Fly Me to the Moon

[Caulder Dune]

CORUSCANT SYSTEM
THE MACHINATOR

[member="Jemmila Kyrgen"]

Why did people insist on miring their progress with poor decisions? It was like a slap in the face, really. Here Adekos had thought they were finally getting somewhere. A little work out in the gym, some time spent in the library- both these things to hone a capable body and a sharp mind. Because if a person wasn't physically fit and intellectually able, then he might as well have been teaching the intricacies of the Force to a feral dog like the rest of the One Sith. That was why they were the only things she had been doing for the past week or so. Then as he was in the middle of planning his next personal lesson, Jemmila up and fled the Machinator while in orbit of Coruscant! It had taken the better part of several days to find her. It was only a matter of time, really. His whole business on Coruscant was finding people. The stormtroopers under Adekos' command always found their mark.

He could understand why she did it. Almost a week of doing nothing but pouring over digital archives and exercise equipment would drive more than enough people stir crazy. There was also probably the withdrawal from her drugs and 'intimate visitors' that had coerced her into her temporary flight. No doubt she spent her time on Coruscant in a three day, drug-infused orgy. There would be hell to pay for that. This was all about discipline and learning to master one's cravings. Fleeing three-kilometer long battleships to descend back into wanton lechery was not discipline. Maybe he just hadn't Force Choked her enough, or put enough luxuries back in her suite. Really, she should have just been thankful for the flavor packs he had started sending up with her Imperial Rations.

Who didn't like artificially flavored Imperial Rations? Nutritious, filling, cheap, and tasty. Ish. If Adekos hadn't been rich and could easily afford real food, he would have loved the stuff.

The shuttle she had stolen was also the one she came back in. It elegantly glided through the Machinator's spacious hangar, settling down a few meters away from the waiting Umbaran. His arms were folded, and to his right sat a menacing TA4 Ultra Battle Droid with an electrostaff. Plastering Adekos' face was a scowl of biblical depth. The stormtroopers shoved her from the shuttle, where Adekos first became aware she had ditched the jumpsuit.

Okay, he had expected that much.

"Explain yourself, please, or he hits you with the staff." He said, once Jemmila was within speaking range. The droid activated the staff, which now buzzed with electricity, to reinforce what had been said.

 

[Zola]

All good things must come to an end. A rough shoving by some of Darth Adekos’s stormtroopers marked the end of Jemmila’s short burst of freedom on Coruscant. Like a comet she had blazed through the streets of the Core, her fiery trajectory taking her on different paths throughout the night. First, the Hapan had cleared her head by aimlessly walking the sector streets, gratefully breathing in the evening air. Secondly, she all but walked right into the company of the Sith Knight, Darth Carach. Her final destination was the most interesting part of her short sabbatical, when she and Darth Carach had…

“Zap!”

Jemmila was drawn from her reverie by the presence of one of Darth Adekos’ clunkers, standing nearby with an electro-staff in its cold metal grip. Adekos himself was suddenly in front of her, eyes blazing with fury, demanding an answer.

Truthfully, she didn’t know how to answer him. One wrong word and one of his fething bucket heads was going to jab her with a painful and possibly lethal shock. She figured that honesty might be the best policy, and perhaps an extra helping of respect coupled with feminine wiles.

Casting a glare at the droid, Jemmila fell to her knees in front of Adekos and stared up at him, her face a mask of innocence, her brown eyes full of apology. She absently stroked the fabric of the beautiful wrap dress she had bought, as if anticipating being stripped of it and forced back into that blasted jumpsuit.

“I’m not made of stone, Master Adekos.”

[member="Darth Adekos"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

A little mouse droid closely followed behind [member="Jemmila Kyrgen"] it almost whirled out of control when the person it was following got zapped by something, but managed to adjust trajectory just in time to crash into [member="Darth Adekos"]’s boot. The mouse droid had a letter attached to it, which had a very simple message inscribed on it with typography that was only used by those that thought themselves very important, or were generally assholes in their own right.

The message read thusly.

“ #sryntsry xoxo -C ”

 

[Caulder Dune]

[member="Jemmila Kyrgen"]

Umbarans could see in the ultraviolet. It wasn't a well known feature of theirs, nor was it one very often utilized by Darth Adekos, but it was still there. Just another thing that Umbarans could do. Another, more prominent things Umbarans could do was detect deception. They could figure out who was lying and who was telling the truth. This was arguably a more useful racial trait for Umbarans, particularly now when one Dark Side infused Umbaran individual was dealing with an insubordinate apprentice who had fallen to her knees and given him the most ridiculous puppy-dog eyes he had ever suffered.

The audacity.

Adekos huffed incredulously, and his own dull red eyes glared daggers back into Jemmila's. "More's the pity. If you're to have any hope of becoming a proper user of the Dark Side, taking responsibility for your actio-"

What was likely going to become a long-winded, indignant speech on the importance of discipline, respect, and patience was abruptly interrupted when a small mouse droid bumped into Adekos' right boot. He glanced down to glare at the mouse droid, assuming it was part of the ship's complement. His angered expression dissipated into confusion when he noticed there was flimsiplast attached to it. The mouse droid lifted into the air, beckoned by the Force, and Adekos inspected the device and the paper.

#sryntsry xoxo -C​

Who in the nine Corellian hells was C?

Carl? Carla? Cameron? Ca-

Carach.

​

C̲̪͕̰͞ ̟̫͉̗́Ạ̩̯̲̳̩͉ ͎͡ͅR̴̼̮̜̹̙̗ ͍̮̤̱̠̖̙̕A̮͔ ̝̲̼̲C̗ ͉̬̱H̙̙̘̦͍͎͓͠.̧̟̪͔ͅ​

The singular name shot through his mind like a blast from a turbolaser and smacked into the thinly shielded walls of his patience, which nearly crumbled under the volley.

There was only one creature in the galaxy that Darth Adekos was familiar with who had a libido and a penchant for lechery that rivaled Jemmila's. And now they had apparently met. Unsupervised. That wasn't supposed to happen. Not until much later, at least, when Adekos was confident he had at least reduced her impulsive tendencies. No, there was no way, and yet... There was no way it couldn't have transpired. It was like putting two starving, enraged Rancors in the same room. It was possible the filthy animals wouldn't tear each other apart, but not entirely likely. In a flash of basic technometry, Adekos reprogrammed the instructions the mouse droid had stored in it and dropped it back to the ground. It subsequently scurried off to join the rest of the Machinator's mouse droids. He did not bother to take the note. With the mouse droid no longer floating in front of his face, Jemmila could see Adekos' expression again.

No more rage, now he was just dumbfounded. Aghast. But only for a moment before his expression hardened again into a more familiar scowl.

"You have- Precisely -ten seconds to drop this insipid little routine of yours and tell me what it is you've done." He hissed, "Or this hangar is going to be the last thing you see before I gouge out your eyes."

Really, it was the principle of the matter. Certainly, Adekos had maybe tried (rather unprofessionally) to snatch away one of Carach's then-apprentices. But much more unprofessional than that would have been to use her as a temporary sheathe for his genitals. This was frighteningly typical. One-upped by Carach once again, and the rage that rolled off of Adekos because of that fact reverberated through the Force and warped the sound of his already mechanical voice.

 

[Zola]

Her Master’s yellow eyes bore tiny holes into the Hapan as she knelt in front of him. It was the first time since Adekos had flung her against the wall and Force choked her in the training room that she felt an acute fear of him again. Jemmila was very, very afraid of the Sith lord right now. But as much as he might want her to, she did not feel ashamed of her actions. Stealing the shuttle, ditching the jumpsuit, Carach. She especially did not feel ashamed of what she did with Carach.

Adekos started to launch into his favorite past time, a long-winded speech, when his bluster was silenced by a small mouse droid bumping into his boot. Her Master took care of whatever business the small droid had brought to his attention and then turned his gaze back to her, his eyes blazing again. Yep, still angry. Jemmila would go to hell and crawl back on severed limbs before she’d grovel in front of him. Being on her knees was about as close to it as she would get.

Sadly, the big brown eyes routine hadn’t made a dent in his rage. She suspected the feminine wiles act would also bomb. The playing dumb routine! She hadn’t used that yet. She also had something else up her sleeve, but she was saving that for later.

A few quick beats of her racing heart and she spoke up again.

“Master Adekos. I’m afraid my business on Coruscant was of a personal nature, but if you would like to know the details, I was under the care of your friend, Darth Carach. I’m sure he would be glad to fill you in.”

She quickly added. “I’m also afraid I wouldn’t be of any use to you without my sight.”

A droid walked up behind Jemmila, its metal arm holding out a shopping bag full of sumptuous clothing that Darth Carach had bought her. She cut her eyes sideways to the bag and then gave the droid a command.

“You can take those to my room.”

It was worth a shot.

[member="Darth Adekos"]

 

[Caulder Dune]

[member="Jemmila Kyrgen"]

An eye-twitched. Suspicions were confirmed, though a small part of him wished they hadn't. Jemmila wasn't exactly getting an allowance here, so these fanciful garbs had to have been purchased by Carach. Really, Darth Adekos didn't even want to think about what had happened between these two miscreants if Carach was now spending inane amounts of money on clothes for someone else's apprentice. Since it was in his nature, Adekos decided to assume the worst. As the droid started to walk off with the clothing, Adekos gave it a look, and the automaton stopped in its tracks, still holding the assembled attire.

"I'm asking you." The Umbaran made a motion with his hand, as if giving the space in front of him a weak, back-handed slap. At that command, Jemmila would feel some invisible force clamp down on her wrist, then attempt to puppet the limb into slapping herself across the face. He didn't let go after the action was completed. She was right, she would be of little use with no eyes. There'd be something else he could do, then.

"If you think you aren't one of thousands of acolytes I can acquire, you're sorely mistaken. Those clothes you bought will be heading for the incinerator. You'll join them if this recalcitrant behavior continues."

There was a solemn edge to his speech now. Adekos did not really enjoy throwing people, especially if they were his womanly apprentice, down incinerator chutes. But Dark Jedi had to do what Dark Jedi had to do, regardless of how he personally felt about it. He was a master of the Force on board a ship with a complement large enough to subjugate an entire planet. Who was here to judge him?

 

[Zola]

“Ow!” exclaimed the Hapan as she felt her own hand(!) rise up and slap herself in the face. However humiliating the smack was, it was a tiny indignity compared to Darth Adekos’ announcement that he was going to incinerate her newly purchased clothing. Jemmila began to open her mouth to protest, but the look in her Master’s eyes stopped her cold. Those yellow pinpoints brimmed with pure murder. He wasn’t kidding about dumping her in the incinerator as well. Her wide brown eyes sadly followed the TA4 Ultra Battle Droid as it trundled down the corridor with shopping bag, taking it out of her sight. Then she turned to look at her angry Master.

“As you noticed Darth Carach and I went shopping,” she said, rubbing her reddening cheek. “But we also went somewhere else, and we found something very rare. And well, I stole it from him.”

“I wanted you to have it, Master Adekos.”

Jemmila carefully reached into her dress pocket and pulled out a milky-white talisman. She skittishly held out her hand, palm up, offering it to Darth Adekos. With his vast knowledge of history, Darth Adekos might recognize the pendant as the soul stealer from the Cell of Imu.

[member="Darth Adekos"]

 

[Caulder Dune]

[member="Jemmila Kyrgen"]

Darth Adekos blinked in surprise. A precious bauble? Stolen from Carach? As of right now, those were the best kind of bauble. He held up a hand, and the TA4 stopped in its tracks, sparing Jemmila's precious clothing from a fiery doom. The Umbaran carefully studied the face of his apprentice and the artifact. He was a little skeptical about touching anything calling itself a "soul stealer," but he had heard of its power. Several squads of his droids had been lost trying to find the Cell of Imu. But since Carach had apparently been in possession of it, it was time to stop looking.

"Stealing from Carach? A risky maneuver. Especially with an artifact of such power." His temper cooled into a colder fury. "Carach was never one to be so lax with his trinkets that an acolyte could steal them."

He gestured for the droid again, which brought the bag of clothes back with it. Only it didn't set them down, but rather seized Jemmila by the collar and attempted to drag her away.

"I'm sure it will comfort you as you fall down the chute to a premature, fiery demise. Lying to an Umbaran, least of all your master, is a grave mistake. But it won't cost you your life if you. Start. Talking."

 

[Zola]

As the metalhead snatched Jemmila up by the collar, stretching the fabric of her dress, she began to struggle. Unfazed by her squirming, the battle droid started hauling her off as commanded.

“Ok, ok! Get it off me!” she said. “I’ll talk!”

With that the droid roughly put her down. She rose to her feet and carefully brushed a few smudges of dirt off her dress before she began speaking.

“As I told you before, My Lord, Darth Carach and I went shopping, and then he took me to the Cell of Imu to find the soul stealer.” Here, Jemmila gestured to the jewel still clutched in her fingers.

“It was a history lesson,” the young woman explained, wiping away a frightened tear.

That was the nutshell version anyway. Jemmila didn’t think it was necessary to mention the other lessons that Darth Carach had given her, like the one in the taxi, the one with the Twi’lek shop keeper, the one back at his residence, the one in the shower, and...well, she had sort of lost track of them all anyway.

[member="Darth Adekos"]

 

[Caulder Dune]

[member="Jemmila Kyrgen"]

"Carach doesn't give history lessons." Adekos retorted. "That prurient toad couldn't even read a book if he tried. You're withholding something from me."

Was that a tear he just saw? Now the water works were starting up? This was almost too much to bear. The wretched sobbing of just about any individual was enough to drive him up a wall. People who lacked the composure to maintain some modicum of self-respect often did so. Hopefully that wouldn't devolve any further, otherwise he might actually start being serious about throwing Jemmila and her attire down the incineration chute. He clasped both hands behind his back, and his gaze never left her as he did so.

He sighed. "Either you're going to give me the exact details or I'm going to rip the memories out of you. Don't make me destroy you."

She would likely feel the Force begin to well up around him as he gathered it in preparation for some doubtlessly heinous action. The Force was a powerful thing, after all, and through it a great deal of things were possible. Including tampering with the memories and knowledge of another sapient being.

 

[Zola]

Jem’s legs involuntarily took a few steps backwards as she felt his raw power rising up around them both. Darth Adekos’ eyes were cold and reptilian all of sudden, and his cloak billowed around him. She felt a strange vibration humming through her brain. The Sith Master was about to do something very, very bad to her.

“For Edge's sake, yes, Master Adekos!" she exclaimed, spreading her hands in a conciliatory gesture. Her fear seemed to be deepening his rage, so she decided to raise her chin and face him with her usual audacity. “I will give you exact details,” she acquiesced.

“However, I can’t spit them all out at once," reasoned the young woman. "We spent a few days together, after all, so there is quite a bit to tell. Could we go somewhere where I feel more comfortable talking about the gory details? Maybe somewhere without so many fregging droids around?”

[member="Darth Adekos"]

 

[Caulder Dune]

[member="Jemmila Kyrgen"]

He had no idea what an Egde was, but it must have been important if Jemmila, who never struck him as a particularly spiritual person, was swearing to it. She was ready to talk.

Gradually his build-up of the Force subsided. Adekos' cape eventually stopped billowing as well, as if the wind causing it slowly died down as well. He remained silent for a moment, relaying orders to the waiting TA4 Droid before it sauntered off to do his bidding. The other droids in the hangar, few that they were, began to trundle out as well, obeying some silent command issued by the Umbaran. Frankly, Adekos did not feel like suffering a long, awkward, and otherwise painfully silent tram ride back to Jemmilla's quarters on the residential part of this ship. That would take far too long. With the droids dismissed, he started walking towards the shuttle. They weren't going anywhere, but it would do for a sufficiently private conversation nonetheless.

"To the shuttle, please." Adekos requested.

Once they were both in the passenger cabin she had just recently departed, Adekos seated himself. He got rather comfortable in the cushioned seat, particularly because it wasn't his actions were on trial here. Once Jemmila herself was seated as well, he stared her down with expectant eyes. Ones that hadn't lost any trace of the anger he threatened to unleash mere moments before.

 

[Zola]

A huge look of relief swept across Jemmila’s face as Darth Adekos unexpectedly honored her request. This was good. They would have a pleasant conversation, just like two civil people. Exactly like one of those civil people had not threatened to throw the other civil person in an incinerator moments before. And best of all, there wasn't a battle droid in sight.

Jemmila took the seat closest to Darth Adekos, crossed her legs demurely and brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. Despite having been dragged on the ground by a battle droid a few minutes ago, she looked fresh-faced and rested. Sleep and relaxation did that to a person. She took a very deep breath, and then asked Darth Adekos a question. Whether or not he would entertain anything but an embarrassing blow-by-blow of what she and Carach did while she was dirtside, remained to be seen. She tilted her head at him, her brown eyes searching his quizzically.

“Master Adekos, do you have a wife? Or a girlfriend?”

[member="Darth Adekos"]

 

[Caulder Dune]

[member="Jemmila Kyrgen"]

What was this going to turn into now? Twenty questions that forced Adekos to realize how much of a spiteful, lonely old dog he was? He resented the question and made some sort of grunt in disgust. There had been one flame in his life, during his academy days. Darth Adekos never bothered to follow up on her once he left, by and large because he was bothered by what he might find out. Besides that had been almost two decades ago. Then there was his liaison with Imperial Intelligence during his governorship over the Raxus System, but that hadn't gone anywhere either... Even after crossing paths with her again on Coruscant. Mostly his fault, yet he was a busy man. One couldn't strive to bring order to the galaxy and amass personal wealth and power while simultaneously entertaining a sincere romantic interest. It would be dishonest.

Yes, dishonest. He'd already rationalized this.

Now he was resenting both the questions and the memories it invoked. His demeanor didn't change; he commanded it not to.

"No." He answered harshly. "You may wish to finish praying to Edge if the next words out of your mouth aren't a careful explanation of what you've been up to, Jemmila."

 

[Zola]

Given his acute skill in cutting her down with one or two carefully plucked words from his vocabulary, it did not come as a surprise to Jemmila that Darth Adekos had no wife or girlfriend. She had an entire line of thinking all ready to share with him along the lines of touting the benefits of his going out and getting laid once in a while, but Jemmila didn’t want to push her luck, especially since Darth Adekos was still incensed. Instead, she hastily spit out a short version of why she asked the question.

“I just wondered if you remembered what it was like to enjoy the company of a beautiful woman,” she said, hoping she wasn’t digging herself an even deeper hole. To demonstrate, she slowly reached out a hand, as if she were trying to make contact with a surly tiger, and attempted to gently brush his masked cheek.

Then, Jemmila began recounting her nights and days cavorting around with Darth Carach. She left no lascivious detail out. Explaining what they did together took such a long time that if Darth Adekos wore a chrono, he would probably have glanced at it impatiently couple of times. Once she was finished, Jemmila leaned back in the cushioned seat, her hands resting demurely in her lap, and gave Darth Adekos an almost apologetic tight-lipped smile.

[member="Darth Adekos"]

 

[Caulder Dune]

[member="Jemmila Kyrgen"]

Normally Adekos wasn't opposed to a gentle brush of his cheek, masked or not (these kinds of gestures were hard to come by for him, at least when not explicitly paid for), but given that this was his apprentice and he did not consider any sort of face touching to be appropriate, he brushed her hand away before she made contact with him. The Umbaran was already at his wit's end with this nonsense. He didn't even have the patience to reprimand her, physically or verbally, for that move.

"I remember well enough, thank you." He said, discordance weighing heavily in his voice.

Once that was out of her system, she started talking. Darth Adekos listened, stone-faced the entire time, not saying a word nor breaking his attention. Obviously this was little more than a formality. He had already assumed the worst, that she and Carach had bumped uglies. Unfortunately, Adekos quickly realized his imagination was rather limited. For it wasn't just once that they did the deed, but several times. Several times. Oh, the humanity. Oh, the the sense of indignation towards Carach that welled up within Adekos at that very moment! It was almost unspeakable and a fair portion of it was directed at Jemmila for willfully acting as an instrument of his humiliation.

To top it all off, once she was done, she just reclined in her seat and smiled. As if fleeing his vessel to go bump and grind up against his rival was about the most innocent thing she could do. She wasn't sorry. Part of him wanted to start the whole violent, indignant Dark Jedi routine up again. Flinging into walls, Force Choking, maybe bring the TA4 with the electrostaff back in here... But Adekos still deplored that sort of thing despite his prior threats and, by the end of Jemmila's long-winded story, he was more tired of hearing about this issue than he was angry enough to deal with it in such a manner.

This whole event would be better put to use as another agent in her training.

Darth Adekos rose, unceremoniously, and started speaking in his usual tone. "Go to your quarters. Clean yourself up. Report to the training room in an hour. If you can get there without being guided, you can keep the clothes that boorish whoremonger purchased for you."

He exited the shuttle after that.

 

[Zola]

“Thank you, Master Adekos,” Jemmila said, nodding her head once. Then she practically ran out of shuttle and immediately made a beeline to her private quarters. She was so grateful to be alive that she hardly minded the fact that her room was sparse and undecorated. The Hapan shimmied out of her wrap dress, and climbed back into one of the many grey jumpsuits that was waiting for her in her wardrobe. It hung off her shapely form like a sad and empty burlap sack. Somewhere out there, Darth Carach was probably giving her all his sympathy.

She counted herself very lucky. She had flagrantly disobeyed one of the greatest powers in the galaxy and he had basically let her off with a few threats. Perhaps her punishment was still yet to come. She pushed those discomforting thoughts out of her head as she pulled her hair into a loose ponytail and with a long sigh, sped down the corridor.

Jem finally found the designated room with a few minutes to spare. There she rocked on her heels, waiting patiently for Adekos to arrive, hoping that his anger wouldn’t be quite so palatable during their training session.

[member="Darth Adekos"]

 

[Caulder Dune]

[member="Jemmila Kyrgen"]

There was no warning. Warnings tended to defeat the purpose of the training exercise. A cold, steel cylinder would fly at Jemmila immediately as she entered the room, soaring through the air from her right. Not coincidentally, that was where Adekos had been waiting. Adekos found that the best way to introduce individuals to lightsabers was to give them a close look at a training saber, such as the one he just lobbed. He also found that the best way to introduce acolytes to things like Force Sense and precognition was to lob things at them until they could predict where those things would land. Since Jemmila had decided to abscond from him in such a rude manner and then compound that already heinous crime by sleeping with his colleague, Adekos decided to combine the two.

And so the Kyrgen Technique for introducing padawans and acolytes alike to two very specific aspects of the Force was born. It was all very simple- just wait for them to enter a room and fling the lightsaber hilt at their face with such force it would probably leave a mark if they didn't catch it. Given the gravity, at least in Darth Adekos' opinion, of her crime, Jemmila was probably going to have plenty of horrible and injury-inducing techniques named after her.

"Look alive, Acolyte."

 

[Zola]

Jemmila knew she was in for a treat, when her Master entered the training room hurling a metal pommel in her direction. To her dismay, the hilt of the training saber bonked her right her in the face. Apparently she was either caught off guard, or there were some skills she needed to train up. Jem sheepishly stooped to pick the saber hilt off the floor, then rubbed her cheek with a frown. Between the blow from the metal cylinder and the slap she was given an hour ago, her face would definitely be showing some wear and tear for a while. Perhaps that was Adekos’ ulterior motive. To marr up her face so horribly that she would be less attractive to the Darth Carachs’ of the world. She looked at him suspiciously as she ruminated on his intentions.

In case any more projectiles came flying her way, she wrapped her hand around the hilt of the training saber and flicked on the activation switch with her thumb. Smirking as it hummed to life, she stood before Darth Adekos, with the training saber at the ready.

“Don’t worry, Master,” Jemmila said, a purple bruise spreading on her cheek and a dark glare in her eyes. “You have my full attention now.”

[member="Darth Adekos"]

 

[Caulder Dune]

[member="Jemmila Kyrgen"]

"I only meant to see if your skill in handling shafts extended beyond your tryst with Carach." Adekos bitterly remarked. "And turn that off. You're not using it yet."

With that said, the Umbaran left his ambush location and crossed over to the center of the room, indicating Jemmila should follow him with a wave of his hand. Prior to her unplanned, premature departure, she should have been doing an ample amount of reading on board the Machinator's library. Darth Adekos had never specified what she should have been reading, but he trusted if she was serious about learning the ways of the Dark Side, she would find something at least somewhat pertinent on her own. This vessel contained not only the full breadth of electronic copies of the more arcane and dangerous Sith archives of Rudrig, but the more instructional ones of Korriban. Such was the extent of Adekos' hoarding tendencies, and it was all this and little else that was made available to her in that library.

He stopped once he hit the center, turning quickly to face Jemmila once more. Adekos smirked internally upon noticing the onset of a bruise. Regrettable that he had to resort to such brutish methods, though at least she'd carry that lesson for the next few weeks. Hopefully he hadn't fractured anything.

"Tell me, have you ever heard of Darth Millennial?"