Private Day 21 & 83

[Jem Fossk]

Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
Spintir | Dawn Temple
Day 21

Anger

It felt inescapable. Almost a month on this forsaken mountain and Jem felt no more in control than that first day she had come here. ...alright, that wasn't true. There had been better days, but today was not one of them.

Today was frustrating. The techniques weren't working. Darkness sparked off her in frazzled waves. Every time she failed to control them, they grew more chaotic. All she could think each time she snapped was of Dagon Kaze and that pained look.

How could she find calm in that?

She sat cross legged on the temple rockface, frustrated gaze glossed over the valley below.

"I don't want visitors," she snapped at the unfamiliar presence behind her. They came at random intervals, for better or worse. Jem didn't get much say on it, but she rebutted it today. Today wasn't a good day. Today was bad enough.

 

[Eina L'lerim-Vandiir]

Lady Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
The Light of Ashla
Champion and Avatar of Ashla​

Objective: Try to help.
Location: Dawn Temple, Spintir
Equipment: Sverð Fyrstr (swords) | Ljósspjót (spear) | Skrúð Engill Fyrstr (armour) || Empyrean gland | OPBC-01m || Current appearance
Tag: Jem Fossk

[ Heimdallr ]
<"High Nelvaanian"> | ["Essonian"] | ~ telepathic communication ~ | << comm. channel >> ​

"The first step is to forgive yourself. Without this, you cannot begin your healing. Your soul is still suffering, tormented by guilt, causing anger. You have to accept that you are fallible, and someone who was much stronger than you, he hurt you. You are still just a child, a young woman that everyone wants to control. No one cared what you wanted, what you felt. And that's wrong." said Eina kindly from behind her.

The former Valkyrja had a radiant, golden coloured Light Side aura; due to the fact that there was a vergence in the Force and the incarnation of the Light Side. That's why she didn't step any closer yet, the Light of Ashla didn't want to hurt Jem. She pulled her wings together and, if Jem turned into her direction, smiled kindly at her.

After Tython, she heard that Dark Voice had a daughter and also learned of her fate, so she offered to help. See if she can.

"Welcome! I'm Eina. I came to offer my help to you. I’m not a Jedi, I’m not going to, and I’m not even trying to convince you of anything. I came here if you want to talk to someone who doesn’t judge you for your actions, or doesn’t give you advice if you don’t want any, I’m here. If you want to talk to someone, I'll listen, and if you ask for my help, I'll help."

She offered. She didn't really know how to get started, Eina didn't want to be intrusive or behave too educative. She was used to being visited by others who are waiting to be healed. She only visited one person for this to heal and help him, Asher Kala'myr, or how the Galaxy knew him, The Mongrel.

"How do you feel? Not just now, but here, in this place." she asked her.

 

[Jem Fossk]

Jem pulled a face, the gesture to the woman as she tossed a rock off the cliff face.

"Like I'm living in a fortune cookie." Too cheerful, too forward, and a stranger. Jem was already listing the reasons she did not want to interact with the woman, taking out her frustrations on one thing she could control.

She dared a peek over her shoulder, grey features crinkling again. "Force, you even look how you sound.” Whatever that meant. She curled into herself a little and let her feet kick off the edge, her walls manifesting into actions.

It was easy, in these early days, for her to forget her convictions and reject help. She only knew her anger, and how consuming it had been.

"How are you not a jedi?" She asked skeptically.

 

[Eina L'lerim-Vandiir]

Lady Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
The Light of Ashla
Champion and Avatar of Ashla​

Objective: Try to help.
Location: Dawn Temple, Spintir
Equipment: Sverð Fyrstr (swords) | Ljósspjót (spear) | Skrúð Engill Fyrstr (armour) || Empyrean gland | OPBC-01m || Current appearance
Tag: Jem Fossk

[ Heimdallr ]
<"High Nelvaanian"> | ["Essonian"] | ~ telepathic communication ~ | << comm. channel >> ​

"How to live in a fortune cookie?" she asked in confusion.

One of Eina’s big personality “mistakes” was that she understood everything literally, as she didn’t really live here, in Realspace, but spent much more time in the Netherworld, with her people, that is, her former people, with the Valkyrja and now with Ashla as well. She was used to it, if someone says something to her or conveys emotions, it means exactly the same thing the other says / "thinks", or the feelings are the same. It was hard for her to get used to the other meanings of the words. She was too pure for irony and intrigue.

After the following words, she looked at the girl in confusion, then to herself and to her wings as well.

"What does this mean?" she asked her.

She didn't know. However, she did not even address this. The former Valkyrja didn't understand scepticism either. She only came to help the girl recover. Because of her purity and lack of knowing the living's or mortal's social culture, she might have seemed a little silly, though she wasn’t.

"I'm fine, thank you." she told her, then continued modestly. "But I'm not important, you're important. If I know well, you're a Padawan, right? On which planet did you study before this happened?"

Eina inquired, then offered the girl a kind smile.

"I don’t know much about the traditional Jedi, only about the crusaders. Would you tell me what it's like to be Padawan?" she asked her, trying to break the ice.

 

[Jem Fossk]

Jem eyed the woman, skeptical of her intentions.

Jem didn't like feeling like a zoo creature, but that sensation slipped when Eina asked instead for her to tell her about her life. The one she had lost, and felt she would never get back. Did moving forward mean acknowledging what was? She didn't know, but ... she was still determined to try.

And she brushed back her hair, sucked in a deep breath, and told Eina about the temples she had grew up in.

It wasn't much, but it was start. Trust would be slow to earn.

Day 83
​

She had been a bit mean yesterday. Poor Silas Westgard had come for a visit and she had been about as sharp as whittled blade. Why couldn't she keep her temper in check?

Jem had always been a temperamental padawan, but that trait was now exasperated by the simplest insistences. Even being frustrated about her progress spiraled her into anger. How ironic.

She sat on a familiar cliff face and frowned out at the fog that eclipsed everything below. She use to fantasize about jumping into it-- free falling into nothing and ceasing to be. Now she had bigger problems to fry.

Like why she was such a 'itch.

"I can fell you standing there," she sighed, acknowledging the familiar presence behind her. Heavy lines etched across her face as she turned a sad smile at Eina L'lerim-Vandiir .

I'm afraid I'm not good company today.

 

[Eina L'lerim-Vandiir]

Lady Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
The Light of Ashla
Champion and Avatar of Ashla​

Objective: Try to help.
Location: Dawn Temple, Spintir
Equipment: Sverð Fyrstr (swords) | Ljósspjót (spear) | Skrúð Engill Fyrstr (armour) || Empyrean gland | OPBC-01m || Current appearance
Tag: Jem Fossk

[ Heimdallr ]
<"High Nelvaanian"> | ["Essonian"] | ~ telepathic communication ~ | << comm. channel >> ​

"Today, you have a hard time controlling your feelings, again." she told her kindly.

She knew exactly how hard it could be for the girl and also how hard it was to heal. For many people, it could take many years for them to process such trauma. In comparison, the young girl was doing very well with her recovery.

"How are you today, Jem?" she asked her.

She waited for an answer so she could respond, and then continued. Eina still didn't want to tell how Jem should act or what she should do. She thought it is best to find her own way to recovery. In time she will have to know what's best for herself.

"You know you shouldn't rush your recovery. You are doing very well, but you still have a long way to go. If you are frustrated or want to hurry, it can worsen your condition. You should only take small steps. It is possible, one day is better and the other less, this is normal in your condition."

She smiled friendly as she walked closer.

"Have I told you that you are not the only one I am helping to heal? There’s someone else who, like you, has turned away from the Maw and your father, and he also has terrible mental wounds, just like you. The difference is that you live and he died on Tython." she told her.


//OOC: Sorry for the slow answer, I still didn’t get my laptop back, and on the tablet what I bought at this week, I’m a bit slow. //

 

[Jem Fossk]

Jem glanced up, her heart skipping and squeezing at the reveal. "...A lot of people died due to my father," she managed to say. The words were heavy and unpleasant, but they were true.

She tried to remember them on the night she felt guilt over what she had done. It felt like there would never come a time where the fact she had killed her own father wouldn't hurt.

Some say it was hard to miss what you never had, but for Jem the concept of having a father had never been out reach. He had just chosen different.

"Who was it?"

 

[Eina L'lerim-Vandiir]

Lady Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
The Light of Ashla
Champion and Avatar of Ashla​

Objective: Try to help.
Location: Dawn Temple, Spintir
Equipment: Sverð Fyrstr (swords) | Ljósspjót (spear) | Skrúð Engill Fyrstr (armour) || Empyrean gland | OPBC-01m || Current appearance
Tag: Jem Fossk

[ Heimdallr ]
<"High Nelvaanian"> | ["Essonian"] | ~ telepathic communication ~ | << comm. channel >> ​

"Yes, this is true. A lot of people died because of your father. And even more are suffering in the present and suffered in the past because of him. And many more will suffer in the future as well." she told her.

She was glad the girl was able to say that; it was also part of the long journey she has now gone through. Eina knew how hard it was. So she was really trying to progress slowly. The former Valkyrja did not know how much others had told Jem about the truth, about what was happening in the Maw.

"Sometimes death is salvation and a better option than life. Death is not taboo, part of life and another life awaits in the Netherworld. Do you know how the Maw's Marauders will be created?" she asked.

If the answer was no, she continued.

"The Maw, when it kidnaps people or occupies a world, gathers the strong. They are tortured, both physically and mentally. They shatter the survivors' personality, they destroy from the old personality what they are able to do, only fragments and painful shards remain. The Taskmaster, or Heathen Priests, magnify the fear, the hatred that is in these fragments. From this they form their Marauders, the slave-soliders." she said sadly.

She paused for a moment, grief and pain gleamed in her eyes.

"This is your father's true legacy. Billions of dead, mutilated and tortured people. Most of the Maw's warriors, like you, are victims." she told her.

She smiled for a moment at the next question.

"After the Maw's chains and brainwashing's influence on him were smaller, he chose the name Asher when his wife asked him to do so. The name you know who he is... he was the warlord of the Scar Hounds Tribe, he was The Mongrel. He died as a free man."