Fading Light

[Jairdain]

Jairdain had been given all the time she needed to recover from her meditation. A few days and she was almost back to normal. Maybe a little skinnier than she had been, but that was fine with her. Leading a life of a mother sometimes put weight on where it wasn't wanted and that was usually the hardest to get rid of. That had melted away while she was off on her journey and she was happy with what came out of that. Both mentally and physically.

After catching up with her kids and Yuroic, she knew the time had come to talk about more serious matters. She wanted to discuss what all she had gone through and saw in her meditation as well as their future together. Wanting nothing more than to make sure everything was planned, she asked to go out with her love.

The children were taken to a friend and now it was just the two of them for the rest of the day.

Walking at his side, her hand within his, she gave a contented and happy sigh. For just a moment, she rested her head on his arm and gave his hand a squeeze.

"Thank you for your understanding, Yuroic. It's one of the things I love and appreciate about you."

He might be able to tell there were some parts within Jairdain that had found peace. Something that had been lacking prior to her journey.


[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]

 

[WelshPsych]

With Jairdain back, Yuroic had been busy with running around the Order and sorting out things as well as training some of the Padawans. It was fun to get back into the swing of things within the SJO but he did miss spending time with the children time to time. However, he had jumped on the chance for a night out with Jairdain, she had wanted time to catch up with the children which was fair so they didn't really have the chance to catch up. This would be a good time for that now. Since coming out of her meditative state, she did seem more at peace with herself which was something that pleased Yuroic, since they both knew how lost Jairdain had felt beforehand.

Walking with her, holding her hand, Yuroic shrugged and smiled to her. "It's fine, you needed to find your balance and peace so it was understandable. I have been centred for awhile now but there was a time where I needed time away from others." Yuroic mentioned as they walked. "So, what have you figured out then?" Curious to know what Jairdain was planning going forward. There was their wedding but he was curious to find out what else she had on her mind.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

While Jairdain was as whole as she was going to be, there were still a few things on her mind that weren't solved by her meditation. She was at peace again though and for now, that would do. Jairdain had been the kind of person that got herself involved with many things, sometimes too many. Right now, all she had was her family but she felt like it was time to get active again. Maybe take on a student or teach a class of some kind. This isn't what she wanted to talk to Yuroic about right now. He would support her in whatever decision she made.

"During my meditation, a few things occurred. The first thing that happened was an encounter with Brad. He's still alive and out there somewhere. I don't know how he knows of him, but he knows about Marcus."

There was a pause in her speech as she thought about how best to phrase what else she was going to say about this meeting.

"There is still a feeling inside of me for him. It isn't good or bad, it just is. I have come to terms with what happened and moved beyond that part in my life."

That was a big part of many issues that she had. Her inability to let go of the past fully. The past would creep up on her and drag her back. When she thought she was over something, it would come back to haunt her. Allowing him the time to think about what she had just said, she kept silent for a few moments before speaking again.

"You know about my home on Iridonia, correct? In my meditation, I returned there. A young Jedi was there and saw me. I'd like to see if I can find him."

Going on to explain what happened there, she hoped to never return to that world. It was just another part of her life she needed to put in the past and let rest there.

"I also went to Voss..."

Letting out a small shiver, what the Sith had done to their temple and home was horrible. Falling silent, there was sorrow coming from her. Nothing personal, but in a way it was. Voss is where they had met, a place where they had started their future and where Jairdain had always liked the most.

Stopping for a moment, she let out a breath and drew in another. Tilting her head up to seemingly look at him, she gave him a small little smile.

"What I did figure out is this is where I want to be. At your side, in your life and to truly get into our life together entirely. Not much else matters, just us, our family and life together."

WelshPsych

 

[WelshPsych]

Yuroic just listened as Jairdain explained what occurred during her meditation, it was interesting to hear what happened and how she found the balance but he didn't need to know, it didn't matter as long as Jairdain was back and she happy with her life once more. Yuroic nodded his head when Jairdain mentioned Brad, Marcus's biological father. "Well, that might be good for Marcus, he could feel abandoned by his father so meeting him and Brad having an involvement in Marcus's life would offer stability to him hopefully." Yuroic suggested, he figured that Brad would want to have a part of Marcus's life, the kid was bright and fun to be around, he also knew what parents not wanting a child were like and from what Jairdain told him, Brad was not like that.

"That's fine, I mean he was an important part of your life and Marcus will join you two together for the rest of your life, it is fine." He smiled to her, holding her hand to reassure her that he was fine and there was no air of jealousy. "Well, if you need me to help you find the Jedi let me know but I am sure you will find them. I don't doubt that." Yuroic stated as he smiled to her. "Voss, it has been so long since I was last there. I doubt it looks the same as I remember it. I am glad you have figured out where you want to be. I want to be here with you and our family too." Yuroic kissed Jairdain and held her close to him.

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

Shaking her head, it seemed Yuroic had misunderstood. Holding onto his hand as they walked there was some sense of sorrow coming from her. Not enough for her to cry or upset her greatly though.

"He doesn't want to be a part of his life, Yuroic. You are the father he knows and it's going to remain that way. Besides, you make a great one."

Even if he didn't need to know, Jairdain felt he should. Yes, Marcus would always tie her and Brad together, but he didn't want to be a part of Marcus' life and she had to accept that. He would have to as well and so far Yuroic had stepped up to the plate and taken on that role with flying colors.

"Just think about this. If you didn't make a good father, we would never have had the daughter we do."

Resting her head on his arm for a moment, she lifted it back up as they walked. Taking in a deep breath, she let out and smiled.

"On Voss, I was drawn right to my old home. It still stands and is whole. Krest probably had something to do with that. Somebody visited me there, his name is Seth. He also says he's part of the Silver Jedi, but not entirely light. Very much like us in a way."

There were two she wanted to find physically and would probably take Yuroic up on his offer to help find them.

"I'm glad to have your support. It means so much to me."

WelshPsych

 

[WelshPsych]

Blinking, Yuroic was surprised to hear that someone did not want to be a part of Marcus's life. It seemed unfair, there was a flicker of annoyance, anger towards Brad for being so non-committal as a father. He wanted to talk to Brad and berated him for not being a part of Marcus's life, while Yuroic was honoured to be a father figure, he figured that Brad would still want to be a father, to still be a part of Marcus's life. "I don't get why he wouldn't want to be part of his life but that is his choice I guess..." His tone clearly states that he isn't happy with that decision.

"I don't think I am a bad father, or that I wouldn't be enough for Marcus, but I think that Brad should have stepped up. I know what it is like to have parents that don't try, that leave you behind." Yuroic said, memories on his parents were still sore but he didn't feel anger or upset, just a big well of disappointment. Listening, he nodded his head as he listened to Jairdain. Pausing on the word Seth, he knew a Seth. One of his Padawans was a Seth, "did you get his surname? Was it Seth Brackson? He is my Padawan, or one of them. I didn't realise he had left Kashyyyk again." Yuroic stated.

He looked at her, "you will always have my support Jairdain." Yuroic said with a warm smile to her.

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

She certainly picked up on his annoyance at Brad and understood it entirely.

"It isn't totally his fault, you know. I kept Marcus from him because of something that happened the day we met. Do you know how I sometimes get visions and feelings? Well, what I picked up from him was that he would likely take a dark path. Of course, at that time I never expected our relationship to be anything more than an advisor to him, but well, you know what happened."

Shrugging her shoulders slightly, Yuroic would easily be able to pick up on just how guilty she felt for doing that to Marcus. At the time, she had felt it was the best course of action and still felt that way. That didn't mean she did not feel that guilt at denying her son his father.

"You're a wonderful father. Don't be mad at him, if anybody you should be mad at me."

Shaking her head when he asked if she got the surname of Seth.

"He never told me what it was. I'm sorry. I can tell you what he looks like if you want."

The Force worked in mysterious ways and while she was visiting these different places, sight was granted to her. Squeezing his hand again, they continued walking along. Taking a deep breath, she wanted to tell him of her other encounters and what she learned from them.

WelshPsych

 

[WelshPsych]

Shaking his head, Jairdain made a defence for Brad's behaviour which explained a little but not everything. "But he knows now, if Nitya had been hidden from me, I would be mad but I would make sure once I knew that I was in her life as much as I could." Yuroic countered, he couldn't see a life that he wouldn't want to be in Nitya's life, expect when he was high on spice, when his life was a mess and he was not one to be around. "Unless he is doing it for Marcus's benefit because he has fallen to the Dark Side?" Yuroic asked, unsure if that was perhaps the reason and that he was being fairly harsh, though most Sith he knew wanted to keep their families on the Dark Side path, so not trying to turn his son would be odd.

"Not angry at you, can never be angry at you. Just figured he would want to do more for Marcus, so disappointed for Marcus." Yuroic answered after awhile as he was in his thoughts on the matter. "Right, no surname. I figured that might have been a stretch but a description would help me determine if it was him or not." Yuroic suspected it was the Seth he knew, boy had a habit of travelling off on adventures with no warning but he was seemingly capable from what Yuroic could tell.

Hopefully, Seth was okay. He would have to check in on the boy.

 

[Jairdain]

Feeling talking about the situation around Brad and why she kept Marcus from him should be dealt with first, she allowed Yuroic to finish. Only then, did Jairdain speak. Wanting to hear everything he had to say, at the moment, she almost felt more like a diplomat than a partner. Not entirely though.

"He didn't go With if that is what you're asking. No, he returned to his wayfaring and smuggling ways. Even he agreed it would be better to keep Marcus away from him. He seems to know what he's doing is bad, but I think he is addicted to the lifestyle. I don't know."

Shrugging her shoulders slightly, she smiled when he assured her he wasn't mad at her. A small shake of her head met his statement of him not getting angry with her. No relationship was perfect and the two of them had their fair share of arguments, but the anger had never stuck around.

"If he ever comes back from that risky life, then he knows he is welcome in the life of his son. I doubt that is going to happen or if it does, he'll just return to that life eventually. I lived with him long enough to know this about him."

Moving on to the next topic, she had to give his description a bit of thought. For a person that was usually blind, putting words to sight was odd. Eventually, things came together and she described Seth Brackson perfectly.

"He was pretty young compared to you and me. He's in his early 20s, I think."

Picking up the slight unease Yuroic had for Seth, did try to make him know the young man was fine.

"We both left Voss totally safe. Granted I was there as more of a ghost and the Sith wouldn't have been able to hurt me, I don't think."

WelshPsych

 

[WelshPsych]

Nodded his head, while smuggling and piracy were not worse than the Dark Side. It was no life for a child, Yuroic knew this from his own experience, he had been a child slave forced to smuggle and piracy by his owner and then worked a couple years as a smuggler before he joined the Jedi Order. Stretching his limbs as he looked at her, while they both knew this wasn't a perfect life but they live the best life that they could and Yuroic was never one to hold onto anger. He tended to be easygoing with the kids and let them off a little easy on things when they misbehaved.

"Okay, well must be tough to see him throwing his chance to be his son away." Yuroic stated, while Jairdain wasn't with Brad, he was sure that seeing someone you use to be with and engaged to, go spiral downwards. It reminded him of when he spiralled due to his addictions and remembered how hard it had been on those he had been close to at the time. When they discussed Seth, Yuroic knew that it was definitely his Padawan that Jairdain had communicated with. Shaking his head, he should have been more aware of his Padawans travels.

It was good that Seth left Voss safely but travelling that deep into Sith territory was never a sensible idea so he would have to caution his Padawan from venturing into deep into Sith space. There was another topic that Yuroic wanted to talk to Jairdain about, but he wasn't sure what her stance on the matter would be. "I know that you have been getting use to things since your return and we still have a wedding to plan for but I wanted to get your thoughts on a third child?" Looking at the ground as he breathed out, he would like a son of his own or a daughter that was perhaps more like him since Nitya was very insightful like Jairdain.

 

[Jairdain]

Both breaking up with Yuroic and the loss of Brad had just been small stepping stones of the fall Jairdain had. One that had lead to drinking, sleeping around to fill the loneliness in her life and then finally into trying spice. That night had been her wake up call to reality. Even though the spice had only happened one time, the memory she had from Yuroic and all that he had been through stopped her from doing it again. In the end, love had brought the two of them back together. Now they support each other in ways for greater than they could have before.

His fall had been brought about with the death of his master and just spiraled out from there. She thought it took a few additional things for her, but as each thing happened, she drifted further into her darkness. Both of them had recovered and were stronger for it. Both separate and together.

"I still stand by my initial choice in keeping them separate."

While it had been in her meditative state, just seeing Brad again had an effect on her. It brought home just how much she did miss him, but an acceptance that what they had was gone. In another life, they might have been able to work things out, but not this one. Here and now, she had Yuroic and she appreciated that more than he could probably imagine.

"It seemed like Seth had no idea he was in Sith space. When we met, I pointed it out to him and he appeared disturbed. It's possible he learned his lesson already?"

Continuing the walk, his next question brought her to a stop. Holding onto one of his hands, she smiled as he gave voice to it. Lifting her other hand to the side of his face, she rubbed his cheek, nodded and stood up on her toes to give him a kiss.

"I would like that. When the time is right, it'll happen."

WelshPsych