First Steps

[Rayliav'enci]

The people of Dromund Kaas had a lot work ahead of them to rebuild their settlement from the attack of the Diversity Alliance, but for now, Raylia's work among the injured and the sick was at an end. The blue Twi'lek had worked tirelessly to help treat the victims of the anti-human organization's unprovoked attack, to the point she herself almost needed medical treatment for exhaustion.

Although she was scheduled to speak at a conference on Lianna regarding the current galactic laws on grave robbing and repatriation, she was forced to cancel her appearance, sending a colleague to speak in her place. Instead, she returned to Voss and took an extended break to recharge and work on the manuscript of her latest scholarly work.

Ray had slept for what felt like days, but when she finally ventured out of her rooms at the Silver temple, she felt nearly back to normal. However, there were plenty of things on her mind. As depressing as Dromund Kaas had been to deal with, it had forced a conversation between her and Kurayami where they finally admitted there was something more than friendship between them. He had confessed his heart to her and she had shown him that she felt the same way, however with the need to focus on her duties there, the matter was not really explored any further.

Days later, she found herself wondering now that the immediate need to take care of her Jedi priorities was over, what did that mean for the changing dynamic between the two of them?

Ray headed off to the mess with her datapad in hand, answering some messages from friends and colleagues about her absence at the conference and trying not to think about how that first kiss caused her heart to beat against her ribs like a caged bird vainly trying to break free.

[member="Kurayami Bloodborn"]

 

[Kurayami Bloodborn]

Kurayami had helped with clearing debris and worked on mapping out and recovering what information he could from the ruins left. It was a long process, but gave him something to do while Raylia continued to help with treating the sick and injured. In that time he managed to map what was accessible of the Dark Temple as well as the Sith Academy. The sheer amount of data he had now was staggering and he hoped that some of the recovered relics would be able to be identified and preserved for later study. Everything from lightsaber hilts to datapads had been found and would later be properly cleaned and identified, but for now would be stored in a secure location. He made sure to pace himself as well as he could, but just being on the planet for long enough sapped one's will to live.

Once they were back on Voss, much of Kurayami's time was spent collecting, sorting, and trying to organize the data he had. He had never realized just how time consuming these things were, even when using technology. He had to check every frame of every video he had taken, trying to pick out what details were important and what was simply unneeded. He saved unedited copies of each as backups just in case he missed something. It was those that he would transmit to Voss along with the other data. Raylia was working on her manuscript and with all the fact checking Kurayami had mostly been taking short breaks just to take care of the basics.

He thought back to the discussion many times to keep himself from falling asleep while combing through hours of video footage and countless scans and sensor readings. He kept reminding himself that this was paramount in learning how to redeem or undermine the Sith, learn of their past as much as possible to use against them. It was a promise he had made long ago and one he fully intended to keep. What confused him most about his conversation with Raylia though was what he had said and why he had never been able to put it into words until then. He was still more than a bit surprised by her reaction to the revelation, but no one could say that he had been disappointed by it. He took a deep breath and sighed, he was bored and needed to stretch his legs a bit, plus he was starting to feel rather hungry and while the ship was well stocked he needed something that wasn't just from a ration pack.

He grabbed the saber and clipped it to his belt, not wanting to leave it behind. Besides it was a reminder of something else he needed to talk to Raylia about, his recent brushes with the Force. Especially the ones on Korriban. Those were just weird. He left the helmet on the ship as he set the computer to search the holonet and all archives that were accessible to try and get a few hits from the data while he was gone. He had his datapad in case of any major developments but she was the main thing on his mind right now as he remembered the feeling of not only being so close, but of the kiss. How things would playout was yet to be seen but would be a rather confusing and fun journey to behold.

As he entered the mess hall, he walked over to where he saw Raylia and took a seat across from her. Food could be handled soon.

[member="Rayliav'enci"]

 

[Rayliav'enci]

She was paused with her fork halfway to her mouth, a bite of salad dripping dressing back down to the plate. She smiled, the fork lowering back to the plate, the handle rested delicately on the rim so as not to be easy knocked off or to make a mess of the table. She had not seen him in a couple days and honestly she felt like there was much to talk about, but Dromund Kaas wasn't the place to do it. Back on Voss, there was nothing really to distract them except for the busy work she had grabbed in order to avoid the inevitable conversation about the kiss.

She did not catch the saber clipped to his belt, her attention on his approach was glued to her datapad, but as she realized he was sitting down without food, she pushed the datapad aside, her eyes fixed on him.

"Hey. How are you? Been busy with the footage?"

Small talk. Ok then, sure Ray, let's have small talk.

[member="Kurayami Bloodborn"]

 

[Kurayami Bloodborn]

Kurayami couldn't help but chuckle at Raylia's reaction to his entrance. He knew there was more than a bit that needed to be discussed and sure, they could have done so after the kiss but Dark side infused planets were not the best places to discuss a budding romance. Or at least one that was finally being recognized by both people involved. Unless, that's how the couple rolled, different strokes for different folks, right? Either way he knew that right then was not the best time, they both needed a bit of time to process what had happened.

To be honest he had taken such n interest in the recordings and reading from Korriban and Dromund Kaas to keep his mind off the massive change from all of a few days ago. To land somewhere as nothing more than close friends and leave having confessed your feelings for one another was not the most subtle of changes. Then again subtlety was never something Kurayami was well known for, more so he was renowned for the opposite of that. Surprisingly though the kiss was only one thing that needed to be addressed.

She was reading or viewing something on her datapad and she didn't mention the saber, so it was safe to assume she hadn't seen it, well there went the easy way of bringing up training. After he was seated though she pushed the datapad aside and was greeted with a warm smile as she fixed her gaze on his own.

"Hey. Yeah, lots of stuff to go over, I'm doing well but haven't eaten much outside ration packs the past couple days. Almost through the video footage, but after that i have the other sensor sans to go through, everything from millimeter wave radar to ultrasound pickup. So yeah, plenty to go through from the two planets still. How about yourself, you doing okay after the bombshell the other night? I mean, I didn't really mean to dump all that on you the way I did, just never been the best with discussing important things I guess."

In the back of his mind, he wondered if he would always have this issue of rambling or if he would manage to focus more when talking with Raylia. He shrugged supposing that if it was going to happen it would in time.

[member="Rayliav'enci"]

 

[Rayliav'enci]

She was relieved he brought up the kiss first, at least they would not have to tiptoe around it anymore. Things had gotten a little awkward afterwards, as they didn't know how to make the transition from blindly being in love yet completely oblivious of the other's feelings to knowing that it was no longer unrequited. It was very requited.

"You didn't dump anything on me." She pushed her plate aside, reaching for his hands and taking them in her own deep blue ones. She knew how he felt and this still felt like she wasn't sure what to say or how she should act.

"Kurayami, I've been patching you up and dragging you around the galaxy for years because I was too afraid to tell you how much I cared for you or too fearful for what it would mean in regards to my position within the Jedi Order. I thought I had you figured out. I was sure that I was only a friend. I guess part of me could handle that as long as I knew you were safe and happy. I tried to tell you so many times but I only seemed to have the courage when you were so drunk you'd never remember what I said. I should have been more brave."

She didn't want to talk about the manuscript she was working on or the footage he took. For the first time in a long while, they needed to talk about deeply personal things rather than small talk and shallow things like classes she taught or digs she supervised or battles they saw or superficial things. She had realized pondering things that he didn't really speak about why he was single or why he let this drab archaeologist drag him all over creation. She didn't know how he felt about the universe or life and death or love.

"I guess we have to decide what this means. And what we want."

[member="Kurayami Bloodborn"]

 

[Kurayami Bloodborn]

Had anyone pointed out that he had brought up the kiss first, he would have given a confused stare. When he spoke his mind didn't always fully grasp the wasys which things could be taken or what exactly he was making reference to. The thought that things could have ever been awkward between the two of them had never occurred, until it actually happened. The fact that he had started in so intently on the recordings was more surprising to him than the admission of feelings. At least that was what he had told himself afterwards.

"Okay. Glad that you didn't feel like I did. I know I was rambling a bit that night, trying to work on that part though." As he was finishing the last bit of his response, she pushed aside her plate and gently took his hands in her own. It was a sign of genuine affection and he had to take a second to remind himself this was a normal thing couples did. This was a good thing. The list of things that needed to be discussed was a pretty long one, but he knew they would manage to cover it in time.

He was silent as she spoke and explained why she had never brought anything to his attention. It made sense even if he was a bit confused by the whole thing. He shook his head at her mention of having though that she had him pinned, a smirk still present. He squeezed her hands gently in his own before replying to her.

"Raylia, this whole thing has made me look back at the things you did for me and the amount of times you only asked me to go with you on a dig. Or to research some book you were writing, or whatever you had on your plate. And I was happy to help. Like I said before, you are the last connection I have to my past. At times that has made it incredibly hard to be around you and not remember certain things, but at the same time those things bothered me less because I knew that you would be right there. You know most all of my story and the important parts with Jenni that deal with her place in the Order. It was, and is something that impacted my understanding of what the Jedi allowed and why they were so strict about attachments...but apparently things have changed alot since then. I was scared to tell you I felt like being someone who wasn't part of the Order, I felt like that put you out of reach romantically, that all you could ever be was a friend.

You certainly proved me wrong on that front, and for that I cannot thank you enough. I always felt like it was me trying to repay a debt that I knew I never could, one that grew every time you patched me up after some encounter or another. I can't count the number of times you saved my neck, literally in some cases. I certainly can't promise that I will never be blackout drunk again, but I know that I do need to not do so quite as often. IT was just how I dealt with everything I saw, all the things I wanted to forget...and ignore those things I never wanted to acknowledge. Korriban started me thinking alot when I was there. Promises made, memories repressed, feelings I tried to bury, I was hit by all of that on the surface there. Even stranger than that though were these visions. moments from the past running through my mind so vividly that it felt like I was there again, but I also heard whispers. I don't rightly know why, but voices, thousands of voices were promising power or to unleash some sort of hidden potential.

I ignored them as best as I could but they never went away, only changed, berating me for not being strong enough to protect those I loved before promising they would show me how to. It brought to mind something Jenni told me once about 'latent abilities' or 'latent sensitivity' I had. Something like one of those two. DUnno if those ring a bell to you, but I did some reading and there seem to be many cases that mirrored what I experienced. I have no idea if the planet was driving me crazy or what, but is that something you ever felt from me? Some potential in the Force? It sounds so far fetched when I say it, but I made a promise long ago to study and understand all I could of both Orders. Is that something you would be willing to help me with Raylia?

As for the relationship, I thought that the kiss was kind of our way of saying we were going to at lest try things. I never was great at interpreting signals like that though. You tell me what you want to do, because to me that kiss meant that we were going to try, and if we decide to, then you know I won't stop at anything to make it work. I've wanted this for years Ray. That is my answer."

And yet again he had rambled, far worse than last time in fact. He really did need to work on that. Perhaps later, for now they needed to just work out the details and sometimes he even managed to stay on topic...sadly that was the only major improvement.

[member="Rayliav'enci"]

 

[Rayliav'enci]

Raylia listened while he expounded on their past and his heart, a meandering ramble that really didn't bother her in the slightest. Kurayami had a musical quality to the tone and tambor of his voice that was pleasing to the ear. At least it was pleasing to hers.

Her hands enveloped his, fingertips exploring callouses where he had been practicing with weapons and fighting. His hands were deft and strong, used to breaking apart his arsenal to service it and defend the Rutian Twi'lek against whatever she had drug him into at that point. She had wanted to keep him near, to keep him safe and close, to soothe that ache of hers that he would never be what she had wanted.

Meanwhile he had been caught in the same trap of their own making; failure to communicate. Fear was a powerful deterrent and in this case, a completely unnecessary one. No time like the present in order to set them a fresh start.

"I can help you with the light sided aspect, but I purposely never use my empathy on others. It's a violation of their thoughts and feelings. So I have never felt a latent sensitivity in you but I have not looked. Kinda on purpose. I didn't want to know that my feelings weren't reciprocated. As for the other Order you spoke of. Kurayami, I may not agree with the Jedi all the time but you can't possibly believe that you can only passively study the darkside. You saw what Dromund Kaas did to me."

[member="Kurayami Bloodborn"]

 

[Kurayami Bloodborn]

He had to be rather thankful that Raylia was patient with him as he dug into the past to try and explain why he was seeking her help now. When she took his hands in hers, he kept his eyes focused on that scene, as if trying to memorize everything about this moment. His heart was racing and he was trying to remember exactly why he had mentioned the promise. In all honesty, Kurayami was surprised that she was as calm in her response as she had been.

The feeling of her fingertips running over his palms was one he had forgotten the feeling of. While he couldn't recall there ever being any truly intimate moments between them, she had taken his hand in hers as an atttempt to comfort him before. That had been a long time ago when wounds were still fresh for both of them. She had kept him healed and in turn he did what he could to protect the Rutian Twi'lek across from him right now.

The chance they were given was not one that many were given, and he would make sure not to waste such an opportunity. They had both been afraid given past failures, but this was not anywhere near the same time and they themselves had changed over the years as they grew closer to one another. He nodded at her words, perhaps keeping such a promise was not the most important thing, but he felt that neither side was completely right in their views.

"I would only ever ask you to help me in what you were comfortable teaching Ray, I know that what I am looking to do is something that often fails. Maybe I will as well, but I have always seen things in a more...practical light I suppose. I don't see a duality, to me it is all dependent on situation. If you need to kill to help accomplish the goal of the greater good, then you do so. Or for survival. Outside of that if it can be avoided you disable the enemy, demoralize them, find another route to defeat them. I did see what Dromund Kaas did to you, and I remember the effects Korriban had on me. I was so tired after Korriban I slept for a day straight. If the Force is in everything then how can it be so easily split? The only thing that makes it 'light' or 'dark' is the intent behind the action. My intent is simply to learn how it works, and see how that can be of use in survival, but also in helping to protect. Not through killing, but through the knowledge of when to use what is at my disposal.

You know how I am when I give my word to someone, Raylia. You know that I have to at least try to fulfill my promise. If I fail, then the end is already determined. But what if I don't? What if I manage to balance on the edge? I Know the line is razor thin and the risks are great. Just the thought of even trying terrifies me, but I also know that I can never be a 'true' Lightsider. I am sure even you can see that Ray, even without use of the Force. I have walked the line before, for many years as a mercenary. I never killed unless I had to, but when I had to it was the only option left. I know I keep making the same point over and over, but I want to be as clear as I can that I understand the gravity of what I promised all those years ago, even if I didn't when I made it. I can't ask for you to approve, but only to understand...

He trailed off as he lost his train of thought for the moment. Or so it seemed. It was clear that he was leaving something unsaid, something that he couldn't ask of her. Something he prayed would never come to pass even though he knew it was still a possibility.

[member="Rayliav'enci"]

 

[Rayliav'enci]

"Kurayami, I..."

What could she say to make him understand the gravity of the situation? Her empathy could be a dangerous thing around someone who dabbled in the darkside. Through her studies she knew of cultures and groups that walked a neutral path, ones that viewed the Force and its existence as a tool to be wielded and not light or dark. There was no guarantee that keeping him from studying the darkside wouldn't lead to his fall. However, he was also rather undisciplined and somewhat of a loner. Despite his affections for her, he carried the burden of Jenni's love and the circumstances of her death closely to him. There would never be a time when he didn't feel her loss acutely. It was part of the reason she had never expressed her feelings. However, it could also be the thing that drives him to seek power and ultimately fall. For that matter, so could she.

Her mind thought of Jen-Dai and she felt a stab in her gut. Everything could be a vehicle for the darkness to find a way in. All anyone could do is the best they could.

She sighed out, and nodded to him.

"I suppose you are right. This path you choose is your own, and I think it is best that I not be the one to teach you. I'm sure that the Coalition have some fine instructors who can help you learn to explore what this connection is and how it can be wielded."

She wore disappointment well, changing the subject as she turned her attention back to her lunch.

"Are you still staying on your ship or will you take a room in the compound?"

[member="Kurayami Bloodborn"]

 

[Kurayami Bloodborn]

Kurayami listened patiently as Raylia started to speak, then she abruptly stopped. The confusion was apparent in his demeanor. As much as he wanted to understand her reservations, there was no way that he could. He wanted to be able to reassure her that he could handle the path he had chosen, that he knew deep inside that this was the right choice for him. He didn't want power, not as most would see it. He wanted to learn, to see what lay beyond the veil of the Force. To him it was a much greater mystery than it seemed most Jedi viewed it. He had only had the slightest of brushes with it in his life, whereas for Raylia and others it had been a constant part of their life.

When she sighed and finished her earlier sentence it was not hard to pick up on the hesitation. She may have been good at hiding her disappointment, he on the other hand was not well skilled at this. He broke eye contact with her and looked down at the table, was this the choice he was going to be forced to make? Learning from someone whom he trusted or trying to fulfill a promise that he wasn't sure was even possible? He kept his eyes averted for a few moments before responding.

"I don't care about being right Raylia. I'm not even sure if what I promised is something that is possible. I was looking forward to learning from you, but I understand why you are saying no. I won't argue the point with you. I will ask you to promise me one thing however, that this not change our relationship with one another. I love you and if me learning is going to cause issue between us, then I need to know now. I can't afford to lose you over something I said many years ago."

The change of subject was sudden, if not expected, from her.

"I have been staying on the ship currently, but I'm not against taking up a room in the compound. Maybe once I can find a teacher I will take up a room in the compound."

[member="Rayliav'enci"]