Emotions are a Troublesome Business

[Varian Alaric]

Emotions are a Troublesome Business
--------------------------------------
Location|| Room of Marriskcal Lati, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
​Equipment|| 1x Lightsaber(crimson), Standard Ren Garb
Status|| Emotionally Compromised
Objective|| Talk with [member="Marriskcal Lati"] about what happend on Praesitlyn

Ever since Praesitlyn, the relationship between both Primat and Marriskcal was...different. The two of them had not talked much since then. And it wan't out of spite, or anger or disappointment in each other. It was, out of confusion and sadness if anything else. The force illusions that they had seen had warped their minds, pitting their own fears against them. Something, that even a few weeks later from then, still left a scar in their minds. Not a literal, physical scar...but an emotional scar. Before hand, the two had been rather close like family. Though, they seemed more distant now than ever before.

Which was something that Primat didn't like. He hated not talking to Marriskcal or being in her company. He loved her being in company with him, she was so different from the other Ren. She was so carefree and innocent, and her loving attitude always had helped to brighten Primat's day whenever he had felt sad or distraught. And...that was something he had been missing the past few weeks. They had been in contact with one another and even gone on missions together. However things always seemed distant between the two. And it had gone on long enough. Primat was tired of being all bent out of shape with his built up emotions from what he had seen in this vision, something that he hoped would never come to pass. So, he considered it best that the two...at least try to talk about what happened on Praesitlyn. The best that they could try and do so that is.

It wasn't hard for him to find Marriskcal's room, he had gone there beforehand once when she was running late for a mission. And it was in a relatively easy place to remember, well and it was in the Praetorian Hallway so it was easy to find there of course what due to the small number of Praetorian Guard's right now. Once he had reached her room, he knocked on her door with a few raps of his knuckles against the metal door, waiting for her to let him in. Supposing it was best to tell her outright why he was here, Primat opted to do so. "Marr, I think...I think we need to talk about what happened on Praesitlyn. We can't keep on doing this, we just need to talk about it to each other and relieve any bent up emotion we have."

 

[Marriskcal Lati]

Praetorian Initiate
Equipment | Lightsaber (blue) & Training Lightsaber (red; synthcrystal)
Location | Room, Praetorian Dormitory, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
With | [member="Primat Ren"]
Status | Reluctant

[SIZE=11pt]One would think that with distance and time, all wounds would heal. But that was infinitely untrue, especially when it came to a wound of the mind and soul. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]And this was something Marriskcal has never had any experience with. So she kept her doubts and pain deep within her heart and allowed it to fester.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Days blended into weeks.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Ever loyal and diligent, the blonde continued her duties and responsibilities to the cause with her usual sharp-eyed focus and fervent intensity. Executing orders and carrying out missions, it was what she did best, after all. The structure and rote were comforting, but most importantly, it distracted her from the undesirable voices that has haunted her since their ill-fated encounter with the holocron in the Valley of Tombs. But the Marriskcal who stood on the battlefield these days was a mere shade of her usual self. Her performance was immaculate, befitting of a Praetorian that served directly under the will of their Supreme Leader. But she was no longer as warm and openly familiar with her colleagues.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Because she feared it may be unwanted.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Even her relationship with Primat had deteriorated. With the both of them so affected, the initiate did not know where she stood with the brother she allowed in to her heart. And so, despite her own reluctance, Marriskcal allowed their connection to fray. She would prefer to allow herself to believe that they both allowed it to happen, than to face rejection.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]You are a coward[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt].

“Yes, I am,” she whispered the words aloud to the ceiling.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]And then, there was a soft knock on the door. Even before the speaker announced himself, the blonde could already sense that it was Primat on the other side. She sat up immediately, her heart clenching with dread as the other spoke. Biting down on the bottom of her lip, Marriskcal reluctantly got out of bed and made her way over to door, letting it slide open. Despite her reluctance and apprehension, she managed to maintain her mask, giving Primat a smile as she stepped aside in silent invitation for the other to enter.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“Of course. At least we will both have closure.”[/SIZE]

 

[Varian Alaric]

Location|| Room of Marriskcal Lati, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
​Equipment|| 1x Lightsaber(crimson), Standard Ren Garb
Status|| Emotionally Compromised
Objective|| Talk with [member="Marriskcal Lati"] about what happend on Praesitlyn

Once she had opened the door, he put on a friendly smile...a mask of sorts to hide his timidness in the moment. He wasn't sure how she would react to seeing him here, or if she would even allow him in at all. Though, she did allow him inside...something that both surprised Primat, and brought him great relief.

Primat has seen the smile on Marriskcal's face and for a minute, he had been fooled into thinking she wasn't upset or distressed. But, he knew better. Especially once his glacier blue eyes looked into her sky blue eyes, he knew that her smile was just a facade at that moment. A fake smile if you will, like his smile. Even though he had not suspected he would be greeted by a fake smile from Marr, he wasn't surprised at the sight of it. He hesitated at first, before stepping inside of her room. He wasn't sure how this would go, or if the two of them would find closure on their problems. For all he knew this could just make things worse between the two of them, and Primat hoped that it would do the opposite of his fears. He prayed that it would made their relationship as good as it had been before they went into that tomb in the Valley of Tombs. He wanted their relationship to be back to what it had been, he hated how their relationship had all fallen apart in just a matter of weeks. Primat needed to change that...and he needed to tell someone what he had seen in that tomb.

Primat sat down at the edge of her bed, his hands on his knees. He didn't know how to start off the conversation, he hadn't come in with any plan or idea as to how they would resolve their problems. So, he decided to be honest to Marriskcal. At least then, they would be able to settle their differences without all the fluff of poetic conversation that got people nowhere more times than not. His gaze flickered to her hesitantly at first, and then he spoke to her. "Hey uhm, I know you've been avoiding me and that our relationship...has been faltering and falling apart in the last few weeks. And, I just want to know what's wrong. I assume it was something that you saw in that tomb on Praesitlyn...if you're willing, could you share with me your....your troubles?" Primat hoped that he had said the right words to Marr, he didn't want her to be driven further away from him for reasons unknown. He hated the feeling that somehow, it might be his fault that she had been colder to him, more distant.

Primat hated the idea that he could be the reason that the two of them were falling apart, that their relationship was faltering. And he needed to find out the true reason as to why, and if he could make things better for her.

 

[Marriskcal Lati]

Praetorian Initiate
Equipment | Lightsaber (blue) & Training Lightsaber (red; synthcrystal)
Location | Room, Praetorian Dormitory, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
With | [member="Primat Ren"]
Status | Upset

[SIZE=11pt]Marriskcal has never liked being made to feel small or out of her depth. She liked it best when she knew exactly where she stood or what it was that others wanted from her. And their current situation? She was at a complete loss.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]So she remained standing, her blue eyes steady and unwavering as she looked down at her older brother as he spoke. His voice was soft and gentle, his words hesitant and halting, the way it always was when Primat was struggling and trying his best to find the right words to say to another person. Despite still being wary, Marriskcal was touched by the care he showed and for one of the rare times since the voices started to haunt her, decided that perhaps she could bear to speak of her fears and worries to another person outside of Eight.

“You… assumed right. The guardian of the holocron used your forms, and confronted me with certain matters that has come to mind at one point or another… but that I have refused to dwell on.” Her words came to her with much difficulty. “While I realise that its words may just be lies, I can’t–” Marriskcal paused, taking a deep breath to maintain her thin veneer of calmness, “I can’t get them out of my mind. What if… What if it’s true that I’m just being an annoyance[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]? What if it’s true I’m just presuming that you care? That you don’t mind me being clingy and dragging you around?”[/SIZE]

 

[Varian Alaric]

Location|| Room of Marriskcal Lati, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
​Equipment|| 1x Lightsaber(crimson), Standard Ren Garb
Status|| Upset
Objective|| Talk with [member="Marriskcal Lati"] about what happend on Praesitlyn

Primat kept his glacier blue eyes fixated in Marriskcal as she stood in front of him, the two just staring at each other for a few beats of silence. He wanted Marr to sit beside him, so they could be 'on the same level' with each other. Now as he sat there, looking up at her, he began to feel doubt about coming here. He wasn't entirely sure if she would even talk to him about what had happened, and he was beginning to doubt that she would with as they stared into each others eyes. He tried to find something...or anything in her eyes to determine how she felt about the whole situation. However, all he saw was sorrow and hesitance in her eyes at the prospect of talking about what had happened. After a few moment's of silence between the two, Primat finally heard the sound of Marr's voice as she spoke. And...she sounded hesitant, afraid, and upset at all of what she was saying, Primat could tell from her tone alone how she had been feeling.

He didn't make any sort of movement as Marriskcal spoke to him, keeping his attention fixated solely on Marr as she spoke of her troubles and what she had seen in the Valley of Tombs from that Holocorn. The more things that Primat heard from Marr, the more that he wanted to comfort her and make all of her worries go away. Though, he didn't want to interrupt her right now. She looked fragile enough right now. Not fragile in the physical sense, but emotionally he could tell that she was fragile in the emotional sense because of what had happened to her in that Tomb. It took a few moment's for her to finish speaking and once she had, he stood up and wrapped his arms around her shoulder, hugging her softly. He didn't want her to be afraid or think she was worthless to him, and he felt the best way to show that...was through hugging her. It was something his parents had done before when he was upset, and he would do the same for Marr. He wasn't sure what to say, so he opted to say what he thought when he had heard her speaking. "Marr, none of that is true. And none of that will ever be true. You're not an annoyance, sometimes you may annoy me or get on my nerves but that's from your teasing and playful nature! You're not presuming anything, I do care about you and...I don't want you to ever doubt that for a second, Marr. And, I love it when you're all clingy and dragging me around. It's all you, and I could never be annoyed at anything you ever do, Marriskcal!"

 

[Marriskcal Lati]

Praetorian Initiate
Equipment | Lightsaber (blue) & Training Lightsaber (red; synthcrystal)
Location | Room, Praetorian Dormitory, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
With | [member="Primat Ren"]
Status | Relieved

[SIZE=11pt]It took Marriskcal going against all her finely honed instincts not to flinch or step away when her brother approached, her body straight and tense. Warily, the blonde watched as Primat’s arm spread open slowly to envelop her in a hug. Her emotions were in a flux, swirling and twisting in an agitated manner around her in a whirlwind of fear and resignation. It was also coloured with a slight hint of anger aimed towards herself for allowing her emotions to get the better of her. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]And then, her brother started to speak. Marriskcal drank in his words like how a parched desert absorbed the rain as it fell from the sky, letting them soothe her frayed nerves. The initiate remained tense in his arms for several moments as her mind tried to accept that the other was not about to hurt nor reject her. “… Okay,” she said, her voice small and soft. Slowly, hesitantly, as though she was still worried that Primat would change his mind, Marriskcal leaned her head against his chest, her own arms closing around her brother’s waist. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“Okay,” she stated again, her voice becoming more steady as the blonde realised that the doubts she had carried within her were just a lie. That their fondness for each other was not one-sided nor just a figment of her imagination. “I’ll trust you.”[/SIZE]

 

[Varian Alaric]

Location|| Room of Marriskcal Lati, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
​Equipment|| 1x Lightsaber(crimson), Standard Ren Garb
Status|| Upset
Objective|| Talk with [member="Marriskcal Lati"] about what happend on Praesitlyn

Once he had heard her speak, Primat knew he had done the right thing for Marriskcal. Although he did fear that the hug might have been a bit much, he still did believe that it was necessary to show Marr that he was honest in what he had told her. And now he was happy that his judgement had been a correct one, that she had actually...found comfort in what he said and what he had done. He was surprised when he felt her head lean against her chest and her arms close around his waist. He hadn't known what Marr would do when he hugged her. Though, her hugging him back was a shocker. She had pulled on Primat's arm a lot in a cute and childish manner countless times before, though they had never hugged each other...hugged each other like friends comforting one another in a moment of tragedy where all they have is their friendship holding them together. He smile down towards Marr, hoping his warm smile would bring her comfort...in some way. He hoped that she would see what he said and his smile at her as purely genuine. Primat cherished their friendship, and he would hate for anything to ever happen to it.

As soon as he heard her exclaim that she trusted him, he was filled with joy. He was happy that she now trusted him as she used to. Things were now...slowly coming back together. Their once fractured relationship, being welded back together through emotional rapport for each other. "Good, I'm glad you trust me, Marr. I just...I don't want you to ever...distrust me, and don't worry. I'll always stay by your side, and always trust you. You've never led me wrong before!"

 

[Marriskcal Lati]

Praetorian Initiate
Equipment | Lightsaber (blue) & Training Lightsaber (red; synthcrystal)
Location | Room, Praetorian Dormitory, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
With | [member="Primat Ren"]
Status | Relieved

[SIZE=11pt]As Marriskcal stayed in her brother’s embrace, the final vestiges of the shadows that has haunted her thoughts receded. While the Guard has kept her anchored and stopped her from completely shattering into hundreds of shards during the aftermath, Primat’s own confessions served to heal the last of the fractures on her psyche. Her presence slowly shifted from its earlier dark hues and restless state into something lighter and calmer. The older male has always been truthful to her as far as she knew, and until the day Primat proved her faith in him was misplaced, she will continue to believe in him.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“And I’ll stay by your side for as long as I can.”[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]For as long as the galaxy allows me to. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]For as long as our paths does not diverge.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]For as long as you’d like me to.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Marriskcal knew well enough that life was fickle. And so, she did not promise ‘always’ like her brother had. “That’s because I’m just that amazing. By your own words, this means you should definitely listen to me more.” The truth was less remarkable. The blonde was merely observant, and inclined towards rational thoughts and contemplations, as she was brought up to do ever since she could think for herself. The cheerful sweet voice of Lori spoke venom into her mind – All the better for you to target weaknesses and craft lies. The initiate ignored them.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]As much as she wanted to remain in her brother’s embrace, Marriskcal pulled back slightly to look up at him with concern. “What about yourself[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt], Primat? What did the guardian of the holocron show you?” Her clear blue eyes studied the older male’s features, taking in pale skin and shadows that lurked in his eyes.[/SIZE]

 

[Varian Alaric]

Location|| Room of Marriskcal Lati, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
​Equipment|| 1x Lightsaber(crimson), Standard Ren Garb
Status|| Relieved yet Distressed
Objective|| Talk with [member="Marriskcal Lati"] about what happened on Praesitlyn

"That's good," his voice rang true once he had heard Marriskcal's response. Her words brought comfort to him in knowing that the two of them could be friends once more, like they had used to be before their venture on Praesitlyn...when everything had changed between the two of them. However now, it looked as though all hard feeling and regret had now washed away to warm feelings and relief. Marr had never lied to him before except when she was afraid, so their would be no reason to no trust her now when Primat knew that she wasn't afraid anymore, right now. He couldn't help but laugh at her words softly about 'listen to me more.' He had to admit, she was definitely right about that. Though, he still knew he wouldn't listen to her. Not out of spite or anger, but out of his own stubbornness to no always listen to what other people told him. It didn't mean that he would never listen to Marr, though now...he would try and heed her words and advice more than he had previously done. He owned her that much in the least.

“What about yourself, Primat? What did the guardian of the holocron show you?”

Primat had not been expecting to hear those words. He wasn't expecting to hear those words, at all. However once he had, he took in a shuddering and nervous breath as though hundreds of weights were bearing on his back and he could never get them off of his back. He sat himself down onto Marr's bed, exhaling and inhaling deep breaths. As he tried to recall what he had seen, his hands shook nervously and in fear. Though, he couldn't do anything to stop his hands from shaking. Marriskcal had probably already seen his hands shaking, so their was no reason for him to hide it. Least of all from her of all people. He trusted her, though in this state...he was afraid of what she thought of him now. Primat closed his glacier blue eyes, bringing a hand up to his face and eyes. And he found tears, already. He would be lying to say he was shocked, because he wasn't. He just...didn't want Marr to see him cry. But he couldn't stop the slow flow of tears, which would increase in speed as he described what had transpired in the illusion. "I uhm...I saw Varas in a field I was going to take her to. A-and then, their was a figure and he...he stabbed her and I couldn't move! I couldn't do a karking thing because I'm useless.I'm utterly useless and weak. I, I ran over her and tried to stop the bleeding. But all that happened was that I got her blood on my hands, and I couldn't do anything. Nothing was working. Because I'm not good enough for her, I'm not strong enough to protect her if something happened. I can never protect her because I'm just...useless. And she died in my arms, saying that it was my fault for her dying."

 

[Marriskcal Lati]

Praetorian Initiate
Equipment | Lightsaber (blue) & Training Lightsaber (red; synthcrystal)
Location | Room, Praetorian Dormitory, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
With | [member="Primat Ren"]
Status | Determined

[SIZE=11pt]As Primat released her from his embrace, the blonde watched with growing worry as her older brother sat heavily on her bed, his breaths deep as he tried to stave off his impending meltdown. While she enjoyed being affectionate with her brothers and sister, Marrikscal was never the most attuned when it came to emotions. So when his hand began to tremble and his eyes filled with tears, the initiate felt a clear sense of discomfort and found herself wanting to avert her gaze from the sight of Primat being so distraught. Though the slow swell of dread began to well up within her, Marriskcal ignored and suppressed it viciously as her brother began to enlighten her to the tribulation he faced back on Praesitlyn.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Even while he spoke, the panic she felt earlier was burned by a sudden hot surge of anger aimed towards the insidious guardian. While Marriskcal could not fault it for turning their own darkest and deepest fears against them, it was hard to appreciate its ingenuity when all of them were so affected by its deceptive illusions. While she was merely resigned and haunted by her own thoughts, Primat had been blaming himself for the death of a loved one for as long. She was putting a stop to it right this moment.

In her wrath and indignation on behalf of her brother, the blonde forgot about her own earlier doubts and worries. She stepped in front Primat, crossing her arms and scowled down at him. “Listen, because if I have to repeat myself, I’m going to drag you to the nearest training room and physically kick some sense into your head. That illusions we experienced was crafted purposely to sow the seeds of doubt within each of us. In my case, it used the faces of the people I care about to tear me down. And I allowed it to!” Because despite her best attempts to remain indifferent, she has let people into her heart. And this meant she willingly allowed herself to vulnerable to their words and opinions.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“In your case, it focused on your feelings and fear for Varas’ wellbeing. [/SIZE]Nothing you did worked in there because we are merely puppets that were forced to dance to the tune of a demented conductor. [SIZE=11pt]Are you going to concede and allow the illusion to come true then[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]? ” Letting out a sharp huff of air, Marriskcal threw herself onto the bed beside her brother. “Varas is a part of the Order of Ren. Death is the only thing certain in all of our futures. And while I may not know her as well as you do, I know enough that she is not the type of person that would blame another person for her own death.”[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]With a more gentle tone, the blonde gave a last piece of advice. “If you feel useless and weak, hold tight to the feeling of the helplessness you felt while you were experiencing that nightmare. Then you just do everything you can from this point onwards to stop it from happening. Even if you have to train twice or thrice as hard.” Marriskcal poked Primat in the rib with an index finger, before she leaned against his side. “And Varas is the only person that gets to determine who and what is good for her. Not her father, not you. Only herself.”[/SIZE]

 

[Varian Alaric]

Location|| Room of Marriskcal Lati, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
​Equipment|| 1x Lightsaber(crimson), Standard Ren Garb
Status|| Relieved yet Distressed
Objective|| Talk with [member="Marriskcal Lati"] about what happened on Praesitlyn

Primat soaked in the words that Marriskcal spoke to him. His glazed, watery glacier blue eyes looked up towards her scowling face. A face which just made him feel worse about himself and his situation, about what he had seen, and what he had wanted to do. However, he knew what Marr was speaking was the truth and she was meaning well, he just felt like...like she was directing her anger towards him because she was scowling down at him. And he just didn't know why. He could be overthinking it and just be thinking that Marr's scowl and anger was directed towards him while in reality it could not even be directed towards him at all. It was just how he was perceiving her look that set him off. Even though he was afraid that Marr was mad at him, Primat still kept to listening to the young Praetorian girl. Their was no reason for him to think that she would be lying to him, or fabricating truths or happy ideas to try and make him feel better.

He knew Marriskcal better than that, of course.

Once Marr had finished talking, Primat still didn't know what to do. He understood what she was saying, and welcomed her words gladly into his ears and soul. Though, he just couldn't accept what she was saying. It was like how he felt he wasn't...enough to be with Varas. That she could do so much better than him, so why did she decide to get together with him romantically. Even though the two of them had talked about it earlier on the booze cruise after their alone time together, he still couldn't shake the occasional thoughts from his mind. Even with Marr's words, his feelings remained about the illusion, about what he had seen. He did feel better, somewhat. Though not entirely. He turned silently, wrapping his arms around Marr before burying his face into her shoulder and allowing the tears to start pouring out. He hoped that she wouldn't push him away. He hoped that Marr would accept him in his weakened state.

And, Primat wished her a few whispered words, "Thank you."

 

[Marriskcal Lati]

Praetorian Initiate
Equipment | Lightsaber (blue) & Training Lightsaber (red; synthcrystal)
Location | Room, Praetorian Dormitory, Bastion of Ren, Virgillia
With | [member="Primat Ren"]
Status | I may not know how to comfort, but I know how to hurt people

[SIZE=11pt]Not having any knowledge of the shadows of doubts and anxieties that still plagued her brother’s mind, Marriskcal could only hope her words has given him some peace of mind. The blonde did not think that with scars and fears as deep as what Primat has experienced would disappear in a day or two, but she hoped that he would come to realise that what they experienced back on Praesitlyn for what it was – a nightmare. Her words were given to start the process of healing, but the rest of it would be up to her brother himself. Or Varas, if Primat approached their sister with his thoughts and worries.

Despite her discomfort with hugs and inexperience at comforting another person, the blonde pulled her brother into a tight hug, allowing his tears to soak into her sweater as the older male vented the pent up pressure that has haunted his thoughts all these weeks. “What are siblings for[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]?” she said gently, patting his back in what she hoped was a comforting action. She realised she has some… deficiencies… when it came to certain sentiments and views. And as this was the first time she had found herself in such a position, and Marriskcal was scared she would end up doing something wrong and hurting him more. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]As she wished her brother all the joy in the world, and only wanted to see him happy and always smiling, Marriskcal held no reservations if her interference was required. Even if she has to overstep her boundaries or break her promises, the initiate would never be and will never be repentant. She made a silent promise to herself to observe Primat over the next few days. If he remained trapped in a dismal state, the blonde will just have to carry out the next stage of her already forming plans.[/SIZE]