Fading Light

[Jairdain]

Walking the rebuilt and very familiar streets of Chastin City, the former advisor to the Crown Prince was now almost nobility. Due to the child she had with Brad, she was granted stewardship over one of the countries Commenor had been divided into. Time had passed and both of them had aged and grown.

There were some changes with Jairdain, but she kept them hidden through an illusion. She could now see to an extent, but not through her own eyes. In a pocket of her shirt, rested a small wolf that peered out around them. His name was Sage and they were connected mentally. Through the connection that went beyond the Force, they could communicate with each other.

Not through anything verbal, but impressions. His eyes though gave her what she thought of as real sight. Slowing her steps as she neared an area, she looked through them to see the vendors in front of them.

When she found the one she was looking for, she walked over to him and got her normal frozen juice drink and went to take a seat. It did not take her long to find the perfect place to see and just watch the people travel in front of her.

[member="Xaedrin Vondiranach"]

 

[Xaedrin Vondiranach]

Commenor. It seemed odd to Xaedrin that his journeys kept bringing him back to this planet. It had been years now since the incursion that had nearly claimed his life. Contented with just his hand, it had left him with a permanent reminder of his own mortality - along with how close he had come to immortality. As far as he was aware, he was unique in that he had willingly offered himself up to the collective. He'd hoped to achieve some type of needing, some control. He was successful, to an extent, having maintained some element of awareness throughout the experience. Even now he remembered the presence of the have mind, remembered the melodies of disunity that merged into the whole. Much of that had faded, but what remained had left him inexorably changed. He still remembered the burning hatred that he held for the now missing crown prince of Commenor. How much of that was his and how much was residual from the collective he couldn't say, but the desire for revenge had faded in the interim. Still, some havoc wouldn't hurt.

Not his purpose today, however. His purpose today was intangible, actually. Being here, in Chastin City, just felt right. Her wasn't even sure what he was looking for as he wandered the market district, perusing the various stalls and kiosks hawking their wares. Casually, Xaedrin strolled over to where one merchant was selling some of the local fruit. The shopkeeper - a squat balding man with a hook nose and appraising eyes - watched him warily as he picked up a round, pink fruit off the cart and examined it. The small fruit was soft and had a sweet aroma. Xaedrin expected that it tasted much as it smelled, but had little interest in sampling the local produce. Gently, he returned the fruit to the pile and offered a reassuring smile to the merchant before continuing his stroll through the city streets.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

Finishing off her drink, Jairdain stood up to find the trashcan nearby to put the glass into. She found what she was looking for and headed in its direction. Her steps were slow, but she was here to relax for a little while and not worry about her duties at the Palace. Eventually, she would have to return to them.

As she approached the trashcan, she looked around through the eyes of Sage to make sure she wasn't going to run into anybody or anything. The cup left her hand to land in the trashcan and she pet the wolf in her pocket. Tilting her head down to nuzzle him slightly and continue on with her walk.

She wasn't wearing anything formal, but her outfit was well made. Brown boots to her ankles and light brown pants. Her shirt was light green and in a way matched the colour of juniper which was the country she was regent of on Commenor. As a sign of her ties with the Silvers, she openly wore her lightsaber hilt on her side. Even if it was pretty much useless to her.

Taking a moment again to look around, she stepped back into the traffic of the market place and almost ran into somebody. He had come on her blind side...

Jumping back with some alarm on her face, Sage looked at him and she saw an old acquaintance for the first time. He was totally new to her because he was no longer in hiding or out for revenge of any kind.

"Excuse me. I am so sorry. Didn't see you there."

That was putting mildly as her eyes still did not focus, but the Force did. A faint tinge of pink crossed her face as she gazed at him through the Force and Sage's eyes.

[member="Xaedrin Vondiranach"]

 

[Xaedrin Vondiranach]

The shopkeeper eyed Xaedrin for a few more steps before relaxing, which didn't bother him at all. He wasn't sure exactly what the local trouble wore in Chastin City, and for all he knew he could have incidentally been in uniform. Dressed casually, Xaedrin wore a pair of basic black pants and a white shirt. Over top was a black jacket, left open in order to access the inside pockets. It was casual, as he had no need for anything more. He had just noticed an interesting stand across the way selling some type of religious artistry when he nearly stumbled into someone on the promenade.

The woman jumped back, alarmed, and left him foolishly reaching to his side where his lightsaber would typically hang. He curbed the response quickly, however, regaining his composure and really seeing her for the first time. He knew her. It was as if his thoughts of the incursion had summoned her. Jairdain. The girl was blind, however, so most likely wouldn't know who he was. Unless he spoke - chances are a Force trained blind woman would remember his voice. He considered just turning and walking away, but rejected the idea as quickly as it had come to him. Chagrined, the girl offered an apology, even going so far as blushing slightly.

"No," he said, his voice somewhat tentative. "The fault is my own of course. I've always been careless."

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

The incursion he thought of happened just before she was hired on as Brad's advisor. In fact, she had met both of them when they were in recovery. That had been almost was seemed a lifetime ago. So many events had happened to Jairdain's life, but she was still almost the same person. She had fully recovered from the dark time of her mind when she had a breakdown and that was still kept a secret from the people of Commenor.

Some scars remained, but they had healed over and now she was pretty much the same person Xaerin had met in the hospital.

As he expected, his voice was familiar even if he didn't speak with confidence. There were certain accents and inflections that people had that couldn't be hidden without really trying.

"Oh my. What are you doing back here? You have changed since we last met. What happened?"

Maybe she should stop giving him a barrage of questions, but in her mind, this was just the beginning of the many she had.

[member="Xaedrin Vondiranach"]

 

[Xaedrin Vondiranach]

Xaedrin smiled ruefully at her recognition. She'd been kind, even while his plan had been to use her in order to gain revenge against someone who'd bested him during the Incursion. He still hadn't been thinking clearly, then, after effects of the collective still whispering into his psyche. He wasn't sure he was thinking clearly even at this point, but he had abandoned his ill-conceived revenge plot long ago. It was the reason he'd fled Commenor, actually, having come to his senses enough to know that it was a meaningless pursuit. He hadn't returned to Commenor in order to find her - he hadn't even thought of her in years, but now that she had found him he couldn't say that he was upset about it. Still, he wasn't who she thought he was - that would be awkward.

"I'm not sure why I'm back, actually," he began, his voice conveying a quiet caution. "It just felt right. As for the change, let's just say that I'm more comfortable with myself. What of you? You don't strike me as the type to sit in the same place for this long - what are you doing here?"

It wasn't much of an answer, but it was the start of one - it would be interesting to see where it went from there.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

Since Xaedrin was far more comfortable and open about his reason for visiting, Jairdain felt the same way. She had not tensed up at all when she felt through the Force the change within him, she had because of their collision. Now able to separate herself from that, she too now appeared relaxed. When they had met before, she had just been in the act of recovery herself, even if he didn't know it.

"When we met, I had only recently arrived to Commenor myself. This place had yet to become home for me. Now with the passage of time, changes in my life, this is my home more than anywhere else."

Nodding her head just slightly when he mentioned he didn't think she would be one to stay in one place for long, she lifted a hand and held up three fingers.

"I have homes on three other worlds. One of which is currently under the Sith Empire so I wouldn't be too surprised if it was destroyed by now. Another is on the desert world of Iridonia and the last is something more communal on Kashyyyk where the Silver Jedi moved to after leaving Voss.

"Where have you been all this time?"

There was more Jairdain could have said, but kept quiet about it for now. She had the feeling she would be talking to Xaedrin for a long while. Many years had passed and they had a lot to catch up on.

[member="Xaedrin Vondiranach"]

 

[Xaedrin Vondiranach]

Recovery was something Xaedrin understood all to well. He'd had his fair share of recovery days, his trip to Commenor not withstanding. He remembered vaguely that she'd hinted toward her own recovery in their first meeting, but she'd left him with the impression that she wasn't speaking of something physical. He couldn't place the context of that feeling, but it stuck with him anyway.

The fact that she had three separate homes probably shouldn't have surprised him, but it did. The contrast struck him - he didn't even have one place he called home, and yet she had three. What different lives they led. He managed to keep his reaction hidden when she mentioned the Sith Empire - he had no affiliation with them, and probably wouldn't fit in with most of their ideals anyway. He'd earned the rank of master inside of the Sith Order, but in some respects had left behind much of what was associated with that title. Sure, his use of the Force would stand in stark contrast to the Jedi - their understanding of the Force was small, limited and ignorant. Methods didn't matter, results did. He wasn't a sadist, nor was he a philanthropist. He was just ... Xaedrin. And that was enough for him. He couldn't solve the Galaxy's problems, and had no interest in trying. He had enough problems of his own to deal with.

The thought was fleeting, and took him the space of an eye blink to process; one of those concepts that would take hours to flesh out for someone else, but that you simply knew down to your marrow.

Given the thought process he'd just walked down, her question for either pose an existential crisis or be small talk. He chose to view it as the latter. "I went away for a while," he said, looking down at his feet. "Had some things I needed to figure out. Spent some time traveling and dealing with some old ghosts."

She wouldn't know how literally his words for have been taken - that irony was just his.

"Jairdain, full disclosure - I'm a Force user."

She may have already known, but best to get that little tidbit out of the way. He wasn't in the mood for hiding.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

He had gone through the trouble of hiding who and what he was before, but since there wasn't that burning need for revenge filling him any longer, Xaedrin no longer kept his calling secret. Even if she wouldn't have bumped into him physically, just being in his proximity allowed Jairdain to know he was a Force User. His admitting it though just brought a knowing smile and nod from her. After a few moments, she decided to break that silence.

Two words came, "I know."

It was as simple as that. She also knew the path he was on, but that did not change how she reacted or treated him. He was a sentient being and should be given every opportunity with her, just like everyone else. What he had intended to do in the past was still hidden from her. Unless he told her, it would remain there. Not probing into his mind, she had no idea what kept him on Commenor other than recovery.

"And what did you figure out?"

Then a small chuckle came from her and her eyes sparkled a little.

"Did you use the Force to give me that reading when we met? If you did, you certainly kept it well hidden from me."

[member="Xaedrin Vondiranach"]

 

[Xaedrin Vondiranach]

"Parlor tricks," he said with a chagrined smile. "Albeit somewhat practiced."

Xaedrin turned slowly, silently issuing an invitation for the Jedi to join him. He began a meandering walk down the alleyway between the shops, keeping his sightlines open. He wasn't much for standing still, or being caught unaware - old habits. It had already happened once today, however, and he wasn't in the mood for anymore surprises.

He spoke as he walked, keeping his voice down and his eyes on his surroundings. "As for what I discovered, probably something that everyone else tends to already know about themselves. None of us are really who we think we are." He was quiet for a moment, before speaking even more tentatively. "Or who we want to be?"

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

Oddly enough Jairdain believed him when he said all he had used were parlor tricks. Practiced or not, he had done an excellent job and got a very solid reading of her.

"Well, you did a great job."

Nodding slightly when he invited her to walk with him, she fell into step with Xaedrin. Walking didn't bother the woman one bit and actually enjoyed it from time to time. This was one of them. After a few moments, he answered her question.

"There are many times it seems I don't who I am myself or what I want to be. My life has changed so much since the days we met. The royal house is gone and done. Now there's just me here. Brad is missing and I feel so lost."

As if she could see, she turned to look up at him.

"What kind of person are you now? Who do you want to be?"

Xaedrin Vondiranach

 

[Xaedrin Vondiranach]

"Depends on the day," he said with a hint of cheer. He seemed to gain confidence as he walked along, brooding introspection beginning to give way to a lighter mood. Her arrival had caught him off guard - bringing back some of the old voices. But they were subsiding now.

"At the moment, I think I want to be a hedonist," he chuckled to himself as he moved out of the way of someone carrying a basket of goods from the market, seemingly in a hurry. "It's been a long time since I just enjoyed life, no worries; no agenda. Just take what comes and make the best of it."

Holding up a credit chit to a vendor as they passed, he picked up two golden-brown, pastry like desserts he didn't recognize before leaving the credit behind. The vendor nodded his appreciation and then went back to calling out his wares. Xaedrin handed one to Jairdain as he spoke. Over the top of it was a dark red glaze.

"Like this. This looks delicious. Sure, street food might kill me, but it looks good, so why not enjoy it? Why worry about tomorrow? Why not just live today? Tomorrow's been controlling me for long enough. I just want to do what feels right now."

Xaedrin took a bite of whatever it was, enjoying various flavors that he couldn't quite place.

"Yeah, good choice."

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

A small and bitter smile crossed her face when he mentioned being a hedonist. There had been a time in her life when she had been just that. She had gone into a deep depression and turned into a woman that lived for pleasure alone. It didn't matter what the cost was. Eventually, the depression faded and she had been able to return to being almost the same as what she had been. Recovery had taken time, but now that woman walked with Xaedrin and understood what he wanted.

"Just don't start doing spice and sleeping with pretty much everybody."

That was the route she had taken. Jairdain had felt so alone and had sought the company of many. A night of pleasure or even a short amount of time with a man. None of it had lingered for long before she returned to being on her own. One final night out with a man that introduced her to spice and that one time was all it took for her to realize things had gone too far for her.

Accepting the dessert from him, she took a bite and just enjoyed the taste.

"Thank you for this treat. I always had a sweet tooth."

Moving with him, she considered his words again slightly.

"Besides being a hedonist, what feels right to you?"

Xaedrin Vondiranach

 

[Xaedrin Vondiranach]

"Drugs and promiscuity ...?" He asked with mock severity. "Hands to yourself woman, I'm still not that kind of guy." Having spent time on the streets of Coruscant, he'd seen what spice could do to a person. The way it untraveled everything in their life; a consuming priority that corrupted everything it touched. He wasn't about that life. He was too obsessed with control.

"This," he replied in answer to get second question. "For the moment, this feels right. Although my experience is that what feels right has a tendency to change quickly and dramatically. We'll see what tomorrow brings. What's tomorrow bringing for you?"

 

[Jairdain]

Her dry humor was returned to her and she chuckled a little. Making sure she wasn't touching him, just in case he wasn't joking about that, she shook her head.

"I'm not that kind of woman anymore."

Letting out a sigh, she took the illusion down she had been wearing around herself.

"When we met, you were the one recovering. Now it's my turn. I only did spice once and that was enough. However, nights of partying and not sleeping still take a toll."

If he looked closely, he would see some circles still under her eyes, as well as a small green wolf, peering out of a pocket at him.

"Would it mean anything to know that I understand what you're saying? One day something feels right and perfect, the next not so much."

Shrugging her shoulders, the illusion was brought back up and appeared to look in front of them as they walked.

"I'm not sure. Things here are nice and calm again, but I don't think I'll be staying. It seems there is a wanderlust within me and I just can't stay in one place very long. Pretty sure I won't be returning to Voss though. That's under Sith control, but where a home of mine is. Do you have a place you call home?"

Xaedrin Vondiranach