Darth Vaildra/ Hakora Feanor

[Darth Vaildra]

So I have been working on this character for a few years now. I think those have known him from the beginning know a lot of his ups and downs and even some my my high and low points as a writer, but all in all I have enjoyed writing him. I am presented at a crossroad where I have two path choices to take him and I am unsure of which.


I was hoping if anyone who reads this can take a moment and give me you thoughts. Aside from this I will not comment on here again or argue (I know I can sometimes do that) I am looking for an honest review of him and my writing him. Maybe even what you like and don't like. Thank you for your time in advance!

 

[Katelyn Feanor]

[member="Darth Vaildra"]
Personally, I've never rped with you are known Vail as a character for too long IC. Despite that, I genuinely see you and think of you as a good writer. I can see that you put feeling into some posts while others are forced which are just fine, I'm the same way sometimes. So far, I've enjoyed writing with you on Board and chatting with you on Skype!

Anyways, I just love your character in general. Sure, every now and then he did seem kind of bland but that doesn't really matter most of the time. What really matters, is your muse for your character. I see you as having a strong muse for your character despite at times when you feel as if you aren't writing him good enough or if you don't like the direction he is going...just try and go for it. Do something that you wouldn't normally do. That was the same way I felt when you asked me to join the SE. At first I was hesitant in losing Katelyn...but eventually I decided to just venture into the unknown.

I wouldn't have chosen any other way for Astrid/Katelyn's story to unfold rather than this one. So, in general...I'd give you a 9.5/10 mostly for just you as a person despite how little I know you. For your character, I'd still give you a 9.5/10

 

[Nymeria Vizsla]

Well, dad. I think you have a good base character, however which base are we referring to? In my honest opinion I prefer the Hakora Feanor, a neutral force user who is strongly based on honor and martial arts, over the sith lord who seems generic. I am happy you have chosen to turn your character over to the neutral side of things and I see a lot of good stories coming for us. As for your writing, it is good. Not the best I've seen on chaos by a long shot, and also not even close to the worst. Sometimes it feels like it is short or lacking content, specifically lacking content as I understand short replies can be as quality as long. Other than a few inconsistencies which I believe most of us suffer from, myself included, I would say you write good. If I Were to nitpick I'd say that I think there could be more subtle things in writing, like character emotion. For example instead of:

"He walked across the bridge, the wind blowing in his hair. A crack in the bridge had reminded him how he had wronged others."

Perhaps this would sound better:

"He walked across the crooked and obviously aged bridge, reminiscing on his own life. The wind blew through Hakora's silven hair, bringing him to push the long strands from his eyes as a board cracked beneath his feet, reminding him how he had wronged others in his own past. This cracking had additionally caused the Echani to stop on the bridge, clenching his fists around the railway as his anger only grew."

Then again, this is just my opinion. And of course I am being harsh, you are asking for suggestion and opinions not praise. I like him, but he's not perfect. Not many characters are, however I know how much you care about him so I think you would be willing to put in the work to make him perfect. If I was to give him a 10/10 rating like Astrid did, I would give him a 7.5.