Approved Tech Draconic Kyber

[Tragic Writer]

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

• Intent: To support the Uniqueness of Dorian, and to mark his first true success with the Draconian People and as an Envoy, Starting his path of Being a true Heir to a planet
• Image Source: Please do not buy,
• Canon Link: Lightsaber Crystal
• Permissions: N/A
• Primary Source:
  • Kyber Crystal

PRODUCTION INFORMATION

• Manufacturer: Draconion Mines
• Affiliation: Dorian, Draconions
• Market Status: Closed-Market
• Model: N/A
• Modularity: N/A
• Production: Simi-Unique
• Material: Kyber Crystal

PHYSICAL SPECIFICATIONS

• Classification: Lightsaber Crystal
• Weight: Extremely Light
• Color: Purple or pinkish Purple Depending on purity (More pink=More Pure)
• Resistances:
  • Lightsabers: None
  • Blasters: None
  • Kinetic: Very low
  • Dark Side Bleeding: Average

SPECIAL FEATURES

• Cold-Blade-The blade does not burn hot, Instead it is cold, freezing so cold, that it will freeze the area around a slash or cut. The Great Dragons were once said to breath Ice, and snow. If the souls of these dragons are indeed inside the kyber, or the kyber Itself, its is likely that this is a major reason by it is cold

• Purple-blooded- While the blade is naturally somewhere between light pink or dark purple, Over time the user of a blade can have more defiant colors show in the blade at random times,

• Worthiness-The Kyber can seemingly chose it own host, depending on what it deems worthy. However Worthiness is defined by each individual Kyber rather then a norm of a species or planet. Each Kyber when it is found will look into the very soul and will of each user, and will test them. While on the outside in make only a few moments, Inside the minds days or weeks can pass as you go through specific trials, Unique to each Kyber

STRENGTHS

• Cold Blade- The blade is extremely cold, Freezing and shattering molecules instead of melting to cut, and slash (Explained Above)

• Bonded Will- The blade will work towards the goals of those it has chosen, giving the user a near unbreakable will when acting towards their goals (Explained Above)

• Draconic Soul-The Draconic Kyber is said to possess an untamed power, capable of channeling the dragon's elemental might, as well as its ancient wisdom and mystical insights.

WEAKNESSES

• Chosen- It is said that only combatants that are chosen can effectively use the Kyber to its full potential, Otherwise it is weaker, shorter, and will actively fight the will of the user. The Kyber itself will select those that itself deems worthy. This can Either be toward pure power, or ideas. The worthiness between Kyber Crystal will differ between each one. If a user that the Kyber does not deam worthy or its will, then it will fight the very will of the user. Making them weakend in both physically and mental ability as the user tries to fight it back. Much like a wild beast would fight off a threat

It is believed that the souls of the dead dragons of old are locked in the Kyber, and many of the dragons of old chose those that were worthy to ride then, and fight by their side, This is believed to be the reason why the kyber has some sentience.​

• Kinetic Projectiles- While not melting on the blade, the projectiles that pass throught the cold blade, with freeze and shatter inside the victum

DESCRIPTION

Found in the center of large veins of Draconian Ore, The Draconic Kyber is said to carry within it the essence and spirit of a powerful and ancient dragon—a creature revered for its immense strength, wisdom, and mythical prowess. The Stories tell of when the great Dragons formed strong connections with the force. However where the dragons are said to die off, and eventually become extinct There bonds of the force would keep their souls alive and transformed into the very Kyber that is found in the vast mineshafts today

Legends recount that those who seek the Draconic Kyber must undergo a daunting quest, traversing treacherous landscapes and facing perilous trials that test their strength, character, and resolve. Only those who have the deepest connection with the Force and demonstrate the utmost respect for the power they seek are deemed worthy of attempting this perilous endeavor.

Once the Draconic Kyber has chosen its destined wielder, a profound bond is formed. The crystal resonates with the innermost qualities and values of its chosen one, amplifying their connection to the Force and enhancing their abilities. Through this bond, the dragon's ancient knowledge and instincts flow into the mind of the user, granting them insights and guidance beyond mortal comprehension.

When the Kyber is destroyed, the soul is destroyed with it, leaving the soul of the dragon to truly die, never to return to the mortal plane in any form ever again

One such User is Damion Dorian Tarkin, A force User who undergoing a great quest to gain the trust of the Draconions during a mission of Peace, found one of these foretold Kyber, and Under harsh judgement of his soul, was accepted by the Kyber as its user.

 

[Krass Wyms]

Tragic Writer

Hello, I shall be judging your crystal so let us begin.

Production: Unique

Affiliation: Dorian, Draconions

A unique designation means it is only for a single person in this case it would only be for Dorian. IF you wish to have it be for multiple people or a group it should be semi-unique to limited with the balancing stats adjusted to match.

Large-These crystals are found to be a little larger then standard crystals, They naturally form longer blades

A larger crystal does not dictate a large blade, duel phase sabers were a mechanical aspect of lightsabers.

Hot and cold- The blade made from a crystal with both burn and freeze objects that are hit, be it metal or flesh

A blade of super heated plasma is going to need more clarification on how it suddenly can become super cold.

Hot and cold- Due to the Difference of temperature caused by a blade, More severe damage is done with less contact

As above this will need to be expanded upon for how it causes more damage. As more power to make a saber stronger against materials is generally dictated by the power cell used in the construction. More power the quicker the power source burns out.

Great Defense- Due to the longer blades, it is slightly easier to block incoming attacks in duels, or bolts when being shot at

Deflection was generally easier with a broader blade not always a longer blade. The longer the blade the more skill was needed since weightless but you could endanger more people.

Attraction to extreme temperatures- The blade both attracts and is attracted to Extremely hot or cold temperatures making it great at duels, and increasing its defense

How does drawing in more temperature make the defense increase? This will need to be expanded and explained.

Larger Blade- Due to the blade being slightly Larger then normal, It almost forces the Kyber to be placed in A double-bladed sabers, or into Saber Pikes

The size of the blade was set with the lense of the saber which is mechanical. A larger kyber crystal can still be used but it would likely just make it so the crystal assembly wouldn't be able to use enhancement crystals.

Chosen- It is said that only combatants that are chosen can effectively use the Kyber to its full potential, Otherwise it is weaker, shorter, and more blunt-like

While kyber has a quasi-sentience this will need to be expanded upon as it seems to be much more advanced then normal kyber from ilum.

Limited Users- While not extremely rare, It is very difficult to persuade the Draconian people to give it away for any reason

Given the production currently this is not much fo a weakness as there is only one of the crystals. That makes this not a real weakness.

All and all there is potential here but you need to expand upon some of your ideas and refine them more. I would look at some of the crystals that have been made previously by other users for ideas of how to explain and expand. Most custom crystals have a purpose and ties to who is using them. IF you want to make a resource for a species/planet it should have a higher production and tie into them. If you want to make a crystal for a person it should tie to them more. MIxing the two ideas can be done but you need to have more information.

So there is a fair amount of things needed to be edited. Tag me when all of it is done or if you would just like this moved to the pre-factory to work on at your own pace.

 

[Tragic Writer]

1. Changed to "Simi-Unique"

2. On the aspect are a larger blade, I wish to keep it, and I added just a tad more to why it would be a bit longer. But otherwise I don't think you gave me a way to change or make it better so I am unsure how to make it better

3.Hopefully I added a bit more explanation to it. I want the blade to be hot yes, but the area around a cut will drop the heat to the cut area so fast, it will far pass over the tempure that the flesh or metal already was (Bad at explain I hope you get what I am trying to say)

4. Due to the Planet it comes frrom being inspired by magic and stuff,,, I wanted to blade to be magnetic to hot and cold items. Like it would attract them, Hopefully I added enough explanation

5.Its not drawing in hot or clod elements, it acts as a magnet to the elements. Like blaster bolts would bend out of their path slightly to try and meet the blade, To the blade of a lightsaber would need more energy to pull away.

6. I meant it to be a planet only think, Only given away to outsiders that are worthy. Like Beskar or something Like that

7. Upon further revision I am realizing how dumb this idea might be.

 

[Krass Wyms]

Tragic Writer

When posting please make sure to tag the judge you so that they are aware. Not all have their notifications set to be alerted for nearly everything in the threads.

That being said there is not a lot edited or further explained as requested I had to do a side by side comparison to see the small changes and they do not explain or give more. So I will do this one more time and then move this to the pre-factory so all of the edits can be done as requested.

Large-These crystals are found to be a little larger then standard crystals, And will form naturally longer blades if left uncut

Crystal were cut and polished for a reason not to determine the length and size of the blade. To fit in the assembly so that the saber would function. Leaving it uncut should have actionable weaknesses as it is taking up more space, would have edges breaching the assembly containment assuming it is able to be fitted and not altered. The sabers hilt would be affected not the length of the blade. As previously said

A larger crystal does not dictate a large blade, duel phase sabers were a mechanical aspect of lightsabers.

This will need more then three words added that do not explain more. If you want a longer blade add a duel phase switch to the submission. It is also three words and basically handles the entire problem of getting a larger blade.

Hot and cold- The blade made from a crystal with both burn and freeze objects that are hit, be it metal or flesh. Being so hot that it reacts viloently with the colder area around it, that the temputure of the area quickly drops to far below freezing

So the blade breaks containment which keeps it from leeching out and harming things to sap heat from the surrounding area dropping the temperature. That is pretty dangerous and highly ineffective as it should then also be drawing more power from its power cell shortening the time of use for the saber itself. Something that should be reflected upon in the weaknesses. Also what should be reflected is the area of this effect around the blade.

Hot and cold- Due to the Difference of temperature caused by a blade, More severe damage is done with less contact

As I stated above previously

As above this will need to be expanded upon for how it causes more damage. As more power to make a saber stronger against materials is generally dictated by the power cell used in the construction. More power the quicker the power source burns out.

Drawing more power can increase the strength of the blade, this in turn alters the time of use and should again be reflected in the weaknesses of the submission.

Great Defense- Due to the blade of this kyber attracting Hot plasma, It is easier to to deflect blaster bolts, and lazer blades as the attracting can sometimes cause Bolts to gravitate to the blade, Or harder to un-clash a blade

Attraction to extreme temperatures- The blade both attracts and is attracted to Extremely hot or cold temperatures making it great at duels, and increasing its defense, magnetizing to harmful plasma

As stated above

How does drawing in more temperature make the defense increase? This will need to be expanded and explained.

5.Its not drawing in hot or clod elements, it acts as a magnet to the elements. Like blaster bolts would bend out of their path slightly to try and meet the blade, To the blade of a lightsaber would need more energy to pull away.

So going by this explanation the blade doesn't draw in elements, it alter and attracts the containment fields of the saber and a blaster bolt. Which could be possible but having it modulate to be that precise it draws in shots fired would be like modulating the blade to be able to handle paddle beamers. IT should then have actionable weaknesses of being useless against different forms of containment used for different types of shots or blades.

Larger Blade- Due to the blade being slightly Larger then normal, It almost forces the Kyber to be placed in A double-bladed sabers, or into Saber Pikes, or be cut down, reducing its overall power. It also more skill is required to wield the saber without fear of causing unintended damage

As stated above

The size of the blade was set with the lense of the saber which is mechanical. A larger kyber crystal can still be used but it would likely just make it so the crystal assembly wouldn't be able to use enhancement crystals.

Cutting a crystal wouldn't diminish its power as even a shard of the kaiburr crystal was still exponentially powerful after it had been broken. A larger crystal would factor into the assembly of the saber and take up more space while potentially making it so the crystal could be damaged and given the larger size we have seen how dangerous damage kyber crystals can be as an explosive. IF you wanted to make the weakness of the casing be how damage would turn it into a grenade that would be fine.

Chosen- It is said that only combatants that are chosen can effectively use the Kyber to its full potential, Otherwise it is weaker, shorter, and more blunt-like

As stated above

While kyber has a quasi-sentience this will need to be expanded upon as it seems to be much more advanced then normal kyber from ilum.

You have done little to explain the seemingly increased sentience of the kyber. This will need to be explained, ignoring it doesn't means the edit request goes away.

Limited Users- While not extremely rare, It is very difficult to persuade the Draconian people to give it away for any reason

As stated above

Given the production currently this is not much fo a weakness as there is only one of the crystals. That makes this not a real weakness.

This is not a real weakness, a small amount of crystals you have to ask for and might not be able to get doesn't do much to balance out the strengths you are trying to put on it. I suggest removing it and putting actionable weaknesses thatwill aid in balancing out its strengths to make it fair. As suggested before look at other crystals that have been made for examples.

Now to address your edits post where I didn't need to already.

On the aspect are a larger blade, I wish to keep it, and I added just a tad more to why it would be a bit longer. But otherwise I don't think you gave me a way to change or make it better so I am unsure how to make it better

I would look at some of the crystals that have been made previously by other users for ideas of how to explain and expand.

I told you to look at other crystals that have been made in the factory previously for ideas of balance and explanation. I offered throughout the first edits process the terms you could use and how things in the saber function such as blade strength being determined by power source not the size of the crystal. About what you are wanting be duel phase.

Due to the Planet it comes frrom being inspired by magic and stuff,,, I wanted to blade to be magnetic to hot and cold items. Like it would attract them, Hopefully I added enough explanation

The force is magic in the star wars universe, there are very few exceptions to that rule and it would take a lot more being worked into this and the planet to try and alter it. I would suggest as these are your first subs to first learn the terminology and materials. Canon and Legends Canon has a vast array that can achieve the functions you want and chaos has had a lot of people over the years make similar effects. If you can't explain it then find someone who already has. Then get comfortable and experiment with your subs. As it is now "I wanted" doesn't do much as you do not explain enough and vagueness can be easily abused in situation.

I meant it to be a planet only think, Only given away to outsiders that are worthy. Like Beskar or something Like that

A planet only thing is fine but anything in the factory can and will get out. Unless it is unique and made solely for your character it can get used by other people. It will be used on other people. So it has to be balanced and designed in the spirit of cooperative roleplay.

Upon further revision I am realizing how dumb this idea might be.

There are rarely dumb subs, outlandish, improbable sure but rarely dumb even some of the joke submissions that have been made over the years. It all comes down to you and what you are up to making it. Judges and factory personnel can help with the balancing out part. It is why we are here.

Now I am going to move this to the pre-factory so you can work upon it as needed since you need to do extensive edits.

Tag John Locke or AMCO and when you are done they can move it back to the main factory floor. Please observe pre-factory rules about item use.

 

[Tragic Writer]

1. Got rid of the "limited Users"
2. Settled with the blade being Cold rather then both
3. Got rid of the larger aspect
4. Added "Dark Alliend"
5. slightly changed some traits, mostly having to due with blade color. Not its a purple with Red areas, Much like a lava lamb when bled
6. I don't think this was moved to "pre-factory" or if it was it was quickly moved back

Tags: Krass Wyms

 

[Krass Wyms]

Tragic Writer

Chosen- It is said that only combatants that are chosen can effectively use the Kyber to its full potential, Otherwise it is weaker, shorter, and more blunt-like

While kyber has a quasi-sentience this will need to be expanded upon as it seems to be much more advanced then normal kyber from ilum.

You have done little to explain the seemingly increased sentience of the kyber. This will need to be explained, ignoring it doesn't means the edit request goes away.

THis will now be the third time again asking you to explain the seemingly increased sentience of the kyber. Now it makes for more questions aas kyber actively resisted darkside bleeding and was naturally attuned with the lightside. How did this change to be closer to the darkside? Was it natural? Artificial? It is intentional? Not making an edit doesn't mean the request goes away and ignoring it means denial.

Cold-Blade-The blade does not burn hot, Instead it is cold, freezing so cold, that it feels like it burns

Cold Blade- The blade is extremely cold, Freezing and shattering molecules instead of melting to cut

This will require more explanation how it changes the blade. From hot to cold. I recommend if you are going to try for unique effects to remember that you should have it mentioned more in the submission and some sort of explanation or idea of how it happens.

Dark Allied-While not fully encased in the dark side, the crystal prefers users that use at least a portion of the dark side

As above this will need to be expanded on and explained. As kyberite crystal was naturally lightsided and bleeding it to corrupt it caused pain.

All and all you are trying but there is a lot. I recommend relaxing, looking it over and taking each edit request as needed.

Tag me when all edits are completed.

 

[Tragic Writer]

1. Got rid of the "Dark Allied" Section Meaning its just like a normal crystal in terms of Force Alinement
Other wise Revamped. I already know a long list of things will appear, Don't hold back
Kind regards thank you for your time
Krass Wyms

 

[Krass Wyms]

Tragic Writer

Alright lets go

Cold-Blade-The blade does not burn hot, Instead it is cold, freezing so cold, that it will freeze the area around a slash or cut. The Great Dragons were once said to breath Ice, and snow. If the souls of these dragons are indeed inside the kyber, or the kyber Itself, its is likely that this is a major reason by it is cold

From your own sub Draconions

Breath Attack -Many Members can use there breath to attack hostile Entities. It is normally fire.

There is no mention at all of cold or snow in their breath. It specifically says fire. I will chalk this up to newness with the process and not an attempt to deceive Srina Talon and her codex judge that your species does things not presented.

Bonded Will- The blade will work towards the goals of those it has chosen, giving the user a near unbreakable will when acting towards their goals (Explained Above)

There is nothing above explaining the will that was now added. This along with the rest looks to be more towards the massively increased sentience of this crystal over other kyber.

Draconic Soul-The Draconic Kyber is said to possess an untamed power, capable of channeling the dragon's elemental might, as well as its ancient wisdom and mystical insights.

Chosen- It is said that only combatants that are chosen can effectively use the Kyber to its full potential, Otherwise it is weaker, shorter, and will actively fight the will of the user. The Kyber itself will select those that itself deems worthy. This can Either be toward pure power, or ideas. The worthiness between Kyber Crystal will differ between each one. If a user that the Kyber does not deam worthy or its will, then it will fight the very will of the user. Making them weakend in both physically and mental ability as the user tries to fight it back. Much like a wild beast would fight off a threat

It is believed that the souls of the dead dragons of old are locked in the Kyber, and many of the dragons of old chose those that were worthy to ride then, and fight by their side, This is believed to be the reason why the kyber has some sentience.

And we come to this, so the sentience is because the souls of the Draconions go into the crystals after their death correct? Is this all of the species? Is there a specific ritual to do it? If it is all of the species, living on in the crystals themselves then how are they not considered immortal? This level of sentience to choose and manipulate things would put them on par and possibly above with a shard.... and if the crystal is destroyed what happens to this soul? Does it fully disappear? Does it go into another crystal and start the process over? What wort of wisdom and knowledge is pass? FOrce abilities, saber skills, trivia? This sounds like an effective way to forgo limitations and just pull from the void any skills or power to counter someone else. Very Mary Sue

All and all there is still a good deal to be done.

 

[John Locke]

Tragic Writer | Krass Wyms

I'll be taking over this submission

 

[John Locke]

Tragic Writer

Overall this looks like a take of a Frostfire Crystal to me with some added elements of alchemy or a holocron. I actually really like what you've done with the dragon spirit, giving an explanation for the canon sentience of the Kyber Crystals. Is that what you're aiming for? A spirit to act like a holocron?

I only have one other question about the submission.

The Full Bullet- Due to the cold blade, Slug rifles shots that pass throw the blade will freeze, causing them to stay whole and less likely to break apart when piercing the flesh of the target.

Wouldn't this be more of a strength than a weakness? Solid slugs are already a weakness of a lightsaber, the blade melts a slug leaving your flesh to be impacted by droplets of hot metal, anyone's idea of a bad day. A solid bullet might be less of a threat than the almost shotgun-like effect. Easier to take care of and less debilitating.

Let me know your thoughts and we'll move this on to approval.

 

[Tragic Writer]

I thank you for your time.

I would have thought that the cold would freeze the slug to the point where it would either be unbreakable, and just leave a see-through hole where it hit you, or it would shatter inside the body...Doing the same thing and melted metal...yeah bad idea I see that now

I have now changed it to be more accurate to the words above

I have even added a sentences that tells what happens when the Kyber is destroyed

Again Thank you for your time John Locke

 

[John Locke]

Tragic Writer

Thank you for making those changes.

I'm going to approve this submission with the warning that if this is abused then It may be reported or pulled back.

Enjoy the crystal.

APPROVED