Feedback on Alize Rosenheim

[Alize Rosenheim]

Hi!

Having roleplayed Alize for a bit I'm curious as to what people think of her as a character and my writing of her. What can I do to improve her as a character or my writing so that it is a more enjoyable read? Constructive criticism welcome! Thank you in advance to anyone who replies!

 

[Dunames Lopez]

I have to say, I've threaded with you once, what I liked about you was just how well-written her vanity was, and her cautiousness was not overdone.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

I've been involved in two threads with Alize, so I'll be largely basing my assessment on those.


I think Alize is a good character with several layers. You write her inner struggle and guilt well, along with the vanity she has someone raised as an aristocrat. Her relationship with Siobhan is very sweet, and I see a lot of potential for growth there, especially once Alize begins to learn the Force. Her business also fills a fun niche since most companies on the board manufacture weapons, starships etc.


I think the focus now should be making her gradually become more of her own person. The intriguing question is how learning the ways of the Force may change her and affect her personality, since for a long period she had little control over her life when she was on Panatha, leading to the tragic events that weigh so heavily on her. Perhaps run into someone from her past.


If she settles on Tygara, it may be fun if she gets (reluctantly) drawn into some of the games of thrones esque style antics the Space Elves loves so much. I'm not the type to make detailed blueprints for characters since I prefer organic storytelling, so I'd set some short or medium term goals that can be adjusted.

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

Firstly, I want to start off by saying thank you for taking the time to give me such detailed feedback on Alize! I really appreciate it!

Perhaps run into someone from her past.

I have something similar to that planned for Alize which I am quite excited to write out when the time comes .

Once Alize learns basic Force abilities and becomes a stronger person as a result of the effect it will have on her, I plan on having her take a trip to Panatha and return the place where everything began on the anniversary of the arson to interact with her victims and hear the impact of her deed had on them.

If she settles on Tygara, it may be fun if she gets (reluctantly) drawn into some of the games of thrones esque style antics the Space Elves loves so much. I'm not the type to make detailed blueprints for characters since I prefer organic storytelling, so I'd set some short or medium term goals that can be adjusted.

For now, it looks like Alize is going to settle on Tygara and get a pet jester (because fluffy creatures are amazing), but I would definitely be interested in getting her engaged in some Game of Thrones esque antics (perhaps have an NPC blackmail her) once she becomes a more confident woman.

In regards to the plans for Alize's story, I have a few short term goals and a few ideas I'd like to play out (like the ones mentioned before) but nothing really set in stone so that her story will be a fluid one.

 

[Darth Carnifex]

Once Alize learns basic Force abilities and becomes a stronger person as a result of the effect it will have on her, I plan on having her take a trip to Panatha and return the place where everything began on the anniversary of the arson to interact with her victims and hear the impact of her deed had on them.

Soon™