Food for Thought

[Quietus]

Came across this today in an email from an old friend. Some food for thought and a few very good questions.


1. Is it "Don't sweat the petty things" or "don't pet the sweaty things" ?

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, ...floor?

3. Could Atheism be considered a non-prophet organization?

4. Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?

5. If you go to the bookstore and ask for the self-help section, does that defeat the purpose?

6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

7. If a deaf child signs a swear word, does his mother wash his hands in soap?

8. If someone with multiple personality disorder threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

9. Is there another word for synonym?

10. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

11. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

12. If the Police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

13. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

14. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

15. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

16. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

17. If you ate both pasta and ante-pasta would you still be hungry?

18. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

19. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an 's' in it?

20. Why are they called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

21. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

22. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times do they become disoriented?

 

[Lurcano Car'dann]

I love it. More please.

 

[Noah Corek]

[member="Lorelei Darke"]

I laughed my ass of!

 

[Quietus]

13. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Answer:

 

[Noah Corek]

[member="Lorelei Darke"] [member="Lurcano Car'dann"]

23. How come wrong numbers are never busy?

24. Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘up over’?

25. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

26. Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

27. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made real lemons?

28. Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?

29. Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

30. How can there be self-help groups?

31. How many weeks are there in a light-year?

32. If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

33. If tin whistles are made out of tin, what are fog horns made out of?

34. If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

35. Why is the time of the day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

36. When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?

37. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

38. Why is the word abbreviation so long?

39. What’s another word for thesaurus?

40. If corn oil comes from corn and olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

41.How do they get deer to cross at those yellow road signs?

42.Why do they call it a TV set when you get only one?

43.After eating do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

44.How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?

45.If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

46.If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

47.Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

48. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.

49.What’s the speed of dark?

50.Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

51.Why do they put Braille dots on the keypads of drive-up ATMs?

52.Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

53.Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

54.Why is there no word in the English language that rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?

55.Why is it that when you transport something by car it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it’s called cargo?

56.Where do you find tractors small enough for an ant farm?

57.If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

58. What do people in China call THEIR good plates?

59.When dog food has a new and improved flavor, who tasted it?

60.If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

61.Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

62.When you’re in school and there’s a fire alarm, you have to line up from shortest to tallest. Why? Do tall people burn slower?

63.Why do your feet smell and your nose run?

64.Why do they report power outages on TV?

65.If you make wine out of raisins, do you get aged wine?

66.What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

67.If the Cincinnati Reds were the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

68. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

69.Why are there 5 syllables in the word monosyllabic?

70.Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

71.What happens if you take a survival course and don’t pass?

72.Why is a boxing ring square?

73.Western mothers feed their children with little tiny spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use, toothpicks?

74.Why are they called buildings when they are already finished?

75.Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

76.Why are there flotation devices in the seats of airplanes instead of parachutes?

 

[Quietus]

48. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.

I lol'd.



Stupid sponges.

 

[Lugus Porkins]

[member="Lorelei Darke"]

#18 (or a variation of) May or may not end up on my sig.

 

[Lurcano Car'dann]

Damn, this brightened my day up. My thanks to both of you.

 

[Ludolf Vaas]

conspiracykeanu.jpg

 

[KitKat]

lol these were fun