Ein Jeder Engel ist Schrecklich

[Kuzo]

Continued from Grim Necessity. ​

​

Ein Jeder Engel ist Schrecklich​

Every Angel is Terrifying​

​

The sensation of being unable to breath in a dream is a terrifying one. The weight of it was enough to draw her out of unconsciousness, choking for breath-

Only to realize she hadn't been dreaming at all.

"We're losing her!"

Hazel eyes cast frantically around. She couldn't draw a breath, drowning in her own blood. Half of her body was on fire and the other half she couldn't feel at all.

"Sedate her! Now!"

No- don't put me back to sleep..... please.... help me..... I can't breath....

Darkness clawed.

I can't breath.

*****

When she woke up the next time, the room was dark and quiet. The sound of the respirator hissed and churned, filling the room with a quiet background noise. Her entire body was heavy, the pain distant and hazy. It was hard to focus on anything more than a handbreadth away, but she still knew exactly where she was.

Slowly, she tried to turn her head. Impeded by the intubation tubes, she flailed mentally, trying to figure out how deeply sedated she actually was. And if that was the case, why was she awake at all? The repetitive beep beep beep of the machinery was deeply familiar.... except this time, they sang for her.

She went to move her right arm but nothing happened. How drugged was she?

[member="Darth Prazutis"]

 

[Darth Prazutis]

​Vain Hollow, Panatha
​Medical Facilities...

​Earlier that day...

​The Dark Lord stood in an observation room located deep within the bowels of Vain Hollow, tightly secured in the hidden laboratory. The faithful droid Allocer stood at the dark lords side dressed in a black kimono, hands clasped in front. "Play it again." ​The malicious droid stood next to his master.

​"Your Majesty I've just received word, Doctor Ven is out of surgery...she is stable for now."

​​Excellent.
.....

​Just on the other side of the great observation window Braxus Zambrano, King of Maena, Rattatak, Thule, and Arch-Prince of the Pacanth Reach stood clad in a set of black and gold robes. A set of black gloves were pulled over his hands and the hood pulled down. Braxus stood his arms crossed over his chest as his droid hand approached, standing beside him.

​"Your majesty I have received information on her condition from the operating surgeons and analyzed all available data."

​"Status report."

​"Doctor Ven has suffered significant bodily harm which included the loss of several limbs. The left leg below the knee, her right arm, as well as the pinky and ring finger on her right hand were all unrecoverable and removed. They are preparing to install the new cybernetic limbs for her arm and fingers however we are sending away to our holdings on Maena to receive the proper pieces for her leg."

​The droid displayed a holographic projection of the doctor detailing the parts he spoke of highlighted in red. There were significant amounts of bodily harm including many, many broken bones as well as the carvings into her skin that were being mended as well, markings left in the wake of the Butcher-King's wrath. The King only shifted his gaze to the hologram briefly before refocusing on Irajah, an uneasy silence enveloping them as the medical personnel around briefly vacated the room.

​"I don't understand your majesty. Doctor Ven is closer to death now than she ever has been before, why save her? Why put her through so much trauma without killing her? I"

​A swift hand came up to quell the droids words, the King spoke then "The point was not to kill her." ​He quietly said. Braxus entered her room then.

​The King swept into her chamber standing several feet away from her, a clearly disappointed look on his face as he approached. Braxus moved his hand close to touch the remaining hand, but just as he neared he pulled away and backed away from the woman. "I am disappointed Irajah. What did I tell you." ​Braxus said, gazing to her eyes. "I told you it wasn't safe for you. I told you when you became involved with such dark powers as you are that your life would be different. I warned you time and time again, yet look at what your ignorance has wrought? I gave you everything I could, my trust, my faith and simply asked one thing of you, and you laughed and smiled and told me you didn't need my protections." ​Braxus said coldly, the look of disappointment on his face as he crossed those massive arms.

"Look at where that has gotten you."

 

[Kuzo]

She couldn't turn her head to see who had entered the room, but when she saw that it was Braxus as he entered her field of vision, a wave of relief washed over her.

Until she saw the expression on his face.

At first, she didn't understand. The drugs in her system made true acknowledgement of all of the nuance impossible. But the displeasure, the disappointment on his face- she'd only seen that once before, on Maena when her actions there had led to such unexpected consequences.

Oh gods.... was this.... her fault again? He had warned her- had told her to stay in the safety of his influence. He had foreseen, if not these exact circumstances, then at least something like them. And she had brushed it off. Once again, her inability to look toward the future and weigh consequences had a devastating effect.

Only this time, it was on herself.

Part of her railed against that- it wasn't her fault that she had been kidnapped- forced to aid another Sith in his plots. It wasn't her fault that [member="Darth Carnifex"] was a brutal psychopath.

And yet.... she could have prevented all of it. Just like on Maena.

It was all too easy to twist the Doctor's over developed sense of responsibility, especially in the physical state she was in.

She could barely move, but she picked up her left hand- he'd almost taken it and then drawn back. But the view of it out of the corner of her eye stopped her.

Heavily bandaged, it was clear that two of her fingers were simply gone. She stared for a moment. Though it was hard to tell, considering how battered her face was, swollen and bruised, there was clear horror there.

For a short but unimaginably eternity, she had thought that [member="Vrak Nashar"] had taken that from her, when he had broken every fingers, leaving them as nothing more than a collection of broken twigs. She'd been given a second chance, and the relief had flooded then.


I am a doctor, not a butcher she had said to Kaine once.

She tried to raise her right arm again. Again, there was no response. It took all of her strength to turn her head enough to view that side of her body.

No.

Her stomach churned and for a moment, she thought she was going to be sick. The sedatives made panic a distant, untouchable emotion. But the wave of despair that washed over her was very, very present.

Irajah closed her eyes tightly. And then, slowly, she nodded.

She understood.

She had done this to herself- Yes, Kaine and Vrak were to blame. But so too, equally, was she.

[member="Darth Prazutis"]

 

[Darth Prazutis]

​As the sudden realization of her lost limbs set in amidst her pain and drug addled mind Braxus watched [member="Irajah Ven"] with disappointment on his face. Despite the anger he held beneath for how she suffered at the hands of this red skinned Sith he had seen when he pilfered through her minds and thoughts, despite how he grinned when he saw the virus she created and the augmentation she made that would cause it all to fall apart and die, he buried it all. In truth it was genuine disappointment that displayed on his face at her decisions. All of the warnings were given for her to stay within his sphere of influence, stay where he could control the situation and keep her safe. But while he warned she had laughed and smiled back, ignoring it all.

Look at where it brought her.

For several minutes he just stood there looking at her ruined form after her eyes closed, until the steps and quiet voice of Allocer filled his ears. "Your majesty they are ready.." Braxus took one last look at Irajah before he turned to leave.

A couple days later...

​After many operations and treatments following the installation of her new cybernetic arm and fingers, as well as the satisfactory healing of other various injuries today was the day Irajah had been brought back to her suite. Allocer briefed the King that they were still waiting for the parts for her cybernetic leg, and there were other injuries on the mend that would also take time. While he could've ignored the notification of her return, he could've went about his business, he didn't. Irajah Ven was a delicate matter part of a vast long term plan he had in store, and it was very important that he see her when she returned alone.

​The Sith Lord hadn't seen her since the day when she woke to see his disappointing gaze, to hear his words just before she slipped back under for the surgery to install her new cybernetics. A lot needed to be said between them, and it was for these many reasons that drew him to the door of her suite. A pair of crownguard stood in position nearby guarding her chambers, no one would enter without being personally checked by this new team. When the doors shifted open to her suite and he entered into the living room Irajah was nowhere to be found, the smell of caf didn't assault his senses, there weren't any noises around him except...

​Sadness.

​Through his heightened hearing Braxus could hear coming from down the hall crying, soft words of frustration that undoubtedly came from Irajah. They were hard to understand amidst her tears but no doubt there was some kind of struggle. Immediately he swept down the hallway to find the door of her chamber still open. The chair she used to move around had fallen laying sideways on the floor and there she was. The doctor alongside the chair struggling to right herself to no avail, tears falling down her face. "Here...let me." ​Braxus said as he swept up to her fallen form. Carefully he picked her up into the air as he once did before, holding the doctor securely in both arms while he used the power of the force to reset her chair. Braxus sat her down on the bed then and slid down next to her, he looked to her then this time the look of utter disappointment was gone from his face, but a familiar hand came up to rest on her shoulder, a reassuring hand.

 

[Kuzo]

[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTZQ2IB_x7c[/media]

The next few days had been hell. This time, however, instead of being surrounded by it, it existed inside of her.

She spoke rarely, quietly, only to answer questions from the medical staff.

Is that comfortable?

Can you touch your nose?

Are you in pain?

No. No.

Yes.

Whenever possible, she did her best to simply not look. But when the cybernetic replacements were ones arm and several fingers, it was impossible to not see them. To not be aware. They said she would adjust in a couple of days. That she just needed time. How many times had she said the very same thing to a patient?

Too many times.

What a crock of chit.

It was with no small measure of relief that Irajah was finally brought back to her suite. Here she could be alone. Here she could lock the door. It was perhaps a small measure of comfort, but it mattered. It was bad enough to wake up every night to the weight of phantom hands on her throat. At least now, perhaps, she would find some peace in knowing that simply anyone couldn't just waltz in.

It didn't help.

She had wheeled around the suite, trying not to bump into everything- the space had not been laid out with a wheelchair in mind. It had taken almost an hour just to make it to her bedroom, and she was exhausted by the time she got there. Maneuvering the chair up beside it, she sat there for a long moment, despair written clearly across her features. She had no idea how she was going to get out of the chair by herself, let alone get up onto the bed. She clenched her teeth, throat tight.

She didn't want to cry again right now.

Cybernetic hand gripped the side of the chair. She swallowed, trying to lever herself up and grab the bedpost with her other hand. But something twitched, or she was just too weak- she didn't know. The chair started to tip, and it was all she could do to keep her head from crashing into the corner of the dark wood bed before she went crashing to the floor in a heap.

That was where [member="Darth Prazutis"] found her, beating her hand against the floor in anger and frustration. Tears tracked down her face, despite the fact that she tried to choke back the sobs. She didn't hear him approach-

When his hands slid beneath her, she flinched. Hearing his voice though, she stopped, just barely, from striking him with closed fists. She curled her arms in, hating the feeling of the cybernetics, but unable to do anything else as she shook in his arms, trying to get the crying under some semblance of control.

She didn't want his help. She didn't want anyone to see her like this. This helpless, frightened, damaged creature.

She couldn't even look at him. Not after the way he'd looked at her.

So she didn't see that his face held none of the condemnation, the disappointment of the last time. Again, she flinched when his hand came down on her shoulder.

The medics had assured her that response would also fade with time.

What did they know?

"What are you doing here?"

Her voice was small and dull, no inflection to her words. She couldn't look at him- couldn't look at her hands in her lap. So she kept her head turned away. The tension in her jaw was clear, even beneath the yellow-green bruises. Her eyes teared up, and she reached up, dashing them away with the back of her wrist. The wrist of her left hand.

"If you're here to chastise me again, it's not necessary."

 

[Darth Prazutis]

​The King sat alongside [member="Irajah Ven"] his eyes moving over her bruised and battered form, the telltale yellow green bruises marked on her face while she tried to keep it together.

"If you're here to chastise me again, it's not necessary."

​Irajah's voice rang out small and soft then her words practically a whisper as they hit his ears. Despite his gifts at reading people he could always read Irajah like a book, right down to the tone of voice. In this moment he could tell she was struggling to keep it together, to keep her composure as everything fell apart around her. So what did he do? Did he stand up and scold her for her mistakes, lecture her on her failures? Did he tell her how disappointed he was in the decisions she made, and tell her everything would've been different if she simply stayed within his sphere of influence?

No.

Instead not a single word fell from his mouth as the King reached his other hand to her opposite shoulder as he shuffled closer to Irajah. Carefully he pulled her into a hug one of his hands came up to the back of her head. The same mask of calm, warm reassurance on his face. Irajah had been fractured during the nightmarish meeting, it was time to build her back up.

 

[Kuzo]

'W-what are you-"

She froze, her entire body stiff and unyielding as he enveloped her in his arms. Her eyes were wide open, forehead against his shoulder.

No. This wasn't right. He was angry- he was disappointed- and he had every right to be! She deserved his scorn for the mistakes she'd made, for the risk she had put their research in by being so careless! He should rail at her- after all, she had literally risked his life- if something had happened to her, and she couldn't find the answer to this puzzle with Corruption, she knew that he would die. He should be furious. He should hate her for putting him at risk.

If she hated herself then why didn't he?

She had been holding tightly onto tears for days. Occasionally, a few would slip out, but she would always choke back the sobs, stifling the rising tide, the sheer weight of the despair that tried to pull her under the dark waters.

But the feeling of his arms around her, his hand stroking her hair was just too much. She brought her hands up, fists clenched and laid them on his chest, intent on pushing him away. She didn't deserve his forgiveness! His kindness!

Her shoulders shook. Once. Twice. Silent at first, the tears started to track down her face.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice barely audible, tight and thick.

She gasped, the first sob escaping her lips as her fists tightened against his chest.

It came on like a tidal wave. She couldn't swim against the weight of the tears, the heaviness in her chest that made it simply too hard to breath. She leaned against him, closing her eyes as her entire body shuddered and she began to weep for the first time since she'd woken up in the infirmary.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she sobbed into his chest, her whole body shaking.

"I'm so sorry Braxus...."

[member="Darth Prazutis"]

 

[Darth Prazutis]

​After days perhaps even weeks of torment first at the hands of the red skinned pureblood then facing the wrath of Kaine Zambrano, she couldn't take it anymore. After days of holding in the tears in his arms [member="Irajah Ven"] finally broke down. After first resisting the King felt her lean into him completely not caring to hold in the tears, they flowed as if the dam of a river had suddenly burst open.

"I'm sorry,"

​When the water works started wetting the fabric of his clothing followed by her shaking, he gripped Irajah tighter not saying a word as she apologized to him once.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry,"

​More apologies came amidst the tears while he held her this time while still holding her tight he spoke after "It's alright." ​He whispered.

"I'm so sorry Braxus...."

​Braxus once more spoke his words calm, warming reassurances "It's alright Irajah, your safe now. Your safe that's all that matters." ​Braxus said letting her go just enough so she could pull her head away before he pulled a piece of cloth from his cloak, a handkerchief. Carefully he began to dry the wet tears on her face taking special care in the duty. Afterwards he pocketed the piece of cloth and once more pulled her into a hug once more his hand moving up to the back of her head once more, to ensure she felt safe. "Things are going to be different from now on. You'll stay here with me, this will be your permanent resident. You'll be safe in my sphere of influence. You'll be protected by my best, my finest. Don't worry...I've got you, I'll take care of everything..."

​"Trust me."

 

[Kuzo]

She buried her face in his chest after he wiped her face, both hands curled up between them. When he said she would stay here however, she immediately started shaking her head.

"I can't- I can't stay here- not with him here," she whispered. "I know- that I made a mistake- but I can't stay here, not knowing when I'll turn a corner and-"

She stopped, her voice choking off. She couldn't say and be face to face with [member="Darth Carnifex"]. Her mouth refused to form the words, give the image and memories any more weight or credence than they already had.

"Why would you even want me to stay?"

Irajah still couldn't look at him, but she didn't move from his arms.

"After the risk I put you in- I couldn't even keep my mouth shut- that man, that red skinned bastard, could have killed me. And that would have meant we'd never find your answers. That you would end up like...."

​Like that man- twisted, shattered. Dead.

Beyond all of this, deeper and even darker, was the reminder of the fact that if she were die on an occupied planet, then it would be a repeat of what had happened on her homeworld. The guilt, the weight and responsibility of that had haunted her for almost a year. The sheer irresponsibility of her actions kept her voice choked in her throat.

She should have died with the rest of her people. With her father.

Why would he possible even want her here? It would be better if she was somewhere far, where the selfishness of the decision to live wouldn't risk him or anyone else she cared about. She wanted too badly to live. To do what was right?

She didn't have the strength for that. She had thought, for awhile, that decision was the right one, that she wasn't selfish. Or that, if she was, that was okay.

She'd been wrong.

[member="Darth Prazutis"]

 

[Darth Prazutis]

​As [member="Irajah Ven"] once more buried her head in his chest panic, guilt, and terror setting into her voice as she spoke of [member="Darth Carnifex"], the man who mangled her body beyond measure. The King personally saw the medical records following her encounter with the red skinned pureblood, and comparing the two? It was utterly laughable. What happened to her with the pureblood was while a terrifying experience nothing compared to the time she spent with Kaine. It was visible in her reaction, he could feel it in her mind. Irajah was utterly and thoroughly terrified of Kaine Zambrano.

"I know- that I made a mistake- but I can't stay here, not knowing when I'll turn a corner and-"

​As she cut off her words he too cut her off with his own words. "You will be safe. You are under my protection fully now Irajah. In staying here permanently I will ensure that Kaine Zambrano never goes near you, never touches you. You won't ever need to see him again, trust me and I will keep you safe." ​Braxus said. As if it would help from his hug he gave her a tight squeeze again as a form of reassurance. What Irajah didn't know was that the whole ordeal was carefully orchestrated by the man now embracing her, and Kaine had absolutely no intention of harming her again.

Once more Irajah continued on her unique ability to take all of the guilt and responsibility, to blame herself even if it wasn't her fault. In truth everything in the situation was his fault, but she wouldn't be able to see it. To put it plainly Irajah was traumatized by the events following her torture at the hands of Kaine. He could see it in her shaking, hear it in her words, she was traumatized. Irajah needed someone to hold, someone to be there to help her through this trying, vulnerable time.

He would be that man.

"After the risk I put you in- I couldn't even keep my mouth shut- that man, that red skinned bastard, could have killed me. And that would have meant we'd never find your answers. That you would end up like...."

​Once more she whispered to him her voice small as she talked into his chest. Once more the painful realization of his dark side corruption, the price of power pulsing through his veins was. Corruption had eroded one body of his nephew already, and it was beginning to break down his own body. Irajah was making great strides towards her experiments, and without her the projects ended utterly. He needed her and this pureblood did put her at a degree of risk, even if she was never going to be killed.

"It's okay Irajah we brought you back, we kept you safe. My risks can wait, yours are our primary concern." ​Braxus said, stopping for a moment he simply ran his hand through her hair then. "You might feel some of the pressure Gideon put on you alleviated temporarily. While you've been taken care of by my doctors I have personally kept Gideon at bay by completely mending your damaged organs faster than they could degrade them, while you have been unable to focus. Everything I've asked of you Irajah and everything I've done has been to take care of you."




​

 

[Kuzo]

She noticed that he hadn't answered her question. It was impossible not to notice.

For some reason, he still wanted her here. After all of the mistakes she's made. He knew it, he'd thrown it in her face when she'd been in the medical ward. He'd even taken it upon himself to make sure that her illness didn't run rampant in that time- to a point, that made sense, after all, who would risk that on their world?

But all of the details, piled on top of each other, meant that the idea he could have had anything to do with this never even occured to her. After all, if he wanted her to suffer, he could have let Gideon eat away at her, just enough to leave her in pain, or worse. He wouldn't be here, comforting her. Promising that Kaine would never come near her again.

How could any of it even be viewed through any other lens?

But she still didn't understand why.

Why go through all of this trouble?

It wasn't like bringing her to Panatha. It wasn't like setting up this suite here and making sure she was comfortable. This was deeply personal.

"Why?" She whispered again. Leaning against him, she rested the side of her face against his chest. Though her eyes were open and she could look up, she didn't. Those hazel eyes weren't really looking at anything at that moment. Absently, without even being aware of it, her hand cybernetic hand was opening and closing.

"Why, when I could just leave here? He is Panatha's King. Why are you doing all of this? I don't-"

I don't deserve it.

[member="Darth Prazutis"]

 

[Darth Prazutis]

​Carefully amidst the silence of the room with the terrified words of [member="Irajah Ven"] Braxus sat. He was the rock amidst a flood, stability amidst the storm that was her life presently. Irajah wouldn't be able to see through the clever, complex plans he was carrying out. So when the words: "Why, when I could just leave here? He is Panatha's King. Why are you doing all of this? I don't-" ​​Spilled from her lips, he knew what was going on within her.

​In truth he could've simply let her die while she laid comatose in the hospital wing bed. It wouldn't be difficult to cease his dark transfer that mended her damaged organs. Then they would watch in a matter of days as the voracious Gideon virus ripped her internal organs apart until there was nothing left, until Irajah Ven ceased to be. But her death was never the intention with requesting Kaine to viciously torture Irajah. Death was in fact never part of the equation. Irajah was gifted with intelligence, courage, determination, a strong force presence among other qualities. All of which were visible especially in visions of the future, her future. What Irajah could become with a careful guiding hand to escort her down the dark path.

Carefully he listened to the terrified woman as she spoke the terrified shaking were calming down amidst his embrace, his hand caressed the side of her face once she shifted. "You deserve it all." Braxus said as he stood up with Irajah locked safely in his arms. The Dark Lord moved out of the bedroom and carried her down the hall "Worry not about Panatha's King strike him from your thoughts, let me deal with him. I need you here Irajah, we both need you. You possess gifts unlike any other in the galaxy. The corruption, the Gideon virus all of it. You possess gifts unlike any other." ​Braxus continued as they entered the living room. While they spoke his droid Allocer started a fire in the fireplace before departing, illuminating the living room in its orange glow. The Dark Lord sat down on the couch with Irajah still curled safely in his arms "You've given me your trust in the past, you must now. Trust in me Irajah, I will keep you safe. As we move forward into this new chapter of your more permanent residence here under my protection you will always be safe."

 

[Kuzo]

[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBmIptM7JvA[/media]

She didn't wrap her arms around his neck as she had done in the past. She stayed curled in his arms as he lifted her up, head tucked beneath his chin. She didn't care where they went, so long as it was within the Suite. She watched, dully out of the corner of her eye, as the droid brought the fire in the grate to life.

Normally, she basked in the glow of the warmth on her skin. But in this moment, that seemed so far away. With her chair left behind in the bedroom, she couldn't have made it to the fire on her own, let alone stand before it, even if she had wanted to. That image of striding to it under her own power was so strong it ached and she turned her face away from the light, burying it in his chest again as he lowered them both to the couch.

Despite their size difference, Irajah rarely felt *small* in his presence. Of course she knew that he utterly dwarfed her, but it rarely felt like a looming imbalance. Right now, however, she felt tiny in his arms. It was a feeling she felt all too keenly, especially after the events of the last week. Small. Powerless. Weak.

His words washed over her, and she felt hot tears welling up once again. The combination of reassurance and simple practicality settled around her as surely as his embrace.

In times of stress, of confusion, Irajah had always searched for a way forward, a path, a job to do. Sometimes it bordered on maladaptive, how deeply she would allow her work to drown out the things she didn't wish to consider in that moment. So here it was an old familiar security, a coping mechanism she understood and could find comfort in. The work on Corruption. On Gideon.

Drown out that gaze. The feeling of his knife on your skin....

She closed her eyes, stifling a sob.

She didn't want to hold onto it. She didn't want to have it all on her shoulders, the weight. Trust me.

He'd never done anything to shatter each new moment of trust.

Trust me.

She didn't trust herself, her intuition- her ability to make decisions that wouldn't lead to the worst of outcomes. If she couldn't trust herself, then who could she trust?

Trust me.

She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't even trust her tongue with the words. Instead, Irajah nodded into his chest, the tears flowing freely once again.

Curled against him she wept until she was a husk, raw and empty. She wept until sleep took her, her face turned away from the fire.

[member="Darth Prazutis"]

 

[Darth Prazutis]

​No more words were spoken after [member="Irajah Ven"]'s nod of acceptance. The King simply held her in his arms while she turned into him away from the world, weeping without restraint as her tears soaked into the fabric of his clothes. He neither moved from his position on the couch nor attempted to move Irajah from her position. Even as time ticked by he remained as her tears flowed, and flowed until they ran dry and empty, until she had cried herself to sleep. Despite the option to speak she needed this, to let everything she had been holding back out until nothing else remained.

It was here when she finally stopped crying and her breaths finally slowed, only when he was sure she was asleep that he sighed lightly. The plan to have Kaine break Irajah had worked exactly in the way he wanted it to. A careful glimpse into her mind told him how broken she was, how she could no longer trust even herself. She was more malleable than ever to his manipulations now. Everything was proceeding as planned. So the Dark Lord allowed sleep to take him then at last, as his body fell still his mind stretched across his vast empire, even in sleep he was always watching.

Hours later...

​Something had awoken the King from his slumber his eyes opening to gaze at the dark room. The fire had died during the night and darkness cloaked the room. The shaking in his arms told him what had woken him up. Irajah shaking and muttering to herself most words were inaudible but there were four words he did hear "No...no...please"

​"Why"

​Immediately her eyes surged open Irajah breaths were heavy and rapid as her eyes looked about. But just as he went to speak, to comfort her she looked to his eyes. He didn't let her out of his arms but immediately began to speak "Irajah it was just a nightmare. You are safe. I'm here." ​He said caressing the side of her face. "Calm down deep breaths..it wasn't real.."

 

[Kuzo]

Dreams are strange things. Melding Panatha and her own home world didn't seem impossible, merely unsettling.

Irajah leaned back, resting her forehead against the handle of the shovel. She didn't know how long she'd been digging, but the black stone and grey mud that sucked at her feet were all she could see unless she looked straight up. Which she didn't do. Somehow, she knew if she looked up, it would all be over.

The hole was huge, a chasm she had dug over an eternity. She held left everything behind on the surface, knowing that if she did that, if she gave up everything and as long as she didn't look up she could do this. Dig this grave deep enough, wide enough, long enough to fit her people. She didn't have to fail them anymore. When she had slipped with the shovel the first time, she had severed the pinky on her left hand- it had lay on top of the mud, so pale and bright against the monochromes. she could have stopped then, could have found a way to fix it. But the hole would have filled back in.

So she kept digging, rather than give up. Rather than fail again.

Each time she lost something- another finger.... her arm..... her left foot and then the leg below the knee- each time she knew that if she stopped digging, it was over. No matter the cost, this was her last chance to do this for them- to bury them. To give them peace. It was the least she could do. Each time it became harder to handle the shovel. But each time, she persisted, one spade of grey mud at a time.

Somehow, she knew that she was almost done. The hole spread around her like a field, deep in the heart of the black mountains. It could hold a million- two. And she had finally done it.

She cried out, falling on her injured hand into the mire. Something had hit her from behind.

Irajah knew if she looked up, something waited for her. She tried to get up, hand slipping in the morass of cold mud and blood. Again, something heavy struck her from behind, this time knocking her to her side. She started to sink, and she scrambled, trying to get purchase on the object that had hit her-

Simon Ven's dead face stared at her.

"It's too late, Raja. He's here."

"No....."

She knew she shouldn't. If she didn't, then maybe he wasn't there.

But she turned her head upward, just as another body slammed into the mud beside her face. She flinched, cold muck splattering into her nose and mouth.

The staring, yellow eyes of [member="Darth Carnifex"] filled the sky.

He towered above it all, hundreds of times the size of life. As he leaned over, he plucked something out of his cupped hand. Aiming carefully, expression stony, he dropped it.

Irajah flinched, covering her head with one arm as the body tumbled through the air and landed solidly on her. Pressed into the mud, she flailed, gasping for breath. The sound of heavy thwaps against the mire all around her caused her to struggle harder, finally wriggling out into the twilight.

"No please..... I'm not done yet!"

As the bodies built up around her, she called out, again and again, begging him to stop.... please..... no.....

But the giant's yellow eyes stared down at her impassively. Turning his hand over, he opened his palm. The dead came raining down then. She foundered, between the weight of the bodies and the sucking mud. She couldn't breath.

"Why?"

Irajah startled awake in the darkness. She gasped, breathing heavy and ragged. The dark was warm, quiet, though she felt the weight of arms around her. Disoriented and confused, she looked around-

Her gaze arrested on the sulfuric orbs in the darkness.

It wasn't a conscious decision. But she started to struggle, actually gasping out a quiet "No, please," before his grip tightened on her and the familiar voice of [member="Darth Prazutis"] cut through the fugue.

"Br-Braxus?"

The previous night came back to her, stealing across her mind like a migraine, the march slow but inexorable. She collapsed against him, all of the fight leaving her in a single breath as she shook in his arms. She drew in a deep, shuddering breath, eyes wide open but not truly seeing anything for the moment.

"It's not even safe in my dreams," she whispered. "How can it possibly be safe anywhere else?"

She had been haunted by nightmares since she had woken up on her planet. Alone. Surrounded by the dead. But this was too much.

This time, the nightmare had teeth. And it still stalked the halls of Vain Hollow.

 

[Darth Prazutis]

​When [member="Irajah Ven"] woke she did so in a panicked storm struggling even letting out a quiet plea before she at last saw behind those eyes was none other than Braxus, memories of the previous night taking over amidst disorientation. Irajah collapsed into him burying her head once more to his chest while her whole body trembled. The Doctor's nightmares like the bruises were known to him, while occasionally she did get the rare night of sleep, most of the time Irajah woke up in a storm of heavy breathing, but rarely did they ever discuss those nightmares.

​This was different.

​Irajah underwent an incredibly traumatic experience and now it had bled into her dreams. "It's not even safe in my dreams," she whispered. "How can it possibly be safe anywhere else?" Irajah asked, her trembling body told him of the fear even before the force did. The trauma of this experience would take longer than her physical wounds would, and it would take time. So during this troublesome time he would be here for her, as long as it took so she could be herself again. "It's alright, it was just a dream. He will not nor will he ever touch you again. I'm here."

 

[Kuzo]

"I'm so tired of nightmares."

The words were barely loud enough to be heard. They were whispered against his chest, the defeat in that admission clear from the slump of her shoulders. She had no more tears to cry- not then in that moment. She just felt empty, hollow. As though the slightest breeze could lift her up and dash her against the jagged stones at the base of the mountain- and she would be powerless to resist it.

Or if she could- then maybe she simply wouldn't care.

Though her left arm shook as she pushed herself up, her right was firm. She hated all of it. Both the weakness.... and the fact that the other wasn't even hers enough to take the cues her body left it. Both ways, she lost.

For a moment, she went to stand up- and then she remembered. Looking down at her leg, her hands clenched and unclenched in helpless anger.

"I'd like to wash my face," she said, her throat tight. She didn't look at him, hating having to ask. But what else could she do? "Would you please get my chair?"

[member="Darth Prazutis"]

 

[Darth Prazutis]

​When [member="Irajah Ven"] spoke once more and her shoulders slumped low in defeat, her whispers barely reaching his ears Braxus sighed inwardly. Despite his role in everything going on around her, everything that has happened he still felt for the petite Doctor's pain. Irajah was very important for both of their futures and in defending her, improving her style of life, spending so much time with her she grew on him. So it seemed odd that he felt an odd way about the condition she was currently in.

The King didn't say a word as she struggled to shift in his lap, only to realize that she couldn't stand up on her own the realization of her missing limbs kicking in. Just then she spoke.

"I'd like to wash my face. Would you please get my chair?"

​In the past Irajah had always been fiercely independent so he knew how it must've pained her to ask a simple question, yet he already knew the answer and one she would prefer far more. "I have a better solution." ​He said sliding Irajah onto the couch. Braxus stood up and slid off the suit jacket then letting it hang over the couch, he undid his cufflinks and sat the pins neatly on the coffee table before rolling up his sleeves. He picked up Irajah again and carried her to the expansive bathroom.

So he would begin by lowering her down acting as her brace, her support to put Irajah in a secure position, before he turned the water on and was ready beside her helping to wash her face. It would send the message that if she struggled he would be beside her, ready to help.

 

[Kuzo]

It was the first time she had looked in a mirror since that day. She stared at her reflection, expressionless, too numb to react at first. Her eyes were drawn first to her forehead, then across her face as if reading a roadmap in the damage there.

Slowly, she dipped her face, letting the warm water run over her hands and splashing it over her features. [member="Darth Prazutis"] kept her steady, his presense firm but gentle. Without asking, he kept the water temperature regulated, offering his support- the sensation that he was there for her in everything he did.

She didn't deserve that.

Not when she couldn't even stand on her own.

Face over the sink, dripping with water, she grasped the edges of the white basin with both hands. The knuckles on her left hand were white, though there was no similar reaction from her right. The cybernetics were excellent, but there was no reason to have such small details programmed into their function.

Looking up at the mirror again, she stared at herself.

"Please pass me those scissors?"

Her tone was quiet, but unwavering. When he complied, she reached up, taking hold of her hair. Slowly, deliberately, she cut across the front, the heavy bangs falling over her forehead, over the scar of the rune carved there. Putting the shears down on the back of the sink, she finally looked at him through the mirror.

​"I can't do this."

It wasn't clear what *this* was for a moment until-

"I can't be this weak. I...."

She swallowed, hard, her face almost crumbling then. But she pushed on.

"These hands.... were a Doctor's hands. I never had any interest in following in my father's other footsteps."

Looking down, she glanced between her hands where they gripped the sink again. The cybernetics were good. But they weren't hers. What [member="Vrak Nashar"] had started, [member="Darth Carnifex"] had finished.

Right now, at least for this moment, Doctor Ven wasn't useful anymore. Yes, she could still do the research, but the fine work? The surgery?

No.

Maybe someday she would.

But now.....

"Will you teach me?"

 

[Darth Prazutis]

​In truth he never spoke much with [member="Irajah Ven"] about her family and her life, only the occasional names mentioned in casual passing he received from her. Early on when investigating Irajah the royal intelligence agency, the apparatus liberated from the One Sith before their demise ran a variety of checks on her and while some information wasn't known she was still cleared. It was only when he heard the name of her father, Simon Ven, did he dig deeper into investigating. After running the name through several databases from old and new empires the name did in fact come up among them. Simon Ven an accomplished doctor as well as a Sith Knight, his and his wife's own dossiers coming up within his files.

​That was where her strength in the force came from.

​But never before did he reveal or even tell Irajah what he found out about her family, all of it had been kept secret from her. He saw what Irajah Ven could become, how she could not only equal but surpass her father's own abilities and how she could truly climb the ladder of power to become something truly feared in the galaxy. But this Irajah? This was someone else. Broken. Braxus remained quiet as he aided her while she washed her face, cut her bangs, the crumbling look on her face as she spoke in disbelief at how weak she truly was. But then...

"These hands.... were a Doctor's hands. I never had any interest in following in my father's other footsteps."

​The Dark Lord hid the grin that attempted to form on his face because of her words, everything that occurred so far led them to this path. Finally she had been made to see the brightest path before her, and finally give in.

"In your condition afflicted with Gideon as you are it will be significantly harder for you than any other to learn the ways of the force." ​Braxus replied pausing to allow it to sink in before continuing "But I will teach you Irajah Ven, I will teach you."