Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Feedback on my character please.

Hello, I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my character. I understand if he's little generic and probably more than a little mary-sued but any thoughts would be much appreciated. The reason I'm asking is that this is the first character I've made to Internet RP as since the board wiping on the SWTOR website a few years ago. To say I'm a bit rusty would probably be an understatement haha




NAME: Garivald
FACTION: The One Sith
RANK: Sith Acolyte
SPECIES: Farghul/Trianii Half-Breed
AGE: 23
SEX: Male
HEIGHT: 5'11''
WEIGHT: 176 lbs
EYES: charcoal grey with flecks of blue mixed in
HAIR: He has a dark brown mane of hair on his head
SKIN: His skin is covered with short brown fur with stripes of dark brown as well.
FORCE SENSITIVE: Yes he is force sensitive.

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STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES (Required: 2 Weaknesses Minimum) :

Strengths

+He is exceptionally fast and strong. (racial)
+He has heightened senses. (racial)
+Do to his upbringing he as a general knowledge of martial combat.

Weaknesses

-He is sterile.
-Do to his upbringing he is emotionally stunted.
-He is distrustful and a little paranoid.
APPEARANCE:
He has a well-toned, lithe and athletic physique. He is covered in short brown fur with dark stripes and has a long dark brown mane of hair on his head. He does not have a tail.

BIOGRAPHY:
Garivald is the son of his farghul mother and an unknown trianii male. He has no real memory of his mother; only that when he was 4 she sold him to a local crime lord on Coruscant to pay off some gambling debts.

From 4-9 he was raised with other slaves his age; constantly being pitted against each other for their masters amusement. It was one during one of these sessions; when he broke another child's arm that his natural aptitude for combat became apparent. From 9-15 he was trained in a general knowledge of martial combat. At the age of 16 he was entered in underground fighting pits where for the next two years he had a mostly successful career, until after loosing one match to many his master had his tail cut off.

It was at this point he wouldn't enter the arena and when forced in he refused to fight. He was beaten profusely for his disobedience. It was during these events that Garivald went through puberty.

After a year of continually beating him, Garivalds master grew bored and in an act of cruelty, had him genetically sterilized. When told what had been done Garivald flew into a blind rage , where he killed his master and a handful of his guards. When he regained awareness he fled his former masters home. Not really knowing where to go or what to do with himself and lacking any real skills besides combat he joined The One Sith Army the next day. He spent a year there before his force sensitivity was discovered.

SHIP:
None yet

KILLS:
None yet

BOUNTIES COLLECTED:
None yet

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ROLE-PLAYS:
None yet
 

Menoetius

Anzat's How it's Done
[member="Garivald"]

Solid character, can't see anything wrong with him. There are a few typos but otherwise, not bad, I understand who this guy is and can see clearly where he's strong and where he's not. The beauty of forum RPing is that as your character develops and grows, you can add/remove strengths/weaknesses and add more to your biography to better reflect your character's experiences.

i r8 it 8/8 m8
 

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