial amount of work and as such I would, once again, wish to remind you that there is the option of marking your NPC down as a knight.

In short what I need is a very detailed backstory with a lot more to it than what we have now for me to approve it as a Master. For a character that is to be included in your own backstory this is quite a lot of work and I would, once again, urge you to reconsider what I have said prior.

 

[Kaitara]

[member="Kaili Talith"]

Very well then. I suppose it will be easier to change him to knight status.

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Rhaxid"]

Thank you.

This submission is now approved pending secondary judgment.

 

[Boethiah]

Good at finding things

Could you please elaborate on this? It's a rather vague skill. What 'things' are they good at finding which justifies this being a noteworthy skill?

 

[Kaitara]

[member="Boethiah"]

Very well. I fixed it.

 

[Boethiah]

[member="Rhaxid"]

Alright, all things considered I am fine with this character as it is. However, I would like you to drop at least two of the following three: Force Lightning, Force Heal, or one of his lightsaber forms. His other force powers can all be summarized as telekinesis which is fine, but as it stands this NPC is quite strong and shouldn't be able to substitute a PC, so I'll need you to trim back his strengths for a Knight.

Do that and I am fine approving this.

 

[Boethiah]

[member="Rhaxid"]

What is the status of this submission?

 

[Boethiah]

[member="Rhaxid"]

This submission is being archived due to a lack of response. When you are ready to continue, please contact a Codex admin or RPJ to have it brought back out for review.

Marked for archival. [member="Mahet"]