B R O K E N
Things were not always as they appeared to be. It was so easy to just carry on. To wear the bright expressions, to smile, and to laugh from deep within the belly. Being bubbly came so naturally that it was brilliantly easy to fake. Granted, there was an exception to this; there was one bright spot that kept everything grounded. One bright spot that actually brought out those moments of lighthearted, bright, bubbliness. But those same moments fleeted each and every time solitude was regained.
Surely it would be understandable, were the situation to be explained. But understanding wasn’t what was wanted. No, what was really wanted, no desired was much more deeply rooted, and it was rooted so deeply that it was starting to poison everything else.
Eenia wanted revenge.
With everything that had happened over the course of the past two years, Eenia’s life had changed entirely. Her older sister had gone missing, and Nia hadn’t even known about it until it had been too late. And worse than that? Anora, whom Eenia had spent her entire life looking up to, had abandoned the Order – hell, the Jedi entirely. And yet that wasn’t even the part that made her sick, or struck her with such rage that it caused tears to prick the corners of her eyes. No, it was how easily big sister had, had a hand in the deaths of their parents. Now, Nia did not know the details, she had been spared those. But she was very much aware of Anora’s part in it. What could their parents have possibly ever done to warrant such a thing from their own child? Eenia didn’t understand it, and that was what fueled such a deeply seeded loathing for the older Vahn girl, and the desire to strike Anora down.
And yet she knew this was wrong, that those thoughts and feelings were wrong. She knew this, but that didn’t make it go away. The idea to tell someone had crossed her mind more than once, but that would result in one of two things – if not both things, really. Either they would attempt to talk her down, or they would start keeping a ridiculously close eye on her. Neither of which the blonde wanted. And so, she kept this all bottled up to herself – again something she knew was a bad idea.
On the plus side of things, Eenia had become extraordinary at masking these deeply rooted thoughts and feelings. She had become so good at pretending to be herself, the emotions and thoughts just ran their course as well. It was the perfect façade because even Eenia believed it. And because of those moments where those thoughts and emotions were real. Nia coveted the time that she spent with Kahlil, because in those moments she didn’t have to pretend. Every thought and emotion was genuine, and all of the negative things she felt towards her sister were quieted and went away. Whether that was actually a good and healthy thing or not, Nia didn’t know, but to her? It certainly was good.
The past two years had been spent with Eenia pouring herself into everything she did, hoping that it would cleanse her mind and soul of their plague, but it hadn’t. All of the training, all of the work, all of the progress, and still she could damn near see herself striking Anora down. Luckily, training had given way to clearing her mind, and while that hadn’t gotten rid of the problem, it most definitely aided in keeping up her bubbly façade. But honestly, how long would it hold up? How long before something gave way and she snapped, or the right – or wrong – thing pushed her right over the edge? It was a dangerous game to play, but for the moment? It was at least one Eenia was winning.
A fact that made the blonde sigh as she slowly sat up from where she had been stretched with her legs out, her head against her knees, and her hands clasped around her feet. As she righted herself, she left her legs straightened for a moment longer, then curled them to tuck beneath herself instead. Today she was having more trouble than usual keeping herself pulled together. Two years today since her entire world had turned upside down, and because of that Nia was attempting to do things to keep herself calm. That luckily wasn’t the hard part; remaining calm was easy enough, especially unprovoked. No, the hard part was ignoring the rampant thoughts as they plagued her mind.
Being alone was a bad idea, and the blonde made a noise in her throat as she got to her feet and left her room. She needed to find something to do that would keep her busy, keep her mind busy, and get her thoughts off of everything else. Otherwise, she may very well falter in keeping up her far-too-well-maintained image. And so, the hunt for other bodies to be around began right then and there.
[member="Josh Dragonsflame"], [member="Kahlil Zambrano"]
Surely it would be understandable, were the situation to be explained. But understanding wasn’t what was wanted. No, what was really wanted, no desired was much more deeply rooted, and it was rooted so deeply that it was starting to poison everything else.
Eenia wanted revenge.
With everything that had happened over the course of the past two years, Eenia’s life had changed entirely. Her older sister had gone missing, and Nia hadn’t even known about it until it had been too late. And worse than that? Anora, whom Eenia had spent her entire life looking up to, had abandoned the Order – hell, the Jedi entirely. And yet that wasn’t even the part that made her sick, or struck her with such rage that it caused tears to prick the corners of her eyes. No, it was how easily big sister had, had a hand in the deaths of their parents. Now, Nia did not know the details, she had been spared those. But she was very much aware of Anora’s part in it. What could their parents have possibly ever done to warrant such a thing from their own child? Eenia didn’t understand it, and that was what fueled such a deeply seeded loathing for the older Vahn girl, and the desire to strike Anora down.
And yet she knew this was wrong, that those thoughts and feelings were wrong. She knew this, but that didn’t make it go away. The idea to tell someone had crossed her mind more than once, but that would result in one of two things – if not both things, really. Either they would attempt to talk her down, or they would start keeping a ridiculously close eye on her. Neither of which the blonde wanted. And so, she kept this all bottled up to herself – again something she knew was a bad idea.
On the plus side of things, Eenia had become extraordinary at masking these deeply rooted thoughts and feelings. She had become so good at pretending to be herself, the emotions and thoughts just ran their course as well. It was the perfect façade because even Eenia believed it. And because of those moments where those thoughts and emotions were real. Nia coveted the time that she spent with Kahlil, because in those moments she didn’t have to pretend. Every thought and emotion was genuine, and all of the negative things she felt towards her sister were quieted and went away. Whether that was actually a good and healthy thing or not, Nia didn’t know, but to her? It certainly was good.
The past two years had been spent with Eenia pouring herself into everything she did, hoping that it would cleanse her mind and soul of their plague, but it hadn’t. All of the training, all of the work, all of the progress, and still she could damn near see herself striking Anora down. Luckily, training had given way to clearing her mind, and while that hadn’t gotten rid of the problem, it most definitely aided in keeping up her bubbly façade. But honestly, how long would it hold up? How long before something gave way and she snapped, or the right – or wrong – thing pushed her right over the edge? It was a dangerous game to play, but for the moment? It was at least one Eenia was winning.
A fact that made the blonde sigh as she slowly sat up from where she had been stretched with her legs out, her head against her knees, and her hands clasped around her feet. As she righted herself, she left her legs straightened for a moment longer, then curled them to tuck beneath herself instead. Today she was having more trouble than usual keeping herself pulled together. Two years today since her entire world had turned upside down, and because of that Nia was attempting to do things to keep herself calm. That luckily wasn’t the hard part; remaining calm was easy enough, especially unprovoked. No, the hard part was ignoring the rampant thoughts as they plagued her mind.
Being alone was a bad idea, and the blonde made a noise in her throat as she got to her feet and left her room. She needed to find something to do that would keep her busy, keep her mind busy, and get her thoughts off of everything else. Otherwise, she may very well falter in keeping up her far-too-well-maintained image. And so, the hunt for other bodies to be around began right then and there.
[member="Josh Dragonsflame"], [member="Kahlil Zambrano"]
