Feedback Feedback: Iris Edition

[Iris Arani]

I'm a feedback addict, mostly because I crave the approval of others n' any excuse to have someone go "You're doing great!" is one I'll gladly use. But the more impactful side of constructive criticism is the real reason I make these. I love writing my characters, but sometimes I feel iffy on stuff and I like hearing what others think to help me solidify how I handle stuff/write other things. Doesn't mean I have anything specific right now that I'm iffy on with Iris here. I love the Padawan and her story thus far, and I don't think there's anything I really plan on changing.

But feedback might change that, and I am really curious what people think of her! I've been writing her for the last month or so waaaay more than when I started. Valery Noble 's involvement as her Master really solidified that burst of activity (And I'll gush to hell and back about how fun that is but that's not the point of this so I'm stopping myself. Here. Maybe.) I've been branching out to feed that RP addiction of mine, trying to get her involved with new faces and new problems more often than not, and I've just been thrilled to pieces at how her threads end up going.

So what do you think of her story thus far? Do you like the paint addicted padawan? Have an issue with something that I might be able to work on that I haven't realized? Post! I'd love to read it. If you don't wanna post here, you can always just PM me. I love feedback, especially since I don't know every way something I write might be taken. Lookin' forward to hearing from ya!

 

[Kyric]

From what I've seen, she seems like a two-dimensional character. I feel like I could break her down into two specific traits:

1. Color is important to her.
2. She spaces out a lot.

My goal with any character is to make people who read them think things about said character. I want you to walk away from any post you read of mine with an idea of WHO the character is without me ever having to tell you. A good example is in GA chat the other day when folks just assumed Kyric is crazy cause of his internal dialogue.

I don't think Iris is a poorly written character. And I've enjoyed your writing for years, going as far back as Ferus, so don't take it as an insult.

I want to see more characterization while we write together so I can formulate a better idea of who she is.

 

[Valery Noble]

Even though I bombard you in DM's a lot about how much I enjoy writing with you, I felt like doing more of that here too !

Prior to Chaos RP, training Padawans in my old SWTOR guild was one of my favorite things to do. Nothing screams Jedi RP better than Master/Padawan adventures, lessons, and all the development that comes with that (imo). It's safe to say that I've gotten really addicted to writing with Iris, and she is one of the most uniquely defined characters I've had as a Padawan.

So we're gonna keep it going, and it's going to be fun!

 

[Briana Sal-Soren]

Firstly, I just want to say how great you've been OOC. You've been very engaging, easy going, and I appreciate your gung-ho attitude. Your writing is top-notch, even when the posts are small. Quality > Quantity. You've got it down.

As far as Iris goes, I've really enjoyed what I've seen of her so far. She's the first character I've ever interacted with to actively have an addiction (painting) where it is not just another trait listed in a bio that is never seen nor used. Using her species as the reason for her painting craze, due to the way that she sees the world, was a fairly unique take, and I absolutely love her child like innocence - it has been a wonderful contrast to Briana's more brash personality. In terms of knowing the character, like her wants, needs, desires, etc. I feel like the surface has only been scratched, but I imagine that will change as time goes on and stories continue to develop, and honestly? I'm here for all of it.

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Iris Arani

Alright, let's get this party started:

1. I really appreciate that Iris is not a reckless, headstrong type of Jedi character like Luke Skywalker, which a lot of writers will take their cue from when it comes to writing Jedi. Instead, she has issues with panicking and freezing up when under stress. Rather than acting too quickly, she is afraid to act. I find that refreshing.

2. This may sound a little odd, but I also like that she's presented as seeming kind of dumb? But as you get to know her, you realize she's smarter than she seems. It's just that she's spacy and doesn't pay attention.

3. While I was skeptical at first, I enjoy what you've done with her colors schtick and how it ties into her painting and the way she sees the world. It's an interesting idea, if a bit risky, and I think it has paid off in her case.

4. I like how distinct her relationships with other characters are, although this is always gonna be half praise for the other writer. I like reading her interactions with Valery, Briana, Jem, and yes, Kai as well. She plays off them all pretty well without losing her identity - although I will admit, I've felt like I had to write Kai as the "older kid" in their threads together and take the lead in order for them to play off each other and not be too similar.

Now for some criticisms:

1. Kyric sorta touched on this, and while I wouldn't go so far as to say she's two-dimensional, I do feel like Iris is a little too happy-go-lucky. You can certainly have that just be part of her personality, but you've alluded to her having a troubled past, almost being enslaved and whatnot, yet these traumatic events don't seem to have affected her in the long term. She was a little bit skittish when she first started out, but she outgrew that quickly. It's like she doesn't have much internal conflict to drive her forward, and that makes her feel like a more static character, if that makes any sense? There's no impetus or reason for her to change or grow at the moment. She doesn't need a Dark Side arc, or a Sith experimental phase, or to get kidnapped and tortured. She just needs to have a little something-something going on internally or externally to give her a little extra oomph. Maybe a rivalry? I dunno, figure something out.

 

[Iris Arani]

I do feel like Iris is a little too happy-go-lucky

she seems like a two-dimensional character

So this is actually the goal when I write her. Not every story is going to deep dive into every characters psyche, and what I'm trying to do with her is have her be this seemingly too happy-go-lucky, flat character. By this, yay! It's working!

But also that brings up the question of "Is it too much?" I certainly don't mind if she comes across as flat, so long as it's not y'know. Boring to read. If it's boring, well.

Is it boring?

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Is it boring?

It will become boring eventually, IMO. But idk, you do what you wanna do.

 

[Kyric]

So this is actually the goal when I write her. Not every story is going to deep dive into every characters psyche, and what I'm trying to do with her is have her be this seemingly too happy-go-lucky, flat character. By this, yay! It's working!

But also that brings up the question of "Is it too much?" I certainly don't mind if she comes across as flat, so long as it's not y'know. Boring to read. If it's boring, well.

Is it boring?

As of right now? Yeah, it is. I haven't seen enough of her yet to get a feel for what else is going on.

If you want a character that's going to be flat, I recommend finding a more dynamic character and be their dedicated foil.