Feedback on Adron

[Adron Malvern]

So, hands down my favorite character to ever write. Adron has finally stepped into his own. I'd like to say I've hammered in his personality, demeanor, and mindset.

So I'd like a bit of feedback on the character, my writing skills, and any other (applicable) critiques you may offer.

To begin there is a bit of self- critiquing I'd like to do. The bulk of it being in Adron's rapidly advancing and sporatic story. I made the mistake of attaching him to a faction from the beginning. As such he was kind of forced to flow with that factions motions. However, I still think he had some great progression from boy-lord to self-exiled Count of Serenno.

I did personally enjoy his dark side progression. His story was molded for a fall to the DS and it went well IMO. The death of his family, betrayal of his fellow Counts, harming of his love interest, and biggest of all the fall of Serenno to the Site. All of these we're big impacts to his leaning in the force. And while he is not particularly evil he has a stone set mindset of doing whatever he has to so he can protect his house and accomplish his goals.

So let's hear what you can offer me, please and thank you !

 

[Matsu Xiangu]

I've had the chance to see some of your writing around the board and I would agree - an interesting tumble in the Dark, not at all simple or contrived. I think they are concrete, interesting reasons with real legitimacy. It all seemed to happen naturally (whether it did or not), and I'm not left feeling like you forced him in to it.

I think my only critique would be that I wish I could see more of how he felt about it. We saw the journey happen, but sometimes I get the feeling like "It happened, and now we're doing this next thing." Does he feel sad at all? Does he feel remorse for anything? Or is he as cold and militant as some posts might suggest? His actions alone leave me wanting - how does he FEEL? How do his personal emotions about the course of his life and how much he's changed effect where he goes in the future? How much are his actions shaped by his emotions, or lack thereof?

Otherwise, I think you're doing a brilliant job and I'm always entertained.

 

[Adron Malvern]

[member="Matsu Xiangu"]

I do struggle a bit with remembering to go into the detail of my character's mindset or emotion. Thank you for the review!

 

[Kruel Zing]

Due to my long absence from the site I wasn't around for a majority of your time writing the character, what I have seen take place since my return has been a pleasure to read. You know you're a talented writer and I've enjoyed writing alongside you. For Adron the only criticism I have is that you focus too much on helping others instead of focusing on your characters own story in my opinion. Which I'm glad you're focusing more on Adron's story than a faction, I can't wait to see what you do next.

[member="Adron Malvern"]

 

[Darth Carnifex]

He's pretty cool.

Needs more GrimDark tho.

 

[Adron Malvern]

[member="Darth Carnifex"]

*Writes down* More.....grim.....dark. Gotcha! I appreciate the input.