Feedback on future ship submission?

[Julian Valentine]

I'm looking for some feedback on this submission, preferably from judges, on what needs to be done for this to become a successful submission. Mind you, I still need to complete this, as this is just a draft. I need to refine details and ground some more information and pump out a lot of dev threads.

I'd also appreciate if there are suggestions of what to add

The intention of this submission is a heavily modified multi-role fighter / transporter for my character whom is a Bounty Hunter. Good enough to compete with the likes of the Slave I, Millennium Falcon and other such infamous ships.

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Draft
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Image Source: Wookieepedia

Affiliation:

• The Bounty Hunter's Guild
• Julian Valentine

Manufacturer:

• Corellian Engineering Corporation [Production]
• Boltz [Modified]

Model: KR-TB "Doomtreader"
Modularity: Yes
Production: Unique
Material: Photosensitive Microscopic Crystals, Havod, Ferroceramic
Classification:

• Freighter [Production]
• Assault Ship / Prisoner Transporter [Modified]

Length: 50m
Width: 130m
Height: 16m

Armament:

• [1] Twin rotating blaster cannon - Ventral
• [4] Laser cannons - Two each wing
• [2] Proton torpedo tubes - One each wing
• [1] Ion cannon - Bow
• [3] Seismic charges - Aft

Hangar: 0

Special Features:

• Four Ion Drives
• Modded Hyperdrive
• Advanced Targeting System
• Advanced Sensors
• Advanced Nav-computer

Maneuverability Rating: 10 [Turns], 2 [Rolls]
Speed Rating: .95
Hyperdrive Class: .75

Strengths:

• Armed to the Teeth I - The Paragon is heavily kitted. As a bounty hunter, Julian Valentine requires a ship that means business, one that can flex serious muscle in the face of adversity. The Paragon is just that, a paragon of starfighter combat.
  
• Petal to the Metal I - Not everyone Julian meets is friendly with him. Bounty Hunting has earned him some serious enemies, and during captures he can oft require a quick escape. The Paragon allows him to outrun his enemies. Doubly it is used to chase down those he hunts.
  
• Chameleon I - The Paragon boasts a photosensitive microscopic crystal coating. When an electrical pulse is sent through the hull plates it will activate the crystals that reflect ambient colors. This is particularly useful in space, allowing it to blend in with the pitch darkness and twinkling stars.

Weaknesses:

• Winged Prey I - While the Paragon is fast and lethal, its wings are immense. They make for great targets, blowing a single engine or wing could send the ship into a fatal spin.
  
• Winged Prey II - Due to the nature of the wings, it can perform fast rolls, but attempting tight corners and quick turns is futile - this can reduce speed significantly.
  
• Retrofitted I - The Paragon is a heavily modified ship, meaning that it has not had the chance to be tried and tested like it's production variant. The ship is not shy of breaking down on Julian, or totally falling apart when under stress [x].
  
• Retrofitted II - Many of the modifications on the vessel are classified as illegal, therefore making it impossible to make port in most major population centers without being arrested.
  
• Retrofitted III - The modifications on the vessel are not only illegal, but some of them are stolen. The hyperdrive bought at Cloud City, Bespin, was a stolen hyperdrive belonging to the Ison Cartel. Since they learnt Julian bought this hyperdrive a bounty has been placed on his head. Thugs [NPCs] belonging to the Ison Cartel may appear in threads and attempt to reclaim their hyperdrive and hand in the bounty. PCs are also welcome to claim this bounty.
  
• Armed to the Teeth II - Cargo hold has been reduced to allow for armaments, meaning travel distances are limited based on food supply, and cargo space is limited, requiring several trips where previously one trip would have done the job when transporting large quantities of goods.
  
• Petal to the Metal II - While the Paragon is one of the fastest ships around, without an experienced or Force-Sensitive pilot, such as Julian, it can become difficult to react in time at such intense high-speeds.
  
• All Aboard I - Due to the nature of the vessel, it is best manned with more than one individual. Alone, a pilot is not capable of handling extreme speeds and high firepower. At minimum, the ship requires one pilot - at the expense of sacrificing combative abilities. To be fully operational the Paragon requires a pilot, co-pilot, gunner, navigator and a mechanic.
  
• All Aboard II - When fully operational, the Paragon can suffer from small cargo hold and food supply, requiring regular planetary visits to resupply and provide for its crew of five (not including any prisoners held on board).

Description: (Describing your submission's history is optional. Please provide a detailed account or link of each special feature that is listed in this submission. All miscellaneous descriptive elements go here, such as Cargo Capacity, Passengers, Consumables, Crew, etc.. There is no requirement for amount of words here so long as you meet the minimum requirements for your special features.)
Development Thread:

• Yes, We're After a One 'Vahn Fett' [Julian buys the KR-TB, as well as a modified Isu-Sim SSP05 Hyperdrive. Hires Boltz as a mechanic.]
• Defective on Arrival [Boltz repairs structural integrity.]
• Yes, We're After a One 'KeCholo' [Julian convinces Lanz Beloi to sell his illegally modified ion drive.]
• The Red-Skin of Dromund Kaas [Kei Garnik installs an advanced weapons targeting system. The Paragon crashes on Dromund Kaas.]

Intent: To provide Julian Valentine an elite multi-role freighter for his Bounty Hunting career, capable of both prisoner transportation and dogfighting.

Who Can Use This:

• Julian Valentine

Primary Source: KR-TB

 

[Cyrus Tregessar]

Stealth tech as a general rule always requires dev. You've got a bunch already, but typically you need something with specifically covers getting said stealth tech.

I would also note that visual sensors are at best a secondary sensor source in space. It's far, far easier to simply trace your drive exhaust, energy signature, gravity displacement, electromagnetic noise, etc. What you currently have would work as stealth in very limited environments, and wold more useful in atmosphere than anything. Stygium Crystals and Hibridium can be acquired that can power more advanced cloaking systems that are undetectable by all but CGT's.

Otherwise that's a fantastic sub, I wouldn't anticipate any issues besides the above. Hell given the fact that you're essentially drawing up a corvette you could feasibly add weapons if you wanted.

 

[Jorus Merrill]

Speed Rating: .95

If this ship's approved, it would be the biggest ship ever stamped below speed rating 1, and so far as I know only four ships have been stamped at that speed. One was an event prize, one was a paper plane with no weapons, and the other two took a ton of dev. Just so you're aware of what you're up against. Frankly, I'd smack a judge silly for stamping a corvette at speed 1. Dev covereth a multitude of sins, but whether it covereth that far would be above my pay grade.

 

[ADM. Reshmar]

Normal speed for a ship this size would be a 7. It is a corvette and to my knowledge the fastest you can really make one is 5. As it is a unique ship and generally poor maneuvering and light weapons, you Might get 4 for speed but that would be the absolute limit. It is just too big.