Private Fragile Sound

[Lief]

It was a strange request he'd been presented with, one he didn't immediately understand the significance of. One he'd agreed to all the same.​

​

As he came upon the door to an unfamiliar apartment, in an equally unfamiliar part of Coruscant, Eliphas could not help but pause. He held his breath as his mind ran through a hundred thousand different ways he might proceed. A fellow student in need, sequestered away from the world and her duties by her own hand. Valery Noble had asked that he make an approach, that he try to bridge the gap which hung between her and life outside the walls she'd come to rely upon.​

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There wasn't much context provided beyond that though. And perhaps stupidly, he had not thought to ask for further input. He had come to the Jedi to try and make a difference in the Galaxy, to do his part. Well, here he was. A first chance to try and do something... However small it may have seemed on the outside. One kind act, to one down on their luck individual, could send ripples of a sort throughout the Universe. ​

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That much he truly believed.​

​

Pushing down any doubt he had over his own ability to create so much as a single disturbance on the surface of the Galaxy, however small and tender and benevolent it might have been, he raised a fist. Hovered it in place. He could not bring his own problems across that threshold, he knew. He had to shelve them, lay them in the hallway as some might their dirty boots. A soft exhale, and he expelled negativity insofar as he could from his mind.​

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Then he rapped upon the door, hoping to gain the attention of the one who hid inside.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

Weeks, months. They blended together for.. A while. Hard to tell. Every day was the same. Get up, eat, go back to her room, hide. The world had become too much to bear. When Briana Sal-Soren left, she at least moved to the Livingroom. To watch holofilms and otherwise hide away under some thick blanket. Hide from her scars, hide from what she lost. Yeah, holofilms were far easier to watch then to think about what happened.

Until she had no choice but to. Little things could set it off. Right now? The rattling of her window. The sounds of the show dimmed as the echo of wind filled her ears. Pulling her back to the train. The fall. The next thing she knew she was standing, hand out, ripping the window closed with a loud crack of wood against wood. A couple seconds of just breathing as her show played, trying to get out of her head.

Then tucking her arm away before she stared too long at the scars wrapped up over her arm.

A knock on her door pulled her away from any more of these thoughts. Her gaze shifted to it before she stepped over, cracking it open. Just enough for the unscarred portion of her face to peek through. She blinked.

".. Eliphas?"

Lief

 

[Lief]

He did not know who he was expecting to find on the other side, save for a stranger; it was Iris.​

​

Looking a lot more worse for wear, drained and exhausted, but it was her. The girl from Nantoon who had helped him find his crewmate, among others who called the planet their home. He looked momentarily taken aback, before he regained control over his expression. All the same he straightened his back at the sight of her. Had Valery known? ... No. No, he reckoned there was no way she could have. Chance and chance alone had led him to this door.​

​

"Iris?" He couldn't help but ask it back, perhaps strange given he was the one who had come a knocking on her door. He tried to glance past her, but the door was barely even open enough for him to catch sight of part of her face. All the same he knew who it was. "May I come in..?"​

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He was half expecting her to close the door in his face.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

She stared for a couple moments longer, still surprised that it was him at her door of all people. Did he seek her out? He had to have. The surprise in his voice caught her even more off guard though. Did she look that different? Her gaze lowered for a moment before she calmly, quietly shut the door. Only to slide off the chain lock and open the door fully. She kept her right side turned away from him as she nodded.

".. Yeah, come in."

Lief

 

[Lief]

She was as taken aback by his appearance there than he had been upon seeing her.​

​

When the door closed, he half expected it not to reopen. For her to retreat back inside, to reject his presence outright. After all, they'd only met the once before, it wasn't like he was an inherent comfort to behold. If anything he was likely to have just brought confusion. Questions. Why was he here? Why was he here?​

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Ever observant, he noticed the way in which she shied one half of her face away from him when the door ultimately swung inward after the quiet clinking of a chain being unlatched. Eliphas waited for a moment, for her to step aside so that he might enter, then crossed the threshold. Each step felt necessarily deliberate; he was encroaching on what she'd seemingly formed into a sanctuary of sorts.​

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A suffocation pit, some might argue. A place to waste away...​

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Eliphas knew those desires well. The want to hide from it all, to bury oneself in grief and misery. He did not know why such a need had overcome Iris in particular; he hadn't been permitted to sink into his own depressions. A fight for survival from the very moment they'd taken root, then an odyssey of sorts across the stars. By the time he reached home again so much time had passed.​

​

His reunion with Starlin Rand had proven he hadn't shaken it entirely. Grief still clutched at least part of him.​

​

Without much thought behind his actions, the uninformed Jedi Initiate turned to face the girl; there, he opened his arms in the offer of an embrace. Silence stretched between them, whether she took the offer or not, at least insofar as he was concerned. He might not have known what was wrong, but he could practically feel the grief in the air around her in only the way one who had also suffered a similar fate could.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

Iris kept her gaze away from Lief for a bit, more waiting for him to come in. Say something, maybe about why he was there. She looked literally anywhere he wasn't, namely back towards the television. Turning with him to keep her right side as out of sight as she could. When he was at least in the room she reached out to shut the door. Not physically. A small wave of her hand had it shut on it's own.

But nothing was said. After a couple moments of quiet she finally turned her gaze back to him. And blinked. Confusion pretty swiftly set in. "What are you doing with your arms..?"

No, she'd never been invited into a hug before. She either threw her arms around someone, or someone did the same to her. Him standing with his arms out like he was hugging the air just made a very confused Iris.

 

[Lief]

At first she didn't notice.​

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And then, when she did, only confusion was left in her wake.​

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Eliphas' arms dropped awkwardly, and colour rose within his cheeks. At first he couldn't find the words; why had he thought it was a good idea to welcome a mere acquaintance into a hug, no words, no explanations? Think, Eliphas, think before you act. Not after.​

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He swallowed down his embarrassment, though. This wasn't about him.​

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"I uh... You looked like you could use a hug." The colour deepened, despite the fact he was shooting for the opposite. He turned his gaze from her to the apartment itself, taking note of whatever state it might have been in. Had she let the place go, were dishes and clothes piling up?​

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"I'm sorry. I guess I didn't give thought to how it might look." Assessment done, whatever it may have looked like, he turned back to her. Looked at the half of her face she'd permit him to see. "Come on, why don't we sit? I uh, I can keep from looking if you're not wanting me to see. You don't have to keep hiding it from me." Whatever it was.​

​

Eliphas had something of an idea, of course. But this was her home, she shouldn't have to awkwardly hide her face in her own home.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

The apartment itself was in pretty good state. Iris learned early on that the cost for wallowing in her depression would be keeping the chores up to date. It kept Briana Sal-Soren from getting on her case, for the most part. It was a nice little place. A living room that looked like it'd been painted a couple times, though the paint was long dried at this point. A couch that definitely had been painted a couple times, and then some. The mess of paints that covered it had been cleaned for where people sat, but the arms, sides, all of it was a dizzying array of colors.

The kitchen had been untouched by Iris's whirlwind of paint. Clean, crisp. The original color. She didn't like messing with paint around places where fires were. Especially her spray paint. But she hadn't painted since.. Everything that happened. Iris nodded her head slowly. A hug. Did she need a hug? Probably, but she didn't want to think why. She didn't want to think about anything but her holoshows.

".. Okay." Sitting would be good. She immediately returned to her spot. That was where the mess of things was. The indent of constant use, the blankets she used to cover herself and hide from the world. As soon as she sat down she pulled the blankets up, covering near every part of her body with them as she turned her gaze back to the television. Something was playing. Game show, yeah. I Survived A Nautolan Game Show, or the like. Funny stuff.

"It's.. Okay. I just don't like thinking about it."

Lief

 

[Lief]

Everything about her, the way she held herself, the uncertainty within each breath she took, told him that she wouldn't appreciate his pressing. That delving so suddenly into the cause of all this would only serve to further isolate her, and ruin any chances he might have had to bring her back from the brink. The apartment, at least, was well maintained. Save for the spot on the sofa... But, truthfully, nobody's living arrangements were perfect, especially not when they were actively in use. He didn't give the blankets or other paraphernalia a second glance.​

​

Instead he took note of the paint. A small smile pulled at his lips at the sight of it all. So bright, so colourful, so different. Eliphas' home growing up had been stately and pristine. His tiny dormitory was almost clinical. In comparison, this was like a fresh summer breeze.​

​

She agreed to sitting. Led the way really. He followed, and perched himself on the same sofa; he left some distance between them. True to his word, he didn't stare over at her face. For a short time all he did was observe the holotv without any real commitment. Mostly he was thinking. He would do all the thinking for the both of them if he could, free her from such deliberations for a time. The show seemed to be doing a good job of numbing her mind, at least. The blanket kept out the physicalities of the world.​

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Silence; oddly though, not uncomfortable. He had expected it to be uncomfortable, as he sat there and ruminated through a thousand different approaches. Each time he realized he was not at all qualified for this. But then... What even was this? He was not a shrink, he was not here to help her talk away her problems in a clinical sense. No. He was merely extending an olive branch. The hand of friendship.​

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Companionship in her trying times.​

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And so he rose up. "I'm going to make a drink. Something nice, and warm; would you like one?" Awfully presumptuous of him to walk into someone else's apartment, and then help himself to their beverages, he knew, but he hoped it would ease them one step closer toward opening up. Truth be told, Eliphas didn't even want a drink; she looked like she could use one though. Maybe some cocoa.​

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Whether she said she wanted some or not, he turned toward the kitchen. He'd make her one...​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

Depressed or not, hanging around Iris was often just that. Silence. Sitting around, doing their own things. Just being close by. It was.. Familiar. A good kind of familiar. Covered in her blankets, uncaring on if she was happy or not. Free of the knowledge that people like Briana would know something was off with her not painting, it let her just.. Relax. Enjoy the show.

She couldn't ignore that he was there. The colors wouldn't let her. But.. He wasn't all the shades of blue the others had been. Hell, he seemed to be enjoying the show himself. A refreshing different color from what she'd been dealing with for so long. It was nice.

"There's coffee in the cupboard." She didn't look his way as he got up, too enraptured in the show. A mini game called Squid Games came up, and now she was on the edge of her seat as she watched the teams compete.

"Cream in the fridge. Sugar with the coffee."

 

[Lief]

Coffee.​

​

Eliphas didn't drink caf', never had, but he'd not begrudge her such a drink in her own home. Wouldn't begrudge anyone their choice of drink in fact. Might have tried to talk her out of consuming alcohol, perhaps, that was never good with such sour thoughts lingering, but caf? Caf he could do.​

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Everything was where she said it would be, and that certainly made it easier. True to the thoughts in his mind, he prepared for himself some simple cocoa. The powdered form, he'd found a sachet behind the can of coffee. Having to guess how she'd prefer her drink, he did his best to remain middle of the road. A small amount of each thing was added - sugar and cream that was - and soon enough he was back over by her. He set the mug just by her arm, on a side table, so that she wouldn't have to forsake comfort to reach for it.​

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His own mug was nursed between his hands. Warm, but not scalding hot. He'd meant for them to drink it slowly, but the scent of it had actually been more alluring than he'd realized. He'd added cream to cool it, and now he sipped. The gameshow on the holo was a little bit more intense than he'd been expecting. Like nothing he'd ever watched before.​

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Then again, Eliphas wasn't one for watching shows. Not usually. Today he'd make an exception.​

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When he opened his mouth to speak, it was with timid approach. Not quite eggshells, he wasn't cautious around her or wary, he just wanted the words to fade into the general din of the room around them. There for her to pick up on and respond should she wish, but by no means an obligation to talk.​

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"So, it turns out I'm like you," he began, blowing some of the steam away from his mug. Taking another sip. "Uh, what's the word they use? Sensitive?" He knew the word, of course, but he feigned some level of uncertainty in it. It wasn't much of a lie; Eliphas was pretty fething ignorant when it came to most of what the Jedi and the Force was. He'd learn in time though.​

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"How long have you known, about it yourself?"​

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Slow... He hoped it came across as slow.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

Iris was tempted just to take the cup from Lief . She almost did, one hand starting to reach out from under the blanket. The scarred one. The mess of flesh where it'd been torn and broken, set back to at least function like her hand should but the skin atop it ruined. She saw it as she reached out. And immediately pulled her hand back in. Right. Her gaze turned back to the show, not wanting to even think about the coffee now.

Thankfully, he seemed to get that. Putting the coffee off to the side.

After a bit though she did reach out to snatch up the mug, to sip at it. Cream and sugar. Yeah, that was better than it straight.

"So, it turns out I'm like you,"

Wait what. Iris blinked quickly, turning her gaze from her caf to him. He liked his coffee with cream and sugar too?

"Uh, what's the word they use? Sensitive?"

.. To the bitter taste?

"How long have you known, about it yourself?"

Oh. No. Not the Caf. That explained the slight shift in his colors she'd picked up. Light was the only way she could describe it. She saw that with trained Jedi. The faint bit of light that dyed their colors brighter. In Sith it was the opposite. Darkness that dimmed it.

"I'm not sure exactly. I've always been able to see the colors, but I didn't know it was the Force until.. Recently?" How recently was recent? Time melded together with how often she almost died. She hugged her mug closer to her chest, sipping it again under the blanket, out of sight.

"So you're a Jedi now?"

 

[Lief]

He was more than surprised when she responded. Pleasantly so. As much as he wanted to look to her, he kept his eyes on the holoscreen. Allowed her to look around as she pleased, without risk of him seeing... Whatever it was that lay on the other side of her face. It was a difficult habit to shake, looking at others when you spoke to them or they spoke to you. Manners, manners bade him to look; empathy stayed his hand.​

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Another sip of cocoa. He mulled over her words.​

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"Colours" he repeated; was that something they'd discussed before? What colours? A slight frown creased his brow as he contemplated it. Did only those who were Force Sensitive see the world in colour? Was it greyscale for all others? That was the only thing which came to mind for Eliphas, he didn't have any other context for it after all. Would it be pressing to ask?​

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"What do you mean, colours?"​

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Her question broke his attention away from her, and back on to himself. Was he? He supposed in some capacity. "Sort of? I mean, I've been initiated. So yeah. Yeah, I am. I haven't learned anything yet though..." A pause. Concern that he might be getting a little too close to sensitive topics. The Force had been a recent development for her too, she said. Not recent enough that its discovery had caused whatever turmoil she was experiencing, because she'd called herself a Jedi when they'd last met.​

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But recent still.​

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"Did it take you long to settle?" he inquired, after a moment. "I feel like it's all been a bit of a whirlwind, since she brought me here." He found himself well and truly distracted from the holotv, unable to focus on even a second of the show. He stared on at the screen all the same.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

"They're.." Oh man, how many times had she explained it to someone else? And how many times did they actually understand? Iris let out a sigh before closing her eyes. "I'll show you." Then she reached out. Not physically. Just brushing her mind against his, reaching through the colors to pull him into her world. Briefly, at that. The bright shades of the world around her. Yellows, blues, greens, reds, all colors and more. The Force, emotion, all flowing constantly. Especially here in the apartment. Her neighbors, their troubles and joys, always on display for her to see.

Then it was gone. Iris didn't dare let it linger longer than a few seconds for him to see it. The meld, feeling what he felt. Making him feel what she did. She didn't want that. The brief disorientation of the meld cut would be better than him feeling her misery.

"It didn't take me long. But I'm.. Different, from most. I'm sure you'll settle in okay soon."

 

[Lief]

He hadn't known what to expect when she said she'd show him. In fact the idea of being shown how someone saw things was a little perplexing of a thought. What ensued was far from what had even remotely arisen within his mind though.​

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It was brief and fleeting. It came upon him all at once, the colour, the intensity, and as perceptive as he was he took note of the emotions entwined within them too, blues and pinks and yellows. Some were serene, some were wild with untamed love - they had one of the neighbours to thank for that impression - and others were somber.​

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What little he'd seen of Iris and her immediate surroundings through the veil of colours lay within the latter. Though he did his best to hide it, Eliphas felt his heart breaking.​

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She was quick to press on, to talk about her experience settling into the Jedi, but he was already so far past that conversation that it barely registered with him. He'd promised her he wouldn't, but in that moment all the same he turned to regard her solemnly. Sympathy and empathy both entwined within his expression.​

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"What.. Happened?"​

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He hadn't meant to ask it. The words sort of just tumbled aimlessly from his lips. But then they were out there, and he hastily tried to pick them back up before he ruined the carefully crafted environment he'd tried to envelop her in. The safety and the sanctity of it all. "You don't have to say" he added, softly, hoping to stem some of the damage, "But, well, if you want to... If you need to. I'll be just right here, okay?" He sighed. For a moment he allowed some of his own grief to bubble to the surface in sincerity and solidarity.​

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"Who knows," he whispered, voice barely audible over the sound of the holo, "You may find I understand it..."​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

Even before he spoke, Iris saw it. The shift in colors. The blues and purples she'd constantly seen with the others. Her master. Briana. They all wanted to help her through it, try to understand it. Maybe they even did. But she wasn't ready to talk about it. Not yet. Not everything. She waited until Lief said everything he was intending to. Or, well. She could see the change of emotions in him. Fear? Oh. Of asking too much of her.

Perhaps showing him her world was too much. It'd tainted what this was. But.. He was trying at least. To back track. That she could take comfort in, at least. She turned her attention back to the show, sipping her caf. Despite all the colors, or because of them, she was at least able to tell he did care. He as avoiding looking her way. Avoiding trying to peek at what she'd kept hidden.

Would it be as much of a shock to him, who'd only seen her once, to see the scars?

Maybe it wouldn't. But.. She didn't want to show anyone. Not yet. Her gaze settled on the screen, watching the show all over again with a renewed interest. ".. Okay."

 

[Lief]

For a moment it had seemed as though all hope was lost.​

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For a moment he felt certain he'd shattered the illusion, and would be forced to leave the apartment with his head hung low and his tail between his legs, a failure. He did not want to be a failure, not because he himself feared it - he didn't - but because he did not wish to fail her. Specifically.​

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He braced himself slightly for the inevitable words, to be asked to leave, only they didn't come. By the time he had looked toward her, her eyes were back on the holoscreen and his promise had not in fact been broken. He had not looked upon whatever it was she was seeking to hide. That made his heart soar, to know that boundaries were still in place.​

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All the more when he realized she'd taken note of his backtracking, his sincerity. All the more when she hadn't demanded he leave.​

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Instead... Instead she seemed willing to at least consider the possibility. Even if it didn't happen right now. Even if it took her weeks. Months. Longer. The offer would remain on the table. That was simple who Eliphas Dune was.​

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Silence drifted over them once more. He slipped off his shoes at some point, and brought his legs up onto the sofa in a more casual position. Bunkering down for the long haul. After a little while he even found himself becoming engrossed in the show.​

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"What's this one called?" he asked, her, or something akin to that, every now and then poking at her oh so gently with questions concerning shows, cast members, objectives, plots... At one point he even grimaced a little when he realized what he'd been doing. "Sorry, sorry, I don't mean to pester. I never uh, I never had all of this growing up", he'd gestured to the screen then, "It's all so...foreign."​

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But if his colours were any indication, he was enjoying it. The blues were gone. He was simply... serene. Comfortable just sitting there with her.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

"Surv1v0r." A classic, but with a twist. Twelve castaway droids, one island, one title. 0utw1t, 0utlast, 0utplay. It was one of her more favored shows as of late. Even behind the blanket, it was obvious she was at least smiling. Sharing a hobby, even as actively inactive as this, was nice. She had no problem answering the questions, seeming more excited to share it all with someone who didn't know it.

It was like showing someone a world she'd only just been introduced to. Well, it was.

"Briana showed me the channel. I've never bothered watching this kind of stuff. Where I grew up, I don't think anyone could afford it. The colors usually are entertaining enough anyway. This is.. Different. But good."

 

[Lief]

She answered the multitude of questions as they came up, and more and more he saw her relax beside him. Still bundled up, still huddled down, but all the same a general sense of in-the-moment contentment fell over her. It was just her and her shows, and some third wheel who was more than happy to watch the day drift by alongside her.​

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Knowing that he'd managed to help even the smallest of smiles appear upon her expression made him brim with pride. He did his best to squash it down though, did his best not to draw attention to it. Instead he listened as she explained why it was as new to her as it was; not for the first time he was reminded of the intense amounts of privilege he'd been raised with. Eliphas had not seen such shows because there were expectations, appearances to upkeep, and quite frankly because he had a thousand other things to see and do. Hobbies, extra-curricular activities. It didn't leave much room for sitting down to do something his parents would regard as unproductive.​

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Only in that moment it seemed like the furthest thing from unproductive. It was serving a purpose of its own.​

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"So, I have to ask." he began, attention more or less fully transfixed upon the screen right now, "The colours... Do you see them through a holoscreen too? Like, if that was a human up there would you know how they were feeling too?"​

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He realized he'd probably made an assumption. Who was to say she didn't see the droids emotions too?​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

"Mm. No. Not really. Electronics have their own colors. Electrocity is it's.. Own kind of life. It's color is.. I don't think there's a word for it." She hummed, deep on thought. Tracing back through her vast knowledge of colors to try and find a term. But there wasn't one. Her eyes naturally could see a spectrum the normal human couldn't. And not knowing any Keshain but Valery Noble she hadn't had the chance to learn what those out of reach colors were called.

"It's a color human's can't see. Most humanoids, really." She paused. Then turned her head towards Lief . For a moment she forgot the heavy scarring in the lower portion of her right cheek. Neck. Perfectly visible as she watched him. Even her right eye was off. Unable to be fully opened. But the odd blue purple of her eyes still shined.

"Are you human?"